Where The Lost Ones Go                            By Nadja Lee          12/03/02

English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.

Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.

Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.

Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie.

Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.

Romance: Xavier/Erik (Magneto)

Summary: Charles thinks about his relationship with Erik (Magneto) and his view on the world.

Archiving: Want, ASK, take,  have.

Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is nadjalee2000@usa.net

Rating: R

Sequel/series: Comparison piece to "World In Flames"

Dear Erik,

When I write these letters to you I often think what you'll think the day you read them. Will my words surprise you, touch you, move you…….change you? I don't know and maybe it's best like that.

I'm sad that it had to end like this, that you're now in jail. I know it must be painful and hard for you……..I'm truly sorry but you have been sentenced accordingly to the law and for the crime you committed; I can't change that no matter how much I want to.

It gets more and more painful for me to visit you every week, knowing I can go free and you'll be forced to stay locked up. I see the pain in your eyes; the agony. It has always been there; I can count on my fingers the times I've seen you smile yet this is still different. I see how difficult it is for you; how past and present threaten to mix completely. In my heart I wish someone would help you and set you free but my mind forbids that someone to be me.

You probably won't believe me but I kept our 'wedding' picture. When I'm alone I take it forth and looks at it and remembers happier times for the years we spend together were the happiest I had. But it didn't last; we both knew it couldn't. We were too different and….well, there were a lot of reasons. If I wanted to make a difference I had to blend in, I had to play by their rules. I was raised to believe loving you was wrong, that being with you was wrong. I still can't shake the shame from me when I dream of you, think of you………when I want you back. The poison they planted in me isn't easily killed and it ended up killing our love. I'm sorry for that. The past never lets go; you know that better than most.

You don't fight today for the future but mainly for the past. You remember what happened during WW2 and you're angry that no one was there for you, helped you….and you feel guilty for being alive. It is common and natural but don't use your pain as a weapon. Don't say this is about human-mutant relations or even interracial relations. Your fight is for yourself and in your fight you have overlooked that you have become what you hate most; like them. You see a human and think he wants to kill you; you see a white man and think he's a racist. Colour doesn't define people but it has to work both ways; just because your human or white doesn't make you evil but on the other hand just because you're a mutant, poor or coloured doesn't make you a good person either. Your actions define who you are; not your colour.

Through the ages there have been many wars, many deaths. Let's not add to that number. It's like rings in the water; first they're small but in time they grow. But someone has to start them. Let that someone be me……..join me; don't fight me. Wars for any reason, for any cause are wrong. Who're you to decide which cause is more just than another? Who's right and who's wrong? Who are you to say that sons have to die and mothers have to cry? Don't you see you'll be just like them?

Things can be turned around; we can change. We have to believe for without hope what is left? If we all believed war and hate was all humans did then the world would fall apart. Remember all the great leaders, all the men and women who have fought for freedom and justice. To fight is to ignore all they stood for, is to disrespect their death. The most clear cry for antiviolence and anti-war of any kind is when Jesus chooses to die rather than fight. I know what you're thinking; people who play fair will never beat those who doesn't follow the rules but think about it; what would be the difference between him and me if we both played unfairly? None. None what so ever. 

All major religions abolish violence; Jews, Muslims, Christians……In all the world's religions one of the most sacred commandments are not to kill. If I kill your son and you kill me; what makes you less a murderer than me? If you kill and the state judges you worthy of death what is then the difference? Only God have the right to judge and only He can give out punishment. Call him God, Jahva, Allah…choose any name but it's the same thing. None have the right to judge for no human is perfect and therefore no judgement can be 100% right.

The nature of humans and our society demands the guilty be punished but that judgement doesn't have to match the crime in cruelty. We can do it better if we only try and don't you see? We are trying to make it better. Once next to all crimes were punished by death…now it's not so.

We have so little time on this world; let's not waste it fighting.  

The world has changed. It is happening as we speak. The world sees all; when there's a conflict the world steps in, when Africa starves the world steps in, when a country is in need the world is there. The world cares for more than itself. We can change. Look at all the changes we made in the '60s. We're nowhere there yet but we're moving in the right direction. We can do this if we all stand together; if we believe… if we have hope.

  I wish you could understand; I wish you could see. There is a system, there're rules we have to follow. The rules may not always be upheld but they're all we have. If we move outside the law we prove to them that we're as dangerous as they think we are. We have to prove ourselves the better person; we have to show people they can trust us, that we're no danger.

I believe in second chances and you should too. You've been through Hell; don't recreate that Hell for others. Give others the second chance you never got. Don't judge them like they judged you. Prove yourself to be better than that. Be stronger than that. Look at the big picture.

After my death I've willed it so these letters I've written to you will be send to you. I can't break free, I can't be myself…..I'm too old to change now and I've worked too hard to gain this position in society where people will listen to me; my happiness is a small sacrifice for world peace, don't you think so? Hmm…….no, I know you don't.

Time passes by so quickly and there's no more time for you and me. The day where you and me can walk hand in hand down the street without fearing getting arrested, yelled at, avoided or harassed are long in coming and I fear we won't live to see them but one day…….one day that day will come and that's the day I fight for.  

Maybe reading this will help you through and make you understand…..I did love you and I still do. I just…can't say it.  Forgive me for that.

I have a dream; I see all the people of this world living together in peace. If everyone dreams with me we'll obtain that dream. Put hate, anger and revenge aside. Those feelings will bring you nothing but grief. What has ever come from killing but more killing?

Let the past lie, my friend. It is time to move on and move on in peace. If nothing else then you deserve peace after all this time. Let go of hate and distrust. They gave you the scars but you never let them heal. Heal yourself now. Set yourself free. You have the power to do so.

Don't be like them; don't hate. Forgive and move on. You have to leave the past to have a future.

Don't fight war with war, don't fight hate with hate. That is not the way. Don't be like them. Be free……..stop hating and you'll stop hurting. Forgive them, forgive yourself and move on.

Think about it, my friend and my love…….think about it.

The End