A/N – Yes I am fully aware this is utter nonsense; it's not really meant to be taken seriously. It's just for a laugh people so sit back, disengage your brain and enjoy it
Massive thanks to Swan Songs, who is more than a just a beta, more of an awesome inspiration and singularly the most brilliant and helpful person I have had the pleasure to come across.
And of course for my fiancé who gave me the idea, and puts up with me.
"Ouch, Draco! Use some lube!"
"Well, where the fuck is it, Potter?"
"In my desk drawer."
The Slytherin stuck his hand between the drawn hangings around Harry's bed, and grabbed the small tube from the desk. Gryffindor tower was hosting a school wide party for the upper years, and the music thrummed through the floor of the senior boy's dorm. The dormitory was otherwise deserted this Friday night, but for the two naked boys tangled around each other atop the duvet of one of the beds.
Shivering with lust Harry observed the smooth expanse of Draco's torso above him; the lean muscle from his stomach to the tips of his left fingers, flexing as he reached out. Harry adored the smooth milky skin that he now knew to taste slightly of coconut, caressibly soft and so kissable. He had claimed it territorially with his mouth and nails, leaving numerous red marks in his wake.
"Potter, you slut, trying to come off all innocent," Draco leered, noticing most of the liquid was gone. Thinking fast, not wishing to waste the small amount left, he removed his probing fingers from Harry, and flipped him from his back to his knees to display Harry's reddened hole more to his gaze.
It was almost laughable how Harry 'Destroyer of Dark Lords' Potter, had been so awkward when he had approached Draco at the party downstairs, clumsily offering to 'show him the dorm'.
He might have thought it was a trick of some kind but reasoned Potter was too Gryffindor for that; he had looked genuinely nervous and Draco could easily read the unconscious signs of fear of rejection he either didn't have the inclination or ability to mask.
As if anyone would, Draco thought. He's the 'Golden Boy, Saviour of the Wizarding World...' As if I would, he amended internally, he had been fantasising about Potter for months now, he would take his chance any way he could.
A blush spread over Potter's face as he waited, he had been so out of sorts that Draco had imagined he had never done this before. The evidence however was contradictory; Harry had been reluctant to take his clothes off, but once he had, he had set about Draco like a man possessed, tearing off his clothes and ravishing his skin. He had told Draco he had never bottomed before and Draco had worried if he had ever been with another guy, but the well used lube said otherwise.
Grudgingly he concluded that Potter was more experienced than he had guessed, he was going to have to step up his game if he wanted to be sure to outperform any predecessors. He had a reputation to uphold after all; he was the best. It was not, he told himself so he might get a second opportunity with Harry. He supposed maybe Harry was always the one being chased. Draco thought smugly that he must be one of the few to be chased. He changed tactic, knowing now there was no need for a super slow approach, and smirked as he anticipated Harry's reaction to what he was about to do.
Finding himself on his hands and knees before Draco Malfoy, Harry felt immediately more self conscious, a hundred times as exposed. The position set him on edge, and he again worried he had made a big mistake. Lost for a moment in this thought, he jumped more than a little but held back a yelp when he felt Draco's warm lips pressing to the small of his back. Draco kissed a path down Harry's spine, slowing as he approached the cleft of Harry's perfectly rounded arse.
Draco hesitated just a second, sliding his hands up the back of Harry's thighs, gently spreading those glorious buttocks, before continuing down to Harry's opening, placing open mouthed kisses. With judicious use of teeth and tongue, he explored in an erratic pattern over Harry's skin. Draco nibbled gently at the sensitive skin where the thigh meets bum; he bit Harry's right buttock then soothed the shin with a swipe of his hot tongue, before moving to lick a stripe from the top of his ridge right down to Harry's twitching hole. Harry let out a gasp then bit viciously into his bottom lip to stop from moaning at this foreign sensation, shivering all over as goose pimples broke out violently over every inch of his limbs, causing every hair to stand on end.
Spurred on by this reaction, Draco extended his tongue and teased the ridges of Harry's needy pucker; Harry squirmed in pleasure and Draco smirked again, before thrusting his tongue past the tight ring, delving hungrily into Harry's tight, warm channel.
This time Harry could not contain the moan that came from the pit of his stomach. Heat prickled over his body, an animalistic sound tore through him in time with the waves of pleasure under his skin.
It was like static electricity, setting every nerve crackling, lust rippled over him, pulling him from himself like a strong current.
As Draco lapped at his tight opening, Harry felt as though he were bewitched; his mind floated away and his ears rung like he was underwater. However, his bubble head charm abruptly popped as Draco quickly replaced his tongue with his fingers again.
Sensing Harry's urgency, Draco pulled back to get a better look and carefully squeezed the little remaining liquid from the tube directly onto his cock. Feeling Harry well stretched due to his earlier ministrations Draco pressed his weeping head directly against the tight ring of muscle, pushed forwards a little, then paused as much to reign himself in, as to gave Harry time to adjust.
'This was no time to get shy,' Harry thought 'slowing down at this point is not really an option'. Desperately Harry pressed himself back towards Draco pushing himself onto the hot, slicked length. He groaned loudly feeling contently full; relishing the thick hardness. He hoped vaguely that Draco was just as far gone as he was.
Watching Harry fuck himself on his cock was almost Draco's undoing; the sight of Harry's reddened little hole stretching to swallow his long prick made heat pool in Draco's stomach alarmingly quickly. Draco realised that, try as he might, this was not going to last long. Not wanting to be outdone by Harry, he started thrusting, matching Harry's pace and trying to position himself to hit Harry's magic button.
Harry felt Draco slam into him, catching him at an angle and making stars burst behind his eyeballs. Lost in sensation, too quickly he lost all control. No longer concerned with his surroundings, he abandoned all attempts at keeping himself quiet or trying to impress Draco; he no longer even cared how he looked. As he felt his peak crest, he voiced a guttural moan, grabbed onto the headboard and pushed back onto Draco in a furious rhythm.
As Draco drove into him, hitting his prostrate on almost every stroke, Harry howled and bucked. Draco felt his own climax hit as Harry threw his head back and came, shooting long ribbons of come across the bed. Draco growled in his throat as his load pumped into Harry, and they continued to rock together as the aftershocks pulsed through him.
The boys slumped together onto the bed spread falling boneless onto their sides, Draco spooning around the dark headed boy in a natural movement. They lay quietly together panting for breath, as their heart rates slowed. Draco fidgeted but did not withdraw, and a moment later he broke the silence. "Uh, Potter, I'm really uncomfortable"
"You're uncomfortable? I just had sex with someone who can't even call me by my first name," said Harry, too blissed out to really care.
"Shut up, Potter, that's not what I meant!" Draco snapped.
"Oh well now I feel better, and you still can't call me Harry – it's not difficult Draco," he said emphasising the blond's given name. "I'm a bit sticky too, stop being so precious," Harry lazily removed his wand from beneath the pillow and whispered a charm to freshen them up.
Any flutter felt in the older boys stomach at Harry's use of his name was drowned by annoyance and mounting panic. "No, I'm really not enjoying this, it feels weird," he ground out.
"What? Being in my bed? The tower? You're still inside me, Godric, this is enough to give a guy a complex- what exactly do you mean?" Harry snapped back, losing his patience, the afterglow finally destroyed.
"No, being in you doesn't feel good, it's not right – very wrong even," The blond almost yelled, anger not quite covering the note of panic in his voice.
"What?" squawked Harry, the incredulous tone hiding the instant hurt. Harry was really starting to regret this whole episode.
"There's has been a mistake, I don't like it," The blond continued.
"Err.. bit late now! You know, I wasn't sure if this was a good idea, and I figured I might end up regretting it, I just didn't imagine it would be so fucking soon!" He retorted in ire.
Harry's anger had merged with shock and he now felt numb. He couldn't move, but he really hoped the bed would open up and swallow him. How did it all go so badly wrong so quickly? What had he been thinking? Not for the first time Harry pondered the merits of this plan. Well done Harry, another well executed plan, he thought. His Hufflepuff-ish desire to see the best in people was really only out done by his blind Gryffindor bravery in hoping that this would work out well.
"Shut up for one minute, idiot! I'm going to try something," Draco jostled to the side and hissed.
"No! Don't bother trying anything, if I'm that terrible why don't you get the hell away from me and just fuck off, you utter bastard" Harry growled finding his voice. Harry made to get up and away from the bed, and the boy in it.
"Ahhh! No seriously- Potter, stop! I can't move- stay still, for fucks sake!" Draco panicked.
"Fuck you Malfoy, let me go!" Harry spat.
"Please!" he yelped, the distress now plain in his voice.
It was the slightly strangled "please", more than vice like grip Draco was maintaining that stilled Harry's fight or flight reflex. He paused.
"Wait," Draco added in a slightly calmer tone.
"Wait for what, Malfoy? I think you got what you came for, leave me alone."
Again Harry considered the intelligence of this idea; he had to conclude that he had let himself be an idiot, sleeping with Draco and thinking it might mean something to the other boy. He had given him new ammunition and now Draco would take pleasure in humiliating Harry, making fun of him in public. Just like old times he thought sourly. With an inward sigh, Harry thought he would rather Draco had turned him down than do this; it was just cruel. It hurt, and Harry would never forgive himself for letting Malfoy do this to him.
"Stop being such a drama queen, I have a problem here," Draco bit out.
"Yeah, you have a problem, I happen to be in rather a bit of pain, so if you wouldn't mind kindly falling off the edge of the planet…" Harry attempted a disinterested tone, trying to hide his hurt, to protect himself from any further embarrassment. He was feeling so many emotions at once it was hard for him to even keep up. His eye's felt oddly prickly and he wanted Malfoy to leave, before he said or did anything else he'd regret.
"I would dearly love to get as far as possible from your over-inflated ego, Potter, but as I keep telling you, I can't!" Draco sneered back.
"What are you talking about? Why won't you go away- isn't this when you should be alerting the media that I'm gay or whatever?" Harry looked away. Had Draco gone completely insane?
"Do you have a hearing problem or are you really just this dumb?"
"Clearly I am that dumb – I slept with you," Harry started struggling again.
"Yes, and if had realised you were throwing yourself at me because you're mentally deficient, I probably wouldn't have shagged you," Draco levered one leg forward and effectively pinned Harry to the bed, utilising his positional advantage.
"Fuck you, Malfoy. You're hurting me! Just get out of here!" Harry shouted, trying his best to glare at Draco over his shoulder.
"I told you, I can't! Ouch, stay still! Oh, for fucks sake are you trying to wrench my cock off?" Draco's grip became vice like and he pushed extra weight on Harry to stop his struggling.
"Well, get out of me!" For on odd second, Harry contemplated just what a ridiculous conversation he was having. Draco drew himself up, looking as unhappy as he did unnerved.
"I... I think… I think I'm, well…stuck," he finally muttered.
"What do you mean?" asked Harry, shocked into stillness again. Feeling suddenly apprehensive, Harry twisted round, trying to see if there was something physically wrong, and look Draco in the face.
"I'm stuck Potter, clearly something has gone terribly wrong," he spat. "It shouldn't hurt like this-" he added in a hiss, scrunching up his face as he relaxed back onto his side.
"It's shouldn't? What did you do?"
"Of course it shouldn't! And I didn't do anything- this is your fault! These sorts of things always happen to you, you attract trouble."
"Yeah, look what I managed to drag into bed," Harry retorted with a twitch.
"Now is not the time," Draco began, doing his best to placate the irritated boy, more for the sake of his manhood than anything else. "We just need to figure this out. So, what did you do?"
"Nothing! You were in charge if you'll remember, Mr- Only- If - I- top" Harry threw a look over his shoulder and winced at the resulting friction. Harry was beginning to realise Draco had a point, this sort of pain couldn't be normal.
"Oh please, like you haven't bottomed before- that tube was almost empty!"
"I have never bottomed before!" Harry blushed, "Wait, what tube?" he asked confused. "You mean the bottle?"
Draco searched with his hand on the bed and located the clear plastic tube. "This one, Princess!" he sneered pressing the offending item into Harry's palm.
Harry looked at the tube with wide eyes, face paling by the second. Eventually he managed to say, his voice strangled "This? This, is what you used?"
Draco read the bottle over his shoulder, "Yeah, useless muggle junk, that's probably the problem. What sort of name is 'Super Glue' anyway?"