**Gah, had to repost because fanfiction was majorly derping and wouldn't let me log in so I could edit a huge chunk of this oneshot. So sorry!
I'm Such Trash
Ciel was cold. As diverse snowflakes flurried from the select few pallid clouds that graced the night, he couldn't help but think this was all a wretched idea. And that he was freezing his ass off.
Here he was, sitting on a arbitrary bench in the middle of the park; waiting. Waiting for what, exactly? Was he waiting for anything important enough for him to sit out here and have his innards chilled into ice sickles? Ciel most certainly hoped so, for the sake of the man who was keeping him waiting so long.
He sighed, a plume of white breath cascading out of his usually reticent lips, and reached over and began rifling through his bag. Perhaps Sebastian emailed him the wrong place to meet, and had sent him another message correcting himself. He finally located his cell phone from the detritus of clutter in his satchel and began scrolling down his menu into his inbox.
No New Messages
Dejected, Ciel stuffed it back into his jumbled bag and proceeded to rub his hands together in small hope of creating some form of heat. He began silently cursing Sebastian when he found this action only worsened the bitter numbness that hollowed his limbs, damning the bastard to the fiery pits of Hell.
This was typical of Sebastian. Dinners, movies, planned hookups- it didn't seem to matter to the flaccid man, he would find a way to be incredibly late. Every time, just as Ciel was getting ready to leave, Sebastian would come. He would always walk up to Ciel at an unusually leisure rate, each of his uncaring steps mocking Ciel for waiting on such a pompous man. Without fail, Sebastian would spew the generic, "I'm sorry, something came up", and then flash an improvident grin as if he expected Ciel to forgive him and move along as if nothing happened.
He wanted to tell Sebastian that he didn't deserve this crap. He didn't deserve the feelings of abandonment every time they planned an outing together; he didn't deserve feeling like a lost puppy whenever Sebastian wasn't by his side.
Ciel wanted to say these things, yet every time he gazed upon Sebastian's warm rubicund eyes, he felt all of his tribulations melt away instantaneously. His heart would throb intermittently within his chest as if a bird was fluttering inside a barred cage, and his cheeks would heat up like a wild fire, much to his chagrin. As soon as he would open his mouth to rebuke the man for his slovenly ways, something unexpected would pop out. 'I was starting to get worried,' or 'I'm glad you could make it,' usually being what he said. He was sick of Sebastian getting away unscathed time and time again.
But not this time.
No, he most certainly would not let the elder male he revered so haplessly take advantage of his forbearance and trust for the umpteenth time. Just because Ciel was in love did not mean he was a useless marionette, convenient for Sebastian whenever he felt like putting on a show of negligence and seduction. He had a mind of his own, and if he so wanted to, he'd use it!
He bit his lip in rancor and leaned his head against the back of the bench, a stress-induced migraine sure to proceed from his disconcerting musings. Countless people continued to walk by him, nearly every single one of them enjoying the crisp winter night with their beloved. They all paid little attention to the fuming Ciel who was sitting forlorn on the park bench.
Sebastian was utter trash; something that lied about, sickening the ones around with his lackluster attitude and ostentation. If Ciel had the mind that he so vehemently claimed he possessed, he should finally use it and leave Sebastian.
How would he go about breaking it off, though? They were both so interwoven with one another, it sometimes made Ciel feel like a ditzy school girl just thinking about their enamored relationship. Knowing this, how could he possibly cut all ties to Sebastian with just a callous whim of defiance?
Ciel seriously considered the idea as a harsh gust of wind changed it's course and was now weighing heavily against him. He crossed his arms and pinched his feet together, wondering how he would go about breaking up with Sebastian. Would he do so spitefully, throwing Sebastian's apartment key back at him as if the gesture of him giving it to Ciel in the first place was miniscule and a nuisance? Or would Ciel simply end it by wordlessly packing up his things and walking out the apartment door without a last glance?
Ciel suddenly felt as if his heart was insipid, whether it was from such tumultuous thoughts or the wintry frost he was unsure. He indolently placed a gloved hand over his heart in hopes of warming it, but found the heat lacked inside instead of out. He didn't like thinking about being apart from Sebastian. But at this point, whatever could he do?
He groaned and buried his face in his gloves, wondering just what the hell happened to him. Before he met Sebastian, he was independent and self sufficient. He was a hard working college student that loved going to school and learning, and was utterly engrossed in discovering more about himself and trying to find his path in life.
Then he met Sebastian, and all of his prior aspirations for knowledge and independence seemed absolutely foolish.
They had met in a coffee shop, Sebastian grabbing a quick cappuccino whilst he was on a supplies run for his job and Ciel looking for a quiet place to study. They were both situated next to each other in line, and Ciel's first thought regarding the man was that he was inundated. His sable hair was slightly blown back as if he had run there, and he was fumbling hastily for his wallet located in his work bag. Ciel immediately pegged him as an overworked twenty-something year old, wasting the prime of his life with humdrum office jobs and accounting. It was Sebastian's turn in line, and he was still probing for his wallet, but to no avail. Ciel awaited patiently at first, but as the seconds kept ticking by he finally had to put his foot down.
"Couldn't you have organized yourself before you got in line?" he hissed to the unkempt man in front of him. He had a huge seminar that day, and he didn't have time to be kept by bedraggled fools. Sebastian turned around and quirked an eyebrow, most likely wondering what the hell was his problem. Ciel knew he was being incredibly unpleasant, but frankly didn't care.
"Well, you're quite catty, aren't you?" he retorted, finally finding his desired sum of money from his bag. Before Ciel could riposte, Sebastian placed his order of a mocha cappuccino; then left to wait on the other side of the bar for his coffee. Affronted and cranky, Ciel had half the mind to stomp over to the man and demand he take back his words before he chokes them out of him. Far too tired to do so, he wearily placed his order of a caramel frappe and went to reluctantly stand behind the bastard. Sebastian took notice of this and turned around as soon as Ciel got in line behind him.
"You won't bitch at me if I take my time and wait for my coffee to be made, will you?" he questioned indignantly as he crossed his arms.
"Only if you don't mind my trying to tolerate useless idiots who have no fucking clue where half their crap is," Ciel replied icily, flashing a vindictive grin.
Sebastian blinked repeatedly, taken aback from Ciel's comeback. Just as Ciel thought the dolt was going to turn back around and disregard him, he held out his hand amenably. Ciel stared down at Sebastian's awaiting arm, not quite sure what to think of the suddenly pliable gesture.
"I'm Sebastian," he introduced. He kept his hand at bay until Ciel aversely shook it, his grip on Sebastian's warm palm slightly lingering. If you were to ask Ciel at that moment if this was the man he would soon end up falling in love with and want to spend the rest of his life alongside, he would have scoffed and perhaps spat in your eye.
Sebastian would later on reveal that the reason he introduced himself to Ciel was because he stood up for himself, unlike so many people he had seen that let others stomp all over them with pretensiousness. Ciel, to this day, still wondered what he meant. Why would Sebastian be attracted to some conceited brat that was infatuated with erudition? It made no sense, somebody strong and unconventional like Sebastian should be more drawn to someone less snippy and condescending. But still, he was thankful that Sebastian introduced himself. If he hadn't, Ciel would have most likely never experienced true happiness in life.
In many ways the two of them were complete opposites, the moon and sun; day and night. One could easily infer that they would only ever grate on each other's nerves, nothing more and nothing less. Except there was a lot more to their relationship that meets the eye. Sebastian gave Ciel persona, vivacity, and made him learn how to be dependent on others whether he wanted to or not; and Ciel taught Sebastian about being reserved and more conscious of people's emotions.
It made perfect sense, perfect harmony, that they were together. Ciel would question the fates if it were any other way than so. Sebastian and him laughed about small idiocies and partook in tender moments, teased each other and helped each other with work, all of which built up to their warm relationship they had now.
But there was something missing, something needed for this relationship to suffice.
How much longer would Ciel have to wait for Sebastian? How much longer does his heart have to scream for a scrap of attention? Why doesn't Sebastian ever call him to tell he's running late, what's always keeping him?
All of a sudden, Ciel's stomach churned as a feeling akin to being pricked with multiple needles viciously stabbed him in the abdomen. A sickening thought passed through his congested mind, and he couldn't help but automatically shudder.
Sebastian wasn't… he couldn't be cheating on Ciel, right?
Every time he walked out the door to go to work, he wasn't secretly meeting up with someone else, right? When Sebastian claimed he was being held up at the office or traffic was packed, was he really hooking up with someone behind Ciel's back?
Ciel stood up furiously and slung his satchel around his shoulder, refusing to believe that Sebastian would have the nerve to cheat on him.
Sebastian had been acting oddly lately, or at least that was what Ciel had been thinking the last few weeks. Sebastian had left his work papers strewn across the coffee table one day, and whereas he was usually disorganized he was never so when it came to his work. Ciel thought it was best to gather his work papers into a neat pile so that he wouldn't loose one, but as soon as he clutched one scrap of notebook paper, Sebastian came storming in. He quickly brushed past Ciel and knocked his hands out of the way, stuffing all of the papers into his work bag so fast that Ciel couldn't discern the contents written on the papers. When he questioned Sebastian about this abrupt behavior, he stealthily dodged his innocent inquiry by changing the subject to something embarrassing, or course being, Ciel's cooking. Ciel instantly forgot about Sebastian's peculiar behavior and raced to heatedly defend his cooking skills, which only resulted in an endless bout of playful teases between the two.
Another odd thing Ciel noticed was that Sebastian would never get on the internet whilst Ciel was around. Whenever Ciel went off to his college classes, he knew Sebastian secretly got on the computer. He was too afraid to question him about that particular subject, anxious that Seastian was conversing with someone Ciel shouldn't know about. Finally, after days of being silently tormented by his suspicions, he sneaked a peak at the history under Sebastian's username. A blank tool bar stared back at his azure orbs of curiousity, the gray and white outlines forever mocking his upfront skepticism. He wordlessly logged off of Sebastian's username and shut the laptop lid, a deep feeling of uneasiness beginning to root inside his chambers.
These disturbing observations rendered very provocative, yet Ciel couldn't help but trust Sebastian. Even though Sebastian had been acting slightly surreptitious, he doubted he would break his ardent promise of always staying by Ciel's side. They talked far too much about their future together, logically speaking, there was nary a chance Sebastian would abandon him so brusquely.
Ciel found himself running from the bench, deep into the dilapidated park trails. He didn't want to wait for Sebastian anymore, he couldn't have his thoughts poisoned with dismissal and hesitation anymore. He needed to be up and moving, he needed a quick distraction. He took a somewhat cloistered pathway that lead into a deeper thicket of woods, taking little notice of how unpopulated the secluded area was. The park he was sitting at prior was bustling with filliping murmurs and glowing orbs of street lights, quite the contrast from the path he was haplessly wandering now. Mildewed moss and roots corrupted the newly dirt trail he was wandering, and he had to keep a careful eye as to not trip.
If Ciel were to stray from his pathway with Sebastian, would this be what his new trail would look like? Adorned with malnourished forest weeds of promised wishes, his trajectory nearly uninhabitable from the roots spurred with time and forlornness?
Suddenly, he felt his phone vibrate within his bag. He breathed a sigh of annoyance and hastily dug it out.
Where are you? Didn't I tell you to wait at Cherrywood's front park bench?….Did you get distracted and wander off?
Ciel huffed at the seemingly derisive text. Now Sebastian would chose to arrive, just as Ciel had got up and left! He angrily hammered into his cell phone keys, his thumbs pushing against one another as he clumsily typed an intimidating message. When his thumbs kept colliding as they tried to press the small number keys, he found himself regretting that he chose not to buy the keyboard cell phone he saw in an electronics shop a few months prior. He continually loathed having to go back and fix his scattered grammatical mistakes he made in his frenzy to send a daunting reply to the man.
Why yes, you did tell me to wait for you at Cherrywood's front park bench. And I did, for nearly an hour. I got tired of waiting for you, so I left.
Ciel angrily hit the send button and crossed his arms, none too happy with Sebastian's admonishing message. Oh, he was so going to dump that bastard, flat on his ass! When he seems him, the first thing he is going to say is-
His cell phone silently vibrated once again, and Ciel looked down inquisitively, surprised that Sebastian replied back so fast.
I'm sorry, something came up. I need to talk to you about something important, so can you please come back?
Ciel's heart immediately throbbed within his chest as he recognized the famous 'I need to talk to you' line, a phrase used time and time again when somebody was getting ready to break up with their partner. He stared blankly at the screen, gloved fingers grazing over the lit up text screen in instant mourning. To Ciel, it made complete sense for his want to break up with Sebastian, after all, he had been highly disregarded in the past few weeks. But why would Sebastian want to break up with Ciel? Ciel hadn't wronged Sebastian in any way- in fact, he had been working vigorously in order to obtain a scrap of Sebastian's attention.
Was it because Sebastian sensed Ciel's doubt, and wanted to cut things off before Ciel got the upper advantage? Or was it because he revered the secret person he was having an affair with more than he ever could Ciel?
Ciel didn't like this. At all. It's one thing if he had a passing thought or two about ending his relationship with Sebastian- but Sebastian taking the initiative to so callously end everything, as if he was the one burdened? Ciel clicked his tongue in displeasure and threw his cell phone in his bag, bolting down his elusive trail as fast as his feet could carry him. He could hear warm blood swish behind his ears, blocking out the whispers of denial and repression that pulsed throughout his mind. He accepted this lukewarm comfort happily, glad to have his deep contemplations behind him as he had to focus on finding the park bench again. His eyes gazed over the faceless cluster of passersby, none of them mattering to him in the slightest. If he was trying to find the bench, then he most certainly could look for an agitated black haired man. He looked for such, and finally laid eyes on Sebastian and sped towards him, crassly pushing against the crowd of people that stood as obstacles between himself and the man he valued. Heaving, he finally reached the bench and stood directly in front of Sebastian, waiting for him to anitiate the already broken conversation. He noticed that Sebastian looked confused more so than beguiling, his head cocked to the side as he viewed Ciel's disheveled countenance.
"You didn't have to rush," Sebastian admonished gently after a moment of dead air seeped in, "I would have still been here." Ciel opened his mouth to cut him off, to break his volatile relationship with the cunning man. But as his saxe dyed eyes gazed upon Sebastian, he found his chosen words curl up and die just as they did every time he tried to convey his feelings. Could he really do this? Could he really end everything with his first love and not look back and regret doing so?
"I'm sorry I'm late," Sebastian sighed, oblivious to Ciel's inner turmoil, "I needed to get everything ready before I asked you something." Ciel's heart sank and his eyes widened in ultimate dismay. He couldn't do this. He couldn't hear those fate sealing words leave the mouth of someone he still adored so haplessly, despite his constant inconveniencing.
"You don't…" Ciel murmured below his terse breath, ".. have to do this, you know?"
"Ciel?" Sebastian asked dubiously and walked closer to him. He reached gently for the younger male's arm, now noticing how despondent he was.
"I said you don't have to fucking do this!" Ciel sputtered into the hoary air. He backed up from Sebastian's outstretched caress, eyeing him heatedly. "You don't have to break up with me- I get it! You don't want me!" Silently, he swore to himself that he wouldn't cry. As much as Sebastian bound him by heart, Ciel had enough pride not to shed a pained tear.
His adrenaline was spiked and he could feel heat flood throughout his body, successfully combating against his quivering. "I know why you've been sneaking around lately," Ciel proceeded angrily, slightly quivering, "I tried to not take much notice from you being so secretive about what you leave out in the open, and how you won't look at anything on the internet while I'm arou-"
"Hush! I thought I could also take you being late nearly every fucking time we go out, but that coupled with your distancing, it's- it's-" He was so furious right now, he couldn't form his lips around the harsh spoken words. People threw unwanted stares at them as they walked by, secretly relishing the public lovers' quarrel.
"-It's trashy!" Ciel finally sputtered and eyed Sebastian heatedly, "You're such trash!"
Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, seemingly confused with Ciel's outburst. "Ciel-"
"Shut up, let me talk!" Ciel fumed. He had to strike while the iron was hot, lest he miss the chance of letting Sebastian know of his feelings. "Look, I'm not saying any of these things because I don't love you- you know I love you. But when you sneak around and shit, it makes me think the worst, like you're cheating on me- which I bet you are! Let me guess, you met some sexy blonde slut who is the complete opposite of me and have fallen in love with her! You started to think that I was becoming suspicious, so you called me here to end everyth-" Sebastian suddenly pressed his lips against Ciel's, successfully silencing him from his heated rage. He blinked repeatedly, his frenzied mind was in temporary idle as he was being caressed so suddenly, so passionately. He took slight note of how his frosted violet lips found sollace in Sebastian's warm skin, secretly relishing the transfer of heat to his cold body. A part of him didn't know whether to push away from Sebastian or pull him closer so that they were melded into one compact being. Before he could choice either, Sebastian pulled away gently and reached into his workbag, pulling out a neatly folded white piece of paper.
"The reason," he spoke carefully as he passed it to Ciel, "I didn't want you to see my papers or check my internet history is because of this." Ciel looked down at the paper and quietly unfolded it. He was shocked when he came face to face with a web address proclaiming a generic jewelery site, outlined in lavish adornments and slightly feminine decor. Below the web address was a picture of a sable box, a luminescent sapphire ring residing within it. As he continued to looked at the puzzling picture, he noticed Sebastian reach into his coat pocket and pull out a black box exactly identical to the one in the picture.
Time seemed to freeze in that instant, the overwrought air succumbing to the ardent yearning that festerded deep within Ciel. He looked around, slightly distraught, as he began to notice his surroundings. He was suddenly conscious of the sparkling ice particles floating in the air about them, sucked in by inconsistent breaths he waded out. He was aware of the iridescent street lights shining down on Sebastian, making his ebony hair glisten as if it were pure silk.
But what particularly struck him was how utterly romantic these minor observations made the woolen black night appear.
He gasped when Sebastian carefully leaned down on one knee, his piercing gaze never straying from Ciel's. He smiled tenderly, his almond bathed eyes glistening and a warm smile spreading across his luminescent wan skin. His lips parted, a slight chuckled clicked out from his tongue and awaiting proclamation.
"Will you marry me?"
Ciel knew he promised himself he wouldn't cry, he didn't see any need to relinquish a drop of forlorn feelings to Sebastian. But that was when he thought the seemingly distant man was going to end their relationship. He couldn't help it when one exasperated tear slipped past his glazed over cyan eyes, and he couldn't help but drop his satchel to the ground and kiss Sebastian passionately, yearning to taste the bastard's loving lips. Sebastian was surprised by this suddenly heated gesture, but gladly accepted it by wrapping his arms around Ciel's lithe waist and pulling him into a tight embrace.
"You don't have to wait anymore," Sebastian whispered in between breaths. He inclined his head so that he was murmuring into the hollow of Ciel's nipped ear, "Now it's my turn." Ciel felt his nerves frazzle in glee at the proclamation, and gave one last amorous peck on Sebastian's now swollen lips. He dipped down in front of Sebastian and gladly buried his turbulent head into the elder male's warm chest, recognizing the scent of cinnamon and musk that he woke up next to every morning.
"Yes..." he grumbled, his voice muffled, "Of course I'll marry you." Relief waded throughout Sebastian, and he gripped the back of Ciel's hair gently and lifted up so that they were meeting gaze, ember blaze to azure tides. Ciel was still crying, his lips pursed into a chagrin filled pucker and his cheeks the color of cherries. His eyes held happiness and relief, but beneath it held slight compunction and shame.
"What is it?" Sebastian asked, running a finger over Ciel's cheekbone. His finger trailed down his cheek to his neck, chest, and finally to the ring. He carefully placed it on Ciel's third finger on his left hand, the one that was connected to his fervently beating heart. The lapis lazuli stone glistened in the lights, reflecting the winter beams that cascaded around it beautifully. Ciel's breathing resumed it's regular pace as he gazed at the ring dazedly, a slight smirk forming across his face. He looked back up at the man he loved so haplessly, the one he was about to end everything with a few moments prior.
"Oh, nothing," he sighed contently and pulled Sebastian closer. "I'm such trash, is all."
**So the reason Sebastian was hiding his work papers and internet history was because he didn't want Ciel to see his engagement ring! I actually was inspired to write this after I listened to the song "You're Such A Trash!" By Luka Megurine. I love Luka a lot (she's one of my favorite vocaloids), but I'm not too crazy about her voice in this song. I'm not too keen on the melody either- but it's SO DAMN CATCHY! I've been walking around my house for the past three days singing "Anata wa kuzudawa~" Please review~
**Just for kicks, I'll put the link to the song on my profile in case there is anyone who wants to listen to it~