A/N - Hey everyone! This is my first story, so please go easy on me if it's crap, but give it a go anyway. I'm not really sure when the time frame of this story is - I left it open so, you decide. I wanted to try out a oneshot first but I've got a couple of ideas in my head for multi chapter fics, but anyway, please tell me what you think - reviews would be really appreciated! :D
Disclaimer - I can dream all I want, but Supernatural will never be mine. It belongs to the CW and Eric Kripke, and all others related.
I now present to you "I'm here brother" enjoy :D
I'm Here Brother
As I looked at the still form on the hospital bed that three days ago had been my strong, confident and joking brother, I felt as it I was staring down an endless pit of despair, guilt and loneliness. The Doctor's had told me that he was 'brain dead' and that there was nothing more they could do. The life support would keep his heart beating, but he was never coming back.
Obviously they didn't know my brother. Dean always came back for me. He was always there when I needed him, forever strong. So he would come back. He would wake up. And until then I was just going to have to play the dreaded waiting game. For the past three days I hadn't left Dean's side, and I hadn't slept in longer. The Doctor's and Nurses all repeatedly told me that they 'know how I'm feeling' or 'it will be okay.' How would they know. It was my fault that Dean was here in the first place. We had been hunting a Wendigo, and it had begun to attack me, but Dean distracted it. Dean, who always was there to protect me. Dean, who was now dying in a hospital because of me. My protector had fallen, and now faced with the possibility that he may not come back, I became scared.
-SPN- 3 hours later -SPN-
My overtired brain was beginning to wear down. I couldn't fall asleep. I had to be awake for when Dean wakes, so that I'd be able to tell him that everything is okay and what a jerk he was being for keeping me worried like this. However, it didn't take long for my hugely heavy eyelids to slowly slide closed, and I felt myself fall into a much needed sleep.
I opened my eyes to a large field. The sky above me was a deep black, the moon standing out with stark contrast illuminating the whole field and the stars dotted about the sky twinkling down from above. It was beautiful, and it was obvious I was dreaming. My tired mind had dredged up one of my happiest childhood memories, it was a memory that Dean had made possible, of course. I chuckled humourlessly, it was almost as if my subconscious mind was trying to emphasise what I already knew – Dean had done so much for me, but now he could die because of me. I remember Dean taking me here when I was twelve, and setting off the biggest box of fireworks we could get. I remember feeling normal, safe, elated. I remember thinking that this is what heaven is like.
"Sam." I spun around, daring to hope. Though it had only been three days since I heard that voice, it was too long. It was Dean, he was here, smiling. The smile that he knows is my favourite – the true smile, the one that lights his whole face and brightens his familiar eyes.
"Hey little brother, miss me?" His smile became, if possible, more pronounced.
"Dude, you gotta wake up and prove those Doc's wrong, they said that you aren't coming back but I told them no, you will, you al-"
"They were right Sammy." The smile was gone. His voice was laced with despair and I searched his face for some indication that he was joking. There wasn't one. There was only a fierce acceptance in his eyes.
"No." He began pacing around the little clearing and my eyes followed him like a hawk. I waited for him to say something, anything. There had to be some way, I couldn't loose my brother.
"Do you remember this place Sammy? Do you recognise it?" I smirked,
"How could I forget. This was the fireworks field." He chuckled softly at the reminder of the old nickname we had created for this place.
"Yeah Sammy, it was. It is also the place where I need to go now, but I won't go until you let me." He paused, and I was thankful – this was too much. "Did you know that heaven actually exists? I thought you were nuts for believing in all that angelic heavenly crap, but it does exist, and I've seen a glimpse or two of it since the accident." He stopped. My vision had became cloudy with the tears building up in my eyes, and I could feel a lump forming in my throat, making it hard to breathe. How could he ask me to let him go? We're brothers.
"Sammy. It's my time. I can't stay here, my purpose is done."
"What? What was your purpose Dean. What makes you think it's done?" I said, allowing some anger to seep into my voice.
"To protect you. To keep you safe."
"No. Dean, you're life was worth so much more than that. You have so much more to give."
"No, Sam. You're wrong. I had to keep you safe, I'm your big brother. I had to make sure that you would live on to have a happy normal life." He tried to meet my eyes again, I looked up at him, at my brother, who always made it all better. I desperately needed him to make it all better now.
"Sam, I need you to promise me something. Promise me that you'll go on. Promise me that you won't make any stupid deals like Dad did for me. Promise me. . .promise me that you'll be happy, that you'll live a long, full life. I can't come back Sam, but I can't go unless you promise me this. Heaven looks great! I swear it does! Mom's there, and so is Jess, and one day, I know you'll be there too. Please Sam, please, promise me."
I looked at him. How could I say no, after all he had done for me, how could I not let my brother have this.
"Okay. I promise." I stammered through a steady flow of tears. He approached me and gave me one last hug. I tried to put a lot of words unsaid into that hug, and I could feel him trying to channel the same to me. I took in his smell for this one last time, the smell of the Impala's smooth interior, the smell of the wilderness, of bacon burger's and of the cheap soap we used. I didn't want it to end, but, of course, it did. I was going to wake up some time. We gave each other one last watery smile, and he turned to leave.
"Dean wait!" He turned steadily,
"Will you promise me something?" I didn't care that I sounded desperate, I needed to ask. Dean nodded his head,
"Will you let me know you're there sometimes. Check in with me once in a while from you're little heavenly paradise, man. I need to know you're still out there somewhere."
"Of course Sammy," he turned to leave, "I'll say hi to everyone for you, I love you little brother,"
"I love you too." And he faded from sight.
I awoke with a start, and one look at Dean unmoving on his bed and the memories of my most previous dream came flooding back to me. Oh Dean.
Later that morning I told the Doctor's that it was time to turn of his machine. They looked at me with faces full of sympathy, recognising how hard this decision had been to make. They turned it off, and within a minute, my brother's heart monitor had flat lined. He was gone. I stormed out of the room, there was too much pain, too many hurtful memories.
-SPN- 1 year later -SPN-
I sped down the highway, going well over the speed limit in the Impala, my brother's beloved car, that still at times served as a nasty reminder of what I had lost. I hadn't kept my promise to Dean. In the last year, I had become bitter. I isolated myself from other hunters yet I continued to hunt with a renowned vigour – I would do anything to keep myself distracted. It made me feel better about breaking my promise to Dean when he hadn't kept his promise either. He never signalled to me that he was still there, he had left me completely alone in this world.
A week after his death, I cremated him. It was a very small, perhaps insignificant farewell to my great brother, only Bobby had been there, and I hadn't spoken to him since. I had spread his ashes at the Grand Canyon, I remembered him saying he had never been, but would like to go, it seemed fitting that I laid him there.
I pulled into the motel, I couldn't wait to get to sleep – I had just finished a hunt and I was exhausted. As soon as I had entered the room, I flopped onto the bed, not even bothering to change, and fell asleep instantly.
I looked around, I was on the edge of a cliff, looking down at the beach and the wide ocean. The sky was a light blue, and the few clouds that were in the sky were light and fluffy. The sun shone down heavenly from above, illuminating the beautiful beach. The strong, warm wind blew past my body, making me feel more alive than ever before. I smiled. I liked this dream.
"Dean!" I hadn't heard that voice in about a year, but hearing it now made all that time disappear. Dean was here now, and that was all that mattered. I paced the few strides over to him and gave him a hug. I felt home, for the first time in a long lime, I felt safe. I stepped back, smiling stupidly at this chance to see my brother again, he smiled back with the same enthusiasm, but after a second or two, I saw his eyes begin to tighten.
"You didn't keep your promise Sammy."
My face fell, and I became defensive. "Nor did you."
"Yes I did, you just didn't have your eyes fully open to notice them. Why did you not keep your promise Sammy?"
"I...I don't know. I guess it was just too hard."
He looked at the ground. I could tell he wasn't disappointed with me, he was trying to find a way to make this easier for me.
"Sam, you're gonna live until your an old man. Do yourself a favour and enjoy your life, and I'll be waiting for you on the other side, right here." He started to fade away again.
"No, Dean. Dean no wait, wait! DEAN"
I shot up out of bed, I had shouted out the last word in my sleep. I looked around my temporary room, a strange sinking feeling in my stomach. I had failed him, and he had trusted me, but I still couldn't keep my promise. The sun was rising outside, and I just did not want to get out of bed. The alarm radio went off. That was strange, I hadn't bothered to set it in my tiredness of the night before. Then the beat began to make sense in my morning mind, voices formed words, and I recognised the song with a gasp.
"It was the Heat of the moment. Heat of the moment. . ."
I smirked at the memory, and knew what Dean was trying to tell me, he wanted me to get up, get a move on – I had to go find myself a knew life. Yeah, I laughed, easier said than done.
-SPN- 50 Years later -SPN-
I was an old man now, but I still remembered Dean like we had talked yesterday. I had kept my promise to him, I lived my life, I married a beautiful woman named Claire, and we had children, who now had children themselves. As I fell asleep, I thanked God, and Dean, for the life that I had lived. Not a day goes by when I don't appreciate everything around me. There was still a hole in my heart were Dean had once been, but it had got more bearable as the year's flew by, and Claire helped. I felt my eyes closing, and I welcomed sleep with a smile.
Sometime during the night, I think I must've died, for a sharp pain had crossed my chest for the smallest second and then it stopped. Everything was black. I couldn't see as far as my hands at my sides. But then, I saw a light, it started of as a pinprick at first but I edged closer, and closer, until the light was huge. So this must be the 'light at the end of the tunnel' everyone was on about. I could tell what the big deal was about, when the light touched me, all I could feel was peace and happiness, but what was so great about this tunnel with the bright light, was the familiar silhouette I could see at the end. I came closer and I could see him, it was Dean, my brother, who had promised to wait for me for forever. We were at a playground, and I could see in the distance a beach. The blue sky reflected off the water like a mirror and I gulped down fresh seaside air. I looked at my brother, he hadn't aged, he was exactly as I remembered. I looked down at my body and realised that I had de-aged somehow, I looked about twenty-six.
"Dean, you. . .you were always with me. I could feel you."
"I know Sammy. I was always with you, waiting for you, watching out for you, making sure you kept your promise."
"Thank you." My voice was saturated with emotion, it was always Dean's presence that got me through the hardest times, even when he was dead.
"Don't mention it little brother. I'm here, I always was." We smiled in unison, brother's united once again. We began to run, and play and laugh, getting younger with every step until I was four and Dean was eight. We played enthusiastically in the playground, and when we saw Mom and Dad come up from the beach to watch us play, we ran to hug them. After all this time, we were a family again. We had finally got what we had always wanted. I looked into the faces of my family, my mother, my father, and Dean, and understood that this was were I belonged. I belonged with the people I loved.
A/N – So, that is the first story of hopefully many more :) Please please please review – they mean so much! I'm really excited to know what you guys thought about this! :D