Is This Really It?

My name is Isabella Swan. Friends call me Bella. This is one of my stories.

I was 18, in college and a total slut. I liked to drink, dabbled in drugs (nothing bad- some weed, LSD and a little X every now and then) and I liked boys. And I'll be damned, but the boys liked me too.

I wasn't always like this though. When I was in high school I was totally crazy in love with my boyfriend Liam. He was grungy, moody, and he played the guitar. We dated for three of my four high school years. He took my virginity, took my love, and took my pride when he dumped me for no good reason a week before prom.

I blame Liam for my destructive behavior that emerged when I went to college. I just didn't care anymore. I was 2,000 miles away from my small hometown in upstate NY. Yeah. I used college as an excuse to run away to Miami. Don't judge. It was a fresh start. I figured I could be anyone I wanted to be. And I wanted to be "that girl" You know, the one that parties, gets all the boys, has all the friends. The girl who's not afraid of anything.

Long story short, I became "that girl" rather quickly. I drank, I got tattooed, and I even sang really bad karaoke. I flirted shamelessly. If I liked a guy, I told him. If he liked me too, we usually ended up in the sack. I rarely kept a steady boyfriend around. I was often dating more than one guy at a time actually. I was reckless, crazy. Tried everything you could try in the bedroom (sometimes out of the bedroom too) I even managed to have a threesome (or two) in there. What? They were roommates and totally fucking hot, how could I pick just one?

After I graduated school, I got a job in Orlando as a manager in the Islands of Adventure theme park. I tried to keep up with my fun ways, but found that it got pretty old, pretty fast when you have these things called responsibilities.

Don't get me wrong, I tried to keep up with my less than moral ways. I went out with the crew after work for drinks. We partied; I still screwed around some with random men. I even fucked the shit out of the actor that played Spiderman for the shows in the park. I didn't let him take the mask off. It was hot.

One morning I got up, I had a raging hangover. I had no clue what had happened the night before. I showered and got dressed for work. But when I looked in the mirror and was greeted, not by my crazy ass, fun self. I was greeted by an adult who was dressed in professional attire. All of the sudden it was like a switch had been flipped.

When the fuck did that happen? HOW did this happen? I'm too young to be an adult!

I knew though that it was time to tame my crazy ways. I was 21, had my own apartment, and a job where I was the boss lady. I simply couldn't afford to screw around anymore. And frankly, the idea of continuing on the destructive path scared me. I remember thinking I was very lucky that I hadn't been raped or anything like that in the past. That was also the day I met Jacob.

Jacob was a nice guy. He was older (by 7 years), funny, kind, and cute. He worked at the park as well. (Well, he worked in City Walk, just outside the park.) He rarely drinks, has never done drugs, and has only had sex with women he'd considered serious girlfriends.

Who knew guys did that? Weird.

He was short. Only about 5'8 to my 5'4. I prefer taller men, but this was OK. He was built solidly, but was still slender. Most of all, it seemed that he actually liked ME. Not just my hot bod, not the fact that I was talented in drinking shots with my hands tied behind my back, and not because he'd heard I was an easy lay. He liked me for me.

He asked me out, and I accepted. We had a real date a few nights later. He picked me up, brought me flowers, opened doors, took me to dinner (he even paid!) and then to the movies (he paid AGAIN!) and then drove me home. He didn't try to get fresh with me; he didn't even try to kiss me. It was all new. I liked it. I felt like I was someone special. The whole night he paid attention to me, and only me. We talked, we got along. I think I liked him too. I think I could possibly fall in love with him.

What? That's odd. I've never thought that before.

Fast forward to one year later.

Jacob and I are still together but I'm not so sure anymore. Yes, we had confessed our love to each other. We were even talking about moving in together. But in the back of my head I kept wondering if I was just settling for second best. I still noticed the hot guys that would come my way. I always turned them down, but there were times when it was very VERY difficult to do that.

You don't do that when you're really in love do you? What the hell do I know? Maybe it's normal.

A prime example of my confusion: a new shop opened in Marvel Super Hero Island (that's where I still worked, managing all the food locations) Emmett was the manager of this new Oakley store. He was, for lack of better terms, fucking gorgeous. Tall, dark hair, light eyes and muscles. Not just any muscles. I swear even his muscles had muscles. I still drool thinking of him. He, of course, noticed me. How could he not? I'm 5'4, long brown hair, slender but toned. I have a decent rack and a nice ass. He would flirt when we'd pass by each other during work. He always part with some sexy innuendo. I flirted back. He gave me shades, I took them. If I offered lunch, he'd come. We hung out after work one night. There were drinks. There was some ass grinding dancing. We kissed. I wanted more. I freaked and left.

Back to the story at hand though- It's May, I had been working my ass off lately. (Not just at my job, but to avoid Emmett as well.) Jacob was sweet; he took me to Disney World for my day off. It had been years since I'd been there and I was excited to see Mickey. We went in and I played the typical tourist. I snapped pictures of everything. Jacob asked one of the professional photographers to follow us to take a picture in front of Cinderella's castle, but I didn't think much of it. He was easily excited by simple things like us getting a semi-professional picture together. Little did I know what was really going on.

As the photographer got situated I stood in awe of the castle. I had always wanted to be a princess, and here I was. I stood in front of a beautiful castle. I glanced at Jacob and turned back to the castle to think.

He really does treat me like a princess. Am I ungrateful because I'm not sure if I want to stick around? Maybe. Sure, I loved him. Sex isn't great. It's- OK- at best. But not bad. Aren't you supposed to have great sex if you're in love though? I don't know. I have a good thing going, why mess it up now? Let's enjoy the day and I'll think more later.

That's when I turned around. Jacob was on his knee, a small black box in his hand, a shiny diamond sparkling up from the inside.

Oh shit. This isn't happening. I'm not ready for this!

He had tears in his eyes while he asked me to be his wife. I was stunned. But I said yes.

Now, don't get me wrong, I really do love Jake. I didn't want to hurt him. And really, what else could I say? Maybe this is what I've been waiting for. Maybe this is what I've needed. Maybe it'll finally click the way it should.

Later that day we told everyone our news. My parents were happy. His parents were happy. All of our siblings and friends were happy. Everyone was happy. Me? I was content is suppose. I was still in shock too. I mean really? Me getting married? Hell must have frozen over. Pigs are flying. Bella Swan was never destined to be married!

I plastered a fake smile on my face and threw myself into wedding planning almost immediately. I was very meticulous in my planning. It kept my mind off the actual deed of getting married. I didn't know the first thing about being a wife. I still wasn't sure I even wanted to be a wife. Of course, I would never tell that to Jacob. He was over the moon about the start of our new life together.

Another year goes by. It's mid-May and it's suddenly time to take that fateful walk down the aisle. Everything was seemingly perfect. My dress was something out of a fairytale. Every little detail had come together just as I pictured.

Everything, except for me.

As soon as I woke up that morning I knew in the pit of my stomach I was making a mistake. I shouldn't marry Jacob Black.