AN: This has a really iffy timeline. I really don't care about that at the moment. I'm just delivering some Puckurt.

"I mean, Quinn's already pregnant!" Finn exclaimed, mashing the buttons on his controller and tilting it (as if that actually helped his gaming). "It's not like she can get pregnant again, right?" The words 'Game Over' flitted across the screen and he sighed in defeat. "Wait, she can't get pregnant again, right?" Finn looked around the room to be sure. Puck rolled his eyes, Artie shook his head and Matt and Mike just looked at him in shock at how someone could be so naive. "Yeah, so I mean, if she can't get pregnant again then the least she could give me was some boob action, right? Or some butt!"

"Tell me about it!" Artie said, throwing his hand in the air for his signature 'preach' gesture. "Tina doesn't even let me use tongue half of the time. Does the girl not realize that I have needs? And at least Quinn shows some skin, but my girl runs around wearing black sweaters and stuff! She gives a brother no room for the happiness."

Matt sighed. "I'd give anything for a girl like that," he admitted. "Santana goes too far for me. We want two different things. She wants sex and I want a relationship. Every time she's near me it's all hands on. And I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me. One time she showed up for a date looking like she had just had sex." He shivered at the memory. "I could smell the sweat of the dude she was with on her. It was disgusting."

Mike shook his head. "None of you guys know what it's like dating Brittany, though," He stated, eyes wide. "I love the girl to pieces, really, I do, but she's not the most accurate fortune cookie on the plate." He put his head in his hands. "Last week, I brought her over for dinner and she asked my mom where Tina was." He looked up at the other boys with a serious expression on his face. "Guys, she thought Tina was my sister."

Puck snorted. "Wow, your romance all sounds pa-the-tic!" He laughed, smirking at them.

"Oh, and how has the 'Puckerman Express' been truckin' along?" Artie asked, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

"Great, actually, thanks for asking," Puck stated, leaning back and folding his arms behind his head. "I get laid every night and I don't have to put up with girly mood swings. And Matt, bro, you'd be surprised at how good even cuddling feels when you've got that warm body pressed up against you right after sex. And that's not all that's warm. The blowjobs are fucking out of this world. Their mouth is so warm and skilled. Sometimes I wonder how they kiss their father with that mouth." He leaned down and rested his arms over his legs. "And get this. Tightest. Hole. Ever. Damn, pounding into that all night is the best thing ever." He looked over at all of the approving faces the boys were making. "Yeah, any time I want it. And god damn. Hottest babe ever! Like, all those dumb ass, girly outfits that take forever are so worth it, and they look half as good as they do on their owner on the floor. I have no fucking complaints, unlike you bozos."

"Dude, who is it?" Finn asked, eyes wide in wonder and mouth gaping open.

"Kurt Hummel," Puck stated, smirking.