A/N- Here it folks. The end of Torn. I hope I did Darkella her due justice and I've been able to tell her story as I saw it in my head after reading Twilight. This was my version, but I've had so many say that this is what they would've wanted for Bella... That means so much. I hope you enjoyed the journey.
Disclaimer: I own nothing the SMeyer does, but I'm glad I had the chance to play with her darlings.
Soundtrack: tinyurlDOTcom/tornfic I hope you enjoy the soundtrack. Each song was picked specifically for each chapter, one for the prologue, then three for each chapter after that. Enjoy.
Whole, the Epilogue
Being with Edward in our little house makes me calm and content. We've spent time making it look and feel the way we want it. Cool colors, lots of white. The exposed beams have been restored and our bedroom is clean and calm with an exceptionally large bed.
Sometimes it's overwhelming and almost painful inside my head to be around his family with all their chatter and movement, but we visit them often and it is getting better. Small doses seem to work best right now. Esme visits us once a week at the cottage, usually with some kind of furniture or bedding or something to make the house more "homey," she says. She loves us very much and is very calm and caring.
We hunt with the others, and I love being with all of them when we're in the open and running together. They make me feel invincible.
Hunting can still be tricky. When humans are around, I focus on Edward. When I devote all of my attention to Edward, especially when we're in an intimate setting, he can hear me. It thrills him to no end to listen to me read in my head as he peeks in. I'll gladly read every book on the planet to him if it pleases him.
We love each other with heart, soul, and body... Hearing him tell me he loves me still makes me feel like a kid at Christmas. Feeling him love me is an out-of-body experience from heaven and any other orbit. The feel of him inside me, around me, on top of me, under me; it truly feels as though he's possessing my very core, and he says it's the same for him. We'll be so consumed in our consummation that we can't tell time and our family won't see us for days on end. We'll forget to eat until our eyes are fully onyx orbs of lust and desire. That can be dangerous for me, to let me get that hungry even while satiating my body in other ways.
Pleasing him is my main priority; it's as though every pathway in my mind leads to him, but it is not one-sided. He's captivated with me constantly and I adore having him focused solely on me. He's protective of me and often reassures me when we're in new situations.
We've had some time apart, though, over the last few months as I've gained more control and memories back. It does us good to branch out occasionally.
Rose and Alice take me shopping in stores where they can be alone all night, buying everything you could possibly want. I just watch them until they remember I'm there, and then I let them play dress up with me. I pretend to be their life-size Barbie for a while and get all my shopping for the year done in one night. It irritates them both that I'm not into clothes and shoes and will rewear the same outfit, but I won't change what I like. Maintaining Bella, the real Bella, has been important to me, and Edward encourages me to do what makes me feel good.
Rosalie is still cool and reserved, but I try not to take it personally; that's just who she is. Alice is as effervescent as always, and she always encourages me to try new things and test the boundaries of my comfort zone. She's even shared her love for driving fast with me, even if Edward will only let me drive the Volvo. He promises he'll buy me a car when I agree to marry him. We'll see how that works out.
Esme and I garden, and Carlisle is helping me pick correspondence courses for my first Bachelor's. The two of them make me incredibly happy and are teaching me so much. Their partnership is incredible and exactly what I want with Edward. They both do their own thing and enjoy their own lives, yet are inextricably entwined.
Emmett is still my favorite sparring partner, even though he sulks because I'm still newborn strong. He swears when it fades completely he'll throw me into a redwood and leave me there. Rose promises him every time that she'll make him sleep in a snow drift if he does.
My favorite conversation companion besides Edward will always be Jasper. We have deep conversations about how we feel and how our instincts are powerful, but do not own us. It's so good to share myself with someone who understands so completely how overwhelmed and alone I can feel. Sometimes I think Edward becomes jealous of Jasper, but he's quickly reassured when it's not only my mind, but my body that I use to remind him of who belongs to him. Forever.
My family is beautiful and kind and loyal. They keep me safe from harm, and I would do anything to keep them safe. They dealt with the Volturi who wanted me punished, and kept them from hurting me. A deal was struck because Edward destroyed the Nomads and Carlisle took responsibility for me. Apparently, he cashed in a favour to protect me. Although they tell me there's no reason, I'll forever be making it up to the Cullens.
It's not all roses and sunshine and rainbows. I still have cravings. I still desire the blood of humans, but it's lessened quite a bit. I've been around hikers and playgrounds and when we traveled to Alaska to visit the Cullens' friends, we even drove through towns and I didn't once try to leap from the car to chase down a little kid.
I didn't even drink the puppy.
I was in our garden one day, alone. Esme had gone with Carlisle on a mini-honeymoon. It seemed everyone was busy, and I so enjoyed working in the dirt and making things grow. We'd expanded to creating a garden at our house, too, and I was there planting bulbs for winter when I heard a sad whimper.
I quickly ran toward the noise, but didn't see anything at first, only smelled warmth and fear and heard blood pumping through a small body. Usually, animals like bunnies and squirrels didn't even cause me to raise my head anymore, but there was something about the noise... I had to know.
After a few moments, it sounded again and I found the small dog, a reddish-brown puppy.
Later, I found out from Edward that this was a wolf cub, not a puppy, but I didn't care. And as I sat with the little being on my lap in the garden, we dug in the dirt and I laughed as he chewed on some lettuce leaves and cornflowers making growly noises and pouncing around.
When Edward returned with Emmett and Jasper, I heard them long before I saw them. I concentrated hard on my mate before he arrived, not knowing what his reaction would be. As they approached, I heard Emmett ask, "Why do I smell dog?"
I thought I had done something wrong, but as I finally saw the three of them, they all had bright smiles. Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me as Edward kneeled down to inspect my new friend.
"And who do we have here?" he asked.
"I don't know. He came into the yard down at the treeline. I didn't hear a mother or an owner."
"You're okay with him sitting in your lap like that, Beastella?" Emmett asked hesitantly. I hated his nicknames sometimes.
"Yes. I'm not a complete monster, you know," I retorted harsher than I'd wanted. I could still be a bit sensitive about my past.
"No, we know. We're just impressed with your restraint. You've not hunted in days," Edward spoke as he rubbed his hand over the dog's fuzzy belly.
"Can- can we keep him?" I asked my mate. Please? He pondered my request as he picked up the pup as though he were a feather.
"You really think that's a good idea, B? A pet for a vamp? What if you get the munchies?" Emmett received a very nasty glare in response and my new friend, Jake, became a permanent member of the Cullen clan.
I'm going to see Charlie today.
Carlisle went to see him and prepared him for me,the new me. He explained my physical changes away by reminding him I'd run away and had been gone over a year. I know Charlie isn't stupid, though... I know I'll have to tell him the truth. We'll be leaving Forks in a few years, and I may never see him again.
Edward has helped me work through being without my family; so have Jasper and Rosalie. All of them were good at listening as I began to remember my human memories. I missed my dad immensely, and Rosalie knew how it felt to have left people behind. She often reminisced with me. She even admitted the reason why she acted so coldly to me before was because she didn't understand how I could give up my world for a vampire. She knew the moment she saw me with Edward that I would choose him. She was so very, very right.
She is also the one that encouraged me to go to see Charlie today. "I would give anything to be able to hug my mother 'good-bye.' I wouldn't trade being with Emmett for anything in the world, even if I don't love being a vampire. I just wish I could've said good-bye." Her words echoed through me as Edward and I drove through Forks on our way to see my father.
He knows Edward and I are together, but he doesn't understand everything. He told Carlisle and Esme that he didn't care who I was now, as long as I was still his daughter.
I'm nervous, but I know in my heart I could never hurt my father, and I know that he will always love me. I have a lot of people in my life who will always love me.
Emailing and Skyping with my mom placates her, as she has no desire to come to Washington, so I don't have to worry about her missing me too much. I know she'll never ask to see me, and I've made peace with her being independent from me.
My father though... Charlie does miss me. He thinks I'm returning from Alaska today. We've spoken on the phone, and although I've only been just around the corner, I have felt as though I was a million miles away from him.
Edward has already bought everything I'll ever need to stay in contact with Renee and with Charlie. He'll set them both up with computers and cameras and phones if he needs to, and I appreciate him so very much for helping me maintain my relationships with my parents.
When we arrive at Charlie's, I hear his heartbeat from the curb. I can sense his nervous energy and hear his pacing footsteps. Carlisle and Esme are in the car behind us, but they've promised to stay in the car unless they're truly needed. I'm not offended; it was my idea that they come along.
Edward says he has complete faith in me. I just need faith in myself.
As we approach the porch, the door is thrown open, and Charlie comes down the steps with a clatter. All usual stoicism of the police chief is gone. His hug is hard, and he tenses. I know he's feeling how my body has changed.
Charlie straightens out and looks down into my eyes. I'm wearing contacts, but I know I look different. My skin is flawless, no more freckles across my nose. Even though it's dark because the weather is overcast and threatening rain, I know I look like a picture of some girl who looks like his Bella. For a moment, I'm terrified this was a horrible idea. His eyes are filling with tears, and he sniffs them back and rubs his face.
"I've missed you so much." He kisses my forehead and again tenses and straightens back up. "Let's go inside. We've got a lot to talk about." He looks away quickly and we follow him in.
At first, we try to explain my being away in Alaska studying, but he quickly calls us on our lie. He asks me seriously to give him the honest truth, and I just can't lie to my father. He has never lied to me, even when life was hard, and he was away from me. He's always been my constant.
When we explain what I am, what we are, he doesn't even seem phased. He asks lots of questions, and he's pleased at our "vegetarianism." He was never a touchy-feely kind of guy, but on more than one occasion, he brushes my hair out of my face or touches my arm during our hours-long conversation.
"You are really taking this all well, Charlie," Edward mentions as we're leaving.
"I've heard stranger tales from Harry and Billy," he replies with a smirk.
Edward looks concerned, and Charlie just pats him on the shoulder as we head to the door. "Don't stress about it, Edward. No one believes old wives' tales."
Edward says his good-bye and steps down off the porch. My father grips me tightly, and I know it is probably hurting his arms, but I don't want to let him go. I feel his warm breath against my scalp, and he smells like beer and cookies. I'll have to ask Edward later if my dad thought about who made him cookies. It makes me smile, though, to think about my dad having someone to look after him when we have to move from Forks.
As my father brushes his hands through my hair, I look over his arm to see Edward on the first step of the porch beaming at me. His smile is so honest and beautiful, and I feel warmed from the inside with how loved I feel.
Charlie and Edward.
My father and my mate.
It may not have gone as planned... my being a martyr didn't work out like I'd wanted, but I can't regret the decision that led me here. To him.
Edward is my forever. And no matter how I arrived, I will always be blessed with forever with him.
I am finally whole.
E/N- First and foremost, thank you. I really appreciate you all reading and reviewing. Thank you. There may be an outtake or two, so put the Torn Outtakes or me on alert so you can grab those.
To my betas- Sunshinegal3, EdwardsEternal, 22Blue, and LAHollett- Bless you, beautiful babies. It means the world that you guys liked this story, and me, enough to keep reading even when I was comma-less and repetitive and whiny. Again, thank you.
I've loved writing this darker, more real IMO, Bella and I'm glad you guys came along!