a.) in a deep depression following a friend explaining what a Twinkie is (having had no previous idea that such a thing existed)

b.) spontaneous combustion of the lawn mower

c.) on a murderous rampage destroying McDonald's chain restaurants

d.) wondering how even a foreigner could possibly need to ask what the expression "the shit has hit the fan" means

Go on, pick one.

Disclaimer: I only own the fat man. The SWAT team is already in existence, and GI Joe was Hasbro's idea, not mine.

The shit had hit the fan. The ground shook with the tremors of bombs exploding and tanks passing. Cramped in a tiny niche in a wall, Storm Shadow listened to the air raid siren and grimaced. "Remind me again how we got into this situation. . ."

Earlier that day:

Storm was tired of deep fat fryers, fat and stubborn lunch ladies, seeing the future of America go to pot. Of course, having a deep obsession with explosives, the ninja decided to solve the problem with a bang. Storm was indifferent to math, but an equation popped unbidden into his head: Problem + C4 + ninja = no problem + happy ninja.

You don't think people will notice the C4 in the imported fryers? Snake Eyes couldn't help grinning at the ludicrous idea.

"Fat people are unobservant."

That's your answer?

"It's the answer with the most truth. . ."

Snake Eyes decided to leave Storm to his insane and devious plans.

Storm Shadow was outside the city, holding a remote and laughing maniacally while the entire town evacuated believing Huntington to have been threatened by terrorists. Snake Eyes face palmed and reminded himself to set up a meeting with a psychiatrist for his brother.

"You have to admit, brother, the situation had become a little explosive. . ."

Snake Eyes faked doubling over laughing.

"Here goes. . . Hehehehehehe."

The entire town went up in one, beautiful fireball.

Back in present time, the SWAT team was looking for the culprits. Snakes and Storm squeezed out from the hole in the wall that only a couple of ninja could fit in. "I think we're safe now. . ."

"Here they are!" The mayor of the city had arrived via pickup truck. As he got out, he shut off his walkie-talkie while several SWAT cars pulled up. The cornered ninja looked up, hoping to escape over the wall behind them, but saw several paratroopers instead. They had no way out.

"Think you punks can blowtorch my town? Think again!" The mayor was fully out of his truck. The jaws of both ninja dropped. He was gigantic. Towering over both ninja, the man looked to be about seven feet tall and was very, very horizontally challenged. The man looked like something from a horror movie. He had enough chins to match his height in centimeters. He started to sit down on top of the ninja.

"GAAAAAHHHH!" Storm sat up in his bunk sweating. No WAY he was going to be sat on by a fat guy. . . Realizing he had woken everyone else up and that they were staring at him, he smiled widely and sat down on the edge of his small bunk apologizing.

Later that day, playing chess with Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow started snickering. You okay? By the way, checkmate.

"You'll never guess what a great idea I have. . ."

Snake Eyes took one look at Storm's face and decided that he did not want to guess.

All jokes aside, I apologize for being absent from the internet. Due to circumstances involving sweat, blood, and tears, training would not give me time to write. Thanks for holding out.