My Mutant Goldfish Ate My Flesh!



"Don't worry, Azu-nyan! I'll save you!"

A loud crunch split the air as Yui, her hair sweeping dramatically behind her (although it would have been more dramatic if her hair was longer- but you can't have everything), raised a guitar-

And hit zombie Sawako with it upside the head.

The zombified version of Sawako (who wasn't all that different from her usual self when she was drunk, to be brutally honest) was pushed away from Azusa. As she staggered backwards her head collapsed in on itself from blunt force trauma. She moaned, fingers going to her concave skull- but Azusa knew a little injury like that wouldn't hold her off for long. Zombie-aliens (zombiens?) were strangely hard-wearing and durable.

…Great. Now it sounded like she was trying to sell refrigerators or something.

"Thank you, Yui-senpai!" said Azusa gratefully. "Y-you've saved my life! I am now forever in your debt and… and…"

But Azusa's words caught in her mouth when she saw what, exactly, Yui had used to hit zombie Sawako with.

"That's my guitar."

"U-um, yeah," said Yui sheepishly, giggling slightly. "U-um… W-well, I would have used my guitar, obviously, but yours' was closer and I wasn't thinking and-"

"You value your personal property more than you value mine."

"W-well, that's a little harsh, Azu-nyan…"

Azusa's right eye twitched.

"You're so selfish, Yui-senpai! Did you ever stop to think about me? Oh, that's right- you NEVER do, 'cause if you did you wouldn't have used my guitar as a weapon and-"

But Yui never learnt what Azusa was going to say next. Midway during her angry rant, zombie Mio grabbed hold of Azusa's body and bit off her head.


"So you see, Kon-chan," said Yui sweetly, extending a hand to the fallen girl in a kimono, "friendship really is important. That's how we were able to defeat you. Maybe you can learn something from this."

"Maybe I can…" said Kon-chan, her eyes going strangely misty, just like a girls' in a shojo manga. Her white, pale fingers reached out- trembling slightly- to take Yui's proffered hand. "Maybe I can… O-or maybe…"

Kon-chan's eyes narrowed.

"Yui-senpai, watch out!"

But it was too late. Kon-chan had already bitten down on Yui's hand, peeling a huge chunk of flesh away from delicate finger bones. Red blood oozed from the open gash down Yui's wrist.

In a mess of black blood and splintering flesh, turning inside out and a putrid smell, Kon-chan slowly began to transform until- after a minute- a perfect replica of Hirasawa Yui stood before Azusa. It even had a gory chunk missing from its hand, and the same vacant expression on its face.

Azusa sighed.

One Yui was bad enough, but two was a nightmare; especially as one of them wanted to eat her flesh!

"Now you can't tell us apart," said one of the Yuis. "What are you going to do, Azusa?"

Yui number one soon began to cry, reaching out to Azusa imploringly; "I'm the real Yui! Don't hurt me! Please, Azu-nyan- aren't you my friend?"

Meanwhile, Yui number two smiled dreamily off into space, occasionally turning her gaze on Yui number one and Azusa.

"Hey, Azu-nyan," said Yui number two, "does my nose really look that big in real life? Oh, and my hand kind of hurts. That's not what friends do, Kon-chan- but I'll forgive you, since you have poor social skills. Hehehe… O-ow…"

Choosing the correct Yui wasn't all that difficult after that.


"Well, I'm so glad that's been explained," said Mio, smiling a little. "I was little confused as to how we all ended up in the storage cupboard, but it makes perfect sense now."

"Yes. Perfect sense," agreed Mugi, nodding.

Azusa and Yui grinned, secretly giving each other thumbs up. That excuse they'd created about the goblins and that piece of cheese was absolutely genius.

The members of the light music club (sans Sawako, who was with the flute club) were sat in their club room, happily sipping tea and sampling cake. However, that peaceful atmosphere was soon broken when Mugi decided to stretch her legs and look at Ton-chan for a bit to soothe her heart.

But Ton-chan was not there.

"Um, everyone," said Mugi softly, turning to look at the other girls, "do soft-shelled turtles generally go for walks on the mainland when their owners' backs are turned?"

"'Mainland'?" Ritsu echoed, smirking. "This isn't The Little Mermaid, Mugi-chan."

"I know, but… it still seems strange that Ton-chan is gone."

"Maybe it's hiding under a rock?" suggested Mio, shivering slightly. "I-it can't have gone, right?"

"I-it has! I can't see it anywhere!"

Azusa groaned.

How could she have forgotten about Ton-chan? Stupid Kon-chan must've gotten a bit (or a lot) hungry and- chomp.

…That was too horrible to even think about.

Azusa sighed.

It looked like this was another thing she needed to raise money for.

Stupid carnivorous, soft-shell turtle-eating aliens.


"Hey, everyone!" said Suzumiya Haruhi cheerily, barging into the SOS Brigade club room with a large smile on her face.

"What is it? Did an alien spaceship crash land in class two?" asked Kyon dryly.

"No, stupid," said Haruhi, rolling her eyes. "If that happened we'd sooo be there right now!"

"Of course. How foolish of me."

"I thought…" Haruhi paused, trying to build up dramatic silence. It didn't work, given the only one excited was her (Mikuru was maybe 'terrified', which was fitting given all the stupid costumes Haruhi made her wear, whilst everybody else bordered on apathetic).

Finally, Haruhi said, "I thought that we could get a pet for the SOS Brigade! Wouldn't that be awesome? We'd be like a family then!"

"A pet?" asked Kyon, idly pushing a pawn forward in a chess game with Koizumi. "I'm a little relieved… That's far better than some of your other ideas."

"Isn't it though?" said Haruhi, beaming. "But I asked the lady in the store, and I said I only wanted the most interesting, unique pet ever- like, something that could be a secret alien! I figured I've been spending so much time investigating humans for possible alien traits that I never even looked at animals- but isn't there a huge probability aliens won't look like humans as we know it? Why would they? And the fish I got- for free, may I add- is so totally hideous there has to be something up with it!"

Kyon sighed.

Knowing Haruhi, the fish she'd bought probably would end up being more a fish- and what'd happen then?

Kyon decided he'd ask Nagato to scan it first, just in case. It never hurt to be too careful.

a/n: And this is the end of the omake, and the whole story~ It truly is complete now :3
Parts 1 & 2 were scenes that were originally going to be in the actual story (minus Azusa getting her head bitten off in part 1), but I cut them for time 'cause the fight scene was already getting quite long XD Part 3 is commenting on a vague plot hole (whatever /did/ happen to Kon-chan? XD) and part 4 is just… alternate universe :3
The parts of this chapter are all given titles beginning with 'D' because the original concept for this story was that the K-On! girls bought Kon-chan from Count D's pet shop, so it would've been a crossover between K-On! and Petshop of Horrors. I scrapped that in the end because Petshop of Horrors (the first series at least) is set in America, and I didn't want to have to put this fic in the crossover section whilst the actual canon character (D) had so little time in the fic.

And, I think that's the end~
Thank you everybody who read and reviewed, & those who put it on favorites. I'm glad to know you liked it, I hope it was (somewhat) funny and (vaguely) horrific, and maybe I'll write another K-On! fic in the future… We'll have to wait and see :3

~renahhchen xoxo