A/N: After Aislinn Graves (my beta) finished reading 'Losing It' she said she found herself inspired to write a little epilogue for it. Not because my story wasn't finished, but because Clay just kept "talking to her" and wouldn't let up until she scribed his feelings for him. She sent this to me and I believe it summed up everyone's emotions in the aftermath of torture beautifully, so I asked permission to tack it onto the end here. Thank you Ais for understanding exactly where the guys would be at mentally after such a brutal ordeal...
Losing It : Epilogue
Clay stood in the shower, head bowed as the water pounded on his head and neck. His body shook with the bone deep weariness that he hadn't been able to shake since he stood in the Bolivian jungle and watched a helicopter burn. He braced himself on the wall and for a few minutes allowed his emotions free reign. He mourned the death of his XO. Roque had made his choice but it didn't make Clay feel his loss any less. Now he had no one to talk things over with so he had to face his fears and self-doubt alone, and here in the shower was the only place he had the privacy to just let go. His tears mingled with the water and he sank to his knees. The last two weeks had been brutal. Watching his men be tortured and being helpless to stop it had taken its toll, and then to find out it had been for nothing but a rich man's game ignited his rage. The fear that he had felt as he raised his voice and released Jensen from duty rushed back and for a moment he was overcome with nausea. He had taken a leap of faith, praying he had understood correctly, that he was helping Jensen escape, not signing the man's death warrant. He knew from listening as Jensen took revenge on the men behind their torment that it had been a close call. To the team he had brushed it all off as a grand adventure and daring escape, but Clay watched his eyes and they were haunted.
He stood back up, making a note to check on his men. Jensen had a habit of wandering in the night after a hard mission. Clay wasn't sure if it was true sleepwalking or just restlessness. One night he had awakened to find the kid curled up on the foot of his bed, his fingertips just brushing Clay's ankle. He had drifted back to sleep and when he woke in the morning the tech had been long gone. Neither of them had ever mentioned it but after that he made sure someone was nearby after a rough mission.
He shoved his emotions back in their box as he shut off the tap and toweled off. He slipped on a clean pair of boxers and padded down the hall to the room his men had claimed. He stopped in the doorway and grinned. They had shoved the spare cots against one wall and piled their gear on them, and then all three had crammed themselves on the queen size bed. Cougar lay half on his side holding Jensen in his arms. The kid's head rested on Cougar's shoulder, his face buried in the sniper's neck, his arm wrapped around Cougar's waist as he clung to him with a bandaged hand.
Pooch was spooned behind Jensen, one arm draped across his waist; his hand resting on Cougar's hip, the other arm raised above his head. He rested his head against Jensen's back so he could hear the kid's heartbeat.
Aisha wrapped her arms around Clay's waist and leaned against his back resting her head against him. "All quiet," she said. She smiled at the sight in the room.
"They look like a litter of puppies," he whispered.
She laughed softly. "More like two puppies and a big kitty," she grinned.
Jensen stirred, murmuring in his sleep and Cougar opened his eyes slightly, just enough to identify the people in the door before he closed them again. He murmured back to Jake and rubbed his back gently until the tech sighed and settled deeper into sleep.
Satisfied that Jensen would not be wandering the house searching for comfort, Clay turned away and drew Aisha down the hall to their room. He led her to the bed and reverently undressed her. His men were not the only ones craving the comfort of another's touch. Their lovemaking was gentle and slow and as Clay drifted off to sleep he sent up a silent prayer that his family was still intact, alive and relatively sane and safe. He also made a note to have a talk with Jensen about insubordination and disobeying direct orders...