Title- Everything I Know About Life...
doesn't really apply to this fic
K+ for mentions of genocide
...I learned from Doctor Who. An itemized list of Rules to Live By as taught to us by the Doctor and his companions (and sometimes his enemies, too).

1. Do. Not. Blink.

2. The whole universe is populated by evil-doers with British public school accents.

3. If you mess with things that are meant to be, Reapers will get you.

4. The word "thing" is an actual, technical description of an object.

5. Hens can explode, and may do so without warning.

6. If you find yourself in a deadly/bizarre/inexplicable situation, keep your wits about you and for god's sake STAY CALM!

7. The above serves two purposes. One, it infinitely increases your chances of staying alive. Two, if the Doctor happens to be there, it will impress him and maybe he'll take you with when he leaves!

8. Learn to properly mime through a window. It will get you places.

9. You can arm yourself with a Jammie Dodger.

10. There are no monsters in the Oval Office. (Ha! Yeah right...)

11. Scotsmen in kilts are hot. Period.

12. You can find out answers by asking the inverse.

13. Climbing stairs will not save you from Daleks.

14. The faster you talk, the more intelligent you seem.

15. There is never a time when it's inappropriate to use a really bad pun.

16. Yes, I can become like the Doctor, a preserver of life.

17. Angst is more addictive than any drug (especially to writers).

18. Therefore, use with caution.

19. And in moderation.

20. Even the cleverest robot is ultimately stupid.

21. Recorders are useful in virtually every situation.

22. It's never okay to forget.

23. Planets have strange names and even stranger inhabitants.

24. Daleks never die. Even if you wipe out their race four times over.

25. Bow ties and fezzes are cool.

26. Cats make terrible nurses.

27. Black characters do not have to be a token feature in sci-fi. Nor do they have to be the red shirt.

28. However, even in sci-fi, fat people sometimes have to suffer for jokes and the greater good.

29. People who look daft may not actually be; in fact, they may be geniuses.

30. Giant, bodiless faces are almost guaranteed turn out to be someone you know.

31. Calling crabs Macra will earn you strange looks from your grocer.

32. Trying to keep track of the conjoined timelines of two people who meet in a non-linear fashion is hard.

33. Celery is an acceptable accessory.

34. So are scarves.

35. And red trainers.

36. And cat pins.

37. And sweater-vests of questionable design.

38. Every famous work of art ever has some kind of alien involvement in its creation or history.

39. Aliens always show up in 21st century London.

40. We don't know why.

41. They just do.

42. Do NOT call Ace "small."

43. Ever.

44. Seriously.

45. Did you see what she did to a Dalek for that?

46. Ancient Viking curses are best left alone.

47. But if you absolutely must satisfy your curiosity... be sure you can swim.

48. Take bananas to parties- you never know when you'll need one.

49. Random, impressive-sounding monologues will earn you fans, even if it's a highly inappropriate time and place to be monologuing.

50. Reversing the polarity solves everything.

A/N- There will probably be more chapters full of Little Life Lessons to come, and if you have suggestions for me to include therein, leave a review and/or PM me your list. On that note, thanks to Basmathgirl and x-Avarice-x for their help with this chapter!