(Near/Misa drabble)

He only loved her when she was gone.

The thought of never seeing her again – that she would walk away and learn not to care for him – swirled around until once again he was found in her embrace, the thrill of saying hello; once it ended he stopped caring.

His toys… the only thing he had held onto. People left, people died. If anything happened to the toys, then new ones replaced them.

No one got hurt.

And she still looked at him in a way no one else did.

To everyone he was the successor, he was L, and they looked towards him for answers. To her, he was Nate.

"Look at him, so cute! How can anyone like you save the world? You're just a silly little kid!"

Oh, how her words annoyed him. Yet there had been no bitterness, no sense of sarcasm – he could be a child to her; that was simply how she saw things.

Only her, though.

They were complete opposites. She was rather doll-like, really, both in her appearance and also in her submission. Those were his reasons for why he tolerated her when she was around. But when she wasn't… that's what he truly could not tolerate.

Her arms wrapped around him, holding him. It – terrified him. He didn't like to be touched. People scared him and he wanted to stay as far from them as possible.

No attachment.

No connection.

Just stay away.

Please, just stay away.

"Nate… I lost my parents, too, you know… I – I understand… what it's like, I mean."

Tears dripped. She knew. She knew what no one else could see – the bleeding child that had been shoved deep down.

To everyone, he only cared about results. But she knew better. They all said she was stupid. No, she was just intelligent in different ways. What he had hidden for so many years – she recognized easily all over his face.

How her heart bled for him.

His emotions had become dull.

Hers only became more prominent.

When the two of them were in the same room, he felt whole. His own little game, his own little puzzle, his own little doll…

If she ever left – like they had.

She pulled him close and he rested against her neck.

"Nate… it's ok to cry… it really is ok to cry."


Crying was her job.

He would never show how he truly felt, because then there would no longer be a need for her. She could leave, if he was completed. There wasn't any reason for toys if the game was over.

But he would never let that happen.

Because he loved her so much when she was gone.