Prompt: Shizuo gets hit on the head and wakes up to the firm belief that Izaya is his wife. Then proceeds to force his rights as husbando and has kinky, forceful sex with the wife. Bonus points if Shizuo forces Izaya into a dress and high heels.
Izaya turned a corner as fast as he could and made it for the main streets. Right at his heels was Shizuo carrying yet another vending machine. Izaya ran faster and fought the urge to look behind. He knew that he would be within throwing range very soon, his only hope was reaching a crowded place out of this maze of alleys. Shizuo bludgeoned ahead but even he would slow down if he had to dodge a flow of people. Loud screams were thundering on his ears and just as Izaya was getting ready to make a final sprint there was an even louder crash. Izaya cast a glance backwards only to find no Shizuo but the big red vending machine now very still.
Izaya halted. For a second he did not know what happened and curiosity won him over. Carefully, he approached the machine next to which Shizuo was sprawled on the ground, a blood on his forehead and a banana peel at his feet. It was karma in action as far as Izaya knew.
"Oh, Shizu-chan! Shi-zu-chan! Wakey wakey!"
Izaya kicked the unconscious man and almost did a happy dance.
"Finally, the Ikebukuro gods do right by me. Orihara Izaya one, Shizu-chan zero!"
He giggled merrily and took out Shizuo's glasses to put them on himself with a mock thoughtful attitude.
"What comes around goes around. Thank you, oh vending machine. You rebelled against your grand oppressor and saved me."
Izaya kicked him again. This was the best thing that happened to him since he learnt that Shizuo had lost his job. His switchblade was out in no time and Izaya smiled.
"I'd rather convince you to take a dive to your death but this will have to do. Goodbye, Shizu-chan. Hope you go to hell…literally!"
Izaya was amused anew by his own crack sense of humor. He was about to deliver the killing cut when a familiar voice piped behind him.
"Orihara-san? Did something happen?"
Mikado stood blinking and Izaya hid the knife before he could catch sight of it.
"Hello, Mikado-kun! Shizu-chan here just had an accident that proves that universal justice ultimately prevails."
"I'm calling an ambulance!"
Izaya sighed, killing the kid would be disagreeable but such was life. Before he had a chance to do so, however, and before Mikado could punch in the number with his shaky fingers, a thunderous voice boomed and they both jumped.
"Iza-chan, what are you doing talking to strangers?"
To Izaya's deep horror and Mikado's relief Shizuo was on his feet and glaring wildly.
"This is my cue."
Izaya would probably have managed to flee if Shizuo had not grabbed his fur fringed hood and thus detained him.
"Heiwajima-san, are you alright?"
Shizuo turned his burning glare to Mikado who suddenly realized he was late for school.
"Who's this punk? Friend of yours?"
Izaya looked around nervously and made a lame attempt at trying to escape.
"Shizu-chan, let's just-"
"Why are you wearing that?"
Mikado took the chance to bow and run away, mumbling some apology and his wishes of a fast recovery. No one heard him.
"Wearing what? It's my favorite jacket, I always wear it."
Shizuo lifted him up and dangled him in the air from the hood. Izaya flailed around hopelessly. The Ikebukuro gods were fickle.
"No wife of mine is going to walk around wearing this shitty outfit."
Izaya stopped struggling.
"Eh? What are you talking about? Wife?"
At this point Izaya began to realize that something was wrong here. Shizuo shook him out of the jacket and picked him up, at which point Izaya began to wonder if something was exceedingly wrong here.
"And why aren't you wearing your wedding ring? Were you cheating on me?"
Izaya's jaw dropped.
"What the hell? Shizu-chan? Hello? Anyone home? I think you hit your head too hard. Maybe we should go to the hospital, how about I go call someone to help-"
"Iza-chan, you will fulfill your wifely duties…whether you like to or not."
Shizuo casually ripped the jacket into so many bits of foamy fabric, sending puffs of fur flying all over the place and then tossed it aside into a trash bin. Along with Izaya's knife, which made it a double loss.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, are you out of your fucking mind? Wifely duties? What the! And my jacket!"