I don't own Monty or the Pythons that he allegedly owns but I'm wondering why the hell are you still reading this letter? And don't say, "It's because I am a reader!" Just don't go there.
PS: Review please
PSS: I don't own Do Not Adjust Your Set either. I actually haven't seen it. But I definitely want to.
Cuts to It's Man.
It's Man: It's
Cuts to John the Announcer.
John the Announcer: Time for
Cuts to Gumby.
Gumby (Michael): Do Not Adjust Your Set!
Do Not Adjust Your Set opening plays.
Monty Python animated opening plays.
A photo of a lemon is shown and this song is sung by the Lemming of the BDA people:
Lemons, Lemons, Lemons of the BDA,
Lemons, Lemons, Lemons of the BD-BD-BDA!
Terry Gilliam speaks voice over.
Gilliam: And now it's Lemon time!
Lemming Voice Over: [whispering] Lemming!
Gilliam: And now it's Lemming time!
Lemming Voice Over: [whispering] better.
Gilliam: And this is my third line.
Cuts to an apartment cluttered with papers and documents. Lemming is at the window, peering out at London's oppressive fog line and pondering something thoughtfully. Enter Dr. Fang, who looks a lot like Watson from the new Sherlock Holmes movie.
Fang: Hello there Lemming.
Lemming: [still looking out the window] Hello doctor.
Fang: Oh Lemming, I really worry about you. When will you get another case?
Lemming: When I get another case is when I'll get another case.
Fang: Don't be rude, I'm just asking.
Lemming: If you can't handle me being rude, then don't ask.
Fang: I'm concerned for your mental health.
Lemming: And I'm concerned for your ability to stay out of my business. You appear to be losing your skill, Fang.
Fang: [sighs heavily] Have you seen Mary's coat?
Lemming: Changing the subject rather quickly now aren't we. Is something wrong?
Fang: No, I'm simply curious about her jacket.
Lemming: And I'm curious why you sold my watch to the pawn shop earlier today. [flips pocket watch out of pocket, briefly displays it to Fang, places it back into pocket] Luckily I realized in time and saved it from getting those ghastly scratches all over it. I can't stand when pawnbrokers do that.
Fang: Well…well if you must know I needed the money to buy another bazooka, since you ruined the first with your experiments.
Lemming: It was important! I wanted to see if it would still work even if its ammo was replaced with braces.
Fang: That's ridiculous.
Lemming: So says the man that is searching for a nonexistent jacket.
Fang: What. Did. You. Say?
Lemming: The jacket. It was left here and you still naively think it hasn't been destroyed? You don't seem to know me at all!
Fang: What happened to it?
Lemming: Acid happened to it.
Fang: How could you?
Lemming: [bell rings] I have a new case! Come in!
The Big Cheese enters holding a gun.
The Big Cheese: Hello again Lemming! Remember me?
Lemming: Uh, I don't think so. Wait, are you that guy that is homeless and wants money? Because I still say no!
The Big Cheese: No! It's me, The Big Cheese!
Lemming: What are you doing here?
The Big Cheese: Remember? Last Fanfiction I vowed to return if Fate necessitated it?
Lemming: …no I'm sorry; I'm just not getting it. You say you're from Fanfiction? I can't figure out how to send personalized messages. Could you help?
The Big Cheese: No, I mean I'm from the last Fanfiction about Monty Python by AdorableEric!
Lemming: …This isn't ringing any bells.
The Big Cheese: Maybe this will refresh your memory. Brian!
Brian (Terry Jones) enters. He has the idiot writer AdorableEric under one arm and drags her into the room, all the while aiming a gun at her head.
AdorableEric: Hey, sup? [nods head to room in general. Addresses Fang] you're a new character, how do you like it here?
Fang: There's a bit too much pointing of guns for my taste.
AdorableEric: Oh, mine too. I just give the public what it wants. Or rather, what I think it wants. [to Brian] What about you? How do you like it here?
Brian opens mouth to talk but is cut off by The Big Cheese.
The Big Cheese: Silence! [to AdorableEric] Look you impudent child. I don't want you conversing with the other characters. Now just shut up and stay quiet.
AdorableEric looks like she's about to say something but decides against it.
The Big Cheese: Alright Lemming. You've got 5 seconds to tell me…what Willis is talking about!
Lemming: [perplexed] Willis?
The Big Cheese: Oh sorry, I haven't been very focused today. Brian, how about you take it from here?
Brian: Yes sir! I want to know where the cupcakes are!
Fang: Cupcakes? They're bad for your teeth!
Brian: Oh sorry, I'm not focused today. Lemming, care to take over?
Lemming: Alright everyone, listen up! Let us all bear in mind the simple rule! The simple rule just happens to be that X squared to the power of two minus five over the seven point eight three times nineteen is approximately equal to the cube root of MCC squared divided by X minus a quarter of a third percent. Keep that in mind, and you can't go very far wrong.
Fang: I don't think you have that quite right.
Lemming: Oh blast.
AdorableEric: It's ok. The writer is completely INSANE.
Lemming: That's weird when you talk in that bold voice.
AdorableEric: But it's so much fun! And so easy!
Subtitle: Just do this!
Lemming: Wow, it is easy to talk like this!
Fang: And so much fun!
The Big Cheese: I don't even remember what I wanted to do!
Brian: Uh, guys, can we focus?
Lemming: Oh, oh sure!
Fang: Oh sorry.
The Big Cheese: Ok Lemming, I want my toothbrush back!
Lemming: No, I haven't finished using it!
Fang: [to Lemming] Why did you borrow his toothbrush?
Lemming: No reason.
Fang: [to The Big Cheese] Why did you lend him your toothbrush?
The Big Cheese: I figured that since he's the good guy he'd do the right thing and return it!
AdorableEric: Heh heh, you guessed wrawng, fool!
The Big Cheese: Shut up!
Lemming: So if I return it, you'll leave AdorableEric alone?
The Big Cheese: Yes.
Lemming: Ok. [exit. Enter with toothbrush] Here you go [returns toothbrush]
The Big Cheese: Great! Brian, drop the writer. [AdorableEric is dropped] Let us depart!
Fang: Oh bye!
Brian: Nice doing blackmail with you!
Lemming: Our pleasure!
The Big Cheese: The pleasure is all ours [exit]
Lemming: Well, at least that's over.
Do Not Adjust Your Set end credits.
Monty Python end credits.
AdorableEric wants YOU to review.