A/N: Like my reviewer sarah-hart, this is one of my favorite episodes. So it's longer than the other chapters (yay!) Also, I should warn you all that I ship Brittana like crazy.
Noah Puckerman is going to be off facebook for a while…
Dave Karofsky: is it true that you have to go to juvie?
Santana Lopez: why am I not surprised
Rachel Berry: Are you kidding? What did you do?
Noah Puckerman: i tried to steal an atm…
Brittany Pierce: haha loser
9 people are now friends with Sam Evans
Sam Evans has joined the group New Directions
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Will Schuester Get psyched for the duets competition!
Santana Lopez: oh hell to the yes. breadsticks, here I come
Hey whats up?
Nothing. Just checking out this Sam kid's profile.
Umm are you being a creeper again?
Again? I resent that
And no. I just thought it would be a good idea for me to check him out since he's new and all that
We don't want another Jesse situation, do we?
you are aware that he's probably straight right?
Please, my gaydar is phenomenal. And the hair never lies.
Besides, you have no reason to think he's straight
and you have no reason to think he's gay
Hey I just don't want you to get hurt ok?
I know exactly how to play this
Yes. Tomorrow I'm going to ask him to do a duet with me.
You think that's a good idea?
I know it's a good idea
Now if you'll excuse me
I need to put together a potential playlist
Kurt Hummel is offline
Brittany Pierce – Santana Lopez come over
Santana Lopez: booty call?
Brittany Pierce: only if you want it to be
Santana Lopez: I'll be there in 5 mins ;)
Santana Lopez: wow, it's weird to have this conversation without puck's inappropriate comments
Quinn Fabray: facebook is so quiet without him
Brittany Pierce is a fan of Melissa Etheridge
Santana Lopez: this changes nothing
Brittany Pierce: :(
Brittany Pierce: no one else is going to want to do a duet with you
Mercedes Jones – Santana Lopez ok I've decided.
I'll do a duet with you. but I get to pick the song
Santana Lopez: fine but it better be sassy
Mercedes Jones: oh you know it
Will Schuester: Can't wait to hear it, girls!
hey I feel bad about what I said today
I feel like it came out wrong
If by wrong you mean homophobic and rude, then yes, it did
I'm sorry. I just don't think you should do a duet with sam
I just want what's best for the team
and also you're only going to end up hurting yourself when things go badly
How do you know things are going to end badly?
He seems different than all the other football guys
He actually seems like he accepts me
I don't know what you mean by different but hes really nothing special
he wouldn't even join the glee club at first because he was scared about what it would do for his rep
imagine what he would do if people started thinking he was gay
he'd be pissed
Well I think you aren't giving him enough credit
And while I appreciate the concern, I also think that you can't help but have a slightly biased opinion because of your own views on homosexuality
for the last time I'm not a homophobe!
I'll believe that when I see it
Kurt Hummel is offline
Mike Chang – Tina Cohen-Chang thanks for coming to dim sum with me and my mom. I had fun :)
Tina Cohen-Chang: no problem…
Mike Chang: is everything ok? you sorta seemed like you weren't having fun
Tina Cohen-Chang: why wouldn't I be having fun? we only go to dim sum every other day
Mike Chang: ok…
Tina Cohen-Chang: we can talk about it tomorrow while we're rehearsing for our duet
Mike Chang: wait, we're doing the duet together?
Tina Cohen-Chang: duh. who else would I be doing it with?
Santana Lopez: uh oh. trouble in asian paradise?
Tina Cohen-Chang: WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE ASIAN
Rachel Berry to Finn Hudson
Subject: Plan for the duets competition
Okay so I've decided on an offensive song so we can throw the competition. We will sing "With You I'm Born Again." I'll be dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl and you'll be a priest.
Finn Hudson: perfect!
Finn Hudson: wait…I don't really get it
Rachel Berry: It's a song about two people feeling born again after a sexual experience with one another! The references to Catholicism make it offensive and sacrilegious. It's perfect!
Finn Hudson: what's sacrilegious?
Rachel Berry: Ugh never mind just come over after school so we can practice.
Brittany Pierce is in a relationship with Artie Abrams
Santana Lopez: um, is this a joke? you told me you thought he was a robot
Brittany Pierce: I still think he might be
Brittany Pierce: but I also think he's a super cute robot
Artie Abrams: thanks babe :)
Santana Lopez: well. this is going to last
Quinn Fabray: do I detect a bit of jealousy, santana?
Santana Lopez: please, why would I be jealous?
Santana Lopez: hello?
what are you doing?
what do you want santana
you don't date, you just sleep with people
what are you doing with the cripple?
maybe I want something more
even if you did, you wouldn't go to wheels
you're trying to make me jealous, aren't you?
thats not true
not everything is about you santana
do what you want
just know there's no way youre going to win the duet competition with his whiny voice
theres no way you're gonna win either
youre too much of a bitch
what is going on with you
youre acting super weird and its kind of annoying me
just don't talk to me for a while ok?
Brittany Pierce is offline
Sam Evans – Kurt Hummel I got the mp3s you sent me
damn you have a good voice
Kurt Hummel: Thanks :) I was just born with a lot of natural talent
Sam Evans: sweet. so uh what song should we sing for this duet thing?
Kurt Hummel: I took the liberty of making a playlist based on each of our vocal range and preferred style. I'll send it to you now.
Sam Evans: alright cool
I saw you got slushied today
remember what I said about kurt
ok but I told him id do the duet
I can't just bail on him
that would be rude
ok but let me just tell you from experience that once youre on karofsky's radar
it doesn't matter that youre on the football team
he'll slushie you every day if he has to
so I'm singing ONE song with another guy
I don't get what the big deal is
yeah I'm not super comfortable with it but there's no reason to hurt the poor kid's feelings, is there?
ugh ok I know that it's not right to ask you not to sing with him
but as QB its my job to make sure the team is getting along and I just feel like it would be a lot easier if you didn't, like, give them a reason to hate you
like I said earlier
I gave him my word
and I'm not gonna back out
id appreciate your support
Sam Evans is offline
Kurt Hummel Welcome home Burt Hummel!
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Did you talk to my dad?
This Sam thing
He just told me that I shouldn't do a duet with Sam
He ALSO told me that you told your mom that I had a crush on you last year
And that's why it was okay that you said that thing to me in the basement
ok hold on
first of all, you DID have a crush on me
and im not saying what I said to you was cool
you gotta respect my space
and the fact that im straight
I feel like that's not the whole problem though
If a girl had treated you the way I did, you wouldn't have been mad
You overreacted because you are uncomfortable with the fact that I'm gay
kurt ANYONE would have been creeped out by the way you acted towards me
guys or girls or whoever
and I'm sorry about what I said to you last year but that's over and you need to stop jumping down my throat about this because all im doing right now is trying to make things right for sam so he can feel like part of the team and youre totally taking advantage of him
You're right I should probably not do this duet with Sam
I just think this is best
its for the team
I have to go
how is burt?
tell him hi for me?
Kurt Hummel is offline
Sam Evans – Quinn Fabray thanks for helping me clean off the slushie today :)
Quinn Fabray: no problem. we've all been there :)
Rachel Berry: Do I detect a budding romance?
Quinn Fabray: go away RuPaul
Mercedes Jones is ready to kill that duet tomorrow…and ready to kill Santana Lopez
Santana Lopez: eyes on the prize, mama. just think of all those breadsticks…
Mercedes Jones: i am. that's literally the only reason you're still alive
hey are you sure I didn't do anything to make you not want to do a duet with me?
I hope I didn't like
hurt your feelings or something
No it wasn't that at all, I promise
ok. you sure?
Positive. Actually it's me who should be apologizing. I hope you were able to find a suitable duet partner to replace me
oh yeah I was thinking about asking quinn actually
Oh. I didn't realize you two were acquainted.
we sort of just met
she helped me yesterday when I got slushied
Are you…attracted to her?
she's hot though, you know what I mean?
whoops sorry I know you're gay
No I understand. She's quite beautiful
ok well I gotta go…homework
Alright. See you tomorrow
Sam Evans is offline
Kurt Hummel – Mercedes Jones I was wrong.
Mercedes Jones: told you
Tina Cohen-Chang – Mike Chang so I tried to get another duet partner and I couldn't. looks like we're stuck together
Mike Chang: sorry babe, I really want to be your partner. I just cant sing!
Tina Cohen-Chang: it doesn't matter! ill take the lead, you just need to do SOMETHING
Mike Chang: k you take the main part, ill sing the chorus line or something
Tina Cohen-Chang: chorus line? OMG I'm having a brainwave brb!
Mercedes Jones – Santana Lopez at this point I'd say we're favorites to win this thing
Santana Lopez: damn straight!
Brittany Pierce: that's only because artie and I havent performed yet
Brittany Pierce: also, you are not straight
Mercedes Jones: …
We have a problem!
Sam kissed Quinn while they were rehearsing and then she got mad and dropped out of the duets competition
crap. are you sure?
Yes I'm sure I heard her telling Brittany about it after school today
What are we going to do?
If Sam doesn't compete then we threw the competition for nothing
we need to convince them to do it
ill get sam, you take quinn
tell them they have to perform
Yeah right, like Quinn Fabray would ever listen to me
Besides, what do I tell her?
idk, tell her it will make her popular or something
she's really into that
What are you going to tell Sam?
it probably wont be hard to convince him
im sure he wants to do a duet with her
you just need to make sure quinn will take him back, ill get him to apologize
Okay. And if they question our motives?
ugh I don't know, make something up
its your fault youre always up to something and no one trusts you
still love you though
:) Alright, we will reconvene tomorrow after we've put our evil plan into action
Artie Abrams – Brittany Pierce when do you want to practice our duet?
Brittany Pierce: umm how about tomorrow after school?
Artie Abrams: sounds good
Brittany Pierce: great come over to my house whenever
quick I have a question
hurry and respond!
I am at brittanys house right now
ok don't tell anyone
we just had sex
are you joking?
thank you and DON'T TELL ANYONE
haha I would tell everyone if I were you
ok but seriously she is in the bathroom so quick, tell me what should I do?
you do realize I've only done it once right?
rachel wants to wait until she's 25 :P
ok but youre the only one online so help me!
ok well I took santana to mcdonalds
and I bought her a cheeseburger
and then I drove her home
are u kidding me?
that's the only advice you have?
idk that's what she wanted!
crap I think brit is coming back
ok ok just be nice and like
offer to get her some food
dude brittanys done this before, just follow her lead
do whatever she wants to do
ok. I gotta go
is she wearing clothes right now?
Artie Abrams is offline
I am at Finn's house right now and Artie just told him that he and Brittany engaged in sexual relations earlier today!
seriously, dwarf, why do you talk like that?
? Why are you being mean?
Is this really Mercedes?
yes it is
wait, are you telling the truth?
Well Finn told me that Artie just IMed him and told him
what exactly did wheels say?
I mean artie
I don't know I didn't see the actual IMs
But he told Finn that he's at her house right now
omg I am going to kill that fucking crip!
Okay, who is this?
hell to the naw, this is mercedes
imma go eat some tots
and some fried chicken
mmm I love food
That is offensive
Why are you signed on with Mercedes's account?
Prove that you are Mercedes!
Alright, good enough
I think Santana just took over your account
Where are you?
I just went to the bathroom
she definitely did
brb g2g commit a murder
Mercedes Jones has become a fan of Fried Chicken
Mercedes Jones has become a fan of Kool Aid
Mercedes Jones has become a fan of Oprah
Santana Lopez: getting your black on?
Mercedes Jones: imma slap you to the ground, bitch
Santana Lopez: so basically, yes
Santana Lopez there is nothing I enjoy more than a good fight
Will Schuester: I hope you also enjoy a good detention
Sue Sylvester: Actually, Will, Santana has been excused from detention because of a mandatory Cheerios practice. I guess you will have to find someone else to spend their afternoon engaging in the tedious task of gelling each of your tiny hairs.
Mercedes Jones: are you kidding me? that is so unfair mr. schue. if I have to go to detention, santana does too
Sue Sylvester: Life is unfair, Aretha
Brittany Pierce is single
Artie Abrams is single
Santana Lopez likes this
I am so mad at you
why? because I told artie to stop acting like he was dating you?
if every guy you had sex with acted like that, you would have your own groupies
you should be thanking me
artie was different than the other guys
why, because he gets to use a special bathroom?
come on britt you can do better than that
i tried to do better
but you said you didn't love me
what are you talking about?
I just don't like it when we fight
neither do I
and artie and I were going to win the competition and go to breadsticks but then he dropped out
this is the most terrible week ever :(
ok, how about we go to breadsticks tomorrow?
if you've forgiven me
wait let me think
ok yes I forgive you
good because I was planning on picking you up at 7 either way
I missed you
I missed you too
Rachel Berry Congrats to Quinn Fabray and Sam Evans for an amazing, Breadsticks coupon-winning performance in glee!
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have fun on your date with quinn tonight
I'm pretty sure she would get mad if you said that to her
I think she doesn't consider this to be a date
well, maybe if you play your cards right
that's what im hoping ;)
this isn't weird for you is it? I know you guys used to date
no no its fine, I don't like her anymore
I just don't think she will want to date you, that's all
Quinn Fabray is in a relationship with Sam Evans
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