I do not own Twilight, obviously Stephenie Meyer does. I am simply borrowing a few names from her, and the premise that Edward and Bella fall in love.
I do, however, own far too much Twilight merchandise!
My little girl Kailey came running up to me with her bear in her arms. As usual, it took me about two seconds to pick her up since she had that look on her face that told me she was truly frightened. I'd only put her to bed half an hour ago, and for her to wake up so soon was unusual. Kailey was only four, and already had been through one of the most traumatic experiences she could go through.
"Don't worry my little bumble bee. Everything will be okay. I'm right here with you." I hugged her close and heard the little sniffles she made. Her dreams had made her cry and it broke my heart. "Daddy has some work to do still, but if you're too scared you can come sleep in my bed."
"Can I sleep on mommy's side?" That was definitely hard to hear. It was the reason for her heartache, and my own. I put her down and looked her in the eye. Her tears made her eyes gleam, and made her look more like her mother then I could handle. I wasn't sure at that point how to feel, but I knew I couldn't let my baby girl down.
Smiling, I gave her another hug and kissed her cheek. "Go get your blanket and a book from your shelf. You can sleep on mommy's side."
Her little footsteps carried her away at a run. The accident had only happened a month ago so things were still really hard on me.
Irina and I had been high school sweethearts, and married young. We had decided to hold off on children until at least she finished school since we knew it would take me a little longer. Irina went for nursing, I went to be a lawyer. Once she had finished school, she found a great job, and we started trying to make our own little family.
Neither of us wanted a large family since we'd both come from them. It didn't take us long to find out she was pregnant, and even less time it seemed until we were welcoming our little bundle of joy into the world. Irina had nearly died during childbirth, so we decided that even though we only had Kailey, that would be it. The last four years had been nothing but a joy with our little girl.
I was quickly brought out of my musings when I felt a tug on my pants. I picked Kailey up and headed back toward my room. It was almost too quiet in the house with Irina gone. "Does your arm hurt tonight?"
Another thing to worry about was Kailey's broken arm from the accident. Some nights her nightmares weren't nightmares, but simply her arm hurting too bad to go to sleep.
"No daddy. I'm just scared. I miss mommy. I want her back." She had started crying again and I held her tighter. How was I supposed to really explain to a four year old that she wouldn't get her mother back? I just took her to my room and laid her down on the bed.
"Daddy will be right back okay? I'll even leave the bathroom door open so you know I'm here." I needed to brush my teeth and change into some pajamas before I climbed into bed for the night. She nodded her head and I went off to change. I could hear her singing to herself while I was in the bathroom and it was the cutest little thing. It also saddened me because it was a song Irina had taught her.
We'd doted on our little girl, and always put her to bed together. Since Irina had passed though, Kailey and I talked about her every single day…about how she still loved Kailey and I very much, about how she was with the angels now, about how she would always watch over us…but Kailey still cried because she didn't have her mommy to sing to her, or to braid her hair.
I finished up and went back to Kailey. She had already managed to curl herself up into the covers along with her own blanket.
When I sat down on the bed, Kailey immediately curled up closer to me. I grabbed the book that she had brought with and pulled her into my lap, covers and all. She was clutching her bear to her chest, and snuggling into me like I was her last grasp at life. It made my heart ache for her. I wasn't sure just where to go with it, but I began reading. I knew Rapunzel was her favorite story, so reading it to her was like second nature by this point.
I hadn't even gotten halfway through the book before I heard her breathing even out and her little snores come on. By then, even I was exhausted from all the emotions I'd gone through during the day. A trial had finally been set up against the man that had hit Irina and Kailey. I'd spent the entire day down at the office speaking with the lawyer who would be working on my behalf. Even though I was a lawyer, I didn't trust myself to get through the trial without being too emotional.
Thankfully for me, Rosalie had the day off and agreed to watch Kailey. Since Kailey loved her Auntie Rosie, it wasn't too big of a deal.
Rosalie had married my big brother Emmett after a bit of consideration and quickly learned to love our entire family. When she found out she couldn't have any children of her own, she changed her major in college so that she could teach kindergarten. Even I was shocked that she chose the profession, but she said it had given her a bigger sense of worth.
After I'd arrived home, Rosalie kindly told me that if I needed a babysitter for the next two weeks before school started again, she'd be more then happy to oblige. Kailey's smile was enough to let me know that it would be okay if I needed to leave for work. Rosalie had a way of making Kailey feel better too.
It didn't take much time of watching Kailey sleep for me to fall asleep as well. Kailey sleeping was generally pretty peaceful, unless she started having her nightmares. I knew that I should really find someone for her to talk to, especially since she would be turning 5 soon and in school. At the same time, I feared sending her to a therapist. I'd already started seeing one during work to help me cope with the loss of Irina.
My fears were delved from Irina having been to therapy when she was around Kailey's age. In a sense, I knew it'd helped her…but at the same time, she said she'd always hated going. I didn't want to disappoint Irina by making Kailey go.
I couldn't imagine what my little girl was going through with losing her mother, plus being there during the event, so I knew I'd have to send her.
A fitful night of sleep for me, and one coffee later, my little girl was finally awake. I was unsure of what brought it on for the next morning, but she wanted to be in my arms every moment. She claimed to have had no nightmares, her arm didn't hurt, she just wanted to spend the whole day with her daddy.
A tragic accident, and the fear of going to a new place that she didn't know was enough to make me believe she just wanted time with me. I couldn't conceive that I'd spent enough time with her.
Instead of dwelling on what might be wrong, I simply chose to play whatever Kailey wanted to. It started with dress up, and by lunch, she was tired from running around trying to find the perfect outfit for me to wear to the tea party.
"Can you read me a story before my nap?" Kailey would never be cuter if she tried, and it always worked on me. I let her go pick out a different book and we curled up on the couch. This time it was Goldilocks and the Three Bears. She nearly had the story memorized and helped me say each line.
After we'd finished the story, Kailey managed to cuddle up to me even more and cried herself to sleep. I knew things would be difficult, but today was one of the worst days I'd encountered in a month.
When I heard a knock on the door, I carefully put Kailey down on the couch to go answer. I hadn't been expecting anyone to come by, so I was rather cautious. When I opened the door, I found Alice standing before me with bags of groceries on her arms.
"I've brought supplies, and of course Jasper. He's out getting the rest of the supplies, but should be in shortly. I figured you hadn't gone shopping in a while, and I know Rosalie and I are tired of fixing easy mac for Kailey."
I was stunned into silence. I hardly got the chance to talk to Alice when she was preparing for a big fashion show, and it was nearing fashion week for her. She'd taken her turns watching Kailey as well, but Rosalie, and even my mother Esme, had done most of the watching. Thankfully, Kailey hadn't woken to the sound of Alice's voice like she usually did.
"Snap out of it Edward. We're here to help. We understand things have been a little difficult on you." She never strayed from getting to the point.
"Sorry, it's been a long morning with Kailey. Thank you Alice. Here, give me some of that…" I took about six bags from her tiny arms and walked to the kitchen. It seemed that Alice didn't just bring food, but clothing as well as a bunch of new school supplies.
"I took it upon myself to get everything she'd need for school next month. There's a backpack with all of the crayons, markers, pencils and notebooks she could possibly need…new clothes…everything."
"Alice I don't know what to say…thank you." I hugged my little sister tighter then I had in a long while and tears formed in my eyes. I had to force them back with everything that was in me. It was a lot of emotion to take in.
My little girl would be starting school so soon after she had been in an accident. I had yet to get her any help. I'd also have to get her some physical therapy for her arm once it was healed because it had been broken in three different places.
Alice's stares were that of heartache for me. She could see how much pain I was in from losing Irina, and raising Kailey on my own. I never expected it, but who ever thinks it will happen to them?
"Edward, look at me." She had forced my face into her hands and looked me straight in the eye. "Everything will be okay. We'll work everything out. Kailey's going to be fine, you're going to be fine. It's a lot to take in right now, I know. I can't imagine if anything would ever happen to Jaz, but we have to live for today. Irina would want you to keep moving forward with life. That was practically her motto." Alice's smile beamed.
She and Irina had been best friends, and I hated to admit that she was right. "I have an appointment set up for Kailey tomorrow to go talk to someone."
The look I'd given her must have been one of confusion. "I booked it Friday, don't look so shocked. I knew you wouldn't do it."
Well that helped matters slightly. At least I knew I'd have one less thing to fret about.
"I know Rose is babysitting, so I called her to let her know too. The appointment is at two, so you'd be able to pick her up…or Rosalie can bring her back home. Either way, she needs this and you need to keep up with your appointments. Her counselor is going to be someone by the name of Isabella Swan. She's been specializing in child psychiatry for three years now. Don't worry, I did my research. The results she's gotten with children so far has been pretty amazing. She also happens to have a daughter that's the same age as Kailey, so I'm sure she'll do great with her."
What was she checking her credentials, or her entire life story? "I found out because when I told Rose, she told me she had a little girl by the name of Hope Swan in her class and she put two and two together for me."
Well I guess I should just leave it up to Alice to make sense of everything. She always did. As crazy as she could be, she always put everything into perspective for me. "I don't know how to tell Kailey she has to go see someone…she's going to hate me for it Ali."
"No Edward, she won't. In fact, I bet in less then a month she'll be thanking you. She's almost five, she needs to be okay with what happened and know it isn't her fault either. She might be little, but I can tell by the way she cries that she blames herself because her mommy died and she didn't."
We couldn't keep up the conversation much longer as the sounds of little feet came near. They were followed very closely by the sound of Jasper telling Kailey we were just in the kitchen. We could hear the pause, then a lot of laughter filling the air caused by my one and only four year old.
It was good to hear her laugh! It was a sound I had missed, and one I had almost longed for in the month since the accident. I'd have to remember to thank Jasper later.
"Put me down Uncle Jazzy!" She giggled and squealed in delight. Even I could tell she didn't really want to be put down. "Where's Auntie Alice?"
I had to stifle my need to just outright laugh. She saw Alice practically every other day of the week, but even so, she wanted to see her when she wasn't being watched by her.
Rosalie and Alice really were being a large help by watching her so often. Alice smiled over at me and waited for Jasper to round the corner with Kailey. As soon as Kailey saw Alice she smiled even brighter then before and reached her arms out. "ALI ALI ALI!"
Alice had taken her and hugged her tightly, swinging her around in the process. Kailey continued to laugh and kissed Alice's cheek.
"Hi there pumpkin nose! You were taking a nap when Uncle Jasper and I came in. There must have been some good dreams in there since you didn't wake up!"
"Uh huh. Mommy came in my dream and we went to the park to play." I had yet to hear of Kailey having a good dream of Irina since the accident…so this was an improvement over the usual nightmares she had been having almost every night.
I was happy to hear it, but afraid that perhaps something further was going on that she wasn't saying. I didn't dwell on it though and simply listened as she continued on.
"She took me on the slide, and pushed me on the swings. We went to the ducky pond, and we got ice cream together. It was like mommy was alive again." And then the tears came. I should have expected it, but I didn't.
Alice easily gave Kailey up to my arms and I cradled her tightly. Every time she would hiccup between her little tears from crying so hard, it would send a fresh wave of bigger tears down her face. It took nearly half an hour to calm her down enough to let go of me just a little bit.
It was painful to know how much she was hurting and suffering. By then, we'd moved to the living room and I had Kailey in her favorite chair. It was her special 'Daddy and me' chair.
"Edward we'll…leave you two alone. I don't want to intrude on this time for you." Jasper had been the one to say something. Alice looked concerned but wandered back off to the kitchen after placing a delicate kiss on the top of Kailey's head. Jasper ended up following her while I took a look at my little girl.
Everything about her face was mine, except for her eyes, and the way she would smile. But her eyes were what reminded me most of Irina. As they kept pooled with tears, I wiped her face with my sleeve which was rather soft. She sniffled and looked up at me. "I get sad whenever that happens daddy. I don't want to be sad anymore. I'm sorry."
My baby was apologizing for her sadness. Her mother's influence I assumed. "You don't ever have to be sorry for being sad, or for missing mommy. She was our whole world. You will always remind me of mommy though. The way you giggle, and the way you love people with all of your heart…it makes you very much like mommy. I just want you to know that."
"I like being like mommy. Where did Auntie Ali go? And Uncle Jazzy?" She was always concerned about everyone else. Another trait her mother had passed along to her no doubt.
Alice reappeared very shortly after holding a plate of what smelled like hot dogs and macaroni. "I was making you and daddy something to eat. I bet you haven't eaten very much today have you?" My poor little girl could do nothing but shake her head.
I had given her some cereal for breakfast, but she hadn't eaten it. I tried giving her something for a snack, but even then she wouldn't eat. Alice had the smell wafting through the air, and poor little Kailey's stomach was grumbling like I'd forgotten to feed her for the entire four years of her life.
"Come sit with Auntie Ali and we'll share okay? Edward, you need to eat too. For a guy, you're sure not starting to look as healthy as you should. Irina would have a lot to say about that."
She was right again. At least I had Alice setting me straight, for the most part. Kailey hugged me very tightly before climbing off my lap and right on over and up into Alice's.
She did what she could to eat what Alice had made for her. Even I had tried to tuck in some of the macaroni…but it was almost no use. As long as Kailey could eat something though…that's all that mattered in that moment.
"Auntie Rosie is babysitting you again tomorrow while I go to work. She's going to take you somewhere special, but you have to be really good while you're there and listen to whatever she tells you. Agreed munchkin?"
Kailey simply nodded her head and continued to eat her hot dog. When she felt like she'd had enough, she said so. It took a lot of will from Alice to let her go, but she finally did.
Kailey went and got a couple of her dolls and brought them back out to the living room in the hopes that Alice would play with her. I could feel, rather than see, the holes burning through the back of my skull as I watched Alice play with my daughter. It was as though Irina was haunting me from beyond the grave, and telling me in her own secret way to get my life back on track. I was going to try, and I wouldn't give up until at least some of life made sense again.
This is my first Twilight fanfic. I've delved into FF before, but never had the goal to actually finish a story. Bear with me as I lead you through this crazy story. And see that little button that says "review this chapter"? Why don't you click it and tell me if you think I should continue! That would be fantastic.