Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What the hell! Wiggle it. Wiggle it, he says. Well I'm fucking wiggling it, and it ain't fucking working. Just pull it out gentle like, and put it in slow, he says, and that's what I'm fucking doing, and it ain't fucking working. 'OK breathe.' Wiggle it a little, and you'll be in.
God, I'm sweating like a little damn bitch right now; what a crock of shit. Fuck you, Emmett, and your weekend away with my fucking sister. What the hell! Son of a bitch! Here I am, giving up my weekend, to come here and house sit for their sorry asses, and I can't get the fucking key in the fucking door, (have I mentioned I have no God damn filter whatsoever), well, at the best of times anyway.
I'm losing it, I cant think straight. Ha, a gay joke. Funny me. I'm amazed I still have a sense off humor under the circumstances. Anyways, here I God damn am, and I'm not a happy fucking camper.
I should be home, enjoying my weekend, for Christ's sake, I should be drinking cold beers and laughing with my close friends, 'that's if I still have any… shit.'
I should be buck naked and chest deep in our hot tub, with my boy, slowly moving between his beautiful long ass legs, making sure he knows how much I love and adore him. But no, I'm not. I'm here, wiggling the fucking key and getting myself all pissed off.
Because even if I weren't here, I'm still not sure if I would be spending this time with him! I messed up, I really messed up big time. Is there really any other way to mess up, if not big? I don't even know if there is an 'US' anymore. I fucked up so big.
I feel my chest contract and release another deep sigh, 'what the heck am I turning into, a fucking girl?' For Christ's sake! Is that what this has come down to, me a girl. Oh, hell to the no! Never! All man here, thank you very much. I might be gay, but God, I'm still all man, just ask my boy if you don't believe me. He'll tell ya straight up that I'm all man through and through. He once referred to me as his ultimate wet dream, ugh! that just hurt my heart, 'Is he still thinking that, I wonder?.'
So here I am, blond curls sticking to my head, black jeans stuck to my fucking legs, and my t-shirt feels like it's painted to my chest. My nipple piercings even hurt, sending shivers down my spin as they rub harshly against the wet material, I'm thanking anything that will listen that I at least had the brains to take off my leather jacket, or I'd be nothing but an angry frustrated puddle on this not so sanitary hallway floor. OK, back to the job at hand, getting into good old Emmett's apartment without hurting myself or anything else for that matter. I hear a door open, shit, great. Now I have an audience to watch me make a fucking fool of myself, fanfuckingtastic, peachy keen… 'Fuck! Really J!?' did you really just think that? Shit! You are a fucking girl.
Feeling defeated, I fall back hard against the wall facing Emmett's front door, my cheeks puff as a frustrated gust of air hurriedly leaves me when I lean forward to rest my hands heavily on my knees, doing my best to refocus and trying really hard to calm the hell down. Fuck! It's hot! So as ya can all tell by now, I am not able to calm the fuck down. Under heavy lashes I sneakily glance down the hall, the curious boy in me feels the need to spy on the spy-er, I sheepishly grin when I spot her, there she is in all her bathrobe glory, Mrs. 4C staring right back at me, watching me like I'm about to take her life, or even worse, her virtue – well that's a joke. My wide grin becomes a sarcastic laugh in the back of my throat at the thought of that. I know what's she's thinking, I've seen and heard her kind before. "What the hell is this hoodlum doing in my building- on my property?" SHIT! Really J!? Did you seriously just think hoodlum!? 'Who am I? Who am I becoming? My mother! That's who!' I so sound like her right now, and to be honest, to someone her age I'm sure that's what I look like, a fucking hoodlum!.
She's judging a book by its cover, all shes seeing is the tight jeans, her weathered face frowning in the direction of my leather jacket and boots, but what she's suspiciously eyeing is the tattoo that covers my whole fucking right arm from shoulder to wrist – well she doesn't see it all, but she sees enough to make her nervous. Its dark and moody, to some- it could look nothing but angry; that is, until you get up close and look carefully, then you get to see the stories my tat tells, from the reds for my passion, to the yellows off my boy's sun. Then they ask, and I tell, and they smile, because that's when they realize I'm not as bad an ass as I look; I'm just full of conviction for my life and who I bring into it.
She stares and I let her. I'm still breathing like a mad man, a really old fucking mad man, but I've decided to make her day and give her the Jasper Hale half a smile, the one my mama says gets her every time. My hand comes up to wipe the wet curls from my forehead, I glance at her through my long ass lashes, letting her see the vibrant baby blues, and then I smile… 'Just a little teeth, Jasper, not to much- just a little' and then I kick in the dimples for good measure, and there it is, the low hushed "gasp!" I was waiting for. 'Yep! Gets them every fucking time.'
She lowers her stare and shyly smiles back, pulls her robe closer to her body, wrapping it a little tighter around her plump form she hurriedly closes her door. When her door shutting echo's in the hallway I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding then smuggle pat myself on the back for being such a good boy. Taking a deep breathe I puff my chest straighten up and face this fucking front door again! Slipping the key back in the lock I begin to wiggle it a little, and then I hear it, the sound I've been waiting for all morning, the click, the click that tells me I'm in, the click that tells me I did it, the click that tells me I finally made it. 'Cause God knows I'm a fucking genius.'
Once again, I laugh out loud and give the hallway a quick glance over, just making sure I haven't gotten myself any last minute voyeurs. The coast is clear, so I pick up my jacket and bag and head inside. The cool air hits me. Thank the lord for central air. I can finally relax and breathe. A sudden chill runs down my spine, when my now very hard nipples and piercings rub angrily against my shirt. I plop my bag and jacket down on the floor, and make my way in. "I need a beer!" So I head for the fridge.
The beer is cold, I knock it back like my life depends on it, cause we all know; that right now, it fucking does. Then I hear it, the hurried footsteps on the hardwood the sound enables me to spin on my heals just in time to make eye contact with his big sorry ass, seconds before getting myself hurled to the kitchen floor, the sudden ambush pulling my feet from under me and the collision with the hardwoods hurting my ass bone in the process. I scream at him, "Shit that hurt, and it's going to leave a fucking bruise, you asshole!" But he's ignoring me, he just keeps pushing me hard to the floor. He's determined to get on top of me and stay – shit he's heavy, he's a fucking fat ass – but ya have to give the boy his due. He's all muscle, and downright gorgeous, with his broad chest and thick russet hair. I can't help but smile back at him.
He looks down at me weirdly and I can't help myself but stare right back. 'Fuck! He's so God damn cute.' Then the kisses start, I try my hardest to push him away and off me, but the kisses keep coming; his tongue is huge, its the biggest, longest, fucking tongue I have ever seen. Fuck me! He needs to get off, I need to breathe. He needs to get off me now before I suffocate, I push him harder I struggle and whine, but his stubborn ass is having none of it. He just keeps pushing and kissing and pushing and kissing, then the licking… Well that's just way to much for me, the licking is getting way to out of hand, and he really has to get the hell off me. So I start yelling at him, "JAKE! JAKE! Stop! Get the fuck off! JAKE! Get off. JAKE HEEL!" and bingo, we have lift off.
Emmett's big ass loving over excited husky stops the licking and jumps aside, my boots react to the hardwoods like skates on ice so it takes me a minute to catch my breath and get my awkward sorry ass not so gracefully up off the kitchen floor. He's sitting all proud, joyfully wagging his tail and licking his chops. He's fucking huge, sitting all pretty and panting as I struggle to my feet. Can you believe my sister has a fucking nerve to call all nearly two hundred pound of him her baby – well I guess if Rose and Emmett ever did reproduce, it just might come out looking like Jake, all big and muscle like Emmett, with beautiful thick shiny hair like my sister, so I guess Rose is right, he could be their baby, 'baby' Shit! I really have to stop thinking about this right now or I'll just drive myself crazy.
Jake looks up at me with his big sad and sorry eyes. He knows somethings wrong. His concerned eyes yo-yo between myself and the front door. He's looking around like he's expecting someone else to walk in, and he's right, there should be someone else with me, but there's not, cause I fucked up big time. Shamefully I pat his big old head, eagerly wanting to change the subject I turn towards the cupboards in the kitchen, which I know hold his food, and cleverly enough, so does he, cause the big old tail starts to wag excitedly again. I guess the waiting for the someone else has slipped his mind, hoping that he'll now get food, but shit, I can't make it slip mine. I need that someone else, and I need him right now. Fuck me. Fuck my life...