Disclaimer: I don't own Glee


Title: No Tents Allowed
Summary: AU. One-shot. Blaine tags along when Burt decides to take Kurt and Finn camping. Mr. Hummel has just one rule - no tents. Slash. Klaine.
Genre: Humor/Romance
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: T for boy/boy kissing, brief mentions of sex - nothing graphic.
Spoilers: 2x15 Sexy 2x16 Original Song

Author's Note: This is based off of a conversation I had last night on tumblr. I just had to write this.


"I'm not going camping, Finn. There's no plumbing, and nowhere for me to do my moisturizing routine. Plus there's a ninety percent chance that any outfit I take is prone to grass stains!"

"Dude, I think you're being a little melodramatic."

"Do you even know what melodromatic means?"

Silence. Kurt smirked and looked over at his step-brother.

"Thought so. I'm reacting perfectly normal - there is no way in hell -"

"I can convince Burt to let you bring Blaine." suggested the taller boy.

Kurt arched an eyebrow. Convince his dad to let his son bring his boyfriend camping? Yeah, good luck with that.

"You've got a better shot of getting back with Rachel than convincing my dad to bring my boyfriend -"

"Wait, you two are together?"

Kurt fought the desire to smack his step-brother upside his head; How the hell was he so damn slow?

"Yes," he said cautiously. "We've been together for a month."

And it had been the best month ever...he'd never forget that week they spent 'practicing' for Regionals after Blaine had kissed him.

"Do you guys, you know...hook up?"

Forget smacking him; Kurt wanted to murder him right then and there. Truth be told he and Blaine had made out a few times, but they'd never gone farther than that.

Finn interpreted Kurt's silence wrongly.

"Oh hell no," he suddenly shrieked. "You did you-know-what with -"

Finn shook his head violently, and Kurt was sure he was fighting the mental images that his tiny, tiny brain had come up with. He grabbed a useless first copy of an old French essay and threw it at his step-brother. It bounced right off Finn's forehead.

"Blaine and I have not had sex, Finn." he said calmly. "Dad would kill him."

Finn leaned uncomfortably against the doorframe of Kurt's bedroom.

"So...do you want me to ask him if Blaine can come with us?" he asked.

Kurt sighed.

"Do you want him to die?"

"You said your dad would kill him if you two did it -"

Kurt restrained himself from throwing his Calculus book at his step-brother.

"Ask him." he sighed.


Kurt wanted to die.

No, first he wanted to kill Finn, and then die.

Somehow the idiot had convinced Burt that it would be perfectly okay for Kurt to bring Blaine along for the weekend. So when they pulled up to the campsite, the first thing that Burt did after they set up the tent was lecture him and Blaine.

"I've only got one rule." he said patiently. "Finn and I in the tent, you and Blaine get these." he tossed two sleeping bags their way.

"What?" screamed Kurt. "Are you insane? There are wild animals out there!"

"Kurt, this is Ohio. Chance is that the only wild animal we'll see is deer."

"I'm not sleeping in the open where I could be attacked!"

"Kurt -" said Blaine, but the counter-tenor was too hysterical to hear him.

"And do you know what this climate will do to my skin? I can't even moisturize!"

"But like, what if Bambi comes -"

"Finn, Bambi is a fictional character."

"And you cried when the hunters killed his mom."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did." said Blaine quietly as Finn opened his mouth, "We watched it last week remember? He watched it with us because he didn't want to be anywhere near Quinn."

Kurt fixed his boyfriend with a withering stare, and Blaine just shrugged, blushing slightly.

Finn seemed totally unfazed by this comment...but then again Finn was pretty much unfazed by a lot of things...unless Rachel or Quinn got pissed at him.

Kurt sighed.

The weekend was going to go by so slow.


The fire had died, and Burt allowed Kurt and Blaine to use the tent to change into their pajamas (seperately of course).

Kurt was in a mood due to not being able to moisturize (which Burt ignored), and complained loudly about the lack of plumbing twice before his father zipped up the tent and that was that, he and Blaine were alone.

"It's not that bad," commented Blaine as he climbed into his own sleeping bag. "Truth be told I was expecting your father to be a lot worse, considering a month ago I convinced him to give you the sex talk."

Kurt glared at him.

"Still sore about that?"

"What do you think? The whole reason we're stuck out here is because of you!"

"What?"

"You saw Brokeback Mountain, correct?"

Blaine frowned.

"Yeah."

"My dad watched it. The tent scene ring any bells?"

Blaine's jaw dropped in horror. Then he started laughing.

"Are you serious? He actually thinks we would have had sex if he let us use a tent? Why would he think that?"

"Paranoia?"

Somewhere out in the woods, they could hear an owl, and occasionally, a stick or two cracking. Kurt yelped in shock.

"Hey," Blaine maneuvered his sleeping bag closer to Kurt's. "It's okay, like your dad said - worst we'll see is a deer." His hand snaked out and gently wrapped around the taller boy's fingers.

Kurt stared at him uncertainly.

"Here." said Blaine as he unzipped his sleeping bag. "We'll share."

"My dad will kill you." Kurt chuckled as he unzipped his own sleeping bag and scooted closer to Blaine, and then zipped his boyfriend's sleeping bag back up.

"Well then I will die happy." Blaine brushed his lips against Kurt's forehead, then lightly against his lips. "Better?"

Kurt smiled softly.

"Much."


When Kurt woke up the next morning, he felt Blaine's hand on his hip under the sleeping bag. He turned his head to see Blaine smiling at him.

"Morning." he said softly.

"Hey. What time is it?"

"It's around six." The shorter boy sighed. "You should probably get back in your own sleeping bag. Your dad'll be up at any moment, and I'd rather not get killed."

"Oh he won't kill you - castrate you maybe, but not kill you." Kurt snorted. "Hell maybe he'll get Finn to help."

"Oh so you want him to cause your boyfriend physical pain. That, sir, makes you an acomplice."

"Since when?"

"Since now."

"You suck."

"Sweetheart, don't make sexual jokes. Not with Burt Hummel sleeping ten feet away from us."

Kurt simply rolled his eyes and smothered a snort.

"Are you saying your dad has an alarm telling him when his son's boyfriend is being flirty?" inquired Blaine.

Kurt snorted and unzipped Blaine's sleeping bag.

"Sure," he said sarcastically. "and Blaine?"

"You ever call me sweetheart again, and I'll take away your hair gel."

fin.


reviews are welcome. constructive criticism only please. no flames.