Mr. T sat at the table the Mall of the Millennium had set up for him, signing autographs with a bored expression on his face. He heard a commotion from farther back in the line, but paid it no heed until a wild-eyed teenager with auburn hair and round, thick glasses shoved her way through to the front of the line.

"Oh my God it's Mr. T I never thought I'd actually get to meet you," she gushed out, flagrantly disregarding punctuation.

"It's always good to meet a devoted fan -" he tried to say, but was cut off.

"I have alllll your stuff on tape - your Alvin and the Chipmunks appearance, Magic of the Golden Bear: Goldy III, all your Wrestlemania appearances, those commercials you did for World of Warcraft, even Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool!"

"That's nice, but -"

"I wrote these fics about you," the girl said, plopping a spiral notebook down in front of her idol. "The first one, Mr. T Meets Daria, is about what happens when I cross over into the A-Team universe."

"The A-Team what?" Mr. T asked, unfamiliar with such terminology.

"It turns out all your friends on the A-Team are secretly replaced by robots, and the robo-A-Team ended up kidnapping me, so you save me. Then, in Alison vs. Mr. T, this evil lesbian who tried to rape my best friend kidnaps my best friend, and we have to go save her. And then, in Mr. T and the Fanon Canon -"

"What the fuck is a fanon canon?" he asked, but was ignored.

"In that one, you go around beating up characters from the A-Team fan-made expanded universe, like Odell Jones and Lynn Cullen -"

"SHUT UP!" he finally roared. When he saw that he had her undivided attention, he spoke in a calmer voice. "Look, I can appreciate that you're a big fan, but you're hogging the line for everybody else who came to see me. Now, do you want an autograph, or are you on your way?"

Daria looked behind her, as if just realizing that she and the T weren't the only people in existence. "Oh, I'm so, so sorry, Mr. T. Here, please sign this."

She slipped a piece of paper in front of him. He looked at it, looked at her, then looked back at it.

The paper had 'Certificate of Marriage' stamped across the top. The girl - Daria, apparently - had already filled her name in at the appropriate places.

"I don't fucking think so," he said, no longer amused.

Daria's lip quivered for a few moments before she smiled manically. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a Mr. T action figure. "Bitch, clearly this fool is a fuckin' impostor," she growled out in a greatly exaggerated impersonation of Mr. T.

"Oh my God! What should I do?" she asked the action figure worriedly.

"Use that fighting move I taught you! Just dial down the center!"

Daria turned towards the real T, fury in her face. "ONE EIGHT HUNDRED SEE EY ELL ELL EY - Ow!" She had managed to rain blows on Mr. T's face and chest (and had almost managed to strike him in his 'T' twice) before several security guards tackled her off of him. "No, wait! It was a test! I just had to make absolute sure you were the real Mr. T! LOVE MEEEEEEE!" Daria struggled against the guards, but they were too strong for her.


Daria held the piece of paper to her chest with a blissful smile on her face. She couldn't believe that she had finally gotten Mr. T's signature. Of course, it had taken several weeks of begging her mother, but she had finally relented and did what Daria had asked, and now she had the autograph.

Nevermind that it was at the bottom of a request for a restraining order.


I honestly thought that the April Fools story would be the very last Mr. T story I would ever write. However, popular demand (for the Mr. T action figure, especially) has inspired me to put this to Notepad. I know for sure I have at least one more Daria/Mr. T action figure story left in me somewhere (and perhaps more), but I'm unsure on how to proceed with it.