"Piss of Renji!"
"What's wrong, can't think of a better insult than that?"
"Can't think of anything better to do than mock me?"
"Can't think of anything better to say than accuse me of mocking you?"
"I'm not accusing you of mocking me because you are mocking me!"
"CAN IT YOU TWO!"
Ichigo and Renji clamped their mouths shut and turned to face the fuming girl beside them.
"Rukia -" Ichigo started, but she cut him off.
"No Ichigo!" she snapped. "I don't want to here it. I've been listening to you two argue for the past half hour and it's driving me CRAZY!" the last word echoed around the deserted corridor for a moment.
Ichigo opened his mouth to defend himself at the exact same moment Renji did - however the sound of hurried footsteps stopped them both abruptly.
"Is that Toshiro?" Ichigo asked in surprise, when the owner of the footsteps emerged.
"It is" Rukia confirmed, frowning slightly. "He looks worried - do you think somethings up?"
Ichigo opened his mouth to call out to him but the sound of more footsteps cut him off yet again.
This time Hinamori came into view, her face a mask of utter rage.
"Geez, Momo looks mad" Renji stated.
"Snowy-chan! Run! Peachy-chan's gaining on us!" yelled a voice that, Ichigo realised, belonged to Yachiru. The small girl had come into view, and was waving frantically at the small taicho who seemed shell-shocked and was staring at something in his hand.
Suddenly Hinamori did something that shocked them all - she tacked Toshiro to the ground.
"What the hell?" Renji cried, while Rukia gasped in shock, covering her mouth with one hand.
Ichigo, Renji and Rukia watched, stunned, as Hinamori made a grab for the thing in Toshiro's hand. Her hand latched onto it but Toshiro refused to let go, a determined look blazing in his teal eyes.
'What the hell is so important that Hinamori would tackle Toshiro to get it?' Ichigo thought, slightly amazed as he watched the two roll around on the floor like a pair of territorial animals.
"HA!" Hinamori cried, reeling back and clutching something in her hand.
'A video tape?' Ichigo thought, blinking rapidly. What was so important about a...?
Renji's voice broke his line of thought.
"Is he holding what I think he's holding?"
"Oh my God" Rukia gasped. Frowning, Ichigo followed their line of vision - and gaped.
Toshiro - Mr. Call-Me-Captain, Sir I'm-No-Child-Even-Though-I-Look-Like-One, Captain Call-Me-By-My-First-Name-And-I'll-Freeze-Your-Balls - was holding underwear. Pink, frilly, clearly female underwear.
"This...this has to be some sort of whacked up dream" muttered Renji, blinking with shock. "That or the Captain's drunk..."
Ichigo could only nod numbly, and watch as Toshiro pulled his zanpaktou from his back and - what the hell was he doing now?
"Hand it over or the underwear gets it."
Apparently he had decided that threatening Hinamori's underwear was a good idea.
"No!" wailed Hinamori. "You can't do that Shiro-Chan...it's my favourite pair!"
"This is too weird" groaned Renji.
"Tell me about it" Rukia agreed. "I don't think I'll ever get this out of my head - Captain Hitsugaya clutching a pair of pink panties and threatening them with his zanpaktou. This is going to be one of those memories that you look back at when your old and wrinkly and think: "Wow. Did that really happen?"
"I wish I had a camera" was Ichigo's only reply.
Suddenly he realised that the arguing had stopped - and then he realise why.
Toshiro and Hinamori were staring right at him.
Originally Hitsugaya had thought that this day could not get any worse - he was wrong. Because apparently, the universe was out to get him.
"YOU!" he yelled, pointing his zanpaktou at Yachiru. "Why didn't you tell me they were here?"
"I was watching the fight" was the only reply he got. Toshiro saw red.
"I...I can't believe...you...how dare you..." a vein popped on his forehead.
"Snowy-chan you look funny!" giggled Yachiru.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" screamed Hitsugaya, dropping the underwear in his fury. "First you forget to tell me that Hinamori is in the bedroom -twice - then you ruin my entire plan by not following one order - and now this!"
He took a deep breath and whirled on Ichigo, Rukia and Renji.
"Kurosaki!" he bellowed. "What are you staring at?"
"Erm..." he orange haired boy said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I have to ask...what was the point of all that if you were just going to let her walk off?"
Hitsugaya sweat dropped.
"Well...you do realise that Hinamori walked off with the underwear and the video tape ages ago right...around the time you started yelling at Yachiru."
Hitsugaya was speechless.
"I...I..." he turned to Yachiru. "You didn't say anything..."
"It's rude to interupt when people are talking" the girl replied, cheerily.
"Alright now. I'm telling you to do one simple thing for me. Just one thing. It will not take a lot of brain power - just walk in there and get the tape, then walk back out and place it in my hand. That's all you need to do - do you understand?"
Yachiru and Hitsugaya now stood outside the doors leading to the latest Woman's Association Meeting. Hitsugaya had his hands on Yachiru's shoulders and the expression on his face was one only a truly desperate man could have.
"Okay!" chirped Yachiru, opening the doors and stepping inside.
Hitsugaya really should have learnt his lesson the first time.
When the meeting had ended, laughter immidiently met his ears.
Hitsugaya shifted nervously, looking through the crowd of women for Yachiru. His eyes met Hinamori's and he didn't like the smug look on her face at all.
"So cute!" someone squealed.
"Dancing like that completely nude" snickered someone else.
Yes, he really should not have trusted Yachiru Kusajishi on such an important matter.
"It's disgusting" grumbled Soifon.
"Oh come on, you have to admit it was utterly adorable!" Nanao retorted.
"Hmm...well..." Soifon hesitated before letting out a girlish giggle. Hitsugaya sweat dropped - good lord!
"Hey there's the little star right now!" cried someone else.
"Captain Hitsugaya! What a stunning performance!" cooed yet another female voice. Hitsugaya was starting to feel claustrophobic. Nervously his eyes flittered across the crowd, again catching the look on Hinamori's face. He swallowed and looked away. That expression would haunt his nightmares.
"YOU!" he yelled, catching site of Yachiru. "Can't you do anything right? Are you completely useless?"
"Nope" Yachiru replied, depositing the video tape in his hands. "You told me to get you the video tape - you just didn't say when! But don't worry, the Woman's Association loved you! In fact their asking for copies - Peachy-chan said she'd make some by the way - so that they could show their divisions!"
Yachiru beamed at him.
Hitsugaya just stood as still as a statue for a moment. Then he let out an uncharacteristic wail and took of in the opposite direction.
As he passed Renji, Ichigo and Rukia yet again, all three squinted at his hands.
"No underwear this time" Renji confirmed.
Did you like this fic? It's over now, I hope it was good.