Slipknot – Vermilion
T for some language
I only own my dark thoughts
Won't Let This Build Up Inside Of Me
Damon felt the mirror shatter beneath his fist, he welcomed the burning pain of the blood as it dripped from his wounded knuckles, and his reflection shattered into many shards. He hated how Elena drove him insane, and how he couldn't dampen his feelings for her still. But if he hated her closeness to him, why would he search for her if she was lost, go crazy if he didn't see her whenever he could?
He brushed his hands clean of the glittering glass before his vampire skin could grow over and consume it, not wanting to have to dig the fragments from his healed skin later. The blood was already brown and it flaked from his hands like peeling wood from a birch tree. The surface of the brown board that had been behind the mirror had begun to rot from damp, so he figured that it was just as well that it didn't hang there any more.
'So fragile and yet so devious'
He thought about how beautiful the glass was, scattered on the tiled floor, and of course the image he had been trying to force from his memory reflected in it. He saw how he must have looked to Elena, how frighteningly menacing, like a killer. He was a killer, the monster reasoned confidently inside him, killing this was kind of his style. It told him that he shouldn't have to change for her, that she would love him eventually whether he killed or not, but a sadness resonated through him like a bell tolling.
'Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)'
He had to have her. He had to make her see. He had to know she was his. He had to have her with him. She had to love him and be his because she belonged to him.
'She is home to me.'
What was wrong with him? He was Damon-fucking-Salvatore, why was he sitting here pining for her when it would be so simple just to take her. Did it matter what Stefan thought when there was no way of him ever being strong enough to fight?
'It's now or never she's coming home'
He knew he would regret this later, when he came to his right mind, but he still snatched the car keys from the table by the door. He jumped into the drivers' seat of the midnight black convertible and forcefully jammed the keys into the ignition. He was going to have a few words with Elena, he would show her the error of her thinking, he would make her his even if she fought him.
'Fixed and crazy, Aphid attraction'
He paused before he drove the car out into the road bordering the Salvatore mansion, fighting the feeling that he was making a mistake. No, he wasn't. His only mistake was not falling to his knees and confessing his love whilst he had the chance, because he felt more certain that he had ever before that what he felt was deeper than lust – it was more about his passion, his desire, because he more than wanted her – he needed her. He wouldn't let this build up inside him.
'I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me '
He drove the car fast down the street, ignoring the lights and the horns of other drivers. The arousal building at the centre of his being urged him to drive faster still, although he already drove fifty over the limit. He couldn't let this build up inside of him.
'I exist through my need, to self oblige'
He couldn't be like Stefan. He couldn't always be nice, even when he tried so hard, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to control himself like he did. Ever since he could remember, he had lived for the assortment of pleasures an immortal life could bring; the women, the wine, the food – the blood, all of these had made the prospect of forever bearable. Why did he find himself wanting to change all this now? Elena. He wanted Elena to breakdown the walls he had built around himself, he wanted her at least to try. Why couldn't she try to fulfil his wishes like Katherine did, even if she tricked him?
'SHE ISN'T REAL!
I CAN'T MAKE HER REAL!'
He wanted the Elena of his dreams to take the place of the Elena who would never be his.