She hadn't felt a thing. Not when she had touched the abnormal, not when it had absorbed into her skin, changing her, enhancing her, protecting her. None of it; she had not felt a thing.
She had felt nothing as she ran through Old City, leaping from building to building. She had felt nothing as men had fallen under her fists, their bodies hitting the ground with solid, resounding echoes. She had felt nothing for frightened eyes taking in her words, her threats. And she had felt nothing of picking Magnus up, shaking her about like a rag doll. Nothing at all.
But now. Oh, now she felt everything. And it had hit her in one overwhelming, barraging force that held her pinned to her infirmary cot.
She felt the firm crispness of the sheets, but took no comfort in their reluctant familiarity. She felt the throbbing ache of her injuries, now unsuppressed by the suit's properties. No longer standing tall and untouchable, she felt the weight of eyes all around her, watching, measuring, remembering. But above all she felt the guilt, the shame of her actions.
She knew it wasn't entirely her fault, that her motivations had been skewed and intensified by the abnormal encasing her body, but there was a part of her – a small part to be sure, but still existent – that took satisfaction in what had happened. She hated that part of herself but she couldn't deny it, no matter how hard she tried. Not when Henry shuffled in, depositing far-too-bright flowers onto her bedside. Not when Biggie delivered her lunch, insisting she eat with a gruff kindness only he possessed. Not when Will arrived, pen in hand, to help her write the report she had no idea how to start. And, though she hated herself for it, not even when Magnus took up the place beside her on the bed, her gentle fingers tending her wounds, the bright smile on her face a stark contrast to the purpling marks Kate's fingers had left floating on her pale neck.
No, Kate felt it all. There was nothing she couldn't feel. And nothing she wouldn't give to crawl back into the emptiness she had been pulled from.