It was ridiculous, these feelings she was having. It was wrong.
When did he become the only thing she thought about?
possessing her brain and soul.
She felt his presence every time he walked into the room. His lean build and strong muscles drove her mad with desire. She saw his gorgeous disheveled hair that had at one point driven her mad.
Now all she wanted was to tug and pull and run her hands through it. It was killing her. KILLING her, that he didn't care anymore. She had lost him.
Why would he wait around for her. She couldn't blame him. She was nothing special. Her hair exploded around her head in uncontrollable curls. She's too skinny and not sporty enough for him. She screams at every little thing he does, he's just so aggravating... but she misses him. She misses his side winks and glances. She misses her food exploding in her face and she even misses him charming her favorite robes pink. She would let him do any of his stupid pranks if it meant he would look at her the same way he used to.
It's ridiculous she knows! How she used to hate him messing up his hair because he wanted to look 'cooler' but now she knows its a habit when he's nervous. She can't help but find it adorable.
She misses his crooked grin. He had a special look reserved for her- she'd had a special glare just reserved for him.
And she's so unsure of herself. She's loosing her fire, her friends are starting to notice that something is wrong. She's not the same. Not the same without him. The incorrigible and handsome James Potter. He's obnoxious and loud and pig headed. Everything in life just came so easily to him.
She worked and worked and wrote notes until her hands bleed and yet still he got the same grades as her.
And it's wrong. So so wrong, but she knows that she misses him with every fiber of her being.
She feels neglected, forgotten. She wouldn't have told anyone, but she'd always felt special at the attention he gave her. All the girls would whisper and tell her how lucky she was. Now he's with her. And she's perfect, for him. Now all the girls giggle and talk with her about how lucky she is. And they gossip about him and it makes her sick.
Because that should be her. It was always supposed to be her. But she's lost her shot. Her insides feel like they've been scooped out and thrown on the floor. Her emotions are raw for everyone to see.
Everyone, unconsciously or consciously, compare her and Lauren. And she feels like Lauren beats her in every way. She's beautiful and athletic and funny.
And she's just sad, broken and wilted.
A dead Lily.