"You're wasting your time!"
"What do you care?"
"Honestly? What do you care what I do?"
"It's not good to waste your time at some school, feeding some dream that'll never happen!"
"Thanks for all the support!"
"I'm just worried about your-"
"Worried? You're worried about me? No you're not!"
Silence followed the girl's words and it looked as if the man had no defense. After a few more moments of the pained silence, the girl turned to leave. This movement sparked the man, it seemed, for he spoke again.
"And I don't like that boy you've been seeing." His voice was firm and stiff. "I don't want you seeing him."
"You can't tell me what to do." Her voice too stayed at a level volume, but so many emotions were evident as she kept her back turned still against him.
"I'm your father! I can-" She cut across his loud proclamation.
"Whatever." And she stormed off.
"You're not allowed out of your room for the rest of the night!" He screamed to her retreating form. "If I see your face again tonight, you'll be sorry!" The girl's only answer was the slamming of her bedroom door.
Anger flooded her entire being as she paced around the dark black room. She hated him. So much that it pained her to even think of him as her father. That monster, he wasn't her dad. Who was he to treat her that way? Who was he to scream at her and her mother for hours straight?
Fire boiled in her veins and she needed to punch something, throw something, destroy something. White hot energy burned inside her and it felt as if red clouded her vision, as if this anger was more than just an emotion.
As she passed by the stupid bookcase that set against one wall she kicked it hard and though pain erupted her foot, she didn't mind. She knew pain very well and almost welcomed and relished in its presence. And as these thoughts surfaced through her mind, she kicked the damned bookcase once more. What did it matter anyway? After one more rough kick, she crouched down and faced the bookcase looking for one book in particular.
'Business Management', the book cover read. Her father had given this book to her a few months ago on her birthday. She had actually been shocked that he'd even remembered her birthday at all. Though she'd been pissed to receive such a gift, it had come to be of some purpose. When she was fired up like she was right now, she'd take her anger out on the poor book. She'd rip right pages out and cut them with scissors, sometimes ripping them into shredded piles and other times she'd take them down to the fireplace and burn them. It always brought some bit of comfort, or outlet. And this moment was no different.
Her anger still strong, she ripped out page 317 and feeling some sense of power, she easily yanked it in half, effectively destroying the page.
"Stupid Dad," She mumbled with another shredding pull. "I hate you."
This went on until the paper was in tiny fragments scattered across her floor. The stupid floor that her mother had put in. It was one of the only things in her room that she didn't have a choice about; and she hated it. Sure she hated lots of things, but who really wanted soft, fluffy, white carpet in a black room?
As she let her mind travel to something other than anger, she felt it start to slip away. And as it did, she felt an emotion she was ashamed to feel; sadness. Oh how she hated sadness. She hated the horrible, lonely, aching feeling that captured her heart and she hated the betraying tears that slipped down her cheeks. And though she promised not to cry over petty things anymore, she couldn't help it. Because no matter how frustrating it was, when the strong emotion captures you, you can't stop it. She'd tried; a lot. It gripped at her heartstrings and made a fool of her. Though no one knew of her late night sobs, or her pitiful hysteric fits, she knew and that was one too many.
Desperately, she tried to shake away the sudden urge she felt to cry. Her eyes began to sting and her vision blurred with watery evidence. She felt anger rise that she would let someone as stupid as her dad have such a power of her. But, just as the anger comes, it disappears, and pure sadness fills her. And though she doesn't want to, tears begin to fall.
She let her face fall into her hands as a wrenching sob shakes her body. Pent up pain begins to escape her body and for a moment, she lets go. She lets her anger, hatred-her walls- fall and all that's left is a lonely, hurt, broken, vulnerable teenage girl. A girl who has tried so hard to keep to herself, to hide, but she's found it becomes hard. It's hard to never tell anyone about your problems, to have no confident, to be bottled up. Though she only thinks these things when she's sad and crying, it still hurts.
It's these moments when she's a real, insecure teenage girl. After she's finished, convinced herself she's okay and moved on, she beats herself up for being so petty. She'll be mad at herself for days for breaking down. But, she can't always be strong. After a screaming match with your father, and a rough afternoon with your mom, your emotions are tampered, and you're not yourself anymore. You just can't be anymore.
'You're a fool!' Her father's words echoed in her mind and she felt a sob escape.
'It's your entire fault!' Her father had then spat at her mother. But, the sad thing was that poor, innocent Mrs. West did blame herself and then her daughter. It couldn't possibly be her husband's fault. He'd just had a little too much to drink, and they shouldn't have provoked him in the first place. 'How could someone be so stupid?' She often thought of her mother. Couldn't she see what was really going on? Sadly, she couldn't.
Sobs echoed softly and painfully against the walls and the emotions heard matched the dark room. Dark, aphotic, abstruse, the room told the story of her. Secretive, cunning, vengeful, dark but a hidden vulnerability and pain. As if she hid in the shadows for a variety of reasons.
Time, something that didn't matter just then, seemed to slip by as she sat. Her mind wandered, and she found herself thinking that the worst part of her tears were the reason they fell. What a pathetic father she had. Fathers were meant to be loving and protecting, not hateful and destructive.
And just as she starts to feel the tears light up, a few thoughts subconsciously slip into her mind and they fall all over again. She shakes as a deep, painful ache rips at her body.
And then, she's snapped out of her mind by the sound of her ringing phone. The noise erupts in the thick room and she quickly decides to ignore it. She's too deep in her pain and she's in no state to talk to anyone at the moment. The room is silent again, until her phone goes off again a few minutes later, no doubt the same person. It's just a second time, so she decides to let it go again, thinking that they'd give up. And for a few minutes, she was sure they had, but it went off; again. Sighing, with chagrin she reached her arm to where her phone unceremoniously lay on the floor.
'Beck', the phone read and it bare the picture of the gorgeous guy. Quickly deciding to answer, she slid the green answer bar to the right and put her Pearphone to her ear.
She quickly took a few deep breaths and tried to disguise the fact that she'd been in hysterics.
"Hey," She tried to sound nonchalant and for a moment she'd even convinced herself.
"Hey," Beck's voice was calm and sweet and a bit confused. "Why didn't you answer?"
"Oh, I couldn't get to my phone." She answered smoothly and though she doesn't want to admit it, her voice wavered a tad.
"Is everything okay?" Beck asked and she almost lost it, but she kept her cool.
"Yeah, everything's-" She started to say, but flinched instead when she heard her father begin to yell.
"What's going on?" Beck asked and she took a deep breath.
"Nothing." She answered, trying to put surety in her voice.
"It doesn't sound like nothing." Beck said as her father continued to yell in the background.
"Look, I'm fine." She said. "What do you need?"
"Oh," He sounded as if he wasn't done with the previous conversation. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to come hang out at the R.V." The words sounded amazing before he'd even finished. She really needed to get out of the house and she had nowhere else to go but that of her boyfriends. But, there was a problem.
"I wanna, but I don't have any way to get over there." She tried to keep the desperation from her voice as she half pleaded.
"I could come get you in my car." Beck offered and she silently cheered.
"Oh okay." She answered instead. "See you soon."
"I'll text you when I'm there." He told her.
"See you soon."
"Bye." She hung up the phone and quickly got up and rushed to the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot red and her thick, black makeup was smeared everywhere. Sighing, she hurriedly tried to fix the problem. She then brushed through her hair and looked at her phone; nothing yet.
As she was left with nothing to do but think, worry slipped in. How was she going to sneak out? Sure she'd snuck out before, but her dad had just threatened her and she didn't really want to find out what 'or else' entailed. She hoped she could pull this off quickly.
Her phone soon beeped and a new message from Beck appeared. Relieved, she grabbed her bag and she peeked out of her bedroom door. Seeing no one, she quietly tiptoed out of her room and she locked her bedroom door behind herself. She was quiet for a few moments, and she soon heard hushed words from the kitchen. With that new knowledge, she rushed down the stairs and as quietly as she could, she slipped out the front door. She saw her boyfriend parked in her driveway, and she rushed to the passenger side door.
"Hey," Beck greeted her when she climbed in and he gave her a funny look at her demeanor. She gave him a weak smile and he reached over to kiss her.
"Hey." She answered.
"Are you okay?" Beck questioned.
"Yeah, fine." She slightly snapped as she felt her walls begin to rise. "Can we just go?"
"Yeah, of course." And with that, Beck backed out of the driveway and they began to drive.
The ride was quiet. She sat tensely and Beck wasn't blind. He could tell that something was wrong, but decided to leave it at the moment. If she wanted to talk, she would and he didn't think he should pester her- yet.
Soon, they pulled up to Beck's parents' house, and he parked out front. Beck turned to say something to her, but she was already climbing out of the car, and Beck followed her lead.
He walked behind her as she led the way to his R.V. door. Normally, she would have found some way to bust the door open, and so Beck was surprised when she stood at his door patiently. 'Something is seriously on her mind', he decided. And he needed to know what.
Thoughts were swirling in his head. Why was she so upset? What were all the strange noises and shouting coming from her house? Was there something wrong with her parents? Was she okay? He was so deep in thought, that when she spoke, Beck slightly jumped.
"Are you going to unlock the door?" She asked with raised eyebrows, and Beck just smiled shyly.
"Of course," He walked up to his R.V. door and slipped a key into the lock, and twisted it open. "Here we are." She walked in, and went to sit down on his couch. She sat down gingerly, and he came to sit next to her. The new couple was quiet for some time, before she finally spoke up.
"So…" Her voice trailed off when she noticed Beck deep in thought. "What're you thinking about?" She changed her question, wondering what was up with her boyfriend.
"Huh?" Beck looked over at her, and she sighed.
"Why are you ignoring me?" She asked a bit sharply.
"I wasn't trying to ignore you," Beck assured her. "I was just thinking."
"Things." Beck said simply, and this caused her to sigh again.
"What kinds of things?" She asked, making hand gestures as if to say 'go-on'.
"Well I was just wondering about some things," Beck paused and then he gave her a look when she anxiously glared at him. "I'm going to go on, just chill." He told her, and this caused her to glare again.
"I am chill." She said and Beck nodded.
"Of course you are," He gave her a sweet smile, and then he continued on with what he had been saying. "I guess I'm a little worried about… you," He half mumbled the last word, a bit worried at what her response might be. But, quite uncharacteristically, she just looked away from him, and stayed quiet. "Jade," He prodded her slightly, and she took a breath.
"Why are you worried about me?" She asked, and very surprisingly, there was no malice in her tone.
"Well, just that you haven't been acting like yourself, and I heard yelling at your house and you just seem really tense." Beck tried to explain. After his words, she stayed quiet for quite some time, and Beck knew to leave her be. If things were going to work out at all, he needed to give her some space and time. If there was one thing he had learned in the past five months, it was that things worked on her watch- or not at all.
"I think you need to quit snooping into my life." Jade said after some time had passed.
"Oh, well would you like to know what I think?" Beck asked.
"Not really, but I'm sure you'll tell me anyway."
"That's true," Beck smiled. "I think that you're just scared to tell me, but you really want to. And I want to listen, because I'm worried about you."
"Why are you so emotional, Beck?" Jade's voice was what he had learned as her way of teasing. "I don't have anything wrong with me."
"Yeah, okay." Beck stayed patient. "Well we'll just sit here until you tell me what's wrong."
"Fine." Jade nodded. "I've got time." And with that the couple stayed quiet. Beck sat quietly, patiently, just staring around the room at random things, while Jade sat with her arms crossed moodily at her chest.
Ten minutes had soon gone by in silence. And then fifteen, and twenty. Beck was starting to think that maybe Jade would never speak. He knew something was wrong, and was baffled that she wouldn't just admit it and they could move on.
"Jade," Beck laid a gentle hand on her thigh as he spoke. "Would you please tell me what's wrong?"
"Why are you harassing me?" Jade exclaimed in exasperation.
"Jade," Beck tried again. "I'm just worried. I care about you." And as he spoke, something inside Jade snapped. Worried. Care. She had history with those words. And somehow, when the words came from her gorgeous boyfriend, it felt true. Maybe she was stupid, naïve, vulnerable; maybe.
"You wanna know what's wrong with me?" Jade exclaimed.
"My father hates me!" She exclaimed, with full force, and she felt her emotions rising inside her. She couldn't take it. "And I hate him more! My mom's an idiot! She's so stupid it's pathetic! I just don't understand why she allows my dad to abuse us the way he does! And I'm not a weak baby, but words do hurt. And you wondered why I smell like alcohol? It's him! He goes off to work, or wherever the chizz he goes, and comes home reeking of alcohol! And last weekend, he didn't ever come home! My mom was a mess! And guess what? She blamed me! She blamed me for my father's absence! When he came home, he said he was at work, that he was busy! My mom forgave him, but she still hasn't forgiven me! He's having an affair, Beck! And gosh, I just, I-ugh!" Jade had stood up some time during her speech, and was pacing the R.V. "And he has the nerve to tell me who to date." She scoffed.
"He told you not to date me?" Beck asked.
"He's told me to do a lot of stuff." Jade answered. "It doesn't matter."
"Okay," Beck nodded. "If you're sure."
"Damn right I'm sure." Jade snapped. "I've never listened to him before. But that's the least of my worries!"
"I know," Beck motioned for her to come over to him. "Come here." Jade sighed deeply, and though she looked against it, she walked over and sat on Beck's lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and held her close. "I'm sorry, babe."
"I hate pity." Jade murmured.
"I don't pity you, Jade." Beck told her. "I care about you, and we're gonna fix this."
"Because I've never tried that before." She said sarcastically. "There's nothing either of us can do. My parents are screwed up."
"I don't really want you staying there anymore." Beck said, and Jade was sure she heard anger in his voice.
"What? I just move out into my own personal R.V.?" Jade mocked him. "We don't all have perfect parents."
"My parents aren't perfect." Beck corrected her. "If they were I wouldn't have needed my own place."
"At least they leave you alone." Jade said in frustration, and she tried to struggle out of Beck's grasp, but he wouldn't let her go. "Let me go!"
"Just stay by me." Beck murmured in her ear.
"Don't tell me what to do!" Jade exclaimed. "I'm standing up." And with that, she quickly wiggled out of his grasp, and began to pace again.
"Jade," Beck said her name gently. "It's okay-" Jade cut across whatever else he was going to say.
"It's okay?" Jade glared at him, and then she did a fake laugh. "Yes, everything's perfect. Thanks for the help. I guess I'll just see you la-" It was Beck's turn to cut across his girlfriend, for she had started to walk to his door, and he jumped up and rushed to her.
"You're not going anywhere," Beck quickly got in front of her.
"I'm not?" Jade raised her eyebrows. Beck took a deep breath.
"Please stay, Jade."
"Fine." She crossed her arms. "I'll stay, but only because I want to."
"That's enough for me." Beck kissed her head gently, and she rolled her eyes.
"Pansy." She murmured, though Beck could tell she enjoyed the signs of affection.
"I'm sorry, Jade," Beck then decided to change the mood a bit, and as he spoke, he gathered Jade into a hug. She was slightly shocked at first, but she did lay her head on his shoulder, and he felt her take a deep breath. "I hate to see you so upset. You're always so sure."
"Well you'd be upset too," She murmured, and Beck hugged her tightly again.
"I am upset." He told her. "The love of my life is in pain." As the words left his mouth, he didn't notice what he had just said, but she did. She quickly pulled her head off of his shoulder and she looked into his eyes, searching for something.
"You love me?" She asked after a few moments had passed, and she noticed the confusion written on his face. Beck smiled largely at this, and she searched his eyes again. But this time, she found something she'd never seen before.
"Yes, I love you very much, Jadelyn West." He told her and he kissed her gently at first, before she kissed him back and things heated up. Passionately they kissed, trying to prove to the other everything their young hearts felt. Because in that moment nothing else mattered. It was only then that Jade was able to forget about her problems for a moment. She forgot about her father's disloyalty, her mother's ignorance, life's unjust, and she felt protection. Protection that only Beck could give her. And maybe it was bad that she was so dependent on him and that she seemed to lay her life in his hands, but if it was, she didn't mind. She trusted Beck, and she believed in him.
After a few moments, and only when they felt satisfied, they pulled away from the other. He smiled at her, and she couldn't help but let a small smile grace her lips.
"Say it again," Jade murmured. "Tell me you love me."
"I love you," Beck said in reprise, and he kissed her gently again.
The couple was quiet for a moment, as they let the words sink in. Jade specialized in an emotionless 'I love you' both from receiving and giving them to her parents. She had learned what they really meant, usually an agitated 'go to bed already' or a fatigue 'if this will get you to leave me alone'. As a child, Jade had thought it to be normal. But, then she entered into reality. Reality could be hard sometimes. To wake up and realize that maybe, her parents didn't really love her. That the way all the other little kids mommy's would kiss their foreheads and hug them might be normal. That maybe, just maybe, her mommy was just glad to get rid of her. And maybe her daddy did like work too much, and didn't spend enough time at home. And maybe when she told them that she wanted to perform, the hurtful words that escaped her father's lips were true. He did hate her, he had told her so. And so love, this love, was new. Daddy didn't love Mommy, and Mommy and Daddy didn't love Jade. And little Jade West was a fool, and she knew nothing about happiness and love. But this, this Jade felt. She knew she felt Beck's words.
"I love you, too," Jade murmured, and she looked up into Beck's surprise filled eyes, but love and adoration soon replaced the past emotion.
"Thank you," Beck kissed her again.
"Thank you?" Jade asked and her eyebrows furrowed.
"Yeah," Beck nodded.
"Jeez, Beck, sometimes you don't make any sense." Beck chuckled.
"I try." She rolled her eyes.
"Oh, I'm staying the night, by the way." She told him seriously, and he smiled.
"Good." He kissed her. "I don't really want you there with them."
"I'm staying because I want to, not because you told me to."
"I know, Jade, I know."
"Good." She kissed him hard, before abruptly pulling away. "No more talking." She told him, and he smiled.
"Gladly." And they were joined at the lips once again. They stood there, together, in Beck's R.V. with not a care on their mind. Because care was what they did for the other, nothing more. Not a worry on their minds. Love was all they needed. And though Jade was the tough, bad girl and Beck was the open, gorgeous guy, they were perfect. And they only needed the other. Jade needed him more than she would admit, and most likely more than she knew, and Beck needed her too. Maybe he didn't understand why or how much, but he did. He loved her. Simple as that.
They knew that they would be told that they were too young. Too young to know what love was, too young to be so serious, too young to be thinking such thoughts, but they disagreed. When it was right, it was right, and now matter how young, irresponsible, or reckless they may be, they counted on the other. Plain and clear as that.
And soon evening bled to night, and the moon rose above the R.V., shining across the night sky. Twinkling stars glittered brightly, joining the moon in lighting up the dark blue night. Darkness was comforting to Jade, it was familiar, and when the sun set, she felt more at peace. She felt calm and serene.
But as she lay next to Beck on his bed, his arm wrapped firmly around her side, she knew that darkness wasn't the whole reason she felt at home. No matter how cliché, ordinary or old-fashioned it sounded, and disregarding how it bothered Jade to no end, Beck was her home, and only with him did she feel at peace. She loved Beck. Simple as that.
A/N- what do you think? I've worked very hard on this, and am actually quite proud. Not sure if I got Jade spot on, but I tried so hard! So much editing and rewriting went into this, and I hope she's somewhat believable! Thank you for reading! (:
Oh and I don't own Beck, Jade, his R.V. or pearphones! ;) That all belongs to the insanely brilliant Mr. Dan Schneider!