*A/N: This is my first Castle story, so there might be some OOC moments. This idea came into my head and wouldn't go away until I wrote it. I had planned breaking it up into separate chapters, but I never found a place to really make a nice break, so I've kept it all together. The story takes place sometime after 3x20 SLICE OF DEATH. And for the purposes of my story, Josh still goes to Haiti, but only for a month or two. Rating is for language and mature content.
*2nd A/N (1/14/2014): It has been brought to my attention that some of what happens between Castle and Beckett may be triggering. So I'd like to put a WARNING here that this story does invovle some non-consensual sexual content.
Not Going Anywhere:
A Richard Castle and Kate Beckett Story
There was obviously a connection between them, something she had long tried to ignore, but it was there nonetheless, unwilling to go away. And now, of all times, she could not deny it any longer. Detective Kate Beckett sat quietly at her desk in the 12th precinct, having arrived early that morning, not wanting to be home alone, absently chewing on her pencil as she stared blankly at her computer screen, finding herself thinking back to that night four weeks ago.
They had just solved a particularly trying case, one that hit close to home for Beckett. A mother had been killed. The events around the case were more traumatic, it had been a home invasion, but it still reminded her about her mother, especially since the woman had been a civil rights lawyer. After hounding the suspect for what seemed like hours, Beckett was beginning to lose faith. But then, out of nowhere, Castle leaned forward on his elbows, stared hard at the suspect for what seemed like twenty minutes, and then spoke in a soft calm voice, saying just one word. Beckett could not remember the word he had said, but it did not matter, because all it took was that one word for the man to crack. Almost immediately he started blubbering like an infant, and confessed.
After taking down his confession, Beckett and Castle left the interrogation room, handing the perp over to a uniform for processing. Castle, flushed with victory, did a fist pump and was his usual annoying self. The plan had then been to go to the Old Haunt and celebrate, but Ryan had to go pick Jenny up from the airport, Lanie and Esposito seemed to disappear, and the Captain had gone home to his wife and kids. Beckett understood Montgomery's need to see his family, especially after the kind of case they had just had. So, that just left her and Rick Castle, the nine-year old trapped in a man's body.
Normally, when it was just the two of them, Beckett would back out and say she was going home, but that night, after the case they had just had, she did not want to be alone. Josh was off "saving the world," so if she went back to her apartment, she would be alone. And Castle was there… and not going anywhere. However, instead of going to the Old Haunt, which in retrospect would have been wiser, Beckett took him back to her place. As she popped open a bottle of wine—not the fancy stuff Castle was used to, but he made no complaints—and poured two glasses, he wondered around her living room, doing his best to look like he wasn't poking around.
"CASTLE! Stop snooping. And sit down!" she snapped at him and handed him his glass, tossing off her heels, and encouraging him to removed his shoes as well, as they sat down on the couch.
He smiled, oh so charmingly, as he always did, and they settled into their celebration. And all they really did, for the longest time, was just talk. God, she couldn't even remember what they talked about, it wasn't anything really important, it was just talk. He'd tell her some of his ideas for Nikki Heat, which she would scoff and balk at, but secretly enjoyed. And talking about Nikki Heat only seemed to make Castle bolder, either it was that or it was the wine. He'd tell her some of his silly dirty jokes, and he would not hesitate to take something she said and turn it into innuendo.
They finished off the wine bottle and Beckett brought out the really strong stuff, a bottle of vodka that she had been saving for a special occasion. She did not know why she brought it out, but she did. Then, it was either the vodka talking, or the late hour, but Castle started to say wildly inappropriate comments that left Beckett blushing. Of course, he assured her, absently placing a hand on her leg, that he was just telling her what Rook thought about when he was with Nikki Heat, not what Rick Castle thought when he was with Kate Beckett. She gave him a laugh, but saw straight through it, knowing the truth behind his words.
It was not until his speech began to really slur that Beckett realized that Castle was getting drunk. She thought it was amusing, and it was at that moment that she should have ended the evening, but she did not. Somewhere, deep down, Beckett wanted the evening to continue. She knew that she was potentially crossing into dangerous territory, but at the time, she did not care. She just did not want to be alone, especially after a case that had reminded her of her mother's case and all the memories and emotions that that stirred up and brought up to the surface.
So, she just sat there quietly, sipping from her glass at a steady pace, not knowing why she was trying to get Castle so drunk. Later, Beckett would realize it was because she wanted him to think it had been a dream, but at the time, she did not even want to admit that to herself. She just did not want to be alone. She needed the companionship and warmth of another human being… and Josh was off "saving the world." And… and Castle was there, and not going anywhere.
It was an hour past midnight and Castle was really out of it, but still conscious enough to speak. Under this inebriated state, something happened, and his juvenile impish attitude vanished for a moment. He gazed hard at her with his fogged eyes, just staring.
"You know why I'm still shadowing you, don't you, Kate?" he asked, dead serious, though highly intoxicated.
Beckett paused and merely looked at him blankly, not trusting herself to speak. She had a good idea why, but she never wanted to admit it. It had been hanging over them ever since he had returned after his summer in the Hamptons and had become even more pronounced when he broke up with Gina. But then there was Josh, and she did not want to ruin that like she had ruined her relationship with Demming. Especially if she was mistaken. But Castle was just so damn charming and cute. And God… how she just wanted to jump his bones, at least once.
"Yes, Castle, I do," she spoke hesitantly.
"God, your so beautiful," Castle murmured, and his hand came up to hold the side of her face.
Beckett trembled slightly, not knowing what to do. Castle was obviously drunk and not in command of his faculties. The man she had grown to know over the past three years would never be this forward, especially with how much she knew he respected her, not just as a person, but as a woman. But she also knew how much he cared for her. She had tried denying it, even pretending that it wasn't real, but that had just been lying to herself.
If there was a single event that she could pinpoint and say that's when she truly started to realize how much Castle cared for her, it had to be when Natalie Rhodes tagged along with them that one week. During the past two years that Castle had been shadowing her, many people assumed that they were also sleeping together, which couldn't have been further from the truth. Yet, despite that, people who did not know them just assumed that, which had annoyed Beckett greatly because she was seeing Josh. But then, when she saw the actress, dressed the part (and with a brunette wig to boot), kissing Castle in the elevator, something inside her snapped, her chest had tightened and her eyebrows had lowered. She was confused, not knowing what it was. Could it have been jealousy… or envy?
The morning after had been awkward, to say the least, and then when she learned that Castle hadn't slept with Natalie, like she had assumed, she felt terrible and thrilled at the same time. Then when Natalie sat down next to her, poking and prodding her with all these questions about her and her relationship with Castle, Beckett started to get nervous. And then the actress told her something that many others had, that Castle was in to her. But the actress made it clear that she wasn't just talking about an infatuation or crush, but a whole hearty head over your heels kind of thing, a real deep longing, something that would make Richard Castle sacrifice anything for Kate Beckett, even his own happiness.
Natalie went on to explain that since Castle could not have the real Kate Beckett, he had created a fictional version of her and himself in his novels in the guise of Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook, using that outlet to fantasize about being with her. Beckett had been forced to admit to herself that it was very much, as the actress had called it, a form of verbal masturbation. There was no denying it any longer, the reason behind Castle's continued presence. He loved her.
And it seemed that his love was unconditional, because he had stopped his normal flirty comments and innuendoes about the two of them in compromising positions. Silently, Beckett had missed them. She had enjoyed the repartee. But it had become clear that he respected her, and had even learned to respect her privacy… and to respect the fact that she was with Josh, even if he wished she was not.
Well, that was what she suspected, and at that moment, when he placed his hand on her cheek, Kate Beckett could think of nothing else except for the fact that the man sitting across from her loved her to such a depth that he was willingly sacrificing his own happiness in watching her have a relationship with another man. And what she did next surprised even her. Beckett placed her glass down on the coffee table, leaned across the couch, and kissed him… kissed Richard Castle!
It wasn't anything like their undercover kiss, but it was enough to stir up all the suppressed feelings she had, forcing them to the surface. Her heart pounded fiercely under her breast as she moved over to straddle his middle with her legs, sucking on his mouth as his hands flailed around uselessly, until she grabbed them and pulled them around her, planting them on her rear, encouraging him to squeeze. She grinded her hips over him and flushed with arousal and need. At that moment, though a little tipsy herself, Beckett was still coherent enough to know what she was doing. She knew that in the morning she might regret it, but at that very moment, she just wanted Castle. She ached for him, and she just had to have him.
Backing away from their kiss, Beckett pulled her shirt off, absently throwing it to the floor as she worked at unhooking her bra. Castle sat there, his eyes growing wide, as if he could not believe what he was seeing. Flinging her bra away, not really paying attention to where it landed, Beckett grabbed Castle's head in her hands and pulled him into her breasts, whispering into his ear what to do. He obeyed without hesitation and soon she was softly panting, gripping his hair tightly in her fists as his lips kissed and suck on her breasts. His hands rested on her lower back, holding her to him. Becket moaned, relishing the feel of his lips on her flesh.
As he worked his way over her breasts, teasing her nipples with his tongue before sucking on them, Castle started to hum and murmur against her skin. She could not entirely make out what he was saying, his speech was still slurred, but from what she could make out, she was able to confidently deduce that he believed himself to be dreaming. Biting her lower lip conspiratorially, Beckett decided to let him think that. Only she would know the truth. It… it would be better that way.
His hands soon joined his lips and Beckett's cheeks began to flush. Her breath grew heavy and turned into quick gasps, and her entire body seemed to tingle as a warmed feeling coalesced between her legs. She pulled his head back and groaned into his mouth, feeling him respond, growing harder under her. Grabbing the sides of his face, she stared into his glazed over eyes, giving herself one last time to stop this. The drunken haze clouding his blue eyes made them sparkle and she lost control. Ramming her mouth against his, Beckett shoved her tongue between his lips and tasted him. Moaning into his mouth, she closed her eyes and hummed with pleasure. He tasted exactly like she had imagined!
Pushing him back, ready to cross the invisible line and into the unknown and dangerous territory, Beckett tugged his shirt out from under his waistband and made quick work of unbuttoning it and pulling it aside. She ran her hands down his bare chest, and followed them with wet kisses, loving how he groaned and rolled his head back as she went further south. Rubbing his thighs, she teased him for a bit, before unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants, pulling them, and his boxers down at the same time.
Meanwhile, his hands frantically worked at her jeans, unbuttoning them and tugging at them. Beckett had to back away to for a moment to pull them off. She stood before him, wearing nothing but her panties. Milking in the sight of him, shirtless and without pants, Beckett ran her hands down her body and slowly removed her panties, running them down her long legs, before kicking them to the side. A funny grin formed on his lips, and Beckett let out a low animalistic growl before pouncing on him.
The moment they connected, Beckett knew it was right. And despite the fact that he was senselessly drunk, Castle was amazing. It wasn't the most graceful or romantic fuck she had ever had, but it was definitely one of the most exciting and passionate. And they just didn't do it on the couch, but on the coffee table, the floor, and the kitchen counter. Hell, they did it everywhere except for the bed. They did so many positions, even some Beckett had never done or even knew existed. And she let him do things to her that she had never let any man do.
Her whole body seemed to come alive and tingle with waves upon waves of pleasure from Castle's attentions. And she liked how he let her control it, but still had the strength to take back that control and put her in her place, and quite literally rock her world, leaving her senseless and breathless all at the same time. When they both succumbed to exhaustion, Beckett laid sprawled out on top of him, thoroughly satisfied, more so than she had ever been, her skin sweaty and her inner thighs sore, but in a good way.
She had loved the feel of being with Castle, not just the physical sense—which was pretty damn amazing—but also the almost spiritual connection they seemed to share. It was the only way she could describe how, even while drunk, he managed to almost read her thoughts and know exactly what she wanted him to do when she was too breathless to tell him. She never wanted it to end, and afterward, curled up next to him on the floor, running her fingers over his bare chest, listening to him snore, Kate Beckett realized that she was in love with him.
Yet it could never work. Sure, the sex was extraordinary, and she could not even begin to fathom what it would be like if he was actually aware of what he was doing, but then her rational side came along, and she remembered Josh, and how kind and good he had been to her. Guilt swept into her heart, and she tried to toss it aside by saying to herself that she had just needed to vent some steam after such an emotional case, even though Beckett knew she was just deluding herself in thinking that. More than just her physical needs had been met that night. Emotional needs had been filled as well. But still, she knew it wasn't right, especially with the fact that she was with Josh, never mind he'd been gone for more than a month, off "saving the world."
Tentatively, she rolled off of Castle and dressed him as he slept in his drunken stupor, almost amazed at how easy it was, reminding her of dressing her toy dolls as a girl, except this "doll" was life-sized and ruggedly handsome. She dragged him to the couch, put a pillow under his head and then tossed a spare blanket over him. Let him think it was a dream, she told herself. Beckett then went about cleaning her apartment, destroying the evidence of what they had done. She disposed of the empty bottles and washed the glasses. Then, after she took a quick shower, she crawled into her bed and went to sleep.
The following morning, Castle woke up groggily, complaining of a splitting headache, but gave no indication that he remembered anything that had happened. Part of her was disappointed, because it had been so great and memorable for her that it felt a shame he did not remember it as well. But the other half was glad. Then he made her feel guilty when he apologized for getting so drunk that he had passed out and thanked her for letting him crash on her couch. He even apologized for anything he might have said or done that he was unaware of. Beckett merely bit her tongue and told him he had been a perfect gentleman.
The next couple of days were nerve-racking for Detective Kate Beckett. Every time Castle came to the precinct to assist on an investigation, she had difficulty not remembering their wild night together. She tested him a few times, letting herself say something that he could easily turn into some innuendo about her and him to prove that he remembered, but when she did, he just let it pass by without comment. It was odd, and almost irritating. Even Ryan and Esposito seemed to notice the change in their dynamic. Everyone was used to his highly inappropriate jokes and it was strange not hearing them.
As the days turned into a week, Beckett came to the conclusion that he did not remember anything. Castle was not the type to ignore what had happened, especially with how much she knew he cared about her. She had often called him a child, but there were many sides to Castle that she knew she was one of the rare few to actually see. Sides like the caring and loving father, when he'd be concerned for Alexis. She secretly loved the fact that he confided in her and asked her advice. But, as of late, that had been the extent of their personal banter. Even though she knew he was head over heels for her, he seemed determined not to make a move as long as she was seeing Josh.
Two weeks after she had slept with Castle, Josh arrived back from Haiti and she met him at the airport. They went back to her place and had sex. It was good, and satisfying, but not as great as her night with Castle. And it did not help that she had thought about Castle the whole time.
The elevator bell dinged and Beckett was pulled from her thoughts. She looked up and tried to stifle her blush as Castle entered the precinct, holding two cups of coffee. He sat down in his chair and placed her cup down in front of her.
"You're here early, Detective," he said, smiling oh so charmingly.
She grudgingly accepted the coffee and made some excuse, before turning away and quickly accessing a file on her computer to make it look like she was going over a report. Castle seemed to sense her need for some quiet time, and she was amazed when he did not pester her for information. He merely stood and went over to join Esposito and Ryan. The two detectives had just arrived, as well, and were in the middle of a heated debate over the potential NFL lockout.
It took a couple of minutes before she realized that she was staring at Castle, and Beckett quickly averted her eyes, turning back into her own thoughts, almost feeling guilty that she was wishing for a murder. She'd welcome anything that could distract her from her thoughts, but the universe seemed to want her to squirm.
Drifting back to her memories, Beckett remembered back to when it all started to crumble down, when the proverbial shit hit the fan, so to speak. It had been three weeks since the incident, as she was starting to call it, and she missed her period. Her first response was to curse herself for not thinking. She could have gotten a condom out of her nightstand drawer before she fucked him, but when she had been in lost in the moment, had not been thinking. And she didn't take the morning after pill. She wasn't mad a Castle, but she was irritable and snappish at him the entire day. He was understandably confused.
She called her OB-GYN and set up an appointment. Beckett didn't trust home pregnancy tests; she had had problems with them before when she had been with Will Sorenson. She was apprehensive and nervous when the doctor came back with the test results. She sat Beckett down and told her that the tests were positive. They ran some more tests and when the doctor informed her that she was three weeks along, Beckett nearly panicked.
There was no doubt of whom the father was, and it was not Josh. She knew when he found out, he would immediately know that the child was not his; he was smart and could do the math. And Beckett did not have it in her to have an abortion. So there was no way out of it. However, in the long run, she supposed it was a good thing, because it was going to force her to finally face the fact that she was in love with Richard Castle, and that staying with Josh was just not fair to either him or her.
Beckett waited two days to tell Josh. It was not that she wanted to string him along or anything like that, she just needed that time to gain the courage to tell him. When she finally told him, he took it better than she thought he would. Josh admitted to her that deep down he had known that they weren't going to last, that he could tell she didn't love him. He didn't ask who the father was, but Beckett had a feeling he suspected. He had no ill feelings, and wished her all the best, telling her that if she ever needed anything, he'd be there. She cried herself to sleep that night, feeling terrible for breaking his heart. Even though he didn't say it, she knew she had.
Now all that was left for her to do was to tell Castle. For the rest of the week, Beckett had been on high alert at the precinct, anxious anytime she was around Castle. At some point she knew her condition would start to show, but she was too nervous to act. What if he didn't want another child? How would he react when she told him about their night together? Would he feel violated? Used?
Lanie noticed her apprehension and called her down to autopsy one day to talk. Beckett was nervous, knowing that her friend had an almost sixth sense when it came to these sort of things.
"So, what's going on, girl?" Lanie asked pointedly when Beckett walked through the doors.
Beckett glanced around, making sure they were alone, and then swore her to secrecy. "Remember that case a couple of weeks ago, the home invasion where the wife was raped and killed while the children and husband were tied up in the kitchen?"
"Okay," Beckett continued, sucking in a quick breath of oxygen, trying to calm her nerves. "So, after we caught the bastard, we were all supposed to go out to celebrate, but Ryan had to go pick up Jenny, the Captain went home, and you and Esposito… well, I don't know what you two were doing, but if I tell you mine, you tell me yours… Deal?"
The M.E. crossed her arms and gave a nod. The bargain was struck.
"All right… so, everyone else was gone and it was just Castle and me. We planned on going to the Old Haunt, but… we ended up at my place, instead…," her voice trailed off.
"Oh, girl, this is getting good, please continue," Lanie grinned, her eyes dancing with mischief.
Beckett's cheeks flushed a bit, but she managed to control it by letting out a long frustrated breath. "I opened a bottle of wine… okay, several bottles of wine and one of vodka, and we… well, I sort of got him drunk. Then, I… well, one thing led to another, and we sort of had sex."
"Sort of?" Lanie raised a skeptically eyebrow. "Girl, you don't sort of have sex."
"All right, not sort of, we did. We did it like rabbits!" This time Beckett could not hold back the blush. Her face grew so hot that she felt for sure she'd burst into flames.
"Oh, girl, it's about time," Lanie said, smirking. "Didn't I tell you three years ago that you should just jump his bones."
"Well, it seems I finally took your advice, then," Beckett blushed even more and did not even bother to hold back the smile that wanted to come.
"All right, spill. How was it?"
Beckett blushed bright pink. "You know that feeling you get when you just want to pause time and stay in the moment, when your whole body tingles and comes alive with sensations and feelings that are just too good to let go?" Lanie gave a reluctant nod. "It was better than that," Beckett finished.
"Damn, girl, I want details."
"What do you want to hear?" Beckett asked, frustrated. "That he fucked my brains out, because that's what he did!" She clasped her hand over her mouth, her eyes going wide, as her face went red with embarrassment. She could not believe she had just said that.
Lanie just stood there, her mouth dropped, and a shocked expression on her face. Beckett rarely talked in such a fashion or used such language. It was almost a telltale sign that something was bothering the detective. But the M.E. was smart enough not to push her too much, knowing that Beckett wasn't the kind to easily divulge personal information.
Beckett sucked in a breath and her complexion slowly returned to normal. "I… I'll give you details, Lanie, but perhaps another time… and somewhere more… more private."
"What could be more private than autopsy? All we've got is stiffs here… ooh, no pun intended," Lanie laughed.
The joke only made Beckett blush all the more, knowing how Castle would jump on that and turn it into one of his famous innuendoes.
"Wait? What about Motorcycle Doctor Man?" the M.E. asked, knitting her eyebrows together, suddenly remembering Beckett was with Josh.
"He… he was out of the country when it happened," she replied, ignoring the real point of the question.
"Oh no you don't, Kate," Lanie wagged a disappointed finger at her. "Are you still with Josh, or are you and Castle an item now?"
Beckett closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, leaning back against the wall. "It's a little more complicated than that, Lanie," she answered.
"How complicated, then?" Lanie asked, narrowing her eyes, almost as if she already knew the answer.
Taking a long breath, Beckett looked up at the ceiling for a moment before returning her gaze to her friend. "I… I'm pregnant," she confessed.
"Yes." Beckett nodded. "Josh and I broke up on Tuesday, when I told him," she averted her eyes, feeling ashamed. "I didn't mean to cheat on him with Castle… it just sort of happened. I was in a dark place after that case, it reminded me of my mom. And well, Castle was there, and he wasn't going anywhere. I don't know… it was like all my suppressed feelings just broke through the surface and I couldn't help myself."
Lanie nodded sympathetically as if she understood. Beckett had a feeling that she did. Almost all her friends knew that Castle was in love with her, and had been for over two years. Despite the fact she was, according to the Captain and many others, one of the NYPD's best detectives, she had been the one not to see it. But when she had broken things off with Tom Demming, somewhere, deep down, Beckett had known that she had been lying to him about why, that she had feelings for Castle and was finally willing to cross that line and see where it would take her. After all the heart wants what the heart wants. But the aftermath of that break up had no gone as planned, with Castle leaving for the Hamptons with his ex-wife.
She hugged herself and shivered in the cold of the morgue, steeling herself to make her last confession. "But that's not the half of it, Lanie," she spoke up. "I got Castle so drunk that night that he doesn't remember a thing. I was so worried afterwards that I might have potentially destroyed our friendship that I practically cleaned my entire apartment, disposing of the evidence. After I was done, not even the CSU could find anything. I put him on the couch, put a pillow under his head, and tossed a spare blanket over him. The next morning, when he woke, he said nothing, except apologizing for passing out and thanking me for allowing him to crash on the couch. Since then, I've dropped all these hints to see if he remembered. And you know Castle; if he knew... he wouldn't let it go. But no, he… he thinks it was just a dream."
"Oh girl," Lanie shook her head. "You've got to tell the poor man that he's your baby's daddy. We all know he's crazy about you."
"But what if he doesn't want another kid? I mean... I see how worried he gets over Alexis. What if he doesn't want to go through that again?" Beckett was close to a panic; she could almost feel the walls closing in around her. "What if this ruins our friendship? Once I tell him, there'll be no going back!"
Lanie shook her head at her, suppressing a laugh. "You have nothing to worry about, Kate. Writer boy will do anything for you, and furthermore," she crossed her arms, "you know it! So tell him already!"
Beckett stood there for a moment, torn between the basic instinct of flight or fight. She would give up almost anything to be with Castle again, now knowing how strong the connection between them was, but she was wary about destroying the relationship they had now. Closing her eyes, she racked her brain for a decision. Taking a shallow breath, Beckett opened her eyes and realized that she had to tell him; it was the right thing to do. She wanted to be with Castle, and if that meant risking the friendship they had, then she was willing to do it to take that relationship to the next level. Turning to Lanie, she nodded and assured her friend that she was going to tell him, that she just needed some more time to figure out how to break the news.
And that was where she found herself now, four weeks pregnant, with only her OB-GYN, Josh, Lanie, and the Captain knowing. She hadn't even told her father yet. Beckett didn't think it would be right to tell him before she told Castle. She looked up from her computer screen and watched as he goofed off with Ryan and Esposito. Gritting her teeth together, she decided that she had to tell him now before she began showing.
Slowly, she stood up, taking a deep breath through her nose to prepare herself. "Castle?"
He turned. "Yes, Detective?" he grinned boyishly, his eyes dancing with amusement at whatever the three of them had been discussing.
"I'd like a word with you…," she said, knitting her eyebrows together. "In private."
"Ooh!" he smirked and looked back at Ryan and Esposito. "Looks like I have to go to the principle's office, boys."
"Behave yourself, dude," Esposito said, while Ryan just shook his head, chuckling.
Castle practically skipped over to her. She rolled her eyes, but could not help but smile at his child-like innocence… but she knew the truth about that as well. Castle was anything but innocent, the things he did to her that night were beyond imagining, and no child, not even a big one like Rick Castle, should know how to do such things. Quickly putting back on her mask of the Detective Beckett, momentarily hiding Kate Beckett, the woman, she led them to the breakroom, closing the door behind them.
"Am I in trouble?" Castle asked, a big grin on his face.
"Castle… shut up!" Beckett snapped, leaning back against the wall. "Sit down. And listen!"
Castle obeyed her without hesitation, grabbing a chair and sliding it out from under the table and sat down, folding his hands in his lap like an attentive student. She had to smirk at that, remembering how well he had been at obeying her commands that night, submitting to her will. But there had also been times when he took control. Though, as sloppy as it had been while he was drunk, it had still managed to leave her breathless and moaning for more. Shaking her head, Beckett tried to stifle the blush that was coming to her cheeks, but failed miserably.
"Beckett… Kate? What is it?" Castle questioned, his brow furrowing, as he turned serious, seemingly sensing that something was up.
"I'm pregnant," she blurted it out so fast that she didn't know if he had heard her.
His mouth dropped and his eyebrows scrunched up in the most adorable way. She could see tears start to form in his eyes, but he clenched his jaw shut and held them back. Beckett watched as his own mask seemed to flow over his face and attempt to cover his emotions, but he was failing. He stood up awkwardly and pursed his lips together, trying not to show how much this news hurt.
"I… I'm happy for you… and Josh," he pushed out, looking like the entire world had just crumbled.
"Castle…," Beckett spoke tentatively, unsure if she was really prepared to give him this news. "Josh… Josh is not the father."
His eyebrows rose, and though he was still hurting, he could not hide his surprise. "Then… who is?"
Beckett looked away for a moment and rung her hands together. Chewing her lower lip, she looked back up at him. "You are." She let out a quick breath and braced herself for his response.
Castle looked like he was going to faint. "Me? How… I mean, I would remember if we… well, you know."
Suddenly she couldn't stand anymore; her legs seemed to become numb. She closed her eyes, overcome with a feeling of nausea. Beckett had been prepared for the morning sickness, but had been greatly surprised when it came at all hours of the day. She wanted to find the jackass who labeled it "morning" sickness and strangle him for his misleading choice of words. Despite her better judgment, she pushed herself off from the wall and made for the sink. She swayed and stumbled, and would have fallen if it hadn't been for Castle.
He was by her side in a heartbeat, looking concerned and confused. Letting her lean on him, he helped her to the sink, where he held back her hair as she emptied her stomach. When she was finished, she looked at him and smiled warily.
"Yeah, really sexy, huh?" she grumbled sarcastically.
Despite his concern and confusion, he gave her a weak smile. As she steadied herself against the counter, he poured a glass of water for her. She took it with a smile and nod, and hesitantly took a few sips. Turning around, she managed to make her way over to a chair without needing to vomit. Sitting down with a mix between a huff and a groan, Beckett looked over to see Castle still standing by the sink.
"So, Detective Beckett, tell me, how exactly am I the father of your baby?" he asked, crossing his arms. "Because, for that the be true, we would have needed to do certain things… things that we have never done. Unless you've managed to track down the sperm bank I frequented with donations when I was in college." He smirked, amused at himself.
She took a deep breath and averted her gaze for a moment. His jesting only made her feel more guilty. Brushing a long strand of her hair behind an ear, she looked back up into his eyes, seeing the adult Castle looking back at her. It was a sight she rarely saw, but one she relished. She bit her lower lip and blinked, readying herself to tell him about that night four weeks ago.
"Remember that home invasion case?" she asked.
"Yeah," he smiled cockily, no doubt remembering how he got the suspect to confess by just saying one word. He almost did a little fist pump, to congratulate himself again, but seemed to think better of it. "I remember getting stoned drunk that night, something I rarely do anymore—" His voice trailed off as his eyes grew wide with understanding. "O! M! G! That was no dream, was it?"
Beckett gave a quick nod. "No. It was very much real."
"My god, Kate," he crossed the distance between them and knelt before her. "I am so sorry. I would never have—"
She covered his mouth with her hand, silencing him. "It wasn't your fault, Castle," she explained. "If anything, I was the one who took advantage of you, not the other way around. It was a combination of so many things, the case, the loneliness… my… my true feelings."
"True feelings?" he looked up at her, his eyebrows rising in what she could only call hope.
Beckett felt her chest clench as she prepared to admit to him how she really felt about him. This had been three years coming. Hell, she probably knew a year ago, but had been too afraid to admit it. "I love you, Rick Castle…," she pushed out, almost crying with the sheer emotional release of finally telling the truth. And then added, somewhat lightheartedly, "I'm your number one fan!"
Castle's jaw dropped and he stared up at her in utter shock.
"Well?" she sniffled, wiping away a tear that had escaped. "Aren't you going to say anything?"
"What about Josh?"
"What about Josh!" she snapped back, suddenly angry. "I just tell you that I'm in love with you and that I'm pregnant with your child, and you ask me about Josh!"
"Well, if I'm not mistaken, you still are seeing him," Castle responded, looking away for a moment.
"We broke up," she said. "I had to end it, especially now. It wasn't fair to him, or me. How could I stay in a relationship when I was in love with someone else?"
"No!" she huffed, standing up and pushing him away. "I see. I'm just Nikki Heat to you… nothing more than the inspiration for a character you created."
Castle stood and grabbed her arm, pulling her back. "Dammit, Kate, that's not true. You're much more to me than just that!"
Shocked by his tone and rise in voice, Beckett gulped and looked up at him, not used to seeing him like this. "Let go of my arm!"
"NO!" Castle shouted, grabbing her other arm and pulling her closer. "My god, Kate, don't you know? I'm crazy about you! It stopped being about the books a long time ago."
That left her speechless. When had that happened? Was it before he left with Gina, or after? No, she didn't want to know the answer. She shifted, trying to get out of his hold, but he surprised her with his strength.
"How do you think I feel?" Castle asked. "Knowing that I finally got to make love to you, but that I was too drunk to remember?"
Beckett swallowed past the lump in her throat and looked up into his eyes. He said make love, she thought, not fuck or have sex with, but make love! Taking in a quick breath, she spoke, "Castle… Rick… I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen. Not this way."
"Are you going to get an abortion? Is that it?" he asked, looking sad.
"What do you want then?" he questioned, sounding and looking frustrated.
"I… I don't know," she looked away. Beckett felt trapped and afraid. She had never felt this way about anyone before, and it hurt her so much to know how much pain she had caused him by getting him drunk and taking advantage of his inebriated state. Despite his playboy persona, Beckett knew that Castle was a good man. And he deserved better than someone like her.
"Well, if you don't, I do!" Castle declared. And before she could say anything, his mouth was covering hers in a fierce and passionate kiss. Beckett closed her eyes and trembled slightly, overwhelmed by all the feelings that his touch stirred up in her. Butterflies seemed to be soaring around in her stomach, and her heart thumped profoundly beneath her chest. She hadn't even felt this way with Sorenson, and she had been so close to marrying him.
When Castle backed away, Beckett was left breathless. She absently nipped at the air for a moment before realizing he was no longer there. She blinked her eyes open and saw him staring at her, his eyes no longer trying to hide the love he held for her. A sudden uproar of applause and shouts erupted from outside the breakroom, and Beckett turned, blushing to see that the entire precinct had been watching their conversation through the opened blinds. She went red with embarrassment, chiding herself in not thinking ahead and closing the window shades. She caught a glimpse of Ryan shaking his head and handing over a folded twenty to Esposito, who was grinning in triumph.
Unable to hold back the smile that wanted to work its way onto her lips, Beckett turned back to Castle. "I… I can't believe you just did that," she murmured, softly running her fingertips across her lips, which still tingled with excitement.
"I can't believe you got be drunk and had your way with me," he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. His hands shifted from her arms to pull her into a hug. Beckett allowed her smile to grow as she leaned into his embrace. He nuzzled her neck and breathed into her hair. "If you really wanted me that much, all you had to do was ask," he pressed a soft kiss to her temple, before backing away.
"Now what?" Beckett asked, placing a hand on her stomach.
"I… I don't know," Castle replied, smiling slightly as one of his hands joined hers. "But whatever happens, you're stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere."