Another Livejournal Puckhurt prompt, once again tweaked.
Puck is pregnant and Kurt couldn't be more excited. Sure, they're young and still in school, but they love each other. They can do this. Kurt has complete faith in that and in them.
Puck doesn't think he'll ever be strong enough to tell Kurt it isn't his baby.
He was never strong enough to tell him about the rape.
This one just sort of morphed into something else...
Puck and Kurt didn't have specific roles in their relationship. More often than not, Kurt bottomed and Puck topped, but that's because it's what Kurt wanted, and Puck always did what Kurt wanted.
Every now and again, however, either Kurt would want to top or Puck would want to bottom, and they would switch.
One such occasion had been Kurt's birthday.
A few days later Puck had been jumped by a group of guys in Columbus. He hadn't told Kurt what had happened. He had explained away the bruises as a bad night at fight club. He hadn't been able to tell Kurt he'd been raped. Because guys, especially guys like Puck, just don't get raped.
Kurt had looked dubious but had accepted the explanation.
Three months later Puck had a really bad dizzy spell in glee and almost passed out. A frantic Kurt had taken Puck to the hospital.
Puck was pregnant.
Kurt is ecstatic. Yeah, they're still in school, but they're almost done. They can both work at the garage, Puck at the desk and Kurt is positive that Burt will let them stay in the basement.
It'll be hard, Kurt's not denying that, but he knows that they can do it.
Later that night, as Kurt sleeps with his head on Puck's shoulder and a hand on his still flat stomach, Puck tries to be happy. But he just doesn't have it in him because he knows, somehow, that it isn't Kurt's baby.
Puck tries to be happy about it, he really does, but knowing it's not Kurt's, it hurts.
Kurt knows that something isn't right with Puck, but he refuses to talk about, no matter how much Kurt asks. There are little things too, like when he pulls away when Kurt touches him in certain spots. Puck doesn't feel comfortable bottoming anymore.
Kurt knows what happened to Puck without Puck telling him. Puck doesn't know what to feel anymore.
When Kurt brings home a onesie that he hadn't been able to resist, something inside Puck breaks. It's got Guns N' Roses on it. Puck's favourite band, the original line up.
The next morning, Puck feigns sickness, well exaggerates his morning sickness. Despite being in his sixth month he still gets it, though around noon it seems to pass.
When everyone is gone, Puck insisted he would be fine by himself, and demanded Kurt go to school. Kurt had gone with no small amount of hesitation.
Puck can't do this anymore, he can't lie to Kurt, he can't lie to himself. He has no idea how he's managed to hold it together for so long.
He runs a bath and fills it with coconut bubble bath, Kurt's favourite. He leaves a simple note of apology for Kurt. It isn't Kurt's fault.
Settling into the hot water he sighs and fingers the switchblade he's carried around since he was thirteen. He'd found the knife in the basement and knew it had been his fathers. It was the only thing, other than his resemblance to his father he had of the man.
Puck only manages one deep cut, from elbow to wrist on one arm, but it's enough. He's fading fast but he can hear voices, and he wonders where he'll end up.
Kurt paced the waiting room. The blood loss is massive and the baby is in danger.
Kurt knows he should be worried about both Puck and the unborn child, but he isn't, he can't lose Puck.
He knows, he doesn't know how, probably from the way Puck's been acting that Puck thinks the baby isn't Kurt's, but neither does Kurt. He wants to believe that the baby is his, but sometimes you get that feeling that something just isn't right. He wonders if this is what Finn felt like.
Burt watches his son pace. He wants nothing more to pull his son into his arms and hold him, but he doesn't think Kurt would be receptive as he used to be.
They are both pulled from their thoughts when a doctor knocks on the door of their comfort room.
'Noah?' Kurt immediately asks.
The doctor is nervously twisting his cap in his hands, 'I'm very sorry.'
Kurt stumbles back into his father, he can't breathe and his legs give out from under him. He lets out an inhuman wail as Burt simply holds his son, his face buried in the teenager's hair, hiding his own tears. He would give anything to make this pain go away. He's been there himself and it took him a long time to heal.
The doctor looks petrified and he calls for a nurse.
Kurt feels like he's floating when he wakes up, he can't feel anything, and he probably thinks it's for the best as images of Noah in the bathtub assault his brain. So much red.
He finally hears the voices yelling. His father and a female he doesn't recognize.
He blinks awake and watched in a daze as his father and a rather intimidating nurse yell at the doctor.
'You don't deliver the bad news first you moron!'
Kurt looks around, they aren't in that damned comfort room anymore. He wonders who he should thank for that.
It takes him a minute to process the form in the bed beside him.
It must be the drugs that are making him see Puck. Alive Puck. Because he isn't, the doctor said so.
But then Puck looks over sleepily and they stare at each other for a moment and Puck gives a little smile before his eyes close again and he's asleep.
Kurt slowly pulls himself up and out of bed. No one notices him, because they are all still yelling at the doctor.
Kurt places a hand over Puck's chest, because it really is him, no one else can rock the Mohawk like him, and he sways when there is a heartbeat.
Strong, steady and there.
Kurt crawls into bed with the bigger teen, one hand on his stomach and his head over Puck's chest.
He sobs quietly, because he has his Noah, but the baby is gone. The swell of Puck's abdomen isn't as pronounced and he can't feel the baby.
Kurt is upset, but not as upset as he thinks he should be. He just wants Noah to be okay.
When Puck wakes up he knows that there is no baby anymore. He's both disappointed and relieved.
There's a head on his chest and a hand running over what is no doubt his c-scar.
As empty as he feels, he feels lighter. Better. And that makes him feel horrible. It was only an innocent child.
When Kurt shifts he gives the smaller boy a squeeze with his good hand. He's glad he's not left-handed, because that arm is going to be weak for some time.
Kurt glances up at Puck and they both have tears in their eyes but Kurt moves up to kiss Puck. It's passionate but gentle and loving.
In that kiss, Puck knows that Kurt doesn't blame him. This is not Puck's fault.
'Please, talk to me Noah, I want to help you. I don't want you to feel like there's no other way, because there's always another way.'
Puck only nods, his voice caught in his throat.
He knows that healing will be hard. It always is. But looking at Kurt, who is watching him, he knows that they will get through this. And he will come out stronger for it.
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