Title: Monitor Duty (1/1)
: moi
Rating: G-ish
Characters: Batman, Superman
Spoilers: Recent comic events, but takes place before Bruce comes back.
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Archive: Feel free, just drop me a line so I know (my ego is like that)
Beta: kskryptonian
A/N: I'm not really on any DC LJ/Tumblr comms so feel free to repost if so you desire.
Summary: Does what it says on the tin.

Batman never bothered glancing at his monitor womb companion. He simply continued watching the curved wall of screens that bent around him, pressing the occasional button to change views and angles when necessary.

"…And what's worse… And oh YES there is something worse than having to spend a whole day with her and her mother…They drag me dress shopping. Because that's exactly how I want to spend my ONE day off, being asked by Lois…and HER MOTHER if this dress makes them look fat. And there is no real answer to that, you know. If you say no, you're a liar. If you say yes, you are saying they're fat. And her mother can smell fear. She asks that question, and she's just waiting for you to slip up…"

Batman's head slowly turned toward the Man of Steel, sitting behind him in a pulled-up chair with his feet propped up on a trash bin, a pint of ice cream in one hand, and a wooden spoon in the other. He looked Superman over for a moment that droned into an uncomfortable silence. "Is there a point to this story?"

Superman removed his red boots from the edge of the trashcan and sat up. "….That Lois is obviously bread from evil stock?"

Batman stared at him, expressionless, and another one of those uncomfortable silences erupted and carried on. "The only way to win the game is not to play. Feign an international crisis. CREATE an international crisis. Just get the hell out of there. Or, you know. Be a man, stand your ground. Refuse to go to the mall."

Superman stared at the tip of his spoon for a moment. "Because I WANT Lois to grind up Kryptonite and sprinkle it into my oatmeal because I cut out on her mom visiting."

It was terribly, terribly quiet again. Briefly, Clark contemplated feigning an international crisis to get him out of the Watchtower.

Finally, Batman shook his head. "Look, man, you know I love you, right? But did you and Bruce do this every time he was on monitor duty?"

Clark shifted uncomfortably. "Not EVERY time."

Dick grinned. "Is this why he always smelled like vanilla ice cream, and always refused to talk about it?"

Letting out a deep breath, Clark cracked half a smile. "I'm sworn to secrecy about that."

Batman laughed. "God, Lois is right. You and Bruce were SO married."