Title: Alternate Fairy-Tale Endings to Take the Place of "And they lived happily ever after": People Who Know My Sins
Author: dannica webb
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica 2003
Spoilers: Anything's fair game.
Summary: Kara was good at taking punishment when she deserved it. Especially when she deserved it.
AN: I started watching BSG recently and I got up to Scar before I got completely frustrated with the canon Lee/Kara relationship. So - I decided to start over and write a series of loosely connected L/K episode tags and one-shots for pure guilty pleasure :) This has no overarching plot, and is mostly just for my own fun and sanity. I hope you like it. Also possibly spoilers from all seasons. Also also lots of Kara/Helo friendship, because Kara & Helo are BAMF love. And the titles are from McSweeney's Internet Tendency Lists.
People Who Know My Sins
AN: Episode tag for the miniseries.
"It's the end of the worlds, Lee. I thought I should confess my sins."
It wasn't exactly true - or at least, if it was, it was out of character. Ever since she was a child, Kara Thrace had subscribed to the belief that confession was weakness; she had seen many times over how relieving one's conscience was usually a selfish act. It was the main reason she never told Zak about the time she kissed Lee and nearly had sex with him on the dinner table, and why, despite seeing him every day for the two years since Zak's death, she hadn't told the Commander about killing Zak.
Most people would be afraid of the consequences. Kara wasn't; she was good at taking punishment when she deserved it. Especially when she deserved it.
She'd opened up her big, stupid mouth and told Lee about Zak because - because of the way he'd looked at her, after he'd pulled her out from under her Viper when he'd come back from the frakking dead. Because for a second talking to him had come easy and painless for once, instead of each word having to be forced out through a wall of history. Kara Thrace wasn't sure if she was cursed or blessed. The worlds had officially ended and by the Lords' ridiculous frakking sense of humor, she was still alive - and not only was she still alive, but so were the three people she'd cared about most in the world, besides Zak. The Old Man was calling the shots, Helo was keeping her on her toes - or he would be, when he got back from Caprica - and Lee... Well, there was Lee.
She'd told Lee about Zak because it was too much. Too much good fortune for a screwup like her. As usual, she was sick of waiting for the other godsdamned shoe to drop, so she took it upon herself to spoil her little bit of happiness before anyone else could.
And she'd told Lee about Zak because - the only way she and Lee survived the last two years was by avoiding each other, very carefully. They took different duty stations and when they were in the same town on leave they went to separate bars. It helped that Kara was always stationed with the Old Man and Lee wanted to avoid his father more than anything else in the world. Kara had heard the scuttlebutt - Lee had been bucking to get out of the service when he was forced to participate in the decommissioning. Now she and the Old Man were all he had left and there was no way out. She knew intimately from her relationship with Bill Adama that losing both his sons - one in body, the other in spirit - had nearly torn him apart. After Lee showed up to see her in the brig, she'd witnessed firsthand that his anger with Bill hadn't been doing him any favors, either.
Lee asked her. After he'd pronounced her officially frakking nuts and they'd climbed out of the entwined cockpits of their scratched up birds - well, hers was just scratched up. His was well and truly frakked. After they'd returned to their bunks to change quickly into their uniforms and run to the memorial ceremony. They were standing outside of the entrance to the observation deck, getting ready to go in and join the service for the dead, and he looked at her all blue eyes and flyboy charm and none of the resentment she'd expected to see, and asked, "Why'd you tell me?"
She couldn't find it in herself to lie, so she swallowed hard and cleared her throat and looked down at the ground. "Your dad - " she started, and looked up when Lee scoffed.
His face was suddenly hard. "You're so far up the Old Man's ass, Kara, I swear - "
She fought the urge to smack him. "That's not what I meant, Lee." For a second, he glared at her, and she thought he wouldn't listen, but he motioned for her to continue. "I'm not - I understand why you're angry with him, why you blame him. I don't like it, but I get it." Kara figured she didn't have the monopoly on frakked up childhoods, after all, and respect him though she might, Bill Adama was far from perfect. "But it's breaking him, and you're all he has left. This is all he has. I just - "
She choked on the words and she could feel traitorous tears pricking the corners of her eyes. She swallowed again and reached for Lee's hand, half-expecting him to pull away. He didn't. He did meet her eyes. She spoke again. "I just thought if you were going to blame someone - if you were going to hate someone - it ought to be the person who was actually at fault. And Lee, I'm sorry, okay?" She squeezed his hand, a liberty taken, and then dropped it, reaching up to angrily brush away the tears that had begun to spill down her cheeks. "I'm sorry I killed Zak. But he didn't. He doesn't deserve to lose both of you."
Lee was a stoic blur, thanks to the crying, but she'd seen that commanding posture before, that iron set to his jaw. She braced, ready to feel the full force of his rage. It shocked her when he reached out and pulled her to him instead. It took a few seconds to register his arms encircling her, his face pressed into her hair. She returned the hug cautiously. When he pulled away, several moments later, she'd mostly gotten the crying under control and she tried not to lean into his touch when he rubbed away the evidence. Affection made her almost as wary as forgiveness.
"We all killed Zak." He sighed, grabbing her hands again. "He wouldn't have pushed so hard if it weren't for the fact that we were so competitive. My father is partly to blame for that - but so am I," he amended quietly. "And Kara - " One hand came up to tilt her head, forcing her to meet his eyes. "You saved my life today. If you're going to be sorry, we both know you have to be sorry for that, too."
She felt sick. If it weren't for Zak's death, she wouldn't be serving on the Battlestar Galactica at all; she'd have been vaporized by a nuclear explosion on Caprica. Yes, the Lords had an exceptionally frakked up sense of humor.