(Disclaimer: CosmicKitten89 owns nothing in this story.)

Alvin: SURPRISE! Yup, that's right, my show is sooo popular that the studio directors decided that I could air it twice a week!

Brittany: Alvin, you have a specific reason for airing it twice a week, now.

Alvin: Well, yeah, asides from trying to keep ahead of Adam in terms of reviews… speaking of which, Simon said that he was going to guest-star on his show to get out of guest-starring on my show… I was hoping that the fans would back me up, but they didn't! So I've got a better idea!

Brittany: So how are you getting Simon on the show tonight?

Alvin: I told him that I was up tonight trying to make the set look even MORE awesome when the big light up sign started to short-circuit, and if he doesn't get here immediately, it will explode! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...

Brittany: Haha!

Alvin: He should be here any minute now… (watches his watch)

Simon: (bursts through the door) I'm coming, Alvin!

Brittany: (suppresses laughter) He'll be cumming, all right…

Simon: Alvin, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your sign! Wha… You've tricked me!

Alvin: (Laughs like crazy) You're such a freaking FOOL! And I thought you were the smart one!

Simon: Alvin, you've cried wolf one too many times! One of these days, when you really need somebody's help, they will_

Brittany: Drink, Simon?

Simon: No, thank you. I must ask, what are you doing monkeying around out here at this time of night…! You're having a show! (makes frightened face into camera)

Alvin: Hahahaha, I'll bet the viewers loved that! Hahaha…

Simon: Well, I'm going home!

Brittany: (locks and deadbolts the door) You're not going anywhere…

Alvin: (turns on music) Hit it, Brittany!

(Brittany and Alvin grab Simon and start dancing provocatively, banging their hips into him)


One, two, three

It's a threesome – yippee!

Alvin, Simon, and me

Guess who's caught in between…

Simon: (Squeezed between Alvin and Brittany's hips) Me!


One, two, three,

Simon, Alvin, Brittany

Do that three-letter word

Everybody loves (sex)

(Alvin and Brittany strip off their clothes except for their underwear and toss it on Simon. Brittany is wearing a hot ping bra and thong; Alvin is wearing a red man thong. Simon gags when he sees Alvin's thong.)


Babe, I've picked a night

For you to come and play

And meet my other guy

What do you say?

Simon: Nay!

(Alvin covers his mouth)


Sexier the more

Triple cum that way

All over the floor

What do you say?

(Brittany and Alvin pole-dance against Simon)

Brittany and Alvin together:

A-a-a-are you in?

Sodomy is the new 'in' thing

A-a-a-are you in?

I don't want to count only two-

(Brittany and Alvin strip their thongs off and toss them at Simon. Simon covers his eyes and Alvin lifts Simon's shirt while Brittany pulls down his pants)

(Jeanette, Eleanor, and Theodore burst through the door)

Jeanette: Stop this! STOP! Simon does not want to play in your little game of three!

Alvin: Hehe, Jeanette, Eleanor, Theo, great to see you! Glad you've come to join the party!

Eleanor: We saw what you were doing on TV and we went straight over!

Simon: (face palm) You really shouldn't have come…

Alvin: Well, I guess I ought to be answering questions before the fun and games anyway…

Chipmunkfanantic asks:

Well Well Alvin if you look at the Polls my show is trayling right behind yours well review wise i only have 18 and you have 20 so it seems im going to have to find away to pass your show .but any way good luck becasue you and me got some Competion from here on out sucker and this is coming from my OC Adam Seville so good luck trying to beat me Alvin

Alvin: You're on! Next question!

Chipmunkfanantic asks:

great show you guys and yea i do plan do dirty it up i even asked the people to send some Dirty Questions to my show i would like to see if I can out rock and roll you .any way on to the Questions

Alvin actually to fire back i have seen the movie and the Squekquel im just waiting for Chipwrecked so yea any way

and yea my show has passed yours im up to 25 reviews and 25 Episodes now we are going after Simons show next its

Alvin if you could Sing anyrock Song from any Band what would it be ?

Brittany What's your most Favorite Acivivty to do ?

Alvin: Haha, I checked your response to my question, and you are not planning to dirty it up, you puss! And of course you would get more reviews since you've got the under-16 audience! Anyways…

If I could sing a rock song from any rock band… tough question… I would say KISS, but I've already done kiss on this show… How about… Queen! Ooh, Bohemian Rhapsody… But it's too long, and complicated, and just plain weird for us to cover on this show, so I'm doing "We Will Rock You!" Hmhm… well, that's not what my version is called…

Simon: Did you know that Brian May of the band Queen holds a Ph. D. in astrophysics!

Alvin: Who cares? All that matters is that he's got a Ph. D. in rock and roll! (turns on the karaoke and gets out his guitar)

Buddy, you're a baby, shit your diaper,

Got a little wanker, gonna be a big cock someday

You got shit on your face

Big disgrace

Your momma can't tell your ass from your face

We say

We will, we will fuck you!

Buddy you're a young man, hard cock

Raping ev'ry skirt that lacks the luck not to be in your way

You got cum on your face

You big disgrace

The cops should come and put you in your place

We say

We will, we will, fuck you!

Buddy, you're an old man, can't fuck

No more since the cancer surgeon cut your nuts away

You got shit on your face

Big disgrace

Don't know why the nurses don't put you in your place

We say

We will, we will, fuck you!

We will, we will fuck you!

Alvin: (laughs) Though I don't know why anyone would want to fuck somebody who fits that description!

Brittany: As for my favorite activity… It would have to be a tie between dancing, singing, and sex. I guess I would have to say dancing and singing while having sex!

Alvin: And if you ask me, Chip-Wrecked sounds like a real corny plot for a new Chipmunk movie, like a ripoff of Island Fever or something, and if they release a movie with a plot like that, it will be the last, and that will be it for the Chipmunks altogether! Although it's probably just a fan rumor anyway… On to the next question!

Mr. happyface asks:

I'm back! Haha okay all of the chipettes HAVE to come out naked for this:

Alvin, you have to feel all of their boobs abd describe in great detail how they feel to us! Aren't you lucky, my friend?

Each of the chipettes should tell how much they weigh also.

Oh yea and Alvin has to drink a gallon of his own cum.

That's all for now! Have fun!

Alvin: Well, then, it's quite serendipitous that all of the Chipettes are here! (snickers) All right, strip, girls!

Simon: Jeanette, don't!

Alvin: If you don't, Jeanette, then I will have Brittany sing a dirty parody of a Taylor Swift song!

Jeanette: Oh no! You can't sing a dirty parody of Taylor Swift! Um…

Alvin: If you don't strip, then I'll simply have to strip you myself! (snickers)

Jeanette: (shudders) Okay… (hesitantly removes her clothes)

Simon: I'm warning you… If you touch anything other than her breasts, with anything other than your hands…

Alvin: You too, Eleanor!

Eleanor: Go ahead and make me!

Alvin: What? I thought that you would want to be a role model for plus-size girls around the world by not being afraid to show off your body!

Theodore: Yes! Go for it, Eleanor!

Eleanor: Ok… But only for the fat girls… (strips)

Alvin: (starts with Brittany) Aah, nice and perky… firm nipples… tight… have you had implants?

Brittany: Why don't you feel Jeanette's now?

Alvin: (touches Jeanette's breasts) Hmm, quite saggy… stretch marks, veins, larger than I thought… very bumpy around the areola… and the nipple is soft… I pity the poor baby who will one day have to breastfeed off of you!

Jeanette: Well, I'm putting my clothes back on! (gets redressed)

Alvin: (moves on to Eleanor) Hmm, now these are some BIG knockers! Big nipples, as wide as my finger across… firm bumps around the areola… Slightly saggy, but not like Jeanette's…

Okay, girls! Now tell us how much you weigh!

Jeanette: Chipmunks weigh on average eighty percent of what humans weigh.

Brittany: Eighty pounds.

Jeanette: Which is the equivalent of a human woman weighing one hundred pounds! You're lying, Brittany! You weigh one hundred pounds, which is the human equivalent of weighing one twenty-five!

Brittany: But that was last week! I've been on a diet since then, so I should weigh less.

Jeanette: Well, I doubt you weigh that much less. Besides, at that weight, you have no need to go on a diet! I weigh one hundred and eight pounds, which is the human equivalent of weighing one thirty five.

Eleanor: Well, I weigh about one thirty-

Jeanette: Which is about one sixty for a human-

Eleanor: But it's mostly muscle!

Alvin: Drink a gallon of my own cum? Who do you think I am, Chris-Chan?

Simon: Don't be silly, Alvin, you've got an entire jarful at home!

Alvin: But I'm saving it to donate to the sperm bank! Genetics like mine, after all, are too good not to spread!

Simon: You do realize that the sperm are all dead by now, don't you?

Alvin: Dammit! You should have told me that sooner! All that jacking off for nothing!

Simon: I know, what a tragedy.

Alvin: Well, it would take me all night to jack up another gallon, so I'm going to wait until our next airing to take on that dare. Here's what theodorefan100 has to say:

Alight, I think I'll be busting up the party now. Darkmunks, I challenge you and your Bount friends to a fight to the death. If your curious as to who I am, the name is Takeo Yamashita, Captain of Squad 9. I'm a shinigami, and my speciality, killing Bounts like you!

Alvin: Hah, well, you're a little late, theodorefan100! The Darkmunks are gone for good!

JayJayBrownie asks:

Before I was gonna cuss the Dark Origins but then Simon came to the rescue! I hope you guys get them! Also plz call me Jordan or Jo because thats mah name! I'm a girl, too -_-...but I got questions! Alvin, would you ever raid Brittany's thong drawer? Vice versa? And I wanna know if you and Brittany can make out for me. I won't ask you to bang her because if you do, I bet it would likely get carried away and there would be milky white stuff(cum) all over the floor! That would be very disturbing. And just to show how much of a fan I am of you guys, I made OCs of you guys kids. (But sadly, you guys aren't my fav :P) But I named them, and I hoped I'm not stealing, Abby, Adrianna, and Byron! You guys got three kids! And also Britt, in my world, one of your twin daughters is a tomboy. SHE HATES PINK! (Damn, I've got alot to say XD) And I ask Alvin if you could love Brittany please! Jeanette and Eleanor snitch on you, Britt! They told me that you adore Alvin even though he gets on your nerves. And they told me that you masturbate while calling his name! And one last question. Will you every marry each other?

Alvin: Haha, yes, I raid Brittany's thong drawer all the time! I've been raiding her panties since I was a little boy! How about you, Brittany?

Brittany: Of course, where do you think I get my best panties from?

Alvin: Hahaha, OK, let's make out.

(Alvin and Brittany hug each other tight and smooch each other all over the face. It looks kind of like a lip fight. They are both naked…)

Simon: Alvin! She specifically said NO CUM ON THE FLOOR!

Alvin: Oops, well, my bad for not having my thong on. Let's get dressed, Brittany.

(Alvin and Brittany put their underwear back on)

Brittany: (Flushes) And what's this about… Jeanette, Eleanor, how dare you snitch on me about that!

Eleanor: Well, you shouldn't write that kind of stuff in your diary and then forget to lock it!

Jeanette: And you should make sure to close the door so that nobody walks in on you!

Brittany: All right, Alvin, next question!

Alvin: (Shocked face at the next question; turns white, then flushes) Nah, I'd rather not…

Simon: Don't be silly, Alvin, your fans are dying for you to read it!

Alvin: Nuh-uh, I'd rather skip this one…

Brittany: Come on, Alvin, what does it say?

Alvin: Okay… (gulps)

Dear Brother,

I just wanted to say...


Always Your Brother,

Simon Octavius Seville

Simon: Is there something you would like to say back?

Alvin: Nooooo…

Brittany: Yes there is! Tell him…

Alvin: (Mutters)

Simon: I can't hear you…

Alvin: All right! I LOVE YOU TOO BROTHER!

(Alvin and Simon hug)

Simon: I felt that!

Alvin: I felt yours too!


Alvin: Anyways, glad that mush moment's over with!

The Chipette Protector asks:

Hey Alvin and Brittany!

I hope u feel better!

I've got a couple questions and a dare for Alvin:

1. Both of you - how did it feel to be turned into vampires?

2. Brittany - What did it feel like when u bit Alvin?

3. Alvin - Do u ever listen to ur brother?

And onto the dare!

Alvin - Hypnotize Brittany into ur slave for the rest of the show and at some point make her do what she made u do before.

Enjoy! I bet Alvin will!

Brittany: Well, it hurt at first when I was bitten, like burning fiery acid poison spreading really fast throughout the body-

Alvin: I know, right? But then it started to feel GOOD! Like heroin!

Simon: I certainly hope you haven't dabbled with heroin!

Alvin: I mean, well, what I imagine heroin must feel like.

Brittany: And Alvin was sooo… delicious… like your favorite food combined with your favorite man's scent…

Alvin: Well, I listen to my brother whenever he's not being boring!

Simon: Well, I'll try to liven up my manner of conversation for you!

Alvin: Hypnotize Brittany? I'll do better than that! I'll hypnotize all three of them, plus Simon! Haha!

Simon: I would like to see you try!

Alvin: Brittany, you will sing that Taylor Swift dirty parody that Jeanette didn't want you to sing! And Jeanette, you will listen!

Brittany: But-

Alvin: :Brittany, Brittany… (backrubs Brittany and kisses her nose)

Brittany: Okay….


Alvin: Not my name! His!

Brittany: Gotcha.

Simon looks at me

He thinks I'm nothing but slutty

He doesn't see that I need

For him to put in me his seed

I'll bet she's super hot

That girl he took to prom

I'll bet she's rich and that her daddy's married to her mom!

Jeanette: Not quite.


Simon talks to me

Female boner like you won't believe

In my head I see

Him naked in the bed with me

He says her ass is fine

And her va-jay-jay's super tight

I wonder if he knows

I masturbate to him all night!

He's the reason for the bloodstains on my pillowcase

From menstruation, jacking off and looking at his face

If he were a song he'd be the only one

I would masturbate to…

Alvin: Haha, stop, Brittany! Just one more question!

Spring-Heel Jaqueline asks:

How is it that Jeanette and Irma from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles dress and [somewhat] look alike?

How the Chipettes did come to be at Grudge's orphanage? And what would happen if they ran into her and Eve again?

Has anyone ever wondered about the Chipettes' mother and/or father?

Whatever happened to the Chipmunks' father?

If Brittany and Alvin kissed in "Legend of the Sleeping Brittany" and Simon and Jeanette *supposedly* kissed in this so-called "Sploosh" episode, than why haven't Eleanor and Theodore kissed in the cartoons? Is it because Janice Karman is kissing herself unlike the aforementioned couples where Ross Bagdasarian Jr. (Alvin and Simon) kissed their respectable counterpart because his wife voices them? Or taking a step too far and saying it's like Janice Karmen kissing her late father-in-law Ross Bagdasarian Sr. (50's/60's Theodore)? Same goes for the CGI and their voice actors (Jesse McCartney & Amy Poehler and Janice Karman who sings for both).

Why is it in The Squeakquel, Jeanette is demoted to extra whereas the boys and her sisters all get ample screen time, whereas Jeanette seems to fall by the wayside, not to mention she's never seen without her sisters, even then she gets about five minutes of screen time that isn't singing? How come it seems that Jeanette always get the shaft?

What was it like for Simon eating Theodore's poop?

How do you each physically describeeach incarnation of Dave Seville (50s/60s, 80s/90s and current)?

What is the name of Miss Miller's cat?

Any relationships to Chip and Dale with all the antics?

Did Huey, Dewey & Louie, the PowerPuff Girls, the good fairies in Disney's Sleeping Beauty as well as the ambiguous anthropomorphic characters in Animaniacs (although the oldest looking one wears beige slacks, his accent color is green) among others steal color tone clothes based on the primary colors based on light (red[pink], blue[purple] and green) or is it pure coincident?

After the [quaint] anti-drug video entitled "Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue," do you Chipmunks keep in touch with the other cartoon characters? Also, where were the Chipettes?

Speaking of crossover, why didn't either one appeared in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"

What other crossovers do each wish to do that hasn't happened? For example, I wanna read a Chip N' Dale Rescue Rangers crossover . . .

Since Theodore was turned into a werewolf and Alvin a psychotic weirdo or whatever Dr. Frankenstein turned him into, what related monster would Simon, Brittany, Eleanor and Jeanette turn into besides a werewolf and whatever Alvin was? How would you be cured?

If the Chipmunks were named after record executives (Alvin Bennett, Simon Waronker and Ted Keep), who were the Chipettes named after?

If the Chipettes first lived in the tree house, how were they able to afford living necessities such as beds as well as the equipment to build the tree house? Also, how were they able to enroll the same school as the Chipmunks? Did Brittany force Jeanette to hack into the school computer to enroll since parental figures are allowed to do such things? And what did they use for last names?

How do you Chipmunks/Chipettes live so long when in reality, chipmunks don't liver for very long?

Where is Alvin's hat in the CGI/live action movies?

Chipettes, what are your opinions on the attire worn in the live action movies compared to the ones in the cartoons? Speaking of clothes, did either of you chipmunks ever wear pants under those oversize sweatshirts in "The Alvin Show" and "Alvin and The Chipmunks?"

What are your opinions on Clyde Crashcup (and Leonardo)?

What are your intake on voice comparison/contrast of the people (Ross Bagdasarian Sr. voicing all three chipmunks and Dave; Ross Bagdasarian Jr. voicing Dave, Alvin & Simon; Janice Karman doing Theodore and the Chipettes; Jason Lee-David Seville, Justin Long-Alvin, Matt Gray Gubler-Simon, Jesse McCartney-Theodore, Christina Applegate-Brittany, Anna Faris-Jeanette & Amy Poehler-Eleanor) who portrayed you? What are your opinions on them?

Who is Betty White and why do fans want her to play Miss Miller in the live action/CGI movie?

How would each of you describe the physical appearances and personality of each David Seville incarnation (50's/60's, 80's/90's and 00's)?

What is each of your opinion on mixed couples (Alvin&Jeanette, Alvin&Eleanor, Simon&Brittany, Simon&Eleanor, Theodore&Brittany and Theodore&Jeanette)? What about sibling incest?

Where were the Chipettes in "Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein?" Did Miss Miller forget them when she came over to watch the boys? Also, I thought both you Chipettes and Chipmunks lived right next to each other . . . not a block apart as seen in "Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet The Wolfman?"

Simon: Wait a minute… This is the same post that she put on my show!

Jeanette: Come to think of it, I also saw her put that post on Adam Seville's Wacky World.

Alvin: Really? C'mon, Jaqueline, have you got to put the same post on every show?

Simon: You can watch our responses on the fifth episode of my show.

Alvin: Well, since we're all done with the questions, let's continue with the party! Jeanette, would you care for a virgin strawberry daiquiri?

Jeanette: Why, thank you!

Simon: Don't, Jeanette. That drink is about as virgin as Alvin is!

Alvin: Well, I'll admit it's not just juice… it contains a perfectly nontoxic and harmless chemical known as um, C2H6O!

Simon: C2H6O… Please tell me that's dimethyl ether in there and not the other compound whose formula is C2H6O!

Alvin: Well, are you willing to finish doing "3" with us? Pretty please? (bats eyelashes)

Simon: No thank you.

Alvin: (takes out a yo-yo and dangles it back and forth) You are getting sleepy…

Simon: Cut it out, Alvin. It's going to take more than simple harmonic motion to change my mind…

Alvin: Well, I tried. But you're willing to go along with us, right, Jeanette?

Jeanette: Um…

Alvin: (waves yo-yo) You are getting sleepy… You are now under my power…

Jeanette: Pendulum… oscillations… so… fascinating… ok, I'm in.

Brittany: Alvin, you know I'm not bi!

Alvin: (waves yo-yo) You are now!

Brittany: OK, let's hit it! (turns the music back on)

One, two, three,

It's a threesome – yippee!

Jeanette, Alvin, and me

Guess who's caught in between

Countin', One, two, three,

Jeanette, Alvin, Brittany

Do that three-letter word

Everybody loves (sex)

(Brittany and Alvin strip Jeanette's outer garments off)

There is a charm

To fucking family

With your partner, what's the harm?

Are you with me?

We are a team

And Brittany's the name

Sexobatics to extreme

We're gonna win the game

A-a-a-are you in?

Sodomy's the new "in" thing

A-a-a-are you in?

I don't wanna count fewer than-


What we do is innocent

Simon: Yeah, right!

Brittany: (Leans in on Jeanette)

Is it too hot for Jeanette?

If you don't like his (points to Alvin) company

Let's just fuck, just you and me…

You and me…

Or three...

Or four… (grabs Simon)

On the floor…

(Simon leaps off the floor and runs off)


One, two, three,

It's a threesome – yippee!

Jeanette, Alvin, and me,

Guess who's caught in between

(Alvin hands Jeanette the strawberry daiquiri)

Countin', one, two, three,

Jeanette, Alvin, Brittany,

Do that three letter word

Everybody loves –

(Jeanette is about to sip from the drink, while Alvin begins to pull down her flowery purple cotton briefs, when the light-up "Alvin's Midnight Party House" sign blows up. The lightbulbs explode and spray sparks everywhere).


Simon: Ha! Your call for an emergency – a self-fulfilling prophecy, was it not?

Alvin: Why, you... are you going to do this on all of my shows from now on? Crash and wreck them just like I used to do?

Simon: Quite the contrary! You couldn't pay me enough to get me back on this set! You have your show, and I have mine! If you want to guest-star on my show, then you can do it, if you ask beforehand and promise to keep your antics to a minimum, and I expect you to do the same with regards to me coming on your show!

Alvin: Whatever. Party pooper… Mr. No-Fun!

Brittany: I wouldn't say he's no fun…

Alvin: He's just damn hard to hypnotize, that's all…

Simon: Jeanette, snap out of it!

Jeanette: I… almost had sex… with Alvin… and drank alcohol!

Alvin: Don't say the "A" word! Do you know how much trouble we underage drinkers could get into if the authorities thought we were drinking? It's C2H6O!

Jeanette: Ethanol, dimethyl ether, whatever C2H6O compound it is, I don't think either one sounds pleasant to drink anyway.

Simon: Let's go home, Jeanette. We need our rest.

Jeanette: Bye, Alvin!

Theodore: Why didn't we get to be in the three game?

Eleanor: Trust me, you don't want to play a three game. Let's go home.

(Simon, Jeanette, Theodore, and Eleanor exit the set after Brittany unlocks it.)

Alvin: Maaan, I was so hoping for some brother-to-brother action…

Brittany: Well, send in your song requests, and don't forget to tell me what Britney Spears song you want me to sing next week!

Alvin: She's going to sing a Lady Gaga song too, so request one of those!

Brittany: No, you're singing Lady Gaga!

Alvin: You are getting sleepy…

Brittany: Ok, I will sing Lady Gaga… I am getting sleepy…

Alvin: Oh! And I have a dare for all you members of the audience! Sing one of our dirty song parodies from any episode of the show to your family, out in public, to your friends, in school, etcetera… And next week tell me how it went! Well, that's it for tonight, everybody! See you this weekend!