Attention: Ryan-Bo D. Ash
Your history of mental illness will not exempt you from your parking tickets. The government did you a favor when we let you out of the Institution Early, and we do not want you exploiting our generosity! Your bizarre excuse of being a "Pony" won't work. It didn't work when you said you were the new Dalai Lama and tried to start that cult out in the desert, it didn't work when you pretended to be the President of Columbia. Honestly, I wouldn't put pretending to be a flying horse past you. We've sold your car. With towing costs, auction fees, and accumulated parking tickets, the total owed on your car amounted to $3906.46. The highest bid for the car was $105. That means, Mr. Ash, that you owe the Government $3801.46. I'm doing a favor for you, Mr. Ash. I could call in the IRS on the back taxes you owe on your Chinchilla farm, I could call ICE on the migrant workers you use to RUN your chinchilla farm. You're lucky it's ME mailing you and not the Police.
But honestly, a PONY, that's the new persona you've adopted for yourself?
You need help, Mr. Ash, serious help.
-Barbara Anne Summers,
Department of Labor.
PS: I did like the costume you wore during the time you pretended to be the President of Columbia. My son is having a costume party, and he was wondering if he could borrow it.
I hope you're a female, cause I can't figure out human names to save my life. Anyhow, I do not have a history of mental illness, save maybe being too awesome. I don't know what your goverment did for this Ash filly or stallion you are all trying to hunt down, but I am not them! I'm attaching a picture of me and my friends, along with some feathers, a few strands of my mane, and a hoofprinted letter of authenticity by Princess Celestia herself that I am not this Ryan-Bo D. Ash human! How about you get off your flanks and go to his house to talk about this personally instead of filling my mailbox with all this junk? Seriously, why can't I get a letter from some COOL humans? I heard you guys have some awesome hotshot fliers that would rival the Wonderbolts. Give them my address, will ya?
Hey, these police humans sound useful, have them go visit this Ash human and they'll tell you that they haven't been receiving your letters. Find them, get them the help they need and leave me alone alright?
Ponyville Weather Patrol,
144 Cloud Avenue
P.S. I was just wondering, what is this Dalai Llama? What is a President? What is a Columbia? And how can I send you a costume when I am a PONY, not a HUMAN? It would never fit!