Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, Tite Kubo does!

Title: My Hovercraft is full of Eels (subject to change)

Summary: Ichigo Kurosaki has started High School in Karakura town. However, after the county joins with its rival, Hueco Mundo, the two high schools are combined. Ichigo can't help but be intrigued by some of the unruly students… and it's completely mutual. Lots of pairings!

Warnings: AU, Language, maybe OOC and Boy x Boy awesomeness.

Rated T for now, will become M when necessary

Note: In my school district, 10th grade is the start of high school. That is what will be used, just so I am familiar with the Sophomore-Junior-Senior relationships. No freshman.


Chapter One

Status Quo

Ichigo Kurosaki: sixteen, strawberry blond, and 5"9. In all sense of the word, he was a pretty normal, pubescent teenager. The only thing separating him from other students was their stupid remarks on breaking the school's rules on hair dye, which resulted in several pleading calls to the school from Isshin to swear that it was his natural color.

Middle school never ceased to irk the average boy. Other, quicker growing males would tease him for being a girl with a bad attitude. Kurosaki could handle himself, but hated that school by his father's apartment until the day had finally come: tenth grade. The day he could leave those losers at the north region of Karakura, while he and his family moved the clinic south. Isshin was always excited, as long as he got all of his wife's memorabilia out of their small home. Yuzu and Karin, Ichigo's sisters, would mourn in their own ways of losing the home they were born in, as would their older brother.

Once they had moved into their new, decently sized home for their clinic, Ichigo was set up to go to the joint high school. Karakura town was at the border of two counties, and due to the common disputes of borders and the difference in school supplies, Hueco Mundo relinquished its high school to join with Karakura and save costs, giving the money from their building to their school district. All Karakura had to do was tolerate its mass of new students.

Still, from what Kurosaki had heard, the Las Noches School in Hueco was a small delinquency institution full of vandals and criminals. He would never understand why Karakura, the top school in the region, would accept such character in its expanded halls. Karakura High only added 3 rooms for the new students, one for each grade level. The school was already full by the time the joining occurred, making the construction necessary in the summer months.

There was one thing that the Karakura principal had created: uniforms. As used to them Kurosaki had been, he was not thrilled with having to wear a black, long sleeved jacket every day. The Las Noches students were required to wear white, which to Ichigo seemed more like the Holocaust than a school's show of acceptance.

Nonetheless, Kurosaki would hope to enjoy his sophomore year. The one person from his middle school that didn't detest him, a certain Abarai Renji, was transferring to the new school. He preferred danger, and Kurosaki wondered what he was expecting to actually occur during school instead of learning. Another person he favored was Kuchiki Rukia, but she was only a freshman, and had not passed her exams to elevate her grade level. Even with her family's wealth, they were of too much nobility to press the matter, no matter how much Rukia pleaded with her brother. The older Kuchiki, who Ichigo had only met and detested once, was actually a professor at the school for a sophomore English class.

Isshin had taken the liberty to drive Ichigo to his first day of high school, sobbing about how his little angel had grown up. Ichigo would have had a right mind to punch his old man, but thought that was unwise in a moving vehicle. He watched out the window, still thinking about how the students would react to having a few delinquents in their academic midst. He hoped well. Over the horizon he saw the large Karakura High clock-tower, the rest of the school building revolving around that pillar. It served like a Times Square for the school, where kids could eat lunch or meet up at any time they had free period.

Upon pulling up to the gates, Isshin demanded a hug and goodbye kiss. That time he got punched— the car was in park after all. Ichigo got out of his seat, walking onto the cement and past the beams holding up a large welcoming sign:

Karakura-Hueco High School

Ars longa, vita brevis

Ichigo walked past, being thrown into the main courtyard of the estate. It was plain, sidewalks leading to different entrances that lead to different home base rooms. Ichigo was in room B-1, and therefore found the B entrance just a little northwest of where he walked in. Inside, it was elegant but simple at the same time. The halls were a grey color, the doors wooden, and lots of windows lined the sides, never making it too dark. If there was a hallway with no windows, the walls were white with black trim instead. In general, the school was pretty basic, but took pride in looking cleanly.

That was when a couple guys down the hallway started to beat the shit out of each other.

The larger of the two pinned his opponent to the wall, up against a window. The small, black haired male grunted, swinging a punch at his attacker to fend him off. The larger didn't seem phased, punching him in the stomach repeatedly. A very tall, black haired boy in white was watching on the other end of the hallway, having a toothy grin plastered on his face. Ichigo already hated that face, and all these guys in white.

He walked forwards, grabbing the larger of the Hueco's shoulder and flung him back into the opposite wall. He hadn't expected that, staggering back and glared at the strawberry sophomore.

"What the fuck, ya lil shit?" He roared, his teal eyes glaring holes through Ichigo. He almost shivered, but just clenched a fist.

"Why don't you find a puppy to kick instead of picking on another guy, huh?" He hissed, looking over his new enemy's form. He was well built, muscular, but not too much so. The sleeves of his white uniform were already frayed and torn at the ends, and his spiky blue hair was sure to attract more attention than Ichigo's ever would. The smaller built, lean man stood up straight, and then adjusted his uniform to be just as pristine. His emerald eyes looked up at Ichigo from behind his long, black bangs, seeming to give some silent thanks before just walking past the tall boy, making his frown practically turn upside-down in absurdity.

"C'mon Ulquiorra, quit being sucha tightass!" The tall freak started to saunter after Ulquiorra, snickering to himself and leaving the bluenet boy where he was.

The blue haired student glared at Ichigo for a few more moments before he stood, walking after his tall companion. "He can't help that he's a priss, lil shit." He responded to him as he started to catch up.

Ichigo frowned as Ulquiorra walked off without a word of thanks to him, but was distracted by the glare the blue haired Hueco had sent him. Shaking his head, he walked down the adjacent hallway to his home base class.


Sitting in a free desk, Ichigo watched his other classmates file in. There were more sophomores he didn't know that came from middle schools closer to this region, but was slightly relieved to find a familiar, tattooed face. "Hey Renji!" Ichigo smirked as the flaming red-head looked over, and threw the same look back.

"Yo strawberry, talk about luck."

"Don't call me strawberry, your hair is redder than mine!" Ichigo clicked his pen as Renji took the seat next to him.

"Yeah right; so, this place is kinda boring so far. I expected somethin' more like The Outsiders."

"You call this boring? I stopped a fight before getting in here." Ichigo replied calmly, making Renji's eyes widen.

"A fight? Who, where, when?" Ichigo laughed at his friend getting excited over something like a hallway brawl.

"Just a few of those Hueco kids beating up a smaller guy, there was a tall dude and then a blue haired punk."

"Huh, seems there's some freaky thing about all those Hueco guys. Haven't seen any chicks in white yet…or did you find one?" He grinned, nudging Ichigo in the side.

"Oh haha, I'm sure you'd be the one to find a giant pair before me." Ichigo retorted, nudging him back. Renji hesitated before nodding, and adding a cheesy smirk.

"Hells yeah." Renji looked forward as the bell for class to begin rang. A tall man with black, curly and unruly hair stepped into the front. He didn't wear a tie, leaving the top two buttons of his dress shirt undone, and his suit was kept oddly straight. He took off his dark colored glasses, showing black eyes on his unshaven face.

"Morning class, This'll be your home base for the rest of your sophomore year. I'm Mr. Zangetsu, or if you must, just Tensa or Zangetsu. When I call yer name say here or not. Abarai Renji."

"Here." Renji said, raising an eyebrow to Ichigo. The strawberry just shook his head, knowing that his teacher seemed a little out of the ordinary, but he wasn't about to judge a guy in black. A few more students replied, including a very loud "P-present!" From an Inoue girl he had a faint memory of seeing once in middle school.

"Jiruga Nnoitra."

"Here." Ichigo jumped a little as he looked to the back of the class. Sure enough, the sickeningly disturbing grin on the tall Hueco's face flashed back at him. Ichigo's eyes narrowed a little as Jiruga snickered under his breath to another blond boy in white next to him. Ichigo never thought that he'd be a sophomore…well, unless he was held back. That thought wouldn't have surprised him.

"Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Here…" Ichigo frowned but sat facing forwards again. Renji on the other hand was looking from the back of the room to his friend.

"Who's that, Ichi?" He couldn't resist a grin when Ichigo glared at him for the nickname.

"That's the tall Hueco I told you about."

"Oh, hell I didn't think you meant that tall." Renji looked back again, stopping halfway while Ichigo slapped him on the shoulder.

"Didn't your mom tell you it's rude to stare?"

"Hey, you were checking him out before I was!" Renji snickered and earned a punch in the arm. Ichigo heard someone clear their throat, and looked forward to be completely eyelevel with the chest of his home base teacher. He looked back up, finally meeting eyes with him.

"Sorry, sir."

"I'd appreciate if you were not checking out your fellow classmates while I'm doing attendance, Kurosaki." A sharp snicker came from the back of the room, and Ichigo didn't need to turn around to know who produced it. His cheeks heated a little but he nodded, and Zangetsu went back to the front of the room.

"Lindocruz Tesla." The teacher just continued before even making it back to his desk. The blond Hueco boy next to Jiruga responded more quiet but just as nervous as Inoue had. Ichigo tried to sustain his blush by occupying himself with the writing on his pen. Seireitei bank, you can trust us! 222-SOUL. Ichigo didn't even remember taking a pen from the bank, but his father was notorious for pen-thievery.

A few names later, Zangetsu had finished marking his list and looked at the clock on the wall. "Ya got ten minutes to figure out where your next class is." He then proceeded to sit at his desk and type on his laptop. Renji grinned and unfolded a sheet of paper that had obviously been shoved in his pocket without any care.

"Ichi, classes, now!" He nudged his friend, who jumped slightly out of his forced distraction.

"Right," he dug in his messenger bag and pulled out his schedule, setting it on the table next to Renji's. "We got Kuchiki's English class together." He said after inspection.

"Yeah, the one we can't fuck around in."

"I'd rather not fuck around with my fellow classmates, Abarai." Ichigo said solemnly, causing Renji to laugh and slap Ichigo in the back.


The bell for first period rang ten minutes later. Renji waved to Ichigo and headed down the west hallway, as Ichigo headed east. On his way towards first period, Health, he looked up in time to meet eyes with fierce teal ones. His own copper eyes narrowed at the bluenet that was practically stabbing him with said fierce look. Jiruga appeared at his side and elbowed the blue haired one.

"Neh, Grimmjow, lemme introduce ya to Strawberry Kurosaki, biggest fag in B-1." His grin grew more vicious, just craving to see Ichigo seethe. He was only mildly disappointed, as Ichigo snapped a glare at him, but did nothing more. Grimmjow got a feral smirk too, sending shivers down Ichigo's spine.

"Heh, aren't sophomores all fags, Jiruga? You bein' one twice is explanation enough fer that."

"Ah, so the tall freak was held back." Ichigo thought to himself.

"Shut up or I'll knock ya out!" Nnoitra was just starting to pick a fight now. Ichigo shook his head and went to walk around the two.

"Nice to meet you both."

"Later, Berry-chan." Grimmjow grinned and started to snicker as Ichigo shot him another glare, but figured that fighting in a hallway against a junior would be even worse than his name meaning being misunderstood.

Ichigo let out a breath he'd been holding. The bluenet's smirk that made him shiver…he hadn't experienced something like that before. As awkward as it seemed, it was a good kind of shiver, and made him a bit more curious about the blue-haired punk. He'd even defended him…a little.

"Oi Berry, think we got our first class together, neh?" Ichigo let out another sigh, looking up out of the corner of his eye to see Nnoitra practically leering back down.

"You and 28 others, Jiruga."

"Eh, Health is a boring-as-fuck class anyways."

Wait, how did Jiruga know his first period? Or better yet, why the hell was he talking to him?

"I bet you'd know if you've taken it twice already, right?" Ichigo got a small grin as Nnoitra's disappeared.

"At least back at Las Noches it was, and don't start thinkin' yer any better than me, ya' little shit."

"Wouldn't dream of it…" He muttered, thinking just the opposite.

Ichigo ignored any other conversation Jiruga tried to force him into, just walking into his health classroom, stifling a laugh as Nnoitra almost hit his head on the low doorway. A lanky man with long white hair stood at the front of the class. He too was in a black suit, but had more white accents than Zangetsu. Ichigo also noticed about 5 stacks of Kleenix boxes on the teacher's desk, as well as a good supply in his pocket.

He took a seat in the last row, next to a window. To his disappointment, Nnoitra sat behind him. He would have tolerated him sitting to his side, like Renji had, but having an uncomfortable stranger behind him just made it more uncomfortable. Oh, and he had to prop his feet up on the back of his desk and shove him forwards. Damn long-legged people.

Ichigo glared at him as he was shoved a good foot and a half from the Hueco behind him. Nnoitra leaned back in his desk, crossing his arms and waved with that undressing look he constantly wore on his snake-like face. Ichigo looked forwards again, doing his best to ignore the eyes on the back of his head trying to make him uneasy. He had to admit, Nnoitra may suck at school, but he was a professional creeper. Students filed in for the next couple minutes, none being any familiar faces. Ichigo convinced himself that was normal, since he'd just moved to this region. Most other people he recognized would have went to the other high school on the north side. The bell rang, silencing his thoughts as the teacher coughed into one of his tissues.

"Good morning class, I'm Mr. Ukitake, and I'll be trying to teach you something about Health this semester." The white haired man started, having a calm smile on his face even with his sickly demeanor. He went through attendance quickly, and Ichigo still hadn't even recognized a name other than the person's that was kicking his seat. Ukitake wasted no time beginning a lesson, but stated that they didn't need to take notes. Ichigo sat, not bored, but more so distracted. He looked out the window at cloudy skies and tanning grass as Autumn set in, then the classroom. For every student in black, there was one in white; both were dotted all around the classroom. Ichigo had the mild urge to play a game of Othello, and not read the play of it. He did notice that there wasn't a complete barrier. Most of the white wearing students were sitting on the right side of the room, while the others were on the left. There was only one thing that broke that combo—Ichigo, sitting on the right side.

His thoughts left him again with another kick under his seat, which was Nnoitra attempting to move. He then swore obscenities under his breath as he tangled his clown shoes up in the barred baskets that were meant hold textbooks. Served the bastard right.


A/N:

Since a lack of reading fanfiction struck me, I've been reading the Bleach fanfics I had forgotten about, and more.

So, Now I wanna write another Bleach one, since I've gotten NO feedback on my GinxHitsu story after coming out of a long hiatus, and then wanting to rewrite it.

However, I refuse to read or watch any more Bleach. I put it on strike for myself after some serious BS. B.S. TITE. LISTEN.

SO. All Bleach fics I write will be BEFORE Aizen attacks Karakura town, and before Yammy's whole B.S.

I can live with Szayel dying Q_Q doesn't mean any of my fics will end that way. F*ckin Mayuri godmoder…

By the way, about the title…I was looking up Latin phrases I could use as a title, but decided that Spanish would be more fitting, and use Latin for chapters. While searching popular Spanish phrases and translations, I got: Welcome, where is the bathroom?, do you speak Spanish?, stop!, and my hovercraft is full of eels.

I could not resist.

Also, just as I was writing this up…I happened to think about the uniforms being black and white mixing in the class rooms…I thought of that game 'Othello'…would that be a good title or what?

Not nearly as amusing, and there's also a Shakespeare thing called Othello too…

ANYWAYS…This fic will include several pairings all tied into one at the end.

Ones I'm planning on having:

Grimmjow x Ichigo (Main)

Gin x Hitsugaya (hint of Aizen x Gin)

Szayel x Ishida

MAYBE Byakuya x Renji (I've never written as these two…well)

And Nnoitra being a horndog to everyone.

Any other pairing suggestions? Pretty much every character will be in here.

If you say Ulquiorra x Orihime I'll kill you! (jk…but really it ain't happening if I can't puke all over this document)

! Please R&R !