Dude, Where's my Groom?

Part I

Tracy, currently having a near panic attack, horse before the wedding, awaiting her groom and groomsmen to return from their bachelor party in Las Vegas, even though they were supposed to be home yesterday!

Her phone started ringing, and she answered it as soon as she heard it go off. "Hello?" She asked, panicked.

"Tracy, it's Phil." Doug's best man, Phil, said into the phone.

"Phil, where the hell are you guys?" She just about lost it when she heard his voice. "I'm freaking out."

"Yeah, listen," He cleared his throat. "we fucked up."

"What are you talking about?" She asked incredulously. What could they have possibly done?

"The bachelor party, the whole night got out of control," He paused. "we lost Doug."

"What?" She asked, the panic subsiding and the anger taking over.

"We can't find Doug."

"What are you saying? We're getting married in five hours!"

"Yeah," He paused again. "that's not gonna happen."

Three weeks, earlier.

"I'm sorry, Tracy, but have you managed to go completely psychotic while I've been at my mom's?" I, Tracy's maid of honor, asked the stressed out bride.

"I'm sorry, Tara, I really am, I just need someone to keep an eye on the boys while they're there, and get them back in time. I trust Doug and all but, with Phil there, he can talk anyone into anything, and with Alan you know how he is, he needs some looking after. You don't even have to go out with them!" She begged me, taking hold of my arms and looking straight into my eyes.

"So, what you're saying is, make sure Phil isn't his usual douche bag self, and play babysitter for Alan?" Tracy nodded. "I mean, I guess so. I've never been to Vegas before." I told her, as if it were a big deal to go to the Sin City and gamble all my life savings away.

"Thank you so, so, so much, Tara!" She said, hugging me.

"What are cousins/best friends/maid's of honor for?" I joked.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Tara Garner, cousin, best friend, and maid of honor to the bride. I'm twenty six, I live in Santa Monica with my great dane; Cowboy, and I've been staying with the Garner's since Tracy asked me to be her maid of honor. I met Doug and his two friends, Stu and Phil, as soon as Tracey announced their engagement. Stu was a secret sweetheart, hidden behind fake masculinity, dentistry, and whore-girlfriend; Melissa. Phil was nice, sort of a douche bag, married, with a child, although still a shameless flirt with every girl at the engagement party. I only met them a few other times, whereas Stu was still whipped, and Phil was going through a divorce and custody battle -having been the most recent meeting, the only time I haven't seen Phil loud, obnoxious, and one step away from being drunk. Now, don't get me wrong. Sure, Phil is attractive and I wouldn't mind seeing that every day, but, it's just been an unspoken agreement every time I've seen him that we're both just untouchable objects. Something you yearn for but are never going to get, and I've coped with it.

Two weeks, two days later.

"Never fear, adult babysitter is here!" I announced myself as I burst into the Garner's home -more like estate- dropping my bag on the floor and throwing my arms out dramatically. I left my hair natural -wavy- considering it'd just be tousled anyway, and wore an off the shoulder, thick striped blue and off white crop top and jeans shorts with my Vans.

"We're up here!" Tracy called from the upstairs. I assumed she meant the study so I went in there, only to find my cousin in just a shirt and a jockstrap hugging Doug.

"Whoa! Alan, that is way more of my cousin than I ever needed to see!" I said covering my eyes.

"Hey, Tara!" Doug greeted me warmly. "Ready for this weekend?"

"Hell yeah! Are you sure you're okay with me going? I don't want to be a party crasher."

"You have nothing to worry about, Tara." Doug said. "I'm gonna go say bye to Tracy and then we can go get Phil and Stu." Alan just looked around awkwardly after Doug left the room.

"Hey, Alan. How're you?"

"We might kill someone tonight. So, make sure you seal those lips tighter than a Ziploc bag." I just looked at him, nodded, and walked away when Doug called us to the garage.

"Just remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except herpes. That shit'll come back with you." My uncle Sid finished explaining to Doug, looking at me, as I walked up from trying to get Alan to stop kissing the dog.

"Let's get this show on the road, ladies." I said, climbing into the backseat, sliding on my black wayfarer sunglasses, fully prepared to be smooshed in between Phil and Stu.


"Do you have to park so close?" Alan asked uncomfortably, shielding his face from the school. I thought the sun was in his eyes.

"Yeah. What's wrong?" Doug asked.

"I'm not supposed to be here." He answered, I leaned forward in intrigue.

"Why's that, Alan?" Doug asked reluctantly.

"I'm not supposed to be within two-hundred feet of a school." He answered. "Or a Chuck E. Cheese."

"What?" Me and Doug both asked simultaneously.

"Hey, Mr. Wenneck -" A chubby little boy hollered after Phil.

"It's the weekend Budnick, I don't know you, you do not exist!" Phil called after him, throwing on his own sunglasses on his face. I rolled my eyes. Poor kids. "Shit. Nice car." He said, throwing his bag just past me.

"Hey, Mr. Wenneck, are you done stealing money from children?" I asked him. He simply hopped in the car and ignored me momentarily.

"I'm driving. And I blew all my money on this divorce, how else am I supposed to gamble every thing I don't have away?"

"Whoa, no chance, buddy. Watch your step! Gah. Will you watch the leather?" Doug complained. This was going to be a long trip.

"Shut up and drive before one of these nerds asks me another question." He said, lounging in the back throwing his legs over my lap and spreading his arms across the back of the seats. "Who's this?" He gestured to Alan.

"That's Alan, Tracey's brother, Tara's cousin." Doug said, I nodded.

"I've met you like four times." Alan said, somewhat affronted.

"Oh yeah, how you doin' man?"

It took us all of five minutes to move from the school over to Stu's house, and I was already annoyed. Phil was just so, annoying. Finally when we got there, I was poised and ready to go get him since no one made a move to get him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Phil asked me, grabbing me by the waist and pushing me back into my seat.

"Where do you think? No one else is gonna get Stu, so I will."

"One teeny tiny problem, there." Doug said, pausing.

"Melissa doesn't know we're going to Vegas and she doesn't know you're coming with us. So, let me handle this." Phil told me, finishing for Doug. Phil cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled; "Paging Doctor Faggot!" When there was no answer, or movement in the house, he repeated a little louder, "Doctor Faggot!" We finally saw Stu come out of the house in his normal polo shirt, khaki pants, and sweater tied around the neck.

"Hey, nice going Mr. Douchebag. I just tried explaining to Melissa that you're mature when you get to know you guys." Stu said, Phil just shrugged. "Hey, Tara." Stu greeted me as he threw his and Phil's bags in the trunk.

"Hey Stu!" I said cheerily, excited to get this show on the road. "And, I'd have to beg to differ."


"WOO! ROAD TRIP!" Alan stood up as he yelled from the car on the highway. "Hey! Vegas! Vegas baby!" He yelled at some poor little girl in the car next to us. Phil, Stu, and I just sat in the back and watched in amusement as he continued to yell at the child and she finally gave him the finger. He sat down, offended and dejected.

"Come on, just until Barstow. Everybody's passing us!" Phil complained for the upteenth time about how he couldn't drive. I finally settled on just tuning him out. Sure, he was cute, and he's got nice abs, but man, he could be annoying. It was much easier to tell him off when those beautiful blue eyes weren't piercing into your soul.

"Phillip Wenneck! Shut the hell up! Uncle Sid said you can't drive, get over it." I told him. He just looked at me.

"Absolutely not, I promised Sid. I will be the only one driving this car. Besides, you're drinking."

"Oh, what are a cop now? Come on, you know I drive great when I'm drunk." He mocked Doug. I just rolled my eyes...again.

"That's true, don't forget Phil was always our designated drunk driver." Stu reminded Doug. He was actually defending him?

"You wanna explain it to them Alan?" Doug mentioned. I could feel it coming already, the empathy speech.

"Guys, my dad loves this car more than he loves me so, yeah." He said as if it's nothing.

"Oh, whatever, look I left my soon-to-be ex-wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys to Vegas, you know how difficult that was?" Phil said. I almost believed it but, I could tell he was being sarcastic.

"That's really sweet, Phil." Alan, wasn't so smart.

"Yeah." Doug said, not believing a second of it.

"Dude, I was being sarcastic, I fucking hate my life. I might never go back. I might just stay in Vegas."

"Here we go." Doug said, I knew he was rolling his eyes.

"You know Doug, you should enjoy yourself because come Sunday, you're gonna start dying just a little bit every day.

"Yeah, yeah. Alright."

"Phil, everyone dies a little everyday, why not die with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?" I tried to lighten Phil's words. I had never been married before, so, I didn't know what it's like, but I'd like to think that's what people think of when they get married. He just rolled his eyes at me.

"Yeah, that's why I've managed to stay single this whole time." Alan said with a chuckle. I felt myself smile. He was my favorite cousin.

"Oh really? That's why you're single?" Stu finally piped up.


"Cool. Good to know." Phil just chuckled. I've really grown attached to that smile- wait, what?

"Am I good over there, Alan?" Doug asked, preparing to merge.

"Yeah, you're good." Alan said, Doug started moving into the other lane until a shadow came over the car and a truck's horn blew at us. I burrowed myself into the seat right under Phil's arm

"Holy shit!" "Oh my go-" "What the hell!" All of us yelled something as Alan just laughed. That boy confused me.

"That was awesome!" Alan hollered.

"That was not awesome! What is wrong with you!" Doug whined.

"That was insane we almost died!" Stu chuckled. I came out from hiding, bright green eyes large like a deer caught in the headlights. Phil just laughed at my expression. I managed to hit his arm a little harder than playfully.

"You should have seen your faces! Hah, classic!" Alan screeched.

"That's funny!" Phil laughed like a boy who saw a great prank.

"It's not funny." Doug whined again

"I'll have to side with Doug on that one." I finally said something, still shaking slightly. After a few moments, the thrill wore off, and we went back into the comfortable silence we had before.

This was going to be an interesting bachelor party.

A/N: So, I've jumped on the band wagon...And decided to write a Phil/OC fic. Frankly, they're aren't enough finished ones so, I decided to write one of my own.

The whole story is finished but if there's something you want me to add in, let me know.

Also, I just put her as 26 because I didn't know how old Phil was, I just guessed 27-30.

P.S. Let me know if you'd like me to update twice a week or once a week. There's 10 chapters, with a short epilogue at the end.

Good? Bad? Lemme know!