Summary: Fiyero couldn't work out if it was ironic or just plain inconsiderate, but in the end it didn't matter. Not anymore. Drabble.
Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked or The Wizard of Oz.
Fiyero couldn't work out if it was ironic or just plain inconsiderate that the Wizard was giving out his things. I mean, sure he was a traitor of the realm and presumed dead, but that was no reason to go around giving away his things to a gang of eclectic, useless heroes.
"For you, dear lion," the Wizard said, failing to pronounce the capitalization in a way that would make Elphaba snarl, "a medal of courage."
"Look at that, it says 'Courage'," the Lion gushed. It didn't, but nobody wanted to break it to him. It said 'Captain', as in 'Captain of the Guard' – that same guard that had merciless hunted Brrr and his kind for years now.
"And for you, my galvanized friend," the Wizard continued, making a grand show of things. "A heart," the Wizard said pulling out the awful fob watch that Glinda had bought Fiyero one Lurlinemas. Fiyero couldn't stand the thing and kept it hidden at the bottom of his drawers, but that didn't mean he wanted the Wizard giving it away willy-nilly. Especially not to Boq who'd practically tried to murder the love of his life.
"There anything in there for my, your Ozness," Fiyercrow asked like the blithering fool he was supposed to be. "Other than the rest of my stuff," he added snarkily under his breath.
"What was that Scarecrow?" the Wizard asked.
"Nothing," Fiyero quickly backtracked. "Just me being brainless."
"For you, Scarecrow," the Wizard continued obliviously, "I have the one thing that separates you form the great thinkers of the world. A diploma from Shiz University."
'Oh no,' Fiyero thought to himself, 'he did not just give away my diploma to some brainless scarecrow. I worked long and hard on that thing and he just GIVES IT AWAY on my death.'
The useless scrap of parchment wasn't worth the paper it was written on. And it certainly wasn't worth the black marker that had crossed out his name (Fiyero) and written Scarecrow over top. Oz, how did people fall for this crap?
"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side," he said, spurting the first somewhat intelligent thought he could fathom in his disused mind. He knew as soon as he said it that it was wrong – he was sure that he was supposed to have said something about a hypotenuse in there – and he hoped that Elphaba never found out. How typical that the moment he got himself a 'brain' he proved himself an idiot.
It was uncanny, really, that the Wizard had given him the only thing he was willing to come back for – the only thing of value that he had left behind – the one thing that he actually might have wanted from his grand royal Ozness. Everything else that mattered in his life was sitting under a trapdoor in Kaimo Ko and this bag of stuff that the Wizard was so graciously giving away meant nothing to him.
~ FIN ~
A/N: I don't suppose anyone else ever wondered what the Wizard was doing with that random collection of stuff - particularly the diploma. I was originally thinking how it would be rather ironic if Fiyero hadn't graduated Shiz and then got given what would have been his diploma by the Wizard, but obviously it changed.
Let me know what you think.