May seem OOC for Yumi, but I'm trying to show that Ikkaku is his everything, and that he really would end his life if he lost his friend.

Not a oneshot, so please don't worry if not everything is explained.

Unbolded Normal- flashback in a flashback

UnBolded Italics- Yumichika's dream in the past

Italics in Bold- Flashback

Normal Bold- Present

... ... ...- When Yumi wakes up

Summary:Yumichika confessed to Ikkaku, but his friend didn't seem to return the feeling. After trying to kill himself, Yumichika was saved by the other man, and they stayed friends. But what will happen when they won't express themselves?

Pairing: YumichikaxIkkaku

Rating:M. Sexual Situations. Language.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

What Beautiful Hearts Want

Chapter 1


Yumichika sat alone in the small room brushing his long purple-black as he waited for his friend to return. He had changed his kimono, putting on his best one in hopes of impressing the other male with his incredible beauty. Not that he needed clothes to look beautiful; he just thought they would help.

He sat on a stool in front of his broken mirror, staring at his reflection and smiling. He was a truly magnificent creature he had to admit. After a few minutes, the door slid open loudly, and a pissed Ikkaku stepped into the room.

"Nothing again?" Yumichika asked, as Ikkaku collapsed onto the bed they shared.

"Nah, not today. I thoughta stealin' somethin', but I know you won't eat food that way." Ikkaku turned his back to his friend, sighing deeply, and Yumichika smiled a bit. Ikkaku tried so hard to take care of him.

"How ugly having to go without food again." The long-haired beauty commented, walking to the bed. He sat down on the edge of it, and looked down at his friend, his hand lightly rubbing the other's arm. "Why do you let me starve Ikka?"

"I don't try to." The other answered quietly. His face was set in a scowl, and he refused to look at his beautiful roommate. "You know how hard it is just to find food, never mind actually gettin' some."

Yumichika smiled again. Ikkaku was actually upset with himself for not being able to provide for them. He leaned over, resting his forehead against Ikkaku's cheek, and sighed happily. "You were gone almost all day. I missed you."

"Hm." Ikkaku wrapped an arm around the other's small waist, and pulled the body down in front of him, holding it close. Yumichika breathed in the scent of his companion, before digging his face into the other's neck. Ikkaku looked down at the small body snuggled up next to him, and noticed just the thing Yumichika had wanted him to. "Why're you wearin' your good kimono?" He asked.

"To make you look at me." Yumichika answered, raising his head to look into Ikakku's black eyes, but the man averted his gaze.

"What're you talkin' about?"

"Just there. That's what I'm talking about." Yumichika sat up on the bed, his hair falling over his face. "You never look at me. Now matter what I do, no matter how close we get, you never look at me. Am I not beautiful enough for you?"

Ikkaku scoffed, and sat up in the bed as well, resting against the wall, as he scratched his head. "Yumi…" He sighed.

"Don't 'Yumi' me. Tell me Ikka. Tell me why you always avoid me. I love you, but you just don't seem to realize it." The smaller drew his knees to his chest, and looked away from his friend, as Ikkaku's eyes widened.

He sighed another time, and grabbed his friend's chin gently, tilting it up so they could look into each other's eyes. "I'm ashamed…" The larger finally spoke. "I can't give you anything you want."

"Ikka… I don't want anything other than you… Just don't stop looking at me…" Yumichika jumped into his friend's arms, and wrapped his own arms around Ikakku's neck. "I love you… please say you love me back… that's all I want…"

"I love you Yumi." Ikkaku answered, kissing the purple-black hair. "I always have." He pulled the other's face back, before bringing their lips together in a passionate kiss. Yumichika's eyes lidded, and he smiled against Ikkaku's mouth. He kissed back fiercely, shoving his tongue up against the other's without having to be asked by his partner's. They flipped on the bed, leaving Yumichika laying on his back with Ikkaku over him, and they quickly ripped their kimonos away from their bodies.

They finally pulled away from their kiss, and Yumichika's lower half was suddenly lifted from the bed, becoming level with Ikkaku's face. His tongue licked out at the smaller's entrance to wet the area because there was no lube; there was no way they could get any.

"Hah… Ikka… hurry please…" Yumichika's face was red and his breathing heavy when Ikkaku lined their bodies up, and pushed in. Yumichika arched up, his hands gripping the one sheet they had, and pulled it up to his chest as a distraction from the pain.

"Sorry Yumi… give me a second…" Ikkaku moved slow, kissing the tip of his partner's nose, as he watched the beautiful face scrunch up in pain. Yumichika knew he was doing it, and it would usually disgust him to make such a face, but at the moment he just didn't care, because he knew Ikkaku didn't care. Anything that Ikkaku felt, was what he wanted to feel as well.

Suddenly Ikkaku hit something in the smaller that made him arch up and moan. "Oh Ikka!" He shouted, gripping the sheet for an entirely different reason at that point. Ikkaku bent down to attack Yumichika's neck, and his lover moaned again.

The larger reached for his partner's dripping erection, and pumped him quickly, until Yumichika yelled out, and came onto their stomachs. Ikkaku followed him over the edge, and they relaxed onto the bed together, holding each other close. Ikkaku pulled the sheet over them so they weren't completely exposed, and kissed his lover one last time, before they fell asleep in each other's arms.

… … …

Yumichika awoke in the bed completely naked. His eyes watered immediately and he screamed as he remembered what had happened the night before. The dream he had just had was what he had wished would've happen between him and his love when he had confessed his feelings, but it was no where near what had actually occurred.


Ikkaku looked down at the small body snuggled up next to him, and noticed just the thing Yumichika had wanted him to. "Why're you wearin' your good kimono?" He asked.

"To make you look at me." Yumichika answered, raising his head to look into Ikakku's black eyes, but the man averted his gaze.

"What're you talkin' about?"

"Just there. That's what I'm talking about." Yumichika sat up on the bed, his hair falling over his face. "You never look at me. Now matter what I do, no matter how close we get, you never look at me. Am I not beautiful enough for you?"

Ikkaku scoffed, and sat up in the bed as well, resting against the wall, as he scratched his head. "Yumi…" He sighed.

"Don't 'Yumi' me. Tell me Ikka. Tell me why you always avoid me. I love you, but you just don't seem to realize it." The smaller drew his knees to his chest, and looked away from his friend, as Ikkaku's eyes widened.

"You're sick Yumichika." He said, standing and moving away from his companion.

"I'm not sick Ikka! Please look at me!" Yumichika reached out for Ikkaku but his hand was smacked away.

"I won't look at you, because you're disgustin'." Ikkaku grabbed his zanpaktou, and rested it against his shoulder. "I'm goin' out. Don't expect me back any time soon."

"What?" Yumichika's eyes filled up, and tears streamed down his face. Ikkaku's reaction to his confession was not what he had expected. "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere away from you." The door slid open, and Yumichika was left alone. The man cried out, screaming for his friend to return, but his calls went unanswered. His hands slammed against the wall next to the bed, before he did the same with his head.

"Ikka…" He sobbed.

He failed. He had driven his only friend and love away from him, and now he would be all alone in this terrible world, where anybody could quickly take advantage of him, something Ikkaku would never do. He was the one that protected Yumichika, that held him when he was upset and was always there, just to keep him from feeling alone, and now it was all gone. Ikkaku was gone.

He ripped the silk kimono off his body, and tore it to shreds, before throwing their one chair against his already broken mirror, completely shattering it, and letting it crash to the floor. He was so ugly right now, losing his composure and crying like a helpless little child, but he didn't really care. He had lost the one thing that had kept him sane, the one thing that had been the most beautiful creation he had ever seen, and now it was all gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

Climbing back into the bed, he buried his face into the sheet, and cried himself to sleep.


Rising from the bed, Yumichika walked with the sheet around his body, but he dropped it when he reached the broken mirror shards on the floor. What he was about to do, was such an ugly act, he started to cry harder, but it couldn't be helped. He had nothing to live for without Ikkaku, nothing to be happy about.

He picked up a mirror piece, and gripped it tightly, before slashing it across his wrist, then his neck. He saw the blood gush from his broken veins, and immediately felt dizzy, so he wobbled back to the bed, and fell back against it. He could feel the hot liquid running against his cold, extremely pale skin, and he turned on his side, curling in the fetal position as he prepared to die. His eyes fluttered, when suddenly something caught his attention that made him want to open them completely again, but he was past the point of no return.

"Yumi! Yumichika!" Ikkaku shouted, and ran to his friend, his hands squeezing the fatal wounds that had been inflicted on the smaller body. Yumichika gasped as best he could, his eyes finally closing. "Yumi!" Ikkaku shouted, pulling Yumichika into his lap, and kissed his long, beautiful, blood-stained hair, as he rocked back and forth. "Yumi. What did you do? I was embarrassed when you said you loved me, I wasn't really disgusted I just didn't know how to express my feelings to you. Please Yumi wake up. I love you too." He cried, but the body remained limp.

He suddenly grabbed the sheet from the floor, and wrapped the bloody Yumichika in it. He grabbed his zanpaktou, and ran it through his obi, before running to the door, and throwing it open. He knew someplace he could go to save his love, but once they went, they could never return. But then again, they would probably have a better life where they were going, even if they didn't end up together.


"Ikkaku Madarame, what have you been doing in here?" Yumichika stood in the doorway to the Third Seat's home, staring at the mess that had been created. Ikkaku was on the floor, half passed-out from all the sake he had drinken the night before.

"Ugh Yumi… not so loud…" The larger groaned, not even bothering to move as Yumichika stepped over him and into the middle of the room. "My head hurts…"

"It's so ugly of you to fall asleep on the floor. And with such a mess around you." The Fifth Seat bent down next to his friend, and held out his hand. Ikkaku took it, and brushed the bobbed purple-black hair back behind Yumichika's ear.

"Hey Yumi… why'd you cut your hair? It looked so much better before when we were in Rukongai…"

"Precisely the reason I cut it. I do not wished to be reminded of anything that has occurred in that ugly place." The two stood, and Yumichika gazed longingly at his superior, but Ikkaku was looking towards the bathroom.

He still wouldn't look at his friend, he refused. After the incident that occurred between then in Rukongai, Ikkaku felt too guilty to look at that beautiful person he had hurt. He had been such an idiot, and he had almost killed his love, yet… Yumichika had still forgiven him.


"You came back." Yumichika answered, and smiled at his friend, his bandaged hand stroking the side of Ikkaku's face. "As long as you come back to me, I will forgive you for whatever you have done. And I will follow you anywhere, as long as you want me there."


They hadn't talked about 'love' since then; when Yumichika had awaken in the 'hospital', and told Ikkaku he wouldn't leave him. From there, the two went to join the Gotei Thirteen, refusing to be put in different Squads. They had spent years together from there, and were always with each other, but both refused to express their true feelings for the other, in order to hopefully forget all that had happened back in Rukongai.

"I'm gonna go shower now." Ikkaku disturbed their long silence and walked past Yumichika for the bathroom. "Wanna come?" He asked, once he had reached the door.

"I suppose." The Fifth Seat nodded, following his friend. They both stripped, and stepped into the shower, something they were appreciative to have now. Yumichika cleaned his hair gently, while Ikkaku scrubbed down his body. They stood in silence, switching places of standing under the shower nozzle as they cleaned their bodies, neither looking at the other, until Yumichika took a step to go under the water to rinse, and slipped on a dropped piece of soap. His body lurched forward, and was caught by Ikkaku, who pulled the small body against his chest to keep it standing.

Yumichika gasped, pulling the larger body close. He closed his eyes, and relished in the heat his love's body gave off. This was what he dreamed of everyday. He just wanted to be wrapped up in Ikkaku's arms, and loved endlessly.

"Uh Yumi… you alright?" The Third Seat looked down at the other with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh, yes." Yumichika pushed away, and quickly rinsed off, before leaving the shower, and wrapping up in a towel.

"You feelin' sick or somethin'? You get really clingy when you're not feelin' good."

"No, I'm fine."

The two dressed quietly, and left to go eat breakfast together.


At the Squad Eleven cafeteria, they once again, were silent. That's the way they were most of the time nowadays, compared to their long talks, and laughs back in that dingy room in Rukongai. There was nothing they felt they could talk about, that wouldn't bring up the subject of their relationship.

"Hey Ikkaku!" A voice yelled out from across the room, and Renji Abarai approached the two, sitting down next to Yumichika. "Hey Yumi. What'chya guys doin'?"

"Eating obviously." The Fifth Seat answered, taking a bite of food.

"What'dya want Renji?" Ikkaku asked, sighing quietly.

"What's wrong with you two?" The Lieutenant asked. "You sick or somethin'?"

"Ikka has a hangover, and I just don't want to talk to you." Yumichika glared at the red-head. "Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Alright alright, I'll leave you alone." Renji stood, but not before handing Ikkaku a piece of paper. "If you feel like getting' drunk again tonight, there's a party at this address. I'll see you there hopefully." The Lieutenant nodded to the other two men before walking off.

Yumichika looked back at Ikkaku. "I hope you don't plan to go to that." He said angrily.

"Why not? I'm a grown man. I'll do whatever the fuck I want."

"You have an assignment to go to the human world tomorrow. How do you think people would react if they found out you went there with a massive hangover?"

"What makes you think I'll get drunk?"

"If there's alcohol, you're drinking it."

"Hey, shut up." They went quiet again, finishing their breakfast in silence. They left the cafeteria, and walked around for a bit, enjoying the fresh morning air that helped Ikkaku feel refreshed after his all-night partying, and made Yumichika appreciate the beautiful scenery. "Hey Yumi, you're goin' with me right?"

"Where?" The smaller looked up at his superior.

"To the human world. You'll go right?"

"I already told you I'd follow you anywhere, just as long as you want me to go with you."

"Then you're comin'."

Yumichika smiled, It seemed that Ikkaku couldn't go anywhere without his companion anymore. The two were rarely apart, almost impossible to separate, except when Ikkaku went partying, and Yumichika stayed at home, because drinking was an ugly thing to do, but they really spent all their time together, one depending on the other to get him through the day.

"Baldy! Yumi!" Yachiru waved from Kenpachi's shoulder, and Yumichika waved back, while Ikkaku just growled.

"What're you guys doin'?" Kenpachi looked down at the two.

"Just takin' a walk Captain." Ikkaku wrapped his arm around Yumichika, and the smaller gasped. Ikkaku was holding him.

But in reality, the hangover was starting to bother the Third Seat again, and he was really only holding onto his best friend to keep himself from collapsing.

"Hey Baldy! Why're you hugging Yumi like that? Do you like him?" Yachiru jumped on Ikkaku's head.

"Hey! Lieutenant! Get offa me!" Ikkaku swatted at the girl to get off his head, all the while holding Yumichika against his body. The smaller's breath quickened at the close contact, and was pulled even closer as Ikkaku put his full concentration into shooing Yachiru away.

He's holding me. Ikka's holding me. The Fifth Seat gasped again as Ikkaku picked him up, and ran away from the little girl with his friend in his arms.

"Ikka…" Yumichika breathed.

"Had to get away from that brat." Ikkaku growled, placing his love on the ground underneath a tree. They were in the forest somewhere, but it was a beautiful spot, and Ikkaku knew it was Yumichika's favorite place to sit. He sat down next to his smaller friend, relaxing back against the tree to sleep.

Yumichika felt hot after that little situation with Kenpachi and Yachiru, and he pinched his orange neck scarf, pulling it out to allow some fresh air in. But as he did so, his finger rubbed across something. Something he tried to hide, and forget about by wearing that scarf. The large scar he had created when he had slit his throat in his attempted suicide. Immediately he jerked his hand away, and he looked to his friend. He curled up next to the larger man, and an arm wrapped around him.

"I think you're right Ikka, I'm getting sick." The Fifth Seat sighed, digging his face into his love's shihakushou.

"Told you. You've been gettin' all clingy lately."

"You know me too well Ikka. Your so very beautiful."

"Shut up. I ain't beautiful."

Yumichika giggled to himself. Yes, I'm in love with my best friend. But perhaps I can survive, just as long as he's in my life. I know he doesn't love me, so I must settle for this, rather than what I had dreamed about back in Rukongai.

They sat quietly together under the tree until sunset, before they went their separate ways to their homes, planning to meet again in the morning to go to the human world together; Ikkaku hung-over, and Yumichika longing for his friend's love.


Please review to tell me how you like it. Is it too confusing? Is it bad? Please let me know, so I can fix it. ;P