I do not own Twilight, blah blah blah, i just use it for my own creative purposes : )
So before anyone says anything I am still writing Changeling, I've just been a bit slow on the update for it cause my dad's got divorce again uhhhh and I've had to move again uhhhh so I kinda haven't been in the mood to write the next chapter for Changeling and I didn't to give you something crappy but it will be updated soon don't you worry : )
So this just came to me while I was breaking some boxes apart to put in the recycling bin...yeah I know that's werid to have an idea suddenly hit you there of all places but oh well, it got me to write this!
Now this can be taken as a one-shot or I can continue it and make it a story, the choice really is up to you readers, which one would you prefer?
Let me make it clear right now there are mentions of alcohol abuse, vaguely and drug abuse, again vaguely not really a lot of detail goes into it, if I continue this as a story I might go into more detail but this is why the rating is M, that and a few other things but I just want to be on the safe side.
Also Bella is more dark and also a little disturbed in this but hey I think it makes for acceptable reading : )
So this is obviously set after New Moon but before Eclipse, the Cullen's never moved back and Bella never became friends with Jacob or new about the shifters of La Push.
I should kill her where she stands...all of them in fact but I can't, something is preventing me from even taking a step closer, something is holding me back...keeping me in the darkness that the shadows provide where I have dwelled for so long. There is this ache in my chest that seems to thunder though my body, it rushes down to the tips of my toes and trails up my spine before wrapping around my throat and I know at that point I am lucky I do not need to breathe because if I did my breath would have stopped halfway down to my lungs and made me choke.
That's how long it's been and I still can't get them out of my head...her out of my head, it wasn't like I hadn't tried, oh believe me I have tried, I have tried every single scenario I could imagine, that anyone with a sick and twisted mind could imagine and yet nothing worked. For the first few years alcohol seemed to dull my mind, it made me remember less and less to the point of forgetting but never quite getting that far, like I was tinkering on the edge to the abyss of forgetting but it seemed the more I did it, as the days turned into months and the months turned into years, the more I could remember and before I knew it three years had went by...three years before I decided to try something new to try and forget the memories.
I'll never forget my first time.
She was a mysterious girl sitting at a bar I went to one night...that was what drew me to her in the first place...well that and the fact that she looked like a pixie...but never mind that. She was confident, flirty, and beautiful and supplied me with all the drinks I wanted that night which wasn't a lot before she took me back to her place. I remember the smirk that played across her lips as she undressed the both of us. I remember how she kissed me with a bruising passion that I had never felt before as her fingers almost scratched their way down my body until they were where she and I wanted them to be. I remember the words she whispered in my ear, "I do love virgins." Before she plunged three of her fingers into me. I remember the pain that suddenly seemed to shoot through my body; I remember the fire that seemed to pulse through me below my hips. I remember crying out in pain as hot, salty tears fell from my eyes and slid down my cheeks. I remember the woman held me tightly to her with one arm as her fingers continued to thrust into me at a hard and fast pace. I remember how she whispered soothing words into my ear, telling me how the pain would all be over soon.
I remember that in that moment I forgot them...I forgot her.
What I don't remember though is that girl's name.
So many times after that night I tried to forget completely again and each and every time after that I failed. Both sexes I have been with and yet I could not tell you about any of my times with men but the women...I could tell you every single detail about my times with the women, right down to the type of perfume they were wearing that night...I could tell you everything, except their name...I never remembered their name. This only lasted a year but in that year there had been so many men and women. I soon went on to try the next thing to try and forget. I tried all the one's I could find; Heroin, Cocaine, Ketamine, Ecstasy, Weed, Poppers, you name it I had done it. Cocaine had the best effect, it didn't make me forget, none of them did but cocaine seemed to make me forget all the hurt and pain that I had been caused...it made the hole in my chest that had been there since I had turned eighteen vanish for a little while...it allowed me to breathe freely again.
And yet after a while I became sick.
I knew it would happen eventually, I wanted it to happen. The doctors told me I had months to live, something about cancer in my liver or something like that I don't really know I wasn't paying attention, to the doctor, I hated him, he reminded me too much of... They told me it was too late for treatment, I told them I didn't give a shit before walking out of the hospital, rushing home, grabbing my passport, a change of clothes and my bank card which had all my savings for the university that I never attended in it, I hadn't touched the account even with all my alcohol and drug usage, it paid to have a older friends who if you were nice to in certain ways paid generously.
I left a note for anyone who cared and said I was leaving this shithole before I drove to the airport and took the closest flight out of the country...which as it turned out was Italy, on the outskirts of Volterra to be exact.
And it was in that city where I became what I am and first drew myself into the darkness the shadows provided...where my solace is.
It is a long story with boring details so I shall explain briefly and make it to the point. After a couple of weeks in Volterra I met this girl, literally bumped into her, I knew what she was right away...if it was the coldness of her body or how hard her body was or the pale skin or the enhanced beauty that gave her away it was the deep gleaming ruby red eyes that stood out even more because of her pale complexion and her light blonde hair. She seemed to study me for a moment before ghosting a hand down my face and I can tell you that I couldn't stop the moan that escaped my lips even if I wanted to. Hey! Give me a break! The girl may have been frozen in the body of the seventeen year old but she was hot! I am allowed to appreciate how hot she was thank you very much! I'd have gotten any in a few months so I was a little easily turned on. Anyways I could tell this shocked her and I could tell she was intrigued by me.
I knew I was dying anyway and thought that she would end my waiting. "Vampire." I had whispered and watched as her eyes went wide before narrowing. I thought that was the end, I thought that I would die right then and there.
Boy wasn't I wrong.
She grabbed me and took me back to a castle, an underground one! I was taken in front of three guys sat on thrones, I recognised them straight away. To cut a long story short...err shorter, Aro was ecstatic to meet me, Marcus just nodded his head while Caius glared at me before smirking his approval when I glared right back...I wasn't afraid of him. I wasn't given a choice, especially when Aro touched my hand and couldn't read my thoughts. I was bit right there and then, the last thing I saw in my human life was the blonde haired girl picking me up in her arms as she looked down at me with a curious expression.
It's been eight years since I was turned into a vampire. For eight years I have been dead, just not in the way I had hoped. For eight years I have been a part of the Volturi, I am actually Aro's most powerful guard...well ok maybe along with a couple of others but I am also Caius's favourite. I have quenched my thirst with the blood of humans for eight years. I have no trouble controlling myself among bleeding humans but that isn't to say I choose to control myself around them...they are my food...my prey...why should I control myself? When they do not control themselves in the killing of their animals for their source of food...they are my source of food so it's works exactly the same way.
When I woke up as a vampire the blonde girl from before (Whose name I later found out is Jane) helped me through my newborn stage, although she said for a newborn I was pretty tame...when it came to blood that it, when it came to sex...well let's just say Jane loved that I wasn't tame in the sack. We've been fuck buddies since the day I had woke from the change...right after I had quenched my thirst of course and I can tell you the sex is still phenomenal...I don't think there's ever going to be a time when I'm not hungry for Jane, even when she finds her mate I will make sure I still get some from her...she's too good a fuck to let go...oh and too good a friend of course. I have a gift of course, two really but Aro just likes to say it's all rolled into one whereas I like to say two, one that I had when I was a human but was enhanced when I became a vampire and another that was the consequence of what I did for the last four years of my life before becoming a vampire, it's quite cool even if I do say so myself but let me tell you about my first gift.
It is of course my shield...when he couldn't read my mind it was because I was a shield, not because I had a glitch in my brain like they summarised, no it was because I had a mind shield which protects me from mental attacks which is why, Aro, Jane, Alec, Chelsea and all the other guards with mental powers cannot use them on me but now my shield is so much more, it has been enhanced so it is physical not in the sense that I can create a wall in front of me and other people so no one can get through, more in the sense that if I stand in a shadow I can draw my shield around me and other people making us disappear in the shadow...making us pure darkness and as long as my shield is wrapped around me and anyone else, no one can smell our scents or hear any noise we make until I have lifted my shield from around us once more but I can only do this in shadows, I have no idea why and neither does Aro, Caius or Marcus...all though I can tell you one brilliant thing that comes out of it, as long as there is a shadow present Jane and I can have sex anywhere...we've even done it in the throne room while everybody was finishing their dinner! The downside to my gift though is I still haven't mastered my mental shield to wrap it extend it to more than one other person besides me at a time and even then they have to be within five meters of me or I lose the layer but I'm working on it!
My second gift...ahh I love this one, like I said before I only have this gift because of all the shit I did the four years before I became a vampire...Aro thinks that because of all the different drugs and alcohol in my system (Which he always tells me he is surprised I could survive for so long with all that toxic waste in my system) that is mixed with the venom he pumped into me and gave me a new gift. This gift is really only good for messing with people, although it has come in handy a few times on missions but all it is basically is I can make anyone feel like they are high or drunk or whatever and in doing so I can push onto them whatever emotion I want them to experience when they are high or drunk, for example I can make them feel really happy or really paranoid, I can make them feel really angry or really sad, I can only do this by touch though but all I need is a second and you're gone and if I don't take it back then you can go insane, I like to usually make the human I'm about to drain really high and scared so they scream before biting into them and making them really happy cause they taste so much sweeter then.
Like I said not very useful but pretty cool, very amusing and great for in the bedroom with Jane.
But anyway I'm getting off topic, I just thought I should let you know a bit of my background...if you don't know who I am now then there's something wrong with you but I'll be nice for a change and introduce myself.
My name is Isabella Marie Volturi, you can call me Izzy if you really want to but not Bella, I hate the name Bella! I've come a long way these past twelve years, I'm not the scared, weak and innocent human girl anymore, now I'm a powerful, red eyed, dangerous...and ok maybe all the time extremely horny vampire. I'm not someone you want to piss off, Jane knows this, Alec knows this, and Caius and Marcus know this...I even taught Demetri this! Aro knows this most of all though, he has seen me in action, he loves the way I complete my missions and yet he goes and does something like this!
He must be going crazy in his old age!...Or maybe I used my second gift on him and forgot to take it off? No it must be his age! He's so lucky that Jane has me in her arms right now in the shadows otherwise I would not be held responsible for my actions!
He knows what happened in my human life! I told him everything! Things even Jane doesn't know! I told him what I would do if I ever saw them again! And yet he invites them here! Into workplace! My home! My solitude of shadows! And they have the audacity to walk in here like everything is fine and dandy! Like they have done nothing wrong! Like they didn't rip someone's world apart! Like they didn't shatter her heart into a million tiny little unfixable pieces! I can feel a growl bubbling in my chest at the sight of them all with smiles on their faces...even her!
I should kill her where she stands! All of them in fact! The ache in my chest had long since vanished and been replaced by a burning inferno of rage! I can feel Jane behind me, her hands needing my taunt stomach muscles under my shirt soothingly...she knows what I want to do...but she also knows that I can't...because of Aro, only because of Aro and she knows that at this particular moment in time;
I really don't give a shit!
"I would like to introduce you to our newest member, I would say guard but she along with a couple of others are above the name guard. "Isabella step forward and greet out guests would you." Aro's voice barely registers in my mind but the soft whispers of Jane's smooth and calm voice in my ear ring through my mind loud and clear. "Go Isabella. Show them how dangerous and powerful you have become. Show them the new you." Her voice makes me wants to say no and run off to her bedroom with her and have my wicked way but I don't...especially when Aro looked right at the shadow where I am cloaking myself and Jane with a waiting look upon his features.
I let out an unnecessary sigh as Jane let's her arms drop from my waist so I can step out of the shadow which I do with my back straight and my head held high. I never take my eyes off of Aro even when the gasps from the seven of them flow through my ears. I reach Aro in a mere three seconds and can see the amused twinkle in his eyes as I bend my back forward and bow to him slightly, "Master." Is all I say before I turn to face them and do not miss the way they all look at me in shock while many of them also look at me with tear filled eyes...I have to resists strongly not to sneer.
"Cullen's...it has been a while." Is all I say as a greeting as I feel Aro step up so he's standing right beside me and lightly place his hand on my lower back as he too watches the Cullen's...waiting for them to say something?
Carlisle is looking at me with disbelief and shock...he had obviously heard about my faked death, that Felix and Demetri had taken great pleasure in concocting before putting into action.
Esme...a small sharp pain shoots through my dead heart at the look of shock and sadness that is on her face, I don't know why there is sadness and even thought she abandoned me too, I could never stand to see Esme upset.
Jasper is looking at me with shock and confusion and I smirk internally when I know what the confusion is about, he cannot read my emotions as I am blocking him, he must be trying to figure it out.
Emmett is looking at me with once again shock but also excitement, I know he thinks that everything can go back to the way it use to be...oh how wrong he is,
Rosalie shocks me a little, she also like the others looks shock but she also looks...remorseful? I have no idea what that is about, she hated me and I respect her for the fact that she didn't lie to me and pretend to love me, it made her leaving all that much easier.
Edward...uhhhh even in my head I cannot help but sneer his name in disgust and anger, he's looking at me like a man who hasn't seen the sun in many years...the adoration, shock, love, hope and many other emotions on his face sicken me and it as times like this where I wish I could still vomit, so I could show him how sick he really makes me feel. He left me! In a fucking forest no less! Telling me he didn't love me! Telling me he was tired of pretending to be human!...Well at least I could understand that part, I'd had to pretend to be human for a couple of my missions and I'd hated them, although it was fun to get a couple of those girl's from Sweden into my bed and pretend that I didn't know what I was doing...oh that was a fun night, especially when Jane joined in, it was even better when we finished off the night by draining them dry and then proceeding to fuck in every room of their house...twice...and it was a big house.
But anyway I'm getting off track, point is if Mr. Mind reading dick head tries to lay a finger on me I'll make him so paranoid that he'll even be afraid of his own reflection! Stupid fucking asshole!
I blew an angry breath out through my nose to try and calm myself down as I looked at the final person in the Cullen clan and this time all I could do was stare.
She was exactly as I remembered and yet my human eyes had not done her enough justice, her hair was in its usual spiky perfection and was still as black as midnight. Her eyes were still those two twin pools of honey gold but this time I could make out the dark amber that swirled in them as well signifying that she would need to hunt in a few days. Her full red ruby lips stood out from her flawless pale skin, I could feel them drawing me in but before they could get very far I moved onto another aspect of her. She was still as short as ever, that hadn't changed; I had added a couple of inches to my height in the last four years of my human life and knew I would not tower over her petite five foot one inch frame. She was still as fashionable as ever, I only knew this because Jane made sure she drilled into my head all the latest fashion trends and labels, even though she always brought me my clothes.
What was different though is her posture wasn't the same...she wasn't bouncing on the balls of her feet and acting with her usual catchy bubbly, excitable and happy persona. Instead she looked...sad? As I looked closer I could see her eyes were filled with tears that could never fall and her bottom lip was quivering ever so slightly but what shocked me the most were that her eyes were staring right into me...not at me...into me! Like she was seeing into my very soul! I could never remember her doing that when I was human. I knew if I didn't tear my eyes away soon I would regret it and so with great difficulty and pain I shifted my eyes onto Carlisle who was still looking at me with disbelief and shock etched across his face. I'd told myself that I would kill them if I ever saw them again...that I would kill her if I ever saw her again! And yet now as they stood in front of me...as she stood in front of me I could feel my rage slowly dripping away, drip by bloody drip and I hated it!
I hated the fact that she still had hold over me...the others I could care less about, if I had the chance I would kill them...ok maybe not Esme or Rosalie but the others I would tear them to pieces...except Edward I would slowly torture him until he went mad from either my gift, thirst or from the pain that he would experience under my hand...I'd had his torture planned out since the first time I'd tried drugs...I had a lot of fun thinking things up that I can tell you. The room felt suddenly smaller, it was as if the Cullen's were getting closer...as if she was getting closer...I couldn't do this! I needed to leave this room! I needed to leave now! And now I knew why Aro had his hand on my lower back, to prevent me from going anywhere! Damn the blasted old man!
I counted to ten in my head as I let my eyes drift over the faces of Esme, Emmet, Carlisle, Jasper and Rosalie. I knew if I looked at him or her I would break one way or another.
I had known I loved her from the moment I saw her but she was with Jasper, when I had found that out that was when the first crack in my heart appeared and then another crack appeared every time I saw her or them together and knew I couldn't have her...I did love Edward... a long time ago burgh, I just wasn't in love with him but he was the one who put the last crack in my heart and them all leaving shattered it completely.
This was why I am the way I am!
This was why I lived the last four years of my human life the way I did!
This is why I gave my virginity to a girl I didn't even know!
This is why I drank!
This is why I had meaningless sex!
This is why I became a drug user!
This is why I wanted to die!
This is why sex means nothing to me!
This is why Jane means nothing to me!
This is why I am cold and distant!
This is why I want to feel nothing!
This is why I wanted to forget!
"Bella?" Her soft honey filled yet trembling voice floated through the air and went right through me, piercing me, it was like a thousand knives were being carved through my skin.
I love Alice Cullen.
And she keeps breaking my heart.
So what did you think? Should I continue or not?
Leave us a review and let us no, even if it is a simple yes or no on whether I should continue or not : )
Yes I have portrayed Bella as a bit of a sex addict but again if the story continues I have an idea of what I could write to explain why she loves sex so much : ) Again really up to you.
The second gift...power? Whatever you want to call it may seem a little stupid, actually the more i think about it the whole thing might seem a bit stupid but hey i just let it flow out and haven't really read it through except to correct spelling so all i ask is you please don't leave a review telling me this is ridiculous or something along those lines : )
So I hope you liked reading that, the title is the Coldplay song Fix You...it kinda fits but I also picked it purely because the song was playing on my dad's I-Pod which I was listening to when I finished this...so yeah!
And like I said Changeling should be updated soon!