Author's Note: Hello fellow Mortal Instruments fanfiction-ers! :) It's me, again. If you've read my other stories then you probably know from a couple ANs that I simply adore Simon/Alec friendships. So I wrote one! Not sure when this takes place. I just sort of followed it where it wanted to go. :P Enjoy.
The boy looks so distraught. Simon's heart goes out to the poor guy. He had been awake when the man had slipped silently out of the house and Simon followed him both out of curiosity and of pity because he had a feeling he knew why the other had left. His suspicions had been confirmed as he followed the other boy as he walked to nowhere, just walked away, until finally stopping near an alley an leaning against a nearby wall. Simon had slowed as the Shadowhunter slid down the wall until he sat down with his knees tucked in close-the picture of desperation and vulnurability.
Simon stands for a while, wondering what to do-wondering why he had followed the man in the first place-until he makes a decision. The other man, in other circumstances, would have registered his presence many blocks ago, but he was trapped in his own thoughts and didn't realize that Simon was there until Simon approaches him.
Blue eyes flash up to his brown ones, and Simon is taken aback by the fierce look in those eyes. He knows he is not wanted, but doesn't know what to do. He has made himself known and he must explain his actions. Even in his panic, Simon notices that the skin beneath the other boy's luminous eyes is darkened with lack of sleep and tears glitter there under the streetlight. Below that is his mouth curved in a snarl.
"What are you doing here?" The Shadowhunter snaps as he discreetly tries to wipe away the moisture clinging to his cheeks.
Simon doesn't know the answer to that, but he does know exactly what the boy is thinking right now. He speaks his mind because, like Clary says, he has no filters. "Alec, I know how you feel."
Alec's look is once again filled with malice. "Really?" He shakes his head and looks at the ground as if it could open up and swallow Simon whole. "You don't the first thing about me."
Simon scoffs and disagrees, for he can really relate to the Shadowhunter and wants to make him see that. He wasn't here to torment the already torn up man in front of him. "You're right; I don't know you. But I do know how you feel."
Alec looks up at him again and this time his eyes are a demand for him to explain himself, so Simon does. "You're in love with Jace." Alec winces at this, but Simon continues. "And I'm in love with Clary. Jace loves Clary; Clary loves Jace. You see, we're in the same boat here."
"Look," Alec's voice is soft, but still has an underlying hostility. "I appreciate your...concern or empathy or whatever this is, but I would rather you just left me alone."
Simon takes a step forward. "Is that really what you want? To be alone?" The Shadowhunter winces again and looks away. "Alec...I'm not sure why I'm here, but I...I just want someone to talk to, also, I guess. I mean, you're the only one who I think understands where I'm coming from, you know?"
"Just because we have the same situation on our hands does not mean that we need to share it with each other." Alec speaks to the filthy ground in front of him. He doesn't seem to care that he's sitting on that filthy ground, leaning against a random wall. The mundanes can't see him anyway, Simon concludes, not that Alec probably cares either way, and not that there were many people out at this time of night, either.
Simon stands there awkwardly for a few moments and then makes another split decision. This whole conversation was made up of Simon's impulses and reactions-none of this had been planned out. So, he takes another chance and sits down beside the sulking Shadowhunter.
Alec looks up at him through dark eyelashes. "What are you doing?"
"I'm sitting here. Free country, you know." Simon expects Alec to hit him, or something, but the blue-eyed boy just shakes his head and looks at the streetlamp above them. The pale yellow light casts shadows across Alec's face, drawing shadows from his sharp cheekbones and long lashes.
"I don't know why you're so upset about your situation." The man says finally, "I mean, at least you have other options."
"What do you mean?"
Alec sighs. "Isabelle. She's, weirdly, into you-"
Simon interrupts, "Do you mean that she's into me in a weird way, or that it's weird that she's into me?"
The Shadowhunter looks at him exasperatedly, as if saying, I'm talking to you like you wanted me to and then you go and ask stupid questions and make me regret saying anything. At least, that's what Simon gets out of the look. "The second one," Alec answers.
"Yeah. I know my sister." Alec sighs and shoves his dark hair away from his pale face. "She usually dates Downworlders and such just to annoy our parents or whatever, but...I don't know. Maybe that's what it is with you, but it seems different, or maybe that it could be something different."
Simon looks down at his sneakers. "Wow. I didn't notice."
Alec hits him on the arm, but it's not as friendly and teasing of a gesture as it usually is between friends. They aren't friends. "See, you're not completely hopeless."
Simon looks at him. "But, you're not, either." He states, as if it's a very obvious fact. Alec's dubious look shows that he doubts it, and Simon continues. "What about Magnus Bane?"
Simon can't tell in the dark if Alec is blushing. "What about Magnus Bane?"
Simon hits him on the arm, reciprocating what the Shadowhunter had done to him moments ago. "He's totally into you."
"Well, yeah, I'm not that oblivious." He mutters reluctantly.
"Then why don't you go for it?" They both shift a little on the sidewalk; Simon because he's getting uncomfortable sitting on the hard ground, and Alec because this conversation is getting a little too personal for his liking.
"Even you know by now that a Shadowhunter and a Downworlder together spells bad news for the Clave." Alec exclaims, "And a gay Nephilim/Downworlder couple? Not a chance." He rubs his eyes and shakes his head. "And besides, I'm probably only, like, a fling for Magnus, or whatever."
Simon shakes his head. "Naw. I've seen the way he looks at you, Alec. Even though you try to avoid being in the same room as him." Alec shifts uncomfortably, again, and Simon catches an expression on his face. "That's not all, is it? The fact that the Clave won't like it. What else is there?"
"It's nothing." He tries to avoid Simon's gaze, but finally cracks under the pressure of the silence around them. "Okay, fine. I feel..." Alec hesitates, and then blurts the rest out quickly. "Like I'm not good enough for him."
Irritated, Alec retorts, "Yes, Magnus!" And Simon puts up his hands in apology and surrender. Alec takes a deep breath and continues speaking, even though he has his eyes screwed shut and looks like he thinks he should just shut up now before he digs himself a deeper hole. "I mean, I'm just this Shadowhunter who's so far in the closet he can't even see the door; I'm in love with my adopted brother, and I can't even acknowledge Magnus in a public place. And he's just...amazing and he shouldn't care about me. I'm not good enough for him... I can't be good enough for him."
Alec opens his eyes and stares at a hole in his sweater like it has the solution to all his problems. "And I know that it's, like, against Shadowhunter tradition to think like that about a Downworlder...that I'm inferior compared to him, but I do." He makes an ugly sound in his throat and jumps so that he's standing. "I'm so screwed up."
Alec's words make Simon very sympathetic of him. He stands as well and puts a hand on the other boy's shoulder. Although it's a little awkward, the feeling behind it is sincere. "I don't think you're screwed up. I think you should really re-consider the decision to not be with Magnus Bane, because it seems to me like you really like him...and I wouldn't let something like that go."
Alec turns to look at him and blue eyes once again meet brown. There's a silence, but this time it seems a little more comfortable than before. Alec sighs and then says, "Thanks, Simon."
Not expecting that, Simon asks, "For what?"
"For creepily following me and then making me talk to you." He shrugs and a ghost of a smile passes across his lips. "You're not so bad."
Simon's eyebrows rise. "So, I actually succeeded in helping you?"
Alec scoffs. "Sorry to crush your hopes and dreams of becoming a counseler for Shadowhunters, but I wouldn't count on it." Alec turns away and adds, partly to himself, "But, maybe you did."
They walk back home in a silence made of unlikely companionship.
Author's Second Note: Aaah City of Fallen Angels was amazing! :D I love legit Malec! But I was dissapointed that Robert Lightwood wasn't there. :( Did anyone else miss him?
Pretty please write me a review! Feedback feeds my muse! And it's saying "Feed mehhh!" xP