Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What the hell!? 'Wiggle it.' 'Wiggle it?' He says. Well, I'm fucking wiggling it, and it ain't fucking working. 'Just pull it out gentle like, and put it in slow,' he says, but that's what I'm doing, and it just ain't working. 'OK breathe Jay. Wiggle it a little bit more, and you'll be in.'
Sweat trickles down the back of my neck, I swipe angrily to catch it, cursing loudly as I disgustingly wipe its remnants across the thigh of my jeans. It's hot as balls in this hallway, and this whole situation is definitely starting to piss me the hell off. 'What a crock of shit this is! I really wish I'd never signed up! Fuck you, Emmett McCarty, and your weekend away with my sister.' What the heck was I thinking when I agreed to this!? He's such a son of a bitch! And I'm really hating on him right now. Cause here I stand all sweat-soaked and pissed off, giving up my weekend to come here and house sit for their sorry asses, and I can't get the key in the God forsaking door.
Pushing myself away from the entrance, I force myself to stand upright, I need a little time to breathe, a minute for self-reflection, just a second to figure out that I have no God dang filter whatsoever, even at the best of times.
'Jeez, He's right, ya know! But he's always right!' Making me and my current predicament still so very messed up.
I'm quickly losing it, it really doesn't take much these days; I can't think straight. Letting my eyes fall closed, I huff, slightly amusing myself by the irony.'Ha, a gay joke. Funny me.' The thought makes me cringe a little, the fact that I still have a sense of humor under the circumstances amazes me. I should be home, enjoying my weekend, for Christ's sake, I should be drinking cold beers and laughing with my close friends, 'that's if I still have any… shit.'
I'm so aggravated, everything is so screwed up and twisted. Its a holiday weekend, I should be buck naked and chest-deep in a hot tub, with my boy, slowly moving between his beautiful long-ass legs, making sure he knows how much I love and adore him. But no, I'm not, I'm here, wiggling the fucking key and getting myself all pissed off and frustrated. But really! Even if I wasn't here I'm still not sure I'd be spending this time with him. I really messed up, like totally, for real. So being here is all I got right now, cause if truth be told I don't even know if there is an 'US' anymore. And that thought makes me sick.
So here I am, blond curls sticking to my head, black jeans stuck to my fucking legs, and my t-shirt feels like it's painted to my chest. My nipple piercings even hurt, the sting sending shivers down my spine as they rub harshly against the wet material, I thank anything that will listen that I at least had the brains to take off my leather jacket, or I'd be nothing but an angry frustrated puddle on this not so sanitary hallway floor. OK, back to my task at hand, getting into good old Emmett's apartment without hurting myself or anything else for that matter. My ears perk as I hear a door open further down the hall, shit, great. Now I have an audience to watch me make a fucking fool of myself, 'fanfuckingtastic!'
Feeling defeated, I fall back hard against the wall facing Emmett's front door, my cheeks puff as a frustrated gust of air hurriedly leaves me when I lean forward to rest my hands heavily on my knees, doing my best to refocus and trying really hard to calm the hell down. Fuck! It's hot! Under heavy lashes I sneakily glance down the hall, the curious boy in me feels the need to spy on the spy-er, I sheepishly grin when I spot her, there she is in all her bathrobe glory, Mrs. 4C staring right back at me, watching me like I'm about to take her life, or even worse, her virtue – well that's a joke. My wide grin becomes a sarcastic laugh in the back of my throat at the thought of that. I know what's she's thinking, I've seen and heard her kind before. "What the hell is this hoodlum doing in my building- on my property?" SHIT! Really Jay!? Did you seriously just call yourself a hoodlum!? 'Who am I? Who am I becoming? My mother! That's who!' I do sound like her right now, and to be honest, to someone her age I'm sure that's what I look like, a fucking hoodlum!.
She's judging a book by its cover it seems, all she's seeing is the tight jeans and long hair, her weathered face frowning in the direction of my leather jacket and boots, but what she's suspiciously eyeing is the tattoo that covers my whole fucking right arm from shoulder to wrist – well she doesn't see it all, but she sees enough to make her all nervous and judgy. It's dark and moody, to some- it looks somewhat angry at first glance; that is until you get up close and look carefully, then you get to see the stories my tat tells, from the reds for my passion to the yellows off my boy's sun. Then they ask, and I tell, and they smile because that's when they realize I'm not as bad an ass as I look; I'm just full of conviction for my life and who I bring into it.
She stares and I let her. I'm still breathing like a mad man, a really old fucking mad man, but I've decided to make her day and give her the Jasper Hale half a smile, the one my mama says gets her every time. Pushing my hand up over my eyes it slowly wipes the wet curls from my forehead, I glance at her through my long lashes, letting her see the vibrant baby blues, and then I smile… 'Just a little teeth, Jasper, not too much- just a little' and then I kick in the dimples for good measure, and there it is, the low hushed "gasp!" I was waiting for. 'Yep! Gets them every fucking time.'
She lowers her stare and shyly smiles back, pulls her robe closer to her body, wrapping it a little tighter around her plump form, and hurriedly closes her door. When her door shutting echoes in the hallway I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding then smuggle pat myself on the back for being such a good boy. Taking a deep breath I puff my chest straighten up and face this fucking front door again! Slipping the key back in the lock I begin to wiggle it a little, and then I hear it, the sound I've been waiting for all morning, the click, the click that tells me I'm in, the click that tells me I did it, the click that tells me I finally made it. 'Cause God knows I'm a fucking genius.'
Cockily I laugh out loud and give the hallway a quick glance over, making sure I haven't gotten myself any last-minute voyeurs. The coast is clear, so I pick up my jacket and bag and head inside. The cool air hits me. Thank the Lord for central air. Now I can finally relax and breathe. Plopping my bag and jacket down on the floor, frustratingly throwing those stupid keys on the hallway table I make my way in. Annoyingly announcing to the air "I need a beer!" Then making my way to the fridge.
The beer is ice cold, feels good as it hits the back of my throat, it's so not my brand but it will do for now, 'beggars can't be choosers Jay,' it's free -Emmetts paying- it's the fucking least he can do. I knock it back as if my life depends on it, wondering to myself if I should grab a second before leaving the kitchen, it's well deserved and I fucking earned every God damn drop, so retracing my steps I happily grab another.
Then I hear it, the hurried footsteps on the hardwood the sound causes me to spin on my heels just in time to make eye contact with his big sorry ass, seconds before getting myself hurled to the kitchen floor, the sudden ambush pulling my feet from under me and the collision with the hardwoods hurting my ass bone in the process. I scream at him, "Shit that hurt, and it's going to leave a fucking bruise, you asshole!" But he's ignoring me, he just keeps pushing me hard to the floor. He's determined to get on top of me and stay – shit he's heavy, he's a fucking fat ass – but ya have to give the boy his due. He's all muscle, and downright gorgeous, with his broad chest and thick russet hair. I can't help but smile back at him.
He looks down at me weirdly and I can't help myself but stare right back. 'Fuck! He's so God damn cute.' Then the kisses start, I try my hardest to push him away and off me, but the kisses keep coming; his tongue is huge, it's the biggest, longest, fucking tongue I have ever seen. He needs to get off, I need to breathe. He needs to get off me now before I suffocate, I push him harder I struggle and whine, but his stubborn ass is having none of it. He just keeps pushing and kissing and pushing and kissing, then the licking… Well, that's it, I have to draw a line somewhere, he really has to get the hell off me before he breaks a rib or two. So I start yelling at him, "JAKE! JAKE! Stop! Get the fuck off! JAKE! Get off. JAKE HEEL!" Bingo, we have lift off.
Emmett's big ass loving over-excited husky stops the licking and jumps aside, my boots react to the hardwoods like skates on ice so it takes me a minute to catch my breath and get my awkward sorry ass not so gracefully up off the kitchen floor. I fling my hair from my blushed face just to watch him sitting all proud, joyfully wagging his tail and licking his chops. He's fucking huge, sitting all pretty, panting happily as I struggle to stand. Can you believe my sister has a fucking nerve to call all nearly two hundred pound of him her baby – well I guess if Rose and Emmett ever did reproduce, it just might come out looking like Jake, all big and muscle like Emmett, with beautiful thick shiny hair like my sister, so I guess Rose is right, he could be their baby, 'baby' "Shit!" I really have to stop thinking about this right now or I'll just drive myself crazy.
I unenthusiastically scold him as he looks up at me with his big sad and sorry eyes. He knows somethings wrong. His concerned eyes yo-yo between myself and the front door. He's looking around like he's expecting someone else to walk in, he's such a smart boy and he's right, there should be someone else with me, but there's not, cause I fucked up big time. Shamefully I pat his big old head, eagerly wanting to change the subject I turn towards the cupboards in the kitchen, which I know hold his food, and cleverly enough, so does he, cause the big old tail starts to wag excitedly again. I guess the waiting for someone else has slipped his mind, hoping that he'll now get food, but shit, I can't make it slip mine. I need that someone else, and I need him right now. Fuck me. Fuck my life...