The Potty Shuffle:
A/N: I had the best idea after Abrainiac and I hung up on face time. I have been thinking about something funny and wacky and I kept going back to the dear, god I'm drunk stories. And then I thought what if I do parodies to the episodes: Mini Me version. So that's what it is. Its starting with the sue Sylvester shuffle and then Ill make one for every episode beyond that. ENJOY! lots o love. Teens are little kids, Adults are Adults, Sue is...Sue. not sure how funny this is going to be but I am going to try my hardest.
"Put your hands up!"
"But, in my disclaimer I said I didn't own Glee"
"But it wasn't clear! You're under arrest"
Just to make sure that ^ doesn't happen
I do not own glee
"Its recess time!" Screamed sue watching the flood of kids run outside.
After dying their hair for a craft activity they all went around making fun of peoples blue hair. People hula hooped while others admidered how much greener the grass was.
*whistle* "That was horrible how do expect to be cheerleaders if your swinging all the time!" Sue yelled.
All the kids ran to Sue to see what punishment they would endure next.
"Students I am at a loss" she started.
Quinn whispered "Not again" to Santana who nodded back.
"Someone remind me how I put recess on the map." Sue continued ignoring Quinn and Santana's conversation.
That's when Brittany spoke up.
"In 1979 you blackpailed the schoolbored and got us recess so we culd bey chearleadas when we gruw up" he lips popped at the sound of the p
"That is correct though even for a 5 year old you need to work on your grammar"
When nobody said anything Sue went on with her speech.
"And since then, what's changed?"
Now it was Quinn's turn to talk "None of us want to be cheerleaders" she shrugged.
Sue gave the almost 6 year old girl an evil eye and corrected her "You have all completely lost interest and kindergarteners, I blame you"
Many of the little girls started yelling saying that Sue was being a Meany pho pheny.
Sue called over her assistant Becky and commanded her to shut the kids up. When Becky finally quieted the kids she motioned towards Sue to explain more.
"I will give each of you a piece of candy so that you will be more motivated to work on your kicking and cheers."
Becky handed each kindergartener a redvine before making her way back to Sue's side. The kids chewed down on redvines now hardly listening to Sue when she said "Fake stuff, Slap yourself with a redvine" Becky handed a redvine to Santana and Sue watched as Santana hit herself with it. "Now slap your precious friend Brittany" Santana followed sues commands and turned around to slap Brittany with the same redvine before eating it as fast as she could swallow.
"See that was horrible and not enjoyable."
Quinn grew angry and called out "Pick me, Pick me"
"Only if you raise your hand" Sue demanded. Quinn's hand shot up and sue motioned her to talk.
"Dey problem is you kep tryung to mayke us lurn hardur cheers and wure bored. uve gut to fynd a way to get us motovatad."
Sue nodded and said "Q you just may have a point"
"Slap yourself with a redvine?" Sue asked
It was the big flag football game. If the kindergarteners beat the preschoolers they would go to the championship and be able to face the 1st graders.
"Okay guys," Finn the team captain started "I wanna tell ya guys how proud of you I is. I know we have had our struggles. With kids stealing our lunch money, But we made it here and if we win this game we will be the first kindergarteners in McKinley's History to enter the championship." Finn put his hand in the center of the men's only circle and the others copied. They threw they're hands up and screamed
"Maybe we should all break out into a song" Dave said.
"Not cool, just because you picked P.E instead of music don't mean ya got to make funner of us."
"Maybe if I scare you you'll run away just like your step-brudy kurt"
"That's funny you calling him a sissy all the time when you still think girls have CoOtIeS"
"I told you never to speak of that!" Dave said running away with a few tears falling down his eyes. He came back with the afterschool P.E teacher Ms. Beiste
"He made fun of meh" Dave said hiding behind right leg like a scared little mouse.
"You made fun of my bruder!" Finn snapped back.
Daves head popped out from behind leg and stuck his tongue out at Finn.
"Now the game is about to start so work together and have fun" The teacher said before turning away to go sit down on the bench.
Finn yelled the last word and both sides started running. Puck ripped off the smaller kids flags one by one and stood guard while Finn and Dave made their way to get the football from the other teams side of the field. That's when hell broke loose. Dave made it to the right of the football the same time Finn made it on the right side. They both fought with each other before two preschoolers ripped off their flags.
After another hour of losing the game was over
"What was that all about? And there's no I in team!" Was what they heard from Beiste for the next 10 minutes before they were questioned. "Finn, what happened out there?" asked. Now Finn knew he should be a suck-up and say they weren't using teamwork but he yelled "Dave STINKS!"
Dave once again looked over at Finn and shouted "SORRY THAT IM NOT A GIRL AND DON'T GET OFFENDED WHEN PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF MUSIC CLASS!"
"AT LEAST I KNOW HOW TO USE THE POTTY"
Then spoke up "STOP IT YOU TO OR ILL SEND YOU TO TIME OUT!"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CHAMPIONSHIP ANYMORE I HATE FLAG FOOTBALL! AND I QUIT" Dave said before running to his mommy who walked him to the car and they drove away.
Then they were all released to their parents who made a fit over that grass stains they were covered with.
*end of day, now Tuesday V*
*Sue writes in her journal*
"This here is the Pixy-Stick maker" Said the candy man pointing to a machine with levers that release flavored sugar into the paper rods it came with.
"and it keeps kids hyped up you say?' Sue questioned.
"It does, If you pack in enough sugar, But that could be highly dangerous. If you try to pack more that a medium sized rod full 70 percent of the kids will get sick" he said nodding his head
"Which means 30 percent will be energetic cheerleaders. Ill take it" Sue said unwillingly shaking the man's hand
"I was going thru my cash and realized I haven't stolen your lunch money yet" Azimio said cornering the wheel chaired boy
"But I'm in a wheelchair"Artie whined
"Mrs. Pillsbury says to treat all students equally" Azimio said before grabbing arties backpack and stealing his lunch money.
"Stuff between the P.E class and the music club have been going on since they made you chose between one or the other last year" Mr. Shue said talking to during lunch.
"It just seems like its worse now. How do we get it to stop?" Ms. Beiste asked
"I have an idea but you have to trust me." replied
"Okay, Wait, Are you going to kiss me again?"
shook his head no and explained the plan
"I'm in" said shaking the music teacher's hand.
End of Tuesday, Now Wednesday
In music class
"As I was saying..." said when he heard a huge grumble come from behind him
"Oh Artie" Tina said handing him a bag of chips
"THAT'S IT, THE P.E KIDS NEED TO STOP STEALING OUR LUNCH MONEY !" Finn died out running out of ideas to hurt the P.E students.
Just as Finn thought of a plan and gathered Puck to help him beat down the others they walked in.
The other male music students got up to block their entrance.
"You better give Artie his lunch money back!" Sam said
"No, let me handle this "Finn said "You better give Artie his lunch money back" he stated getting a stuck out tongue from Sam
Just then shuffled her students into the empty chairs before came to the front and spoke up.
"Lets give a welcome to the P.E class that will be learning music with us for this week"
"No way" Artie whined
"Heck to the nah" shouted Mercedes
"I am not sharing a room with guys who don't appreciate music" Rachel said folding her arms tightly
"I know some of you are angry but and I agree you all need to come together and learn about eachother." Mr. Shue said calming down the class.
"I am not singing, Mary had a little lamb" Azimio whined
"do you even know what we do in here?" Finn asked the P.E class.
"No, None of them do, so we will show them. Puck, Rachel would you mind coming up?"
"These people are stupid but I never give up on a chance to show off my talent, no matter who's the audience." Rachel said standing up
* starts the CD*
*Rachel and Puck sing need you now only missing a few of the words*
"Wow, The girl with the Mohawk has a pretty nice voice" Azimio said.
"Wow, not cool Azimio" Puck said tackling him
Suddenly a fight broke out that the teachers easily broke up
"TIME OUT ALL OF YOU!" They yelled
"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" the kids whined
"We need to win this championship. and me and you can do it together" Puck said talking to Finn
"Fine you have a deal" Finn nodded
"Recess marks a new begging for cheerleading. And now it will be even better with my Sueclearar weapon: The energizer bunny" Sue said pulling the sheet off the pixy stick machine
"Brittany you get to try the extra large. Here pick out your favorites" Said Sue handing Brittany a 3 foot pix stick rod.
"But I don't want to die" Brittany said.
"You can't go around making kids sick Sue" stated in Principle. Figgins office
"Your right Will. Sue you have to get parents' permission before letting them inhale that much sugar"
Principle Figgins said.
"This is a mockery"
*que Sue rampage*
End of Wednesday, Now Thursday
"Guys we have been asked to perform a song at the school assembly since the student council will be gone"
"But.." Azimio whined
"No Butts you're doing it, We are performing a simple version of Thriller" said.
The kids got straight to work. Well at least the music kids did.
"We need a new captain Finn" Sam yelled
"I am doing a great job tomorrow is the championship" Finn snapped back
"Yea and the whole teams in a war!"
the cool kids walk down to get cornered by the art club
"Wow now everyone's in music club" Said chuck the leader of the art club team
"How many times do we have to tell you art kids to get out of our faces?" Finn said
"When you make fools of yourselves at the assembly we will be kings. Time to hand over the lunch money"
"I'm so hungry" Dave groaned
"Don't worry you get used to It after a while" Finn sympathized
"I am quitting glee club" Dave announced
"No you're not" Said Ms. Beiste
"If you do you'll get detention during the game and assembly" she warned
"No!" He yelped
"I'm not joking" she snapped
"Fine, Then I quit"
"So do I" shouted the rest of the P.E kids
End of Thursday, Now Friday
*Little sexy Blaine singing bills, bills, bills
Sexy Wes and David
"Guys I'd say were ready for the assembly"
"One apple juice for me and a grape one for him" Blaine informed the lady. She handed them the drinks and they walked to the lunch table with the other kindergarteners.
"We are going to rock your socks off at the assembly you kindergarteners better be ready" Kurt said
"Most likely. We are doing horribly and we perform in 4 hours" Rachel said gloomily.
"I cut all of these kids off the team and none of them want to play" said to Shue
"Let's go break it to the music club"
"We are going to perform at the assembly but the championship game is over" said
All the kids put their heads down until they heard Rachel Berry come to the front of the room
"Maybe it not, We want to play" Rachel stated
That's when Mercedes stood up
"All of us music club girls"
"Yea we will just play guard" Tina said standing up
"Except me, I'm going to bring the pain." Lauren growled.
"Then its settled, lets practice Thriller once more.
"I just don't want to get sick"
"If you don't chug all of this nobody will be hyper, Remember this mama rod has to baby rods and it has to pay the bills" Sue said
"Okay, For the baby rods" Brittany agreed forcing her mom to sign the papers.
"What are the music girls doing?"Dave asked
"What your to much of a sissy to do" Said Finn running towards that center of the field attaching his last flag
"Let's go team" Rachel shouted
Rachel, Mercedes and Tina made their way to tear peoples flags off and Finn, Lauren and Puck tried to get the football, The other players helped both sides either trying to grab the ball or tear off peoples flags
o wow we won
"Common guys we won the game just play the assembly" Puck said trying to get the P.E kids to perform
"I'm in" Shouted Azimio and all the boys except Dave
"Fine Dave's out, now common guys let's get ready