Chapter song: Castle Walls by Christina Aguilera (m2 dubstep remix- the original sucks)

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

A journal- his wife's journal.

He shouldn't read it, but he can't help himself.

Monday, March 7th, 2011

I started seeing a therapist 2 weeks ago. She says I'm depressed and started me on antidepressants. I can't say I'm surprised.

He is. He didn't even know she was seeing a therapist.

Today she gave me this journal to write my thoughts into, and things I want to say, but keep to myself, or just anything that happened in the day. She also requested that I write at least one happy moment I had that day in each entry.

So, here goes nothing.

Edward. Since I met him, my life has revolved around him. Then we had our son, Seth, and they both became my world. After almost 20 years of marriage, I feel like I don't even know him anymore. Or myself, but I'm hoping to fix this.

Edward has to work late- again, grading papers. He used to bring them home to grade just so he could spend time with us. When did that change?

Years ago, he answers to himself.

Happy moment: Hope. I felt it today.

He scans through more dates, more of her thoughts. Each page he reads is like one more weight added to his chest.

She questions his fidelity.

No. She doesn't question it. She knew. She knew and she doesn't care.

Out of irrational anger, he starts thinking, and almost believing, that she is solely the one to blame for his affair and her depression. It's her fault. She stopped talking to him, touching him, making an effort. In the back of his mind, he knew it wasn't just her. He knew he didn't make half the effort she had when they started drifting apart. He knew his anger was mostly because he just wanted her to fight for them, for their marriage. But she knew, and she didn't. She didn't fight at all. So his anger outweighed what he knew was the truth.

That is, until he continued reading.

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011

My therapist says I should confront Edward of his infidelity. I can't. I'm not ready for that just yet. I know that if his indiscretions are confirmed, it would kill what's left of me.

Happy moment: I got out of bed.

All of the anger he felt before, left as fast as it came.

He feels sick. He's killing her. He's not sure if he wants to continue reading.

But he does.

Saturday, May 28th, 2011

It's been a few days since I've written in this. Thursday was a bad day. If Seth hadn't come home early on his last day of school, I would have swallowed the whole bottle of sleeping pills. I had them in my mouth when I heard him come through the front door.

Happy moment: Seth graduated today!

He can't hold the sobs back.

That entry was 3 days ago. The fact that her 'happy moment' mentioned nothing about her being happy to be alive didn't escape him.

A/N: Thanks to my pre-readers Crackylu and my wifey, BittenIn Ca! love you, hookahs!