Edward's face changed expressions about six times. He couldn't decide if he was hurt, angry, or disbelieving. I gave him a few moments to work out everything in his mind and finally reached out to take his hand. He instantly threw my touch off of him and got up out of the bed.
He paced a few times and then shook his head adamantly. "No, you remembered wrong. Tanya was a victim…"
"A victim?" I asked in shock.
"I cheated on her and lied to her," he explained.
"Right, you did, and she wanted revenge," I said loudly.
He stopped walking and placed his forehead on the wooden paneling. He took a few moments and then pulled back to hit his head hard on the wall. I jumped up and rushed over to hug him. "Edward, Jane told me Tanya contacted them and gave them the way to find you. She paid for everything and wanted them to kill you. You're alive because Jane loved you."
His body began to slide to the floor and I went down with him. I held him in my arms as he realized what Tanya had done. He never went looking for what he went through; he was deceived all along the way. He wasn't saying anything and I wished we were on land so I could get him away from here.
"Are you okay?" I asked in his ear.
"I thought I knew her better than anyone," he said.
"She had every right to be angry, but her actions were criminal," I said as I struggled with my own anger. She sat in my office and begged me to help Edward when she had all the answers all along. I headed into hell to find out what happened, and she could have simply told me.
Edward took a deep breath and then stood and helped me up. "Okay," he said with conviction. "Let's enjoy our honeymoon and figure this out later."
It was exactly what we did. We sailed to Mackinaw Island and did all the touristy things couples do. We were on our way back to Chicago when our first fight broke out. I was in the small bathroom brushing my teeth and reached for my birth control pills. Edward grabbed them from my hand and smiled suggestively. "When are we going to forget about these?" he asked.
It wasn't funny, no matter how comical he was trying to be. I had no intentions of becoming a mother and Edward was not ready to be a father either.
I grabbed the packet from his hand and glared at him. His smile fell and he asked, "You want children, don't you?"
I couldn't believe we had never talked about this. I assumed Edward felt the same way I did because he never acted interested in children. I took the pill and then turned to say, "No, I don't."
He followed me from the bathroom and asked, "Never?"
I spun around in anger and yelled, "God Edward, are you seriously this stupid? We are never having children, we can barely handle our own lives."
"You don't have to be perfect to be parents," he yelled at me and then added, "Obviously, look at your folks."
"Exactly," I screamed. "I'm not bringing a child into our craziness."
"We're not crazy Bella, and we would love a child the way it deserved to be loved."
"Stop this right now," I demanded.
"Are you telling me what to do?" he asked with an attitude.
"Obviously, you need me to, because this is just insane. We can't be parents."
"Well guess what love," he said with gritted teeth. "I want to be a father, and if you won't parent with me I'll find someone who will."
My entire body went tense and I couldn't believe he was threatening me. We had only been married a few days and already hitting shaky ground. "Don't you dare threaten me," I said without any emotion.
"You're not my Dom," he said to heighten the fight. "I'm telling you some woman would love to have my child."
I grabbed my slipper off the floor and threw it at him. "Jane?" I asked hysterically. "Are you going to have children with your true love and teach them how to torture their lovers?"
I knew it was a totally unreasonable thing to blurt out, but I was beyond thinking clearly and letting all my fears come to the surface. Edward shook his head and opened the cabin door before looking back at me and saying, "I told you I never loved Jane. But my words mean nothing; I'm just…some guy."
I fell onto the bed and began to cry. He wasn't just some guy, he was my man. I handled everything in the wrong way. We should have sat down and discussed it objectively. I should have told him I need more time and more therapy. We both needed to see if our relationship was going to remain healthy or if old habits would eventually sneak back into place.
I headed up to the top deck and saw we were close to the city. I found Edward sitting on a deck chair smoking a cigarette. I walked over and sat in the chair next to him. "I'm sorry," I offered and he only nodded. "You're not just some guy, Edward. You are my husband and I love you."
"I love you too," he added automatically and then took another drag from his cigarette.
I decided to give him time to deal with his own feelings and watched the city go by as we came to the pier. We unloaded all of our things into our car and then drove home. The signs of the wedding were gone and some food and cake was loaded into our fridge.
I took our bags into the washroom and heard Edward pick up the phone. I walked into the kitchen to find him sitting at the table with the receiver in his hand. "Let me talk to Tanya," he demanded and I closed my eyes in regret. "Tell her to call Edward when she arrives home," he added and then hung up.
"What are you going to say?" I asked him.
"I want her to tell me why," he said and walked from the room.
I was so tempted to head to another room and spend the day avoiding him, but I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. I followed him up to our bedroom and shut the door behind me. "Edward, we need to talk about this."
He sighed loudly and raised his head to look at me. "Fine, talk."
"I know this is upsetting and you feel very betrayed….."
"You're wrong," he said with a slight chuckle. "I deserved her revenge. I told her I loved her and inside I couldn't stand the thought of spending my life with her."
I looked into his eyes, trying desperately to see if he had been deceptive with me too. He could tell what I was thinking and he angrily turned his face away from me. Something snapped inside of me and I said with authority, "Don't look away from me."
His head turned slowly and his eyes seethed at me. He slowly lowered to his knees and let his head drop in submission. It was tantamount to slapping me across the face. I tried to control my pulse, but it quickened at the sight of him so willing to submit.
It was a teaching moment I could use to show him how unprepared we were to be parents. I walked up to where he knelt and said, "Look at me."
His head tilted upward and the pain in his eyes startled me. I dropped to my own knees and said, "Edward, I love you. I don't want our marriage to begin like this. Help me save us," I begged him.
He pulled me into his arms and I sobbed loudly. He comforted me and gave me his assurance we were fine. I just hoped he believe his own words. The phone rang and I begged him not to answer it. I felt we were on a precipice and any movement could push us over the edge.
He pulled from my arms and reached for the extension. "Hello," he answered and I braced myself for his outburst at Tanya, but instead he handed me the phone. "It's for you, Dr. Swan."
I took the receiver and planned to notify the college of my name change as soon as possible. I stood and put the phone to my ear. "Hello."
"Oh Dio," a voice murmured. "Il mio amore."
"Hello?" I repeated, not understanding what the man was saying.
"Are you well, my Bella?" he asked and my blood turned to ice.
"Who is this?" I demanded angrily.
"Tell me you are well, that I did the right thing," he begged with a thick accent.
Edward saw my face grow pale and he reached out and took the phone from my hand. I let him take it, too terrified to refuse him. He listened silently for a moment and then asked, "Who is this?"
He hung up and turned to face me. "Who was it?"
I shook my head, having no idea but something told me the voice was familiar and I should have recognized it as well as the sentiment. He looked at the caller ID but gained no information. I said something about a disgruntled student and then went into the bathroom and turned the water on for a tub.
I could hear Edward playing on the piano. I sat back in the tub and listened to his sweet melody, so different from the mood in the house. He soothed me with his music and I calmed down enough to think clearly. I was sure of my love for Edward and I needed to be more confident in his love for me.
I got out of the tub and headed downstairs in just a short robe. I walked up behind him as he played with his eyes closed. I ran my hands around his neck and down his chest as he sighed. I whispered into his ear, "I'll talk to my therapist about children. I'll get there, I promise."
His hand took hold of my arm and he pulled me around to sit on his lap. I kissed him tenderly and he let his head fall back to enjoy the moment. "Tell me what you want," he moaned.
"You, I want you," I answered.
He left me on his lap as he released his jeans and then stood to hold me as we made our way to the wall. He never let me down, holding me through the entire thing, impressing me with his strength and control. I found myself telling him to hold it and he maintained perfect control until I cried out for him.
Deep down I knew we were headed to dangerous ground, but I had no idea how to stop the slide. Edward kissed me aggressively and I could tell he was thrilled with what just happened between us. The phone rang again and I groaned in disappointment.
Edward let go of me and walked over to answer the phone. I watched his smile turn to a sinister look and knew Tanya had called back. His stature stiffened and he turned his back to me before speaking. "I need to see you; we need to talk face to face."
He listened for a moment and then yelled loudly. "Make the time. I'm coming to Seattle."
He slammed the phone down and took several breaths before turning to look at me. I tried to smile, but I was shaking on the inside. "When are you going?" I asked.
"Now," he answered and walked out of the room.
I stayed in the music room as he packed a bag and got into his car and drove away. He needed to confront Tanya his way, and I was going to give him the space to do it. That night I got my pillow and slept in the guest room. I didn't want to be in our bed alone. I waited and waited for Edward to call, but finally fell asleep without hearing from him.
Edward returned the next day. I was scrubbing the kitchen floor to release my pent up anxiety when he walked through the back door and gave me a wry smile. I stood and pushed my wet hair away from my face. I wanted to know why he never called, but I didn't dare bring it up.
"That was fast," I said awkwardly.
"I said what I needed to say," he answered and then tiptoed across the wet floor to head upstairs. I stood there without knowing how to react. He came back to the kitchen to find me standing in the same spot he left me in. "Bella, sit down," he instructed and I walked over to the kitchen table and sat.
He scooted his chair closer to mine and said, "I want this to be done. We need to move past the island and get on with our lives."
"Can you tell me what happened with Tanya?" I asked.
"She denied everything. I admitted everything I had done to her, but there was no excuse for trying to take my life."
"Why did she want me to help you?" I asked him.
"She thought if I got some of my memories back we could work again."
"But she's married," I gasped.
"Her devotion is flexible," he said with disgust.
I could tell by the look on his face his aversion was over something new, not old. "Did she hit on you?" I asked in rage.
"It's over," he stated adamantly. "I don't want to talk about Tanya ever again."
I was livid; she played him at every turn and then had the nerve to hit on him right when he got home from his honeymoon. I wished she lived in Chicago because I would love to have a chat with her this very moment.
"Okay," I finally agreed. "It's over."
Edward seemed to relax and his shoulders lowered as he sat back and ran his fingers through his hair. I watched him with delight. He was so handsome and I couldn't believe he was all mine. I wished I had a shower and I would have hit on him.
We spent our last free day working around the house. We put out pictures of us and made the place more welcoming. We both felt ready for the mundane life of a married couple. Edward didn't bring up children, but I noticed how he constantly stared at my birth control pills.
We were normal most of the time, but every once in a while something would come out in our love making. I would say something a bit harsh and Edward would obey immediately. We never talked about it and I'm sure it haunted us both.
It had been several months when I came home from work to find a rental car in our driveway. I was excited at the thought of family visiting and rushed into the house. It was totally silent and I tried to listen to see if I could hear anyone talking.
The sound of a woman's voice came from Edward's music room so I headed that way quietly. The door was open just a couple of inches and I peeked through the space to make sure I wasn't interrupting anything. I saw Edward on his knees as a woman looked down at him. I recognized her immediately and backed up so she wouldn't see me.
I covered my mouth with my hand and rushed from the hallway. I ran from the house, leaving the back door wide open and jumped in my car. I was shaking violently as I sped from the driveway. My phone rang moments later, but I ignored it and kept driving.
I wasn't sure where to go. I didn't want to go to my office in case a student dropped by, so I checked into a downtown hotel. I collapsed on the bed and cried loudly. I had no idea how to compete with Jane. She had Edward for six years and our relationship was so stressed and relatively new. I felt I lost him without fighting.
My phone rang often throughout the night, but I never answered or checked the messages. I lay on the bed in almost a trance, trying to imagine life without Edward.
I don't know how I became this person. I was weak, without the pretense of authority I used to have. Bella Swan would have never let herself become vulnerable, but for some reason Edward caused me to change everything about myself.
Was that what love did? It weakens a person to the point their heart is exposed and defenseless? If I wanted my marriage I was going to have to fight for it. I would have to wrap myself in armor and go head to head with the other woman he loved.
The next morning I showered and put on my same clothes before heading home. The car was still there, telling me she had spent the night. I threw the door open and it hit the wall with a loud bang. I marched into the kitchen to find Edward and Jane sitting at the table with coffee.
Edward jumped up and rushed toward me. "God Bella, why wouldn't you answer your phone?"
I held up my arm to stop him from coming any closer. I then turned my attention to Jane. "I'm not letting you just have him. I'm not handing him over without a fight."
She smiled and looked at Edward with amusement. I glanced at the both angrily, hating that they shared something funny at my expense. Edward pleaded with me. "Bella, come sit down so we can talk about this."
I made my way to the table and looked at their coffee. "There's no cinnamon is there?"
"No," Jane said Edward glanced warily at the cup, as if he hadn't considered the possibility of being drugged again.
"Jane didn't come for me," Edward stated, but she quickly interrupted him.
"That is not totally true," she said.
Edward gave her a disgusted glance and turned his attention back to me. "I remember things now. I was not in love with her, ever."
I looked at Jane to see if she would refute his words but she nodded to me in agreement. "But you loved him, right?" I asked her.
"Completely," she said.
I was so confused and had no idea what to ask to clear things up, so I remained quiet and let Edward speak. He took my hands and said, "I owe Jane my life, but I was never in love with her and she knew it. I was honest about it because I had messed up so badly with Tanya. When her brothers felt I was in the way they planned to kill me. Jane got me off the island in took me home."
"They just let her leave?" I asked.
Jane laughed and then said, "We are not kidnappers. People pay top dollar for our services. They come willingly."
"You wouldn't let me or Edward leave," I pointed out.
She glanced at Edward before lowering her voice and speaking. "You both could have left at any time. You were never held there."
Her outright lie angered me even further. I never would have stayed there for two years, and Edward surely would have left. He just admitted to never loving her, so why would he stay?
"Are you accusing me of refusing to leave the island, because you know that is a lie," I yelled to her.
Jane took another sip of her coffee before responding to my outburst. She was calm as she spoke and for some reason it made me even angrier. "Bella, we were paid to keep Edward there as long as we could. We were not supposed to harm him unless he decided to end things with Tanya. He decided to do that after only one month. Only then did she want him…hurt. But Edward never asked to leave. He stayed and participated in what we had to offer. I grew to love him, but he just loved living his life in the way he wanted."
I glanced at Edward and saw the shame on his face. He could have left but chose to stay. "Why the drugs?" I asked.
"It is all part of the training. It makes you willing to go further and it dampens the pain. People who come to see us want to hurt, they need it to feel alive since they've stifled all the real pain for so long. Letting them experience the pain is what they pay for."
I knew exactly what she was talking about. I didn't need her to explain the dynamics to me, but I felt a bit nauseous that people like her needed to exist in this world.
She continued on with her story. "It was my obsession with Edward that caused problems with my brothers. I didn't want to train anymore because I wanted only Edward in my life. They tried to reason with me, but I was obstinate. Edward wouldn't leave, so they planned to take him out of the equation. I drugged him enough to get him onto a boat and I took him home."
"Why didn't you stay and explain things to his family?" I asked.
She chuckled and looked at Edward pityingly. I knew it wasn't something any sane person would be willing to do, but if she knew what was wrong with him she should have shared it with his family. Jane reached out to touch Edward's hand and he pulled it out of her grasp.
"Jane did the right thing," he said to defend her actions.
I felt my mouth fall open and I gave Edward an appalled stare. "The right thing? I went there to find out what happened to you. I lost two years of my life to those sadomasochists."
Edward let his eyes move away from mine and at first I thought he felt guilty but he shook his head and said something to really throw me for a loop. "I was wrong to make you leave."
I actually gasped for air as I tried to make sense of his words. I stood and walked around the kitchen as I tried to ground myself to anything that was real. I finally spun around and said, "You were kneeling to her, I saw it."
"I couldn't remember her. We were role playing to make me remember. I never touched her Bella, I swear," he screamed.
I looked at the both of them, needing more of an explanation. "Are you telling me you remember everything? You remember your entire relationship with her?" I demanded.
"Yes, I do," Edward said. "It all came back and I can tell you anything you want to know."
There was nothing I needed to hear. I could assume most of it, I just wanted him to remember if he loved her or not, and apparently he didn't. I walked over and wrapped my arms around him. I sighed loudly and said, "I don't need to hear about it. I love you, Edward."
I expected him to hold me tightly and assure me everything was okay, but his posture was stiff and he didn't pull me closer. I backed up to look at his face and saw nothing but torment.
"What's wrong?" I asked him.
"Jane didn't come alone," he told me. "There is someone here to see you."
"Me?" I gasped. "Who would need to see me?"
"Bella," Jane said softly. "Edward never fell in love on the island, but you did."
I saw movement from the corner of my eye and turned to see a man step from behind the wall into the doorway. He was tall with long blonde hair pulled into a ponytail. He spoke with a strong Italian accent and said, "Ciao, my Bella."
His gentle smile looked so familiar. Something exploded in my head and memories came flooding at me. "Caius," I said in only a whisper, and then my legs gave out.
My body was fighting with my mind. I wanted to run to him and collapse in his arms. I remembered holding him during the night and trying to find a way we could be together. It was never Edward who had someone waiting, it was me.
I looked up at Edward's face and saw his pain. It was more evident than anything I had ever seen before. My heart bled for him. Caius looked mortified to see me in Edward's arms and I could tell he was fighting his own impulse to pull me away.
I slowly moved, needing Edward's assistance and tried to speak. "I don't, I mean, I didn't know," I mumbled.
Edward helped me to a chair and we all sat down. I couldn't keep from staring at Caius as more and more memories came into my head. I glanced down at my arm where I had insisted he give me the same mark he wore. It was a pale scar now, where Carlisle had removed it.
Caius looked at the blank spot and his eyes watered. Jane was the first to speak and said, "Bella, the only way Caius could be with you is if you escaped and he waited for a while before he left too. It was all planned."
I turned to Edward and shook my head, "I didn't remember, and I was honestly happy to see you."
"I know," he said softly.
My eyes then moved to Caius and I saw the pain he held there too. I was instantly torn and didn't know who to offer my comfort to. Everyone sat quietly until Edward finally said, "Leave your information where she can reach you and then let me have some time alone with my wife."
Caius remained still but Jane wrote something on a card and then stood to leave. I remained seated and refused to look at anyone. My heart was pounding and I was afraid to be alone with Edward just as much as I was afraid for Caius to walk out the door.
The room emptied and Edward moved to sit on the island in the middle of the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes for a moment and then said, "Bella, you have to decide…"
"There is no decision," I said forcefully. "You are my husband and I love you."
He smiled for a moment and then said, "I never got it. You must have worried so much about my feelings for Jane and I never understood why. Now I see the problem."
"Edward everything we had was so new. It wasn't like I cheated on you," I said to make myself feel better. "Caius understood the sickness I had deep inside of me. He made me feel normal and I liked it."
"The sickness," he repeated and I let my head fall in shame.
"Edward, we both know it is still there. We are ignoring it, but it is there," I said to finally get everything into the open.
He nodded for a moment and then said, "Okay, let's get real. I want a family. I want to fill this house with kids. I also want to do anything that feels good at the time and not feel like I need to explain it later."
I stared in shock and then asked, "Are you telling me to go with Caius?"
"If none of that sounds right to you, than yes, go with him." He got down from the counter and walked out the back door. I wanted to run after him. I knew it was the right thing to do, but something kept me planted in my chair. I let my head fall to the table and I cried uncontrollably. I honestly loved Edward, but maybe it was right to leave before we were pulled apart by different dreams.
I eventually picked up the card Caius left and saw he was staying at a hotel in the city. I got in my car and headed there to see him. I had to face this head on and make sure I made the right decision. I knocked softly and when he opened the door a huge smile spread across his face.
"Benvenuto," he said, and backed up so I could enter the room. He let his finger run along my arm so I headed to the far side of the suite to be out of his reach and then leaned against the wall. I remembered loving him and talking about a future with him, but everything was different now.
"Do you want children?" I asked boldly.
He shrugged and then walked over to sit on the edge of one of the couches. I watched him closely and he finally said, "Why the talk of children?"
"Because Edward wants kids, and obviously I am too messed up to be a mother." It hurt to admit the truth to him. I felt like I was betraying Edward by speaking so frankly with Caius.
He chuckled and let his head fall to the side in amusement. "You are not messed up, Bella."
"Yeah, right," I scoffed. "Tell me another lie."
"What does motherhood have to do with Infestus?" he asked, and it confused me all the more.
"Infestus?" I asked.
"Dangerous, aggressive sexual activity," he explained.
"You don't see the correlation?" I said and rolled my eyes at him. I wasn't going to have my husband kneeling in front of me as his children watched. Or have them ask where he got the bite marks and bruises.
"No," he said to surprise me. "You don't need to have Infestus constantly in your life. It is like a storm, you enjoy the sunshine but thunder and lightning can make it exciting once in a while."
I realized it was exactly how it was with me and Edward. We didn't feel we were missing anything, but out of the need for variety we would go there once in a while.
I wasn't sure if I believed Caius and wondered if he was trying to ease my guilt, although he was the one who would be an expert on such a thing. Maybe Edward and I were just fine and I was putting too much emphasis on the occasional storm. It dawned on me all at once. Caius made me feel it was okay to be different, but Edward made me feel loved.
I looked at the man I had promised to spend my life with and told him the truth. "Caius, I fell in love with Edward in a way I have never loved before."
He looked heartbroken and let his head fall sadly. I didn't want to cause him pain, but Edward gave me space to make the right decision and I wasn't certain I could have done the same. If Jane had shown up and he remembered loving her I would have done everything I could to keep him with me. Edward willingly let me go after telling me what he expected if I stayed.
"I regret letting you go," Caius said sadly.
"If you don't return to the island you'll find what you're searching for, I promise," I told him. "There's a wonderful woman waiting for you."
He smiled and nodded but I could tell he didn't agree with me. I walked over and offered him a gentle hug and then walked out the door. I was anxious to find Edward and tell him how much I loved him. I faced the choice and I chose him. I forced myself to concentrate on the love I could feel for his children, not on what type of mother I would be. Of course I would make mistakes, but I would parent with love and hope for the best.
I arrived home to find Edward's car still gone. I got busy making him a perfect dinner and chilled some wine. I put on a sexy gown and let my hair flow freely the way he liked it. I waited impatiently as the room grew dark.
My heart pounded furiously when I heard his car pull into the garage. I left the lights out and sat perfectly still. He entered through the back door and flipped on the light.
"Turn it off," I said with authority. He reached up slowly and turned it off. I couldn't see for a moment and I couldn't hear any footsteps so I said, "Get over here."
He followed my command and came to where I sat before standing with his head bowed. I reached onto the table and held something out for him. "Throw this in the trash," I commanded and handed him my birth control pills.
He obeyed and tossed them before walking back to stand in front of me. I could see a slight smirk on his face and how aroused he was. I unlatched his pants and let them fall to his ankles before moving to sit on the table top. I leaned back on my elbows as he stared and then said, "You better impregnate me."
He folded his entire body over mine and kissed me with a passion that almost consumed me. I couldn't show him enough how much I loved him and no matter how wild we got it wasn't enough. I had experienced strictly sexual relationships, and I had experienced a relationship with Caius that made me feel accepted, but never the both of them together filled with love.
We experienced the thunder and lightning but by morning light we were back to responsible, capable adults. I held Edward in my arms as he slept soundly. I loved the sound of his breathing and the smell of his body. I kissed him gently and he stirred before opening his eyes.
"I love you," I said tenderly and he smiled.
"I never doubted you would be back," he said to stun me.
"Really?" I asked, "Even with the stuff about kids?"
He rolled onto his back and grinned like a Cheshire cat at the ceiling. "Bella, you are going to be such a great mother. Our child is going to be so lucky."
My eyes welled up with tears at his pronouncement. It was one thing for me to doubt myself, but to hear him filled with confidence in me confirmed my decision to choose him. "What makes you think so?" I asked.
He reached up and moved a stand of hair from my face before saying, "Because you are the most loving human I've ever met. You are gentle when you need to be and very dominate," he added with a wink, "When I need you to be."
"So you think I can be a normal mom?" I asked and climbed onto him, sitting straddled over his stomach.
"Normal, oh hell no," he laughed. "You'll be a hot mom all the little boys will swoon over."
"That is gross," I said and scrunched my nose, but he just laughed at me.
"I figure we'll have a boy first and then two little girls," he said, and my eyes widened at the sound of his plans.
"Oh really," I said to challenge him.
"Yes, and since Emmett stole my name we'll name him Masen Edward Cullen," he said as I laughed.
"And the girls?" I pushed.
He thought for a moment and said, "Well, they need strong names so they'll grow up strong like their mother. How about Katherine and Anne?"
"You realize you are totally insane, right?" I laughed and bent over to kiss him. He held my face gently and kissed me passionately.
I would have children with him, because I had complete faith in him. I made sure to attend parenting classes and read everything I could get my hands on about children. We weren't the type of couple who waited with baited breath for my period each month. We were content to just see what happened.
I was at work one afternoon when a wave of nausea hit me out of nowhere. I went to the college infirmary and found out for sure I was pregnant. When I arrived home I could hear Edward at the piano. I walked into the middle of the room and stood without saying anything. He finally looked over at me and stopped playing.
"What's up?" he asked.
"I'm in the mood for a little infestus," I announced, and he automatically lowered his head.
I smiled with anticipation and said, "Get over here and kneel in front of me."
He rose and came over to kneel. It was almost impossible not to drop to my own knees and scream with joy. Instead I said, "Take hold of my hips." He placed his hands gently on my hips but kept his head lowered. "Now put you lips on my lower abdomen."
I saw his eyes were closed as he did as he was told. My eyes were filling quickly with tears and I said with a choked voice, "Now kiss your son."
Edward's head shot up to see if I was serious. I smiled down at him and he jumped up off his knees to pull me into his arms. I laughed as he peppered me with kisses and told him I had not given permission for him to rise. He ignored my warning and said, "You can punish me later."
Our child's life would be filled with family, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and a mother and father who loved each other deeply. All my fear faded away and only excitement existed.
Of course things don't always turn out the way you think. We had a daughter first, named Hannah Elizabeth and then a son we named Masen. Our need for the thunder waned away as we got busy with our kids and life kept us pretty tired all the time. But every once in a while a command would slip from my lips and Edward would quickly obey.
Infestus turned out to be not so dangerous after all.