April First

Ahmose Inarus

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

SLASH WARNING! Hotch/Morgan/Reid

April 1st

Late Afternoon

Hotch sighed and sat back, finishing his signature and tossing his pen down on the desk.


Now he could go home. There was a knock on the door, and he looked up and smiled.

"Done?" Morgan asked, and Hotch nodded.

"I am." He said, standing. "Thanks for your help." And he watched as Morgan laid down the completed paperwork on his desk.

"Any time, Hotch." Morgan said with a nod. "Now let's get home to our Baby Boy." And Hotch pulled on his coat.

"We need to pick up some dinner on the way." Suggested the Unit Chief. "I promised Spencer I would."

"Will you have Jack this weekend?" Morgan asked as they got into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, Hotch turned and pressed his lips to Morgan's.

"No." He breathed, and smiled at the way Morgan seemed to perk up. "This weekend, I'm all yours." Morgan grinned.

"Excellent. It's been a while since the three of us have managed to have a whole weekend to spend together."

"I know." Hotch said, and Morgan frowned.

"Hotch." He said, sternly, and Hotch looked at him. "… Don't do that."

"Do what?" Hotch snorted, frowning and letting his Poker Face slide into place. Morgan scoffed.

"Don't give me that, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about." The elevator opened and Hotch and Morgan walked out into the parking garage. They headed over to Morgan's truck as Hotch had let Reid take his car when the boy finished his paperwork early… six hours early.

"His final appointment is this week?" Hotch asked as they passed another Agent, and Morgan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah." He said. "Hopefully, the kid will be cleared for Field Duty." A little over a month ago, while on a case in Oklahoma, Hotch and Reid had been plowed over by a tornado. The car had been thrown off the road and pinned Reid by the legs in a ditch that was filling with water. They had barely managed to get the boy out before he drowned. It had been too close, though. Rossi had to do mouth to mouth on the young agent. Reid had needed surgery on a badly broken ankle after that, and had been on crutches for weeks.

Hotch and Morgan got into the truck and Morgan pulled out of the parking lot. After a moment, he took a breath, not about to let Hotch get away with changing the subject.

"Aaron." He said, gently. "You know better than to act guilty."

"What?" Hotch asked. Morgan smiled.

"Hotch. Don't feel bad for spending time with Jack. Me an' Reid can keep each other company." Morgan said, and Hotch scowled. "Remember… you're sleeping with two men who grew up without a father. We know what it's like. And we want you to be there for your son. We love Jack, too."

Hotch sighed. "I know."

Sometimes, he wished he could spend a weekend with Morgan, Reid AND Jack... But if Haley found out…

She would go ballistic if she ever found out he was sleeping with a male subordinate… but if she knew he had been sleeping with TWO male subordinates… In the words of Garcia, she would go bat-shit.

And so no one could ever know that Agents Reid and Morgan were so much more than just his subordinates…

"… Jack deserves to spend time with you." Morgan said.

"But so do you and Spencer."

"You know what, Hotch?"


"We spend time with you day in and day out. We don't HAVE to be in bed with you to enjoy the time we have with you. Just keep that in mind, huh?"

Hotch blinked and looked at him, and slowly smiled.

"Thank you, Derek."

"Now let's get some food. Knowing our Pretty Boy, he's been watching the STAR WARS movies all day and hasn't bothered to stop long enough to eat."

Hotch grinned and chuckled at the idea (and the significant likelihood) and announced that barbecue sounded good.

And forty five minutes later, Morgan was pulling into his garage.

He and Hotch gathered the food and went into the house.

From the living room they heard voices.

"-sister remains safely anonymous."

"Leia… LEIA is my sister…"

"Your feelings serve you well."

"Ha." Morgan chuckled. "Called it." Hotch grinned, and they stepped into the living room. There, the stopped and looked around. Return of the Jedi was playing, but Reid was nowhere in sight. Hotch frowned.

"… Spencer?" He called as he and Morgan made their way into the kitchen. Hotch went to put the food on the counter, and as he did, something in the kitchen sink caught his eye.

"Oh… Morgan." He called, and Morgan walked over and looked down in his kitchen sink.

"OH MAN! NO! NASTY!" Morgan howled, staring down at the vomit.

Hotch sighed. "Let's find him…"

"Man… in the KITCHEN!" Morgan complained.

"He's sick, leave him alone."

"I do NOT want to clean that up!"

"… It's in the SINK! How hard can it be?"

"… Oh that's right. You're a dad. You've gotten used to baby barf."

"That's hardly baby barf." Hotch snorted, and turned on the sink. No water came from the faucet… instead, it shot out of little tiny showerhead on a hose, spraying both men.

"AAAAH!" Morgan howled, while Hotch shouted "DAMMIT!" They both fumbled at the sink and shut off the water and stared at the rubber band that was around the handle of the little showerhead, holding the lever down.

"Son of a bitch." Morgan hissed and snatched the rubber band off, turning the water back on to wash out the sink. The stream of water splashed down in the middle of the pool of vomit. And the vomit didn't move. The sink filled with water. And a moment later, the vomit floated to the surface… still stationary.

"… What the hell?" Morgan asked, frowning. Hotch blinked, then reached into the sink and picked up the vomit. Morgan blinked, staring at the relatively flat, floppy thing.

"… Made In China." Hotch stated calmly, staring at the vomit dangling between his thumb and forefinger.

"… that little son of a bitch…"

Hotch chuckled at Morgan's tone.

"Come on." He said. "Let's go find him." And the pair left the food on the counter in the kitchen and headed towards the bedroom. No Reid… but the door to Morgan's study was closed, and they heard frantic scurrying around. Hotch and Morgan glanced at each other, then moved in on the door. There was more scuffling, then silence…

Morgan flung the door open and they stared at Reid, standing behind Morgan's desk.

"… Bombs away." Reid announced, then ducked behind the desk. That's when the men noticed all the upside down film canisters on the desk.

"… Shit." Was all Hotch managed to get out before they started exploding and flying in every direction.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Morgan shouted as a canister bounced off of his head, and he ran back out into the hallway.

"REID!" Hotch roared, hearing Reid's laughter coming from under the desk.

Finally, all was quiet with the exceptions of Morgan's cursing and Reid's snorts and giggles.

"Agent Reid. On your feet. NOW." Hotch commanded, and slowly, biting back his snickers, Reid did as he was told.

"You little bastard!" Morgan howled, poking his head back into the room.

"What the hell is going on with you today?" Hotch asked.

"… You don't know?" Reid asked, walking around the desk and up to Hotch.

"If I did, I wouldn't ask." Hotch growled. Reid grinned and leaned in, kissing the man's cheek.

"Dinner smells good!" He called, walking out of the room. Hotch and Morgan blinked at each other.

"… You gonna let him get away with that?" Morgan demanded to know.

"… Your house. And I'm not a dad this weekend." Hotch smirked, "Excuse me. I'm changing." And he headed back to the bedroom, leaving Morgan in the hall, staring in at the shambles that his study was in.

"… MORGAN!" Came the sudden shout from the kitchen, and Morgan sighed and headed off to find Reid. When he got to the kitchen, he froze.

The food was no longer on the counter. Instead, the floor was strewn with shredded takeout containers. And sitting in the middle, licking his lips, was a delighted looking Retriever.

"… CLOONEY!" Morgan howled, eyes wide. Clooney froze and his ears and head drooped, tail tucking between his legs, still licking his lips. "Oh my GOD! Did he eat the ribs?"

"I dunno." Reid shrugged.

"… The potato salad…" Morgan gasped. "The brisket… the turkey… the beans… Oh man… Oh man… I… I gotta take him to the vet! Clooney! Come!"

Clooney stared at his master, then turned and ran.

"Oh. Hello, Clooney." They heard Hotch say in the hall. Then Hotch walked in. "I thought he got his heartworm pill in the middle of the month?"

"Huh?" Morgan asked.

"Clooney." Hotch said. "His heartworm pill."

"Yeah. Mid month." Morgan confirmed.

"… So why is he eating peanut butter?" Hotch asked.

"He didn't eat peanut butter! He ate the food!" Morgan cried. Hotch blinked around at the mess.

"… No he didn't."


"… this is just shredded trash. If it was the food, there would be sauce all over the trash." Hotch pointed out. Morgan just STARED down at the mess. "Reid." Hotch said. "That's not funny."

"… Yes it is." Reid argued.

"… You little bastard!" Morgan howled, and Reid bolted. Hotch sighed and shook his head as the two younger men raced through the house, Morgan cursing and Reid laughing and crying to Hotch for help. Hotch opened the oven and pulled out the food Reid had stashed away on plates when he shredded the carryout cartons and bags.

He got out a bowl and pulled the ketchup out of the fridge, in case Reid thought the barbecue sauce was too spicy. He shook the ketchup, and popped off the lid.

Ketchup erupted from the bottle like a volcano with a loud THHBBBPPPPPTTTT!

"AAAH!" Hotch shouted, startled. He stood there, staring down at the mess of ketchup all over his shirt, the counter and the wall. "… SPENCER!"

"AAAAH!" He heard Reid scream. Hotch just sighed and went to change his shirt.

A few minutes later, the noise subsided and Clooney was sent out into the back yard. Hotch fixed up some plates and carried all three into the living room, earning himself an impressed look from Derek, and a sweet smile from Spencer.

"So what did you do today, babe?" Hotch asked, and Reid observed what was on his plate.

"Watched TV. Did some cleaning…"

"Pretended to vomit in the sink…" Morgan muttered.

"And watched the neighbor's dog poop in the front yard." Reid finished.

"AGAIN?" Morgan howled, and Hotch sighed as Morgan set his plate down and headed to the front yard to clean it up. But then, Hotch noticed the glowing look of anticipation on Reid's face. The boy was already grinning.

"… WHAT THE HELL?" They heard Morgan bellow, and Reid was unable to hold back giggles.

"… What did you do?" Hotch demanded, eyeing his youngest lover. Reid's grin widened. Hotch sighed and stood, heading to the front porch. And he stared.

The yard was FULL of dog poop. At least two dozen piles.

Morgan walked out into the yard and picked one up in a plastic baggy. It was soft, but not… squishy… He looked down at the dog doo in his hand.

"… Made in Hong Kong!" He announced, and Hotch grinned as Morgan chucked the dog doo over into the yard of the neighbor who didn't clean up after his dog. "I'm gonna kill that kid!"

"Just make sure you clean up the yard before you come in." Hotch called with a smirk, then leapt aside as Morgan began throwing the rubber dog shit at him. He darted inside, a pile of fake turds sailing into the house past his head, and then slammed the door, listening to more and more of the rubber poop hitting the door.

Chuckling to himself, he made his way back to the living room.

"And just WHAT has gotten into you today?" Hotch asked, taking in the look of delighted mischief on the boy's face.

"I'm not telling! It's pathetic that you don't already know!" Reid snorted.

"You're about to get to KNOW my hand beating your white ass." Morgan snapped.

"Stop threatening him and go get the potato salad from the kitchen." Hotch called, missing how Reid perked up. Morgan returned a moment later and handed Hotch the Styrofoam container. The man opened the lid, and let out a shout as what appeared to be snakes flew out of the cup.

"… DAMMIT SPENCER!" Hotch howled, watching the things fall to the floor.

"… Potato salad is in the fridge!" Reid laughed, and with a groan, Morgan went to get it. When he retuned he handed it to Hotch and collapsed into his chair.

A loud fart blasted through the room. Morgan sat there, frozen, and Hotch just gaped at the man. Reid burst into hysterical laughter.

"I didn't even HIDE it, man!" He cried, leaping from his seat as Morgan slowly rose and picked up the whoopee cushion.

"Morgan. Sit down and have a beer." Hotch smirked, shaking his head and passing Morgan one of the can's from the coffee table. Still glaring at Reid, Morgan accepted the beer, and Hotch took one himself. But the moment he popped it open, Hotch jumped as a geyser of foam erupted into the air and covered him. And judging by the shout from Morgan, the other man was now covered in beer, too.

Slowly, both men stood and turned on Reid. Reid's eyes widened.

"… I'm sticking your head in the toilet, kid." Morgan growled. Reid backed away, a nervous grin on his face.

"Spencer…" Hotch hissed in a low tone, and Reid bolted, letting out a hysterical scream as he heard both men charge after him. Then, hands seized him and he was jerked back.

"April Foods!" Reid cried as each man held tightly to one of his arms. "APRIL FOOLS!"

"Your ass, kid..." Morgan snorted, and he and Hotch dragged Reid to the bedroom, the boy kicking and screaming.


Once there, Reid was thrown onto the bed and each man removed the handcuffs from their belt and closed one cuff around Reid's wrist, and the other around one of the iron bars of the headboard. Then Morgan went to the closet and pulled out a special box. Reid's eyes widened.

"H-Hey! Come on, man! It's all just some fun!" Reid gasped, as Morgan opened the box and pulled out a blindfold and a ball gag. "Morgan! Come on, man! Derek! Aaron! AARON! Come ON!" But then the ball was in his mouth and the straps buckled tightly around his head. Reid's wide eyes watched as Hotch stripped off Reid's socks, then ran his hands up the youth's legs before coming to rest on his belt. Reid's eyes widened even more when Hotch began to unbuckle his belt.

"Mmmmh!" He exclaimed, struggling. "NNNH!"

"Shut up." Morgan snorted, seizing Reid's shirt in his hands and ripping it open down the middle, buttons flying.

Reid jerked and gasped, fixing a look on Morgan as lust and desire clouded his eyes, as it always did when one of his lovers did something that just SCREAMED 'Dominant, alpha male'. Reid got off on it, and Hotch and Morgan loved that trait in their lover. Hotch whipped Reid's pants off, and tore his underwear down his legs, hurling the underpants away. Then h forced Reid's legs apart and began stroking his inner thighs.

Smirking, Morgan took hold of Reid's neck tie, which was still in place.

"You're mine now, Pretty Boy."

"… As hot as this looks… I am NOT up to doing this covered in beer…" Hotch complained, and he and Morgan exchanged looks and made a silent agreement.

"… Me neither!" Morgan announced.

"HRMM?" Reid claimed, now looking concerned.

"I need a shower." Hotch decided, and the pair both stood and headed for the bathroom, stripping as they went. Reid struggled, watching them with wide eyes as they bared their bodies for him to see. Hotch gathered towel while Morgan started the shower, and then they both stepped into the large glass enclosure.

From his place on the bed, Reid watched as his two naked lovers began to wash the beer off of themselves. When they began touching each other, bathing each other, Reid groaned and writhed on the bed, desperate to touch himself.

Then, he saw their lips meet. Reid let out a piteous cry, longing to feel those gentle lips and hands on his own trembling body. He watched as a dark hand ran down the white skin of a well-muscled back, and a white hand ran over a dark skinned head, moving to cup the back of the skull.

Before he knew it, the glass was fogging up and he could hear grunts and groans from his two elder lovers

"Nnnh… fuck…" He heard Morgan gasp. "Come on, Aaron… Let our Pretty Boy hear what he's missing…" Reid whined loudly at that, listening to Hotch panting… their bodies appeared to be grinding against one another, and Morgan gasped in pleasure… Reid knew that they were stroking each other… rubbing up against the other… kissing over each other's chest, neck, face and shoulders…

"Aah…" Reid heard Hotch gasp. It made him shiver… he loved it when Derek got Aaron to make those noises. "Ahhh… Nnh."

Then he heard Morgan gasp, and let out a low "Ahhnnn… NNH!" And he knew Derek had reached his climax. "Ahhhh… Come on, Aaron… Come on…"

And then came a low, guttural groan and Reid knew that Hotch had found the release that he was hoping his two lovers would now grant him…

The shower stopped and his lovers got out, wrapping towels around their waists and walking out into the bedroom, staring down at Reid who was bound, gagged and heavily aroused on the bed.

"What do you think?" Hotch asked Morgan, watching the nude form thrash and writhe on bed, eyes pleading with them.

"I dunno, Hotch…" Morgan sighed. "The beers… the potato salad container… the bottle rockets…"

"Oh yeah. Those."

"Scaring me into thinking that Clooney had eaten the barbecue…"

"The dog poop in the yard…"

"And the vomit in the sink…" Morgan concluded. "I don't think he's repentant enough. What do you think?"

"… He DID waste two perfectly good beers… Oh, and you forgot the whoopee cushion." Hotch pointed out.

"Damn. That too." He eyed Reid, who whimpered. "I dunno, kid… you're in deep.."

Hotch chuckled when Reid whined, loudly. After a moment, the man sat and gently ran his fingers up and down Reid's thighs. The boy let out a desperate keen, thrusting up his hips up trying to get his lover to touch him where he wanted to be… NEEDED to be touched.

"Nuh uh. He doesn't deserve it, Aaron." Morgan snorted. "At this time, if it pleases the court I would like to remind you of the ketchup, the potato salad and the sink that hosed us down."

"… HRRRRMMM!" Reid cried in protest when Hotch's fingers stilled on his skin.

"That's right." Hotch grumbled, and withdrew his hand.

"… I'm hungry." Morgan announced, pulling on some sweat pants, and tossing Hotch a pair of pajama pants. The man caught them and pulled them on. Then he and Morgan both looked down at Reid again. Reid whined loudly, then sobbed when Hotch ran a fingertip up the underside of his erection.

"Maybe next time, you'll think before you go overboard." The man said, and he and Morgan walked out of the room

"Wanna watch Return of the Jedi?" Morgan asked.

"Sure!" Hotch responded, and Reid thrashed in frustration as this lovers left him there on the bed.

"How long are we gonna let him sit like that?" Hotch murmured to Morgan as they went into the living room and stared at the beer mess.

"As long as it takes to clean up his messes." Morgan announced. Hotch cocked his head and thought.

Water and Ketchup all over the kitchen… the shredded take out containers… the bottle rockets in the study, the rubber dog shit in the front yard and the beer in the living room.

"… That's fair." Hotch shrugged, and he and Morgan got to work, both eager to get back to their lover and show him their own brand of forgiveness…