One Hazy Night

Piper walked up the overgrown path to the animal shelter that was currently home to Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, and most recently, the Trickster (after James' resurrection, he and Catwoman had hooked up and fallen into some semblance of a relationship-with the understanding that she would leave him at the drop of a cowl for Batman, and that she shouldn't ask too many questions about his friendship with Piper). Thankfully this time all the yard's vegetation behaved. Piper still felt better once an excited Harley Quinn (but when wasn't she excited?) ushered him inside.

"Hey everybody, Ratguy's here again!"

"Selina and Poison Ivy are both in, right?" Piper asked. He was going to leave and come back later if that wasn't the case. Harley nodded, and Piper resolved to continue.

Quinn skipped down the hall and brought him to a large sitting room where Ivy was going through botany journals at a massive desk, while Selina and James cuddled up on a sofa watching Youtube videos. Piper winced sympathetically; James was prone to forcing unsuspecting acquaintances through internet video marathons without telling them, just flashing his big blue puppy eyes and saying "Just one more? You'll really love the next one. I can't belive you haven't seen it already!"

"Hey Piper!" James greeted. Selina took advantage of his divided attention to hastily shut the laptop, confirming Piper's suspicion about her voluntary participation.

Heh. Speaking of voluntary...

Piper nodded at James, then crossed the room to where Ivy was just getting up to go get a highlighter. Piper smiled at her. "Hello Ivy." Then he punched her in the face.

She staggered backwards and fell into the desk, sending her papers flying into disarray on the floor. She glared at him, then lunged, and was restrained through the combined efforts of James and Harley, while Selina rushed forward and pleaded with Ivy not to kill Piper.

Which was why he'd wanted Catwoman present (James and Harley were a pleasant bonus). She had a knack for dealing with unstable costumes, and was eventually able to get Ivy to agree not to kill him (and the vines that had started creeping out of corners of the room retreated).

"Piper, what the hell was that about!" James yelled.

Piper exploded. "Because of her and her stupid sex pollen, I had sex with Batman last night!"

Everyone froze, with the same incredulous wide eyed stare, then slowly turned to look at Selina. With much effort, they all slowly turned to look back at Piper.

"So, uh, who topped?" James asked. Selina hit him. "Ow! What, I had to ask!"

"It's none of your damn business!" Piper snapped back, but the surreptuous rub he gave his rear answered that question.

Catwoman's face had gone bright red. She chewed on her lip for a second, and then all but fled the room.

"Kitty, it's okay! You're sleeping with another guy too!" Harley reminded her, running out of the room after Selina to attempt to console her.

Poison Ivy frowned. "What exactly happened? How did you expose yourself to the pollen?"

"I was on my way here for a visit anyway, and I stumbled across a super villain wannabe terrorizing some poor small business owner, so I went after him-"

"Why?" Ivy interrupted, confused.

"Hart still thinks the heroes are gonna let him back into their club if he's altruistic enough," James answered.

Piper glared at them. "I defended the innocent civilian because it was the right thing to do!"

Ivy cocked her head to the side, considering his motivation as though he'd been speaking a foreign language that she needed to decipher.

"Anyway, he ran towards the park, and when I followed him-"

"Guys! Kitty's not upset! She's laughing!" Harley bounced back into the room.

"What? This is funny to her?" Piper snapped.

The three of them followed Harley into the kitchen, where Selina was holding her hands over her mouth, trying to control her giggles. She immediately calmed when she saw the hurt look on Piper's face.

"Oh, Hartley, I'm sorry. It's not funny exactly, it's just..." She bit back a smile. "Batman developed an antidote and full immunity to Ivy's pollens and powders years ago. If that actually was Batman you were with last night, the only reason he would have slept with you was if he wanted to."

That brought another round of wide eyed incredulous stares, and then surreptuous looks at Piper, who was now blushing furiously.

Ivy cleared her throat before speaking next. "Er, that does sound about right. I haven't been able to get so much as a momentary swoon out of him in years."

Harley squealed, clapping her hands to her cheeks. "Ratguy, does Batman have a crush on you? That's so cute!"

Selina laughed. "Harley, I really don't think that's it. Piper, did you see this supposed Batman without his cowl?"

"I think so...things got a little hazy after a certain point though. I don't remember parts of it very well at all."

Catwoman considered for a second, trying to come up with a way to identify the man without actually letting the others know Batman's secret identity. "Did he have a" She ran one finger along the inside of her upper thigh, worryingly close to the location of particularly important anatomy on a male. Piper shook his head. She smirked. "It wasn't him then. I gave him that one."

Piper paled. "Oh God. Who did I have sex with then? I need to go get a blood test."

"Honey, you probably shoulda done that even if it was him," Harley pointed out.

"Wait, finish telling us what happened," James said. "You chased a bad guy into the park..."

"And got too close to one of my private greenhouses and set off a trap," Ivy finished, talking over Piper as though it were obvious.

"Er, yes. The amateur criminal didn't get hit with the pollen, and while I was choking on the stuff he slipped off. I heard him get hit with a batarang and tied to a lightpost just down the path though, and then the supposed Batman came over to investigate, got hit with the pollen and, um..."

"Ya made sweet music together?" Harley finished. James and Selina each whapped her across a different pigtail. "Ow."

"And he had batarangs? Real ones?" Selina asked.

Piper nodded. "I'm still not entirely sure it wasn't him. The suit, the belt, the all seemed legit. Although come to think of it, up close he wasn't as tall or beefy as I'd thought. I mean, he was still muscular, just not..."

Selina's eyes widened in the manner of epiphany. "Built a little more like James?" She asked. She flipped up his shirt for emphasis.

"Hey-whoa-hey! Ask first next time!" James yelped, as the others crowded around to inspect his tight tummy. He took his shirt off and they looked at his arms too.

"Yes..." Piper slowly murmured.

"So he was built like an acrobat," Selina said with a grin. "I think I know exactly who this other Batman was."

"Who?" Harley asked. Selina and Ivy rolled their eyes and scowled. Harley brightened with realization. "Oh!"

"Hey, the Gotham non-natives are still a little confused here," James whined.

"The real Batman was out of commission for a little while recently, and one of the other heroes filled in for him," Selina explained. "After Batman got back, the other one stayed on, and they're working different cities now. Piper, you didn't sleep with Batman, you slept with Nightwing."


James let out a low whistle. "Nice."

Ivy rolled her eyes. "If the gossip's accurate, it's not hard."

"Still though, nice."

"Selina, is, he also immune to Ivy's pollens?" Piper asked.

Selina frowned. "I'm not sure. I never asked, but I assume Batman would have shared the antidotes with him." She turned to Ivy. "Thoughts?"

"Never noticed. I haven't tangled with junior nearly as often."

Piper chewed his lip thoughtfully for a second, then reached into his pocket, grabbed a paper and pen, scribbled something down and handed it to Selina. "Can you give him my number?"