Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
Timeline: Everything canon through "Special Education." It veers off into more of an AU post that episode. In my head, this 'lost' episode takes place within the season somewhere around the 2x14, 2x15, 2x16 point. It's not really that important. We'll just say RQ started a handful of episode ago. I'm not really going to go into what happens before or after this. You can make up the hows and the whys as you please.
A/N 1: This is just a poor attempt at writing a Glee episode in which the Rachel/Quinn pairing would be legitimate. That being said, they're not the only storyline in this. It's an ensemble piece. This also isn't supposed to be my idea of an ideal Glee episode. (Would be sooo entirely different from the actual show it's not even funny.) Therefore, it's in the style of the show meaning at times the characters are going to say or do something annoyingly frustrating and seem slightly OOC because none of them actually have a foundation; plots are going to seem generally erratic throughout; there will be pointless Warbler numbers that serve no purpose other than throwing everything off; Sue will be oddly placed for no reason other than to have Sue in it. Of course, then again, I do have characters interacting that aren't in a relationship *gasp* Huh, I guess in that regard I've already failed…
A/N 2: This is stylized like a script, but is not formatted like one; at least not correctly. Nor is it exactly written like one. I know that. So if you're someone who's a little bit twitchy and feel like you need to send me a reply on how to properly write a script, please refrain from doing so. I already know how to do so, but I honestly don't see how it'd be possible on this site. I'm sure someone out there has done so flawlessly, but I'm also sure it'd be a pain in the ass to get the margins and spacing right. So I'm doing the mature thing and taking the liberty of altering the format to fit my needs.


"THE OLDIES"


[PREVIOUSLY ON GLEE]

MONTAGE OF PAST SCENES

Narrator (V.O.): Okay, so here's what you missed last week.

Quinn is looking down at Rachel.

Quinn: We're never going to be anything else.

Rachel is visibly upset by this news.

Narrator (V.O.): Quinn told Rachel that she didn't want a real relationship with her because she thinks she's a popular kid killer.

Puck walks away from Rachel on the bleachers. Jesse walks away from Rachel and out of the choir room. Finn walks away from Rachel and down the hall.

Narrator (V.O.): Which totally would've been mean if it wasn't kinda true.

Rachel is gasping in offense to something.

Narrator (V.O.): Kurt's still trying to fit in with the Warblers and get Blaine's attention, but all Blaine seems to want to do is sing.

Blaine sings with the Warblers on several different occasions.

Narrator (V.O.): Like more than anyone else.

Kurt shakes his head in utter disbelief.

Narrator (V.O.): Also, Regionals are coming up, and Sue took over Aural Intensity to try and beat New Directions. She doesn't really have a reason this time other than because she's Sue.

Sue stands in the choir room glaring at Will. She steps into his personal space.

Sue: Prepare to suck the toes of defeat once and for all.

Will sighs as he watches Sue leave the choir room.

Narrator (V.O.): And that's what you missed on GLEE!


[TEASER]

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CLASSROOM—DAY

A judge's gavel connects with a wooden plank. Emma sets down the gavel on the table she is sitting at. She is leading the newly reformed Celibacy Club. Being the only members, Rachel and Quinn are attending this meeting and sitting at separate tables across from each other.

Emma: And I think that concludes our stance on the Kardashians and all other media-attention whores.

Rachel: I still think one should be arrested if they willingly choose to insert a wine bottle–

Emma: No, no. We're done with that.

Emma anxiously waves her hands resulting in a letdown Rachel. Emma then puts a chipper smile on her face to change the subject.

Emma: Okay ladies, I think now would be a good time to once again reiterate our pledges.

Rachel: Well as stated, I believe that you should abstain until you're in a fully committed relationship and of proper age. Preferably married with two Tony Awards sitting on your mantel.

Emma nods and motions towards Quinn.

Emma: Quinn?

Quinn: Don't have sex until you're sure that you want to have a baby otherwise you'll lose your boyfriend, be kicked out of your home, and have to talk to Puck for the better part of a year.

Emma: Right, okay. Both strong statements, however, you should remember that no one says you even have to have sex once you're in a committed relationship. Or perhaps get married to a man you've only been seeing for seven months.

Quinn shares an amused glance with Rachel. Emma carries on, oblivious to everything around her as her mind is currently elsewhere.

Emma: There are no laws surrounding these types of things. There's much room for leeway. Sexual activity is not a requirement within a relationship.

No longer amused, Rachel and Quinn continue gazing at each other as they reply to Emma's spiel.

Rachel: Absolutely.

Quinn: Couldn't agree more.

CUT TO:

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—JANITOR'S CLOSET—DAY

Quinn has Rachel trapped against a stack of shelves as they kiss ardently. Their motions slow as they break apart for air. Quinn leans back slightly to look down at the other girl.

Rachel: Why do we come here?

Quinn snickers before she places a chaste kiss on Rachel's mouth.

Quinn: Where else do you suggest we go? Miss Sylvester's secret room upstairs?

Rachel: Though you make a valid point, I'm tired of being in the closet.

Quinn is acutely aware of the double meaning those words encase. Her frisky mood evaporates, and she takes a small step backward.

Quinn: I know.

Rachel stands up straighter against the metal shelves.

Rachel: It's cluttered and dank. Furthermore, I shudder at the thought of what other people have done in here. Noah has made reference to this room on several occasions. I just think it's time for us to find somewhere a tad more open.

Quinn: And I think it's best we stay secluded. We can go look for a change of scenery though.

She begins to pull Rachel to the door but stops when Rachel stays rooted in her spot. Quinn gives her a questioning look.

Rachel: Well I didn't necessarily mean now. The period is already halfway over. If I'm going to be missing class, I don't want to waste the time by searching for a new, perfect secret make-out location.

Rachel tugs on their still clasped hands until Quinn is in front of her again. She looks up through her eyelashes playfully.

Rachel: You are a bad influence on me, Quinn Fabray.

Quinn: Uh, you were the one who persuaded me to skip.

Rachel: It's still your fault.

Quinn: Of course it is.

Quinn leans down to reconnect their lips.


[ACT ONE]

INT. DALTON ACADEMY—COMMON ROOM—DAY

Standing in the center of Dalton's common room, Kurt is smiling as he speaks to his teammates. His entire demeanor is jovial as the Warblers give him their full attention.

Kurt: Which is why rhinestones should never be glued onto Easter Eggs.

Kurt laughs at his own joke. It results in the Warblers forcing out their own laughter to remain polite. Silence resides until Wes addresses the group.

Wes: Remember Warblers, meeting early tomorrow morning, so be ready. Meeting adjourned.

The Warblers collect their possessions and leave chattering amongst themselves. Kurt makes no move to leave with them. He sighs as they exit. Only Blaine stays behind with him. Blaine leans on the arm rest of one of the leather couches.

Blaine: I think they like you.

Kurt: So I've noticed.

Blaine: Jokes aside, we do value having you here at Dalton and in the Warblers. You've become a great asset and a good friend. It's just hard for the guys to relate to some of your interests. I still have that same problem sometimes. Not one of them has ever cared where a new season of Real Housewives will take place.

He pauses to rid himself of the amazement that none of his fellow Warblers care about those facts. He understands Kurt's dilemma.

Blaine: I'm always here, though. If you want to talk about those sort of things.

Kurt: Yes, I know. Speaking of which, I wanted to ask you something.

Blaine: Okay.

Kurt: Alright, so my parents just purchased this oxymoron of a cook book for fast-gourmet dishes. Anyway, they've gotten really into it and–

Sue (O.S.): Why do I suspect the eyes within all the paintings to start following me around like one of my many enthusiasts?

Blaine and Kurt shift their attention to the doorway. Kurt is stunned as Sue enters further into the room.

Blaine: Can we help you? All guests need to have–

Kurt: Coach Sylvester?

Sue: Porcelain. So this is where they shipped you off to. I picture this ending as insipidly as Dead Poets Society did.

Seeing Blaine's confused expression, Kurt interrupts what would be a Sue Sylvester rant.

Kurt: Coach Sylvester, what are you doing here?

Sue: As I'm sure you've heard, I plan to continue my winning tenure by coaching Aural Intensity to victory at this year's Regionals which makes you and Schuester's midlife crisis my competition.

Kurt: If this is the part where you tell us how we're nothing but losers, I think I speak for Blaine when I say we don't need to hear it.

Sue: I'm disappointed in you, Porcelain. You used to be a cheerio. You should know that's not my style.

Kurt: Actually, that's exactly your style.

Sue: And here I was going to offer you and Diana Ross here a chance at joining my glee club once we go to Nationals. Not only that, but I was going to share valuable information with you on how to destroy your former team and ensure that they come in third place forever cementing their roles as incompetent bunglers. I know that they're planning on using modern rock while Rachel Berry and all of her insane, desperate glory wants to do original material.

Blaine: Original songs?

Kurt: (doubtful) How can you even be sure of this?

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—SUE'S OFFICE—DAY (FLASHBACK)

Sitting at her desk, Sue stares across it at a standing Brittany and Santana.

Brittany: I thought we quit spying for you this year?

Santana: Besides, we're not even cheerios anymore.

Santana crosses her arms over her chest. Sue leans forward in her seat.

Sue: Irrelevant. Or do I need to remind you of the contracts you both signed?

Brittany: My finger still hurts from where you drew blood.

Brittany rubs her index finger, and Santana knits her eyebrows together at the action.

INT. DALTON ACADEMY—COMMON ROOM—DAY (BACK TO PRESENT)

Sue: We'll be in touch.

Sue begins to leave before something about Blaine catches her attention. She stares just above his eye level.

Sue: My god, you're in a league of your own. You make Schuester look like he has alopecia.

Sue exits leaving Blaine to push fingers through his own hair with concern. Kurt simply shakes his head in incredulity.


EXT. MCKINLEY HIGH—PARKING LOT—DAY

Walking towards his school, Finn readjusts his backpack strap on his shoulder. He sees a few of his previous football teammates walking towards him and sends them a wave. They don't seem to notice and keep walking past him. Finn turns and watches them walk by. He frowns and turns his head back around but is caught off guard as Jacob Ben Israel suddenly sticks his tape recorder in Finn's face. In order to avoid the reporter, Finn continues walking. Jacob decides to just walk with him.

Jacob: Finn Hudson, word is, is that your added popularity from the big football game has finally worn off since you're still in glee and haven't dated anyone since Rachel dumped you for me. Would you like to make any comments on those gay rumors about you and some of your rival Warblers from Dalton Academy?

Finn stops walking and faces the other boy.

Finn: Wait. I'm not gay or dating anyone from the Warblers, and Rachel didn't dump me for you. She didn't dump me. We just broke up. And what do you mean my popularity has worn out? Is that even possible?

Jacob: Wow. You really are out of the loop.

Finn: (confused) What loop?

Jacob: Well according to the latest poll on my blog, your reputation has plummeted.

He pushes his tape recorded a tad higher.

Jacob: Any comments?

Finn frowns again before shaking his head and walking away from Jacob. He doesn't understand how this happened. He's quarterback; on the basketball team; glee's male lead. He's supposed to be a McKinley God.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

Santana is standing in a corner of the hallway with her arms crossed. Brittany laughing with Artie down the hall is what has her attention. She is glaring at the happy couple and goes unnoticed by them. This continues until Finn approaches her.

Santana: (bored) What do you want, Finnsulin?

She finally snaps her attention away from Brittany and Artie to look up at Finn.

Finn: Look, I know we don't like each other because of how you're super mean and everything, but I kind of need your help. Last year you totally knew how to fix my reputation, and I need you to do it again. Apparently no one cares that I won us the entire football season anymore. So I just thought maybe you had some ideas. But I'm not sleeping with you again.

Santana: (dryly) Oh no. And that was such an experience.

Finn: For you maybe.

She rolls her eyes and steps closer.

Santana: Tell me, Finnessa, why should I even bother helping you? What's in it for me?

Finn: Uh…Um…I'll take you to Breadstix?

Santana thinks it over.

Santana: Fine, but you don't get to come.

Finn: Cool. Wait–

Santana: And you have to do everything I tell you to do for this to work. Just look at me. I quit the cheerios, and I'm still the hottest piece of ass in this school.

Finn: But–

Santana: Now go away.

Finn frowns. This isn't exactly working out how he wants it to. He shakes his head and leaves in a cloud of confusion. Once he's out of sight, Santana goes back to watching Brittany and Artie. She smirks when Artie wheels away. Santana begins to walk down the hall towards Brittany's locker.

Santana (V.O.): Yeah, so I could care less about Finn. He killed his rep the moment he sang a show tune with a hobbit. Still though, this may be the perfect opportunity I've been waiting for. I can get everything back to normal. Get ready, Britt-Britt. It's time to quit the roller derby once and for all.

She slides in against the locker right next to Brittany's. Brittany quickly turns her head and gives Santana a smile. Santana returns it with one of her own.

Brittany: Hey.

Santana: Hey. So I was just wondering if I can walk you to class.

Brittany brightens up again and shuts her locker.

Brittany: Sure.

Santana allows a smug smile to grace her features as she links pinky fingers with the taller girl. The pair walks down the hall passing Rachel on their way. Rachel walks in the opposite direction until she reaches Quinn who is standing at her own locker. Once Quinn takes notice of the other girl's presence, she looks around the hallway nervously before addressing Rachel.

Quinn: What are you doing?

Rachel is taken aback by the question.

Rachel: I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that I couldn't talk to my– you in public.

Quinn: It's not that. It's just we've never…What's up?

She closes her locker to face Rachel fully.

Rachel: I wanted to have a conversation.

Quinn: About?

Rachel: You and I.

Quinn quickly glances at a fellow student walking by and then shifts her focus back to Rachel.

Quinn: No, we're not having this conversation here. Or ever.

Rachel: Quinn–

Quinn: Rachel, no. I've already told you. I'm not talking about this or progressing it in any way.

Rachel: (tightly) And as I've already told you, we're going to have to at some point.

Quinn drops her voice before continuing to talk to Rachel.

Quinn: Why can't you leave well enough alone? What we have now works fine. Why must you always try and add conflict to everything?

Rachel: And what exactly do we have now, Quinn?

Not having a response, Quinn looks away. Rachel sighs.

Sam (O.S.): Hey.

Both girls turn to face the intruding voice. Sam grins and greets his girlfriend with a small kiss to her cheek. Rachel stares forlornly at the pair.

Sam: (perky) Morning.

Quinn: Morning.

He looks from Quinn over to Rachel and sends her a nod.

Sam: Hey, Rachel.

Rachel: Sam, hello.

The trio stands in silence for a moment. Sam, being oblivious, doesn't understand why while Quinn just continues to glance Rachel's way. Rachel clears her throat.

Rachel: Well I suppose I'll leave you two alone. See you in glee.

Sam: Uh-huh.

Quinn's eyes follow Rachel as she walks away further down the hall.

Sam: Quinn?

Quinn: Hmm?

Sam: You okay?

She encourages herself to put a reassuring smile on her face as she look back to him.

Quinn: Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CLASSROOM—DAY

Standing in front of the blackboard in his room, Will addresses his class.

Will: How do you translate: I love yellow sandals?

None of the students make an attempt at answering the question and are instead paying no attention to Will. They are mostly talking to each other. Some are falling asleep on their desks. Two of the boys in class are playing catch with a book across several rows in the back. The scene verges on being chaotic for a classroom. Will does nothing but sigh and turn around to begin writing more notes onto the board.

Will (V.O.): I had a problem. All my kids were distracted. Apparently it all started last week.

BEGIN FLASHBACK SEQUENCE

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—FIGGINS'S OFFICE—DAY

Will is sitting across from Principal Figgins's desk. Figgins looks panicked as he addresses his faculty member.

Figgins: Schue, we have an issue on our hands. The snow has finally melted. This means that Hocus Focus has once again started.

Will is clearly confused by this warning.

Will: I'm sorry, what?

Figgins: It's what happens every spring when the weather warms up again. The children cannot focus on anything that has to do with getting an education.

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

Will walks in the hallway and pauses as he sees Karofsky and Azimio tearing pages out of books. They then crumple the pages into paper balls and throw them at Jacob. Jacob cowers into the lockers as if they were throwing stones.

Will (V.O.): I'm not sure how I've never noticed this before.

END FLASHBACK SEQUENCE

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CLASSROOM—DAY

Will turns back to face forward and observe his class. They are still paying no attention, disregarding what is now written on the board.

Will (V.O.): But thinking back, it does always seem to get worse during this time of the year. I needed to do something to fix this. I needed to get them all back on track; to get them excited about school. I was going to make sure this changed…at least in New Directions.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CHOIR ROOM—DAY

Will stands in the middle of the floor, looking out to the glee club.

Will: So I thought we'd do something a little different this week. This whole year we've mostly been focusing on contemporary numbers. With Regionals coming up, I thought we'd take a short break and go back to our roots. So this week we're solely doing classics. Alright?

The club is bored and nonresponsive. Will takes a closer look at some of his students. Sam is excitedly chatting up Quinn from beside her.

Sam: I think if I were to ever get a Light Cycle, I'd make sure it was purple.

Quinn is not listening to what Sam is saying. Rachel is watching from a few seats over and shakes her head. She doesn't see their relationship as anything but routine.

Will: Guys!

New Directions continues to ignore their instructor. Finn spends this time staring two rows down at the back of Puck's head as he whispers something to Lauren. This gives Finn an idea.

Finn: Maybe I should get a Mohawk.

Santana: Tell me something, were you born this stupid or did Mama Finn drop you on your head one too many times?

Turned around to glance up at the row behind them, Tina and Mercedes look on in bewilderment as Finn and Santana comfortably sit next to each other.

Mercedes: What's that about?

Tina: I don't want to know.

Will shakes his head in frustration at their lack of focus. He walks over to the piano and hits a section of its keys. The sound grabs everyone's attention. Will sends a faux smile to his students.

Will: I'm glad you're all still with me.

He walks over to the dry erase board and picks up a marker. He simply writes "Golden Oldies" before placing the marker back down. He turns back around to face the chairs.

Will: Now can anyone tell me what oldies are?

Puck: MILFS and GILFS.

Mike: Super Nintendo.

Lauren: Expired grapes.

Brittany: Songs from the 1950s and '60s.

Brittany's correct response causes genuine frowns of surprise throughout the room. Brittany notices none of this.

Will: Uh, right. Anyway, that's what we're doing this week. And since none of you seem all that enthused, I'd say it's time for a demonstration.

Will tells them teasingly and prepares to shed his sports coat before Rachel stands. She spares at glance in Quinn's direction as she descends the platforms until she's standing in front of her teacher.

Rachel: Mr. Schue, if I may? No one actually wants to hear you sing so I think it'd be best if I just take over from here.

Will: Uh…

Rachel walks past him in order to speak privately with a band member. Will resigns and takes a seat in the chairs with his students. Once she finishes talking to the band, she returns to the center of the floor. The band begins playing what she's asked them to, and Rachel sets herself and prepares to sing the opening lines of the song she has chosen.

Rachel:

Sharing you
I know I'm sharing you

Hearing the lyrics to Rachel's song selection, Quinn's eyes snap over to her in fear. Rachel, however, is not looking her way. Not to be obvious, Rachel is instead looking at the general space in front of her. She is being careful not to give anything away by looking at any specific person.

Rachel:

I'm not the only one
Who's in your heart

As her song continues, her audience has a range of reactions. Quinn is now expressionless but purses her lips and sits tautly in her chair. Brittany is swaying next to Artie in the first row. On Brittany's other side, Will happily admires his student's work. Everyone else continues to sit in shared puzzlement.

Rachel:

When I'm with you
Your love belongs to me
But you have someone else
When we're apart

Trying to figure out who Rachel may or may not be singing about, the boys trade glances and silently count each other off. They do not come up with an answer.

Rachel:

There are two of us to kiss you
Two of us to miss you
And two of us to wish
There were two of you

Rachel closes her eyes to give a true Rachel Berry performance and sings through the remaining two verses. She finishes and is rewarded with an odd applause as the majority of the club still doesn't know what any of that was about. Giving her a sincere applause, Will stands and stops his clapping to pat Rachel on her back. He nods towards the chairs, and Rachel goes to retake her seat. She quickly checks on Quinn's demeanor. Quinn is clearly not happy with this recent decision.

Will: Well I guess it's up to you to follow Rachel's lead.

He smiles at his club who finally seem to be willing to do something.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

Immediately following glee, Quinn follows after Rachel until she's walking beside her. Rachel acknowledges her but doesn't give Quinn her attention.

Quinn: What the hell was that?

Rachel: I was merely expressing my feelings through our new glee assignment. Since you are opposed to talking, I figured I'd sing.

Quinn: What if someone would have figured out who you were singing to?

Rachel: Quinn, you're being paranoid.

Quinn: And you're being careless.

She shakes her head slightly in aggravation.

Quinn: I still can't get over the fact that you just sang that.

Rachel: Well considering my initial thought was to go with "Temptation Eyes" by the Grass Roots, you should probably be thanking me.

Quinn increases her pace until she's standing in front of Rachel, blocking her path. Rachel lets out a riled breath.

Quinn: Please stop this. It's only going to cause problems.

Rachel: I imagine we're going to face adversities regardless.

Quinn: Rachel, I'm telling you to stop this. So stop it.

Rachel watches Quinn storm away. She's angry with the other girl's audacity and continued refusal. Quinn isn't being considerate or fair to anyone involved. The resentment keeps running through her until her eyes land on Sam and a solution takes its place. Rachel walks over to Sam who is near the drinking fountain.

Rachel: Sam, can I have a moment of your time?

Sam: Yeah, sure. What's going on?

Rachel stares up at him and makes her decision.


[ACT TWO]

INT. DALTON ACADEMY—COMMON ROOM—DAY

The Warblers attend another rehearsal and sit around their common room. The group of boys sitting on the couch is the one to begin playing the song using only their voices. The rest of the group follows suit until the room is filled with music. Blaine takes lead vocals and begins singing.

Blaine:

Well you done, done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back

Blaine pulls some of his fellow Warblers from their sitting positions in chairs. He encourages them to start dancing. They do briefly before following Blaine's lead and getting the rest of the members involved and moving in unrehearsed choreography.

Blaine:

Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait
I'm yours

Kurt watches Blaine sing the rest of the song as the Warblers dance around him. Their energy is electric even after they complete the number. Blaine pauses momentarily before voicing his thoughts.

Blaine: My fellow Warblers, we are so taking Regionals.

Blaine's smile is all-knowing as the Warblers clap and cheer in early celebration. They exit vigorously as they walk to class. Blaine walks out beside Kurt and they head through the hallways.

Blaine: That was amazing. I really think we're going to win.

Kurt: Here's hoping.

Blaine's excitement falters upon Kurt's dreary tone.

Blaine: You're worried about them doing original songs.

Kurt: No, not really. Miss Sylvester didn't verify anything and because it's Rachel's idea, I doubt they will.

Blaine: Then why aren't you more excited?

Kurt: I am. I'm just pacing out my excitement.

Blaine: Any particular reason?

Kurt stops walking. Blaine stops a step ahead and faces Kurt.

Kurt: I'm going to ask you to dinner.

Blaine is slightly startled by Kurt's bluntness. Kurt quickly continues.

Kurt: Carole and my dad have moved on to the poultry section of their cookbook.

Blaine: So that's what you were going to say yesterday.

Kurt: Yes. So Blaine, would you like to come to dinner at my house tonight?

Blaine: I'd love to.

Kurt allows relief to overcome him, and they continuing walking down the hall.

Kurt: And now I'm excited.

Blaine: See you tonight, New Guy.

Blaine sends Kurt a wink before walking backwards into his classroom.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

Will is walking through the halls of the school. Sue catches up and walks by him.

Sue: Hei häviäjä. Häivy.

Will stops at her statement. Sue doesn't break stride until Will's voice gains her attention.

Will: What?

Sue smirks and then faces him.

Sue: I've taken it upon myself to greet you as the loser you are in every language. That way, everyone in the world will know it. I've heavily focused on the Spanish one. I figure by doing so, you might actually learn it.

Will: Okay Sue, you do that. Meanwhile, we'll be the ones taking first place.

Sue: Oh, William. When will you learn that you will never succeed at anything other than failing? This competition will be no different. I will be the one to excel at a rate that can only be defined as exponential.

Will: Like you did with your cheerios?

Sue: What was that? I couldn't hear you talking over the sound of me being awesome.

Sue begins to walk away from him cockily before turning back around.

Sue: For the record, I've already cleared the shelf off above my toilet. In my bathroom. I plan on putting this year's Regionals trophy there. I imagine it will add to the aroma of the room.

Sue finally struts away. Will frowns in distrust.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—EMMA'S OFFICE—DAY

Emma is sitting at her desk. One by one, she pulls a pencil out of their holder, and then she proceeds to wipe them down before placing them evenly in a row on her desk. Will is standing on the other side of her desk, clutching the back of one of her chairs.

Will: I just know she's up to something.

Emma: Well this is Sue we're talking about. I'd schedule her for counseling sessions if she wasn't.

Will: I don't know. Something just feels different this time. She seems too sure that we're going to lose at Regionals.

He pushes off the back of the chair and stands up straight.

Emma: But she's a coach this year, not a judge. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'm sure she's only trying to shake your confidence. This is New Directions' year. You should be focusing on that. Don't let her distract you.

Will: Maybe, but I still think I should keep an eye on her.

He steps in front of the chair and sits down. The silence they sit in is uncomfortable. Will decides he should ask about her life as she just listened to his personal predicament.

Will: So how are you doing? How's Carl?

Emma: (nervously) Oh good. Carl's good. We're good. Happy newlyweds. We're having the sexy times. Frequently. Why wouldn't we? There's no reason why we wouldn't.

Will: Okay? Well I'm happy for you, Emma.

Emma: Yes, I'm happy for you too, Will. Not in the same way because you're not seeing someone or have married anyone, but I'm happy for glee. And just happiness all around.

Will: Right. I guess I'll see you later.

Emma: Yep.

Will pushes himself off the chair and steps to the door.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CHOIR ROOM—DAY

Music sounds through the choir room as the band plays and Artie sings.

Artie:

I got a girl named Bony Moronie
She's as skinny as a stick of macaroni

Artie dances in his chair, and the glee club livens up at his purely fun performance.

Artie:

Ought to see her rock and roll with her blue jeans on
She's not very fat, just skin and bone

He wheels directly in front of Brittany and grabs her hand to hold out her arm. They engage in some wicked awesome arm dancing.

Artie:

But I love her and she loves me
We're all happy now as we can be
Making love underneath the apple tree

Artie goes on to finish the song and everyone applauds. He wheels into his spot next to Brittany and grins as she bounces in her seat. They talk excitedly as the rest of the group still claps and calms down. Only Sam and Santana seem out of sorts. Quinn notices Sam's lack of enthusiasm. She reaches over to grab his hand.

Quinn: What's the matter with you?

Sam pulls his arm away and places his hands in his lap. Quinn furrows her brow.

Sam: Nothing. Just tired.

Rachel watches the exchange just as Santana watches Brittany and Artie giggle together. Frustrated by the scene, Santana knows it's time to start her plan. She quickly stands from her seat.

Santana: Well now that the coma inducing portion of our program is over with, it's time to show you a real performance.

Will: Uh, Santana, it's not a competition week.

Will reminds her from his seat in the chairs.

Santana: And your point is?

She doesn't allow Will to respond as she yanks Finn out of his chair and leads him to the center of the floor.

Santana: Let's go, Frankenteen.

Finn holds up his index finger to the band players.

Finn: Just one sec.

He ushers Santana over to the piano and speaks quietly to her so no one else in the room will hear.

Finn: Are you sure about this?

Santana: What part of "do everything I say" do you not understand?

The rest of the glee club watches on as the pair speaks in hushed whispers.

Mike: Is anyone else as scared as I am?

Tina: Oh yeah.

Artie: Totally.

Mercedes: For sure.

Mike: Okay. Just Checking.

Finn and Santana are still talking quietly to themselves.

Santana: What is the big deal?

Finn: I just don't see how this plan is going to fix my reputation.

Santana: Do you trust me?

Finn: No.

Santana: Well too bad.

Santana snaps her fingers to cue the band. The music comes blaring out of their instruments.

Santana: One, two, three

Finn has no choice but to join in.

Finn & Santana: Good lovin'

Santana pushes Finn to the middle of the floor. He clears his nerves and jumps in as he sees the club is still in a carefree mood. Santana leaves him on the floor alone and begins to wind through the three rows of chairs.

Finn:

I was feelin' so bad
I asked my family doctor just what I had
I said, "Doctor."

Santana: Doctor

Santana sings next to Mercedes.

Finn: Mr. M.D.

Santana continues moving from empty seat to empty seat in order to get the whole club involved.

Santana: Doctor

Finn:

Now can you tell me
What's ailin' me?

Santana: Doctor

Finn: He said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

New Directions: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Finn: Yes indeed, all I really need

Santana: Is good lovin'

Santana slips in to the front row and pulls Brittany up from her seat. She proceeds to push the girl into Finn's direction. She watches to make sure Finn isn't messing anything up. He is dancing with Brittany and Santana is pleased.

Finn: Gimme that good, good love

New Directions: Good lovin'

Finn: All I need is lovin'

New Directions: Good lovin'

Finn: Good lovin' baby

New Directions: Good lovin'

Finn gets through the rest of his performance, and the club stays singing back up with Santana for the remaining lines of the song. They are entertained throughout by his dancing with a cheerful Brittany. Only Artie watches on in slight curiosity by the close interaction.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

In a small hallway outside the cafeteria doors, Lauren stands watch, blocking anyone's path past her. Behind her, Puck is stooping on the floor stealing money out of a snack vending machine. He pockets the bills before placing the cover back where it's supposed to be on the siding. He picks up his pocket knife on the ground, also putting it in his pocket before standing up. Lauren glances over her shoulder toward him and notices he's finished. She turns around and goes to stand in front of him.

Puck: Finn and I have been stealing lunch money out of here since freshmen year. Between this and the mouth-breathers, I haven't paid for a lunch since the fifth grade.

Lauren: Smooth, Puckerman, but stand back and watch a pro work.

She steps around him over to the side of the machine. She reaches behind the machine and leans it forward on an angle. She lets it loudly drop back to the wall. Several bags of snacks fall from their holders to the bottom of the machine.

Puck: God, you're amazing.

Lauren: Don't I know it.

Lauren reaches in the door on the machine to collect her snacks. She carries them out of the small hallway. Puck follows her into an empty main hallway.

Lauren: Now about our duet, there's no way were gonna pull a Berry and sing some pillow soft pop song.

Puck: What'd you have planned?

Lauren: I'm not sure yet. But I thought you could come over today so we can make a decision.

Puck: I'm down with that.

Lauren stops walking at a locker. Puck hesitates before stopping with her.

Puck: This isn't your locker.

Lauren: No. This locker belonged to a young wrestler I gave scoliosis to after an animated practice last year. The last I heard, he was enrolled in shock therapy.

She spins the combination and pops open the locker. Inside, it's filled with nothing but more snack packs, candy bars, and some soda cans. Puck is amazed by this new knowledge.

Lauren: It's since become an always-stocked nutrition zone that only a select few know about. Now you're one of the few.

Puck: Coolest chick ever.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

At the end of the school day in an empty hallway, Finn shuts his locker. He turns around and is met with Brittany. He glances around nervously both because he's still not sure about Santana's plan, and also because Brittany is just staring at him; her smile plastered and unmoving.

Brittany: Hi.

Finn: Uh, hi.

Brittany: So that was a really great song earlier.

Finn: Thanks. Santana said you'd like it.

Brittany: Santana told me to ask you out.

Finn: Santana told me to say yes.

Brittany: You wanna go out?

Finn: Okay.

Brittany: Great, but she said we can't tell Artie.

Finn: Why not?

Brittany: She said if he knew it'd hurt your reputation.

Finn: That makes sense.

Brittany: Totally.

The smiling stares continue as Finn searches for something to say. He's at a loss. Luckily, Brittany beats him to it.

Brittany: Did you know the moon is just God's kidney stone?

Finn: (amazed) No way. God has kidneys?

Brittany: Yeah.

Finn begins walking down the hall with Brittany, thinking this may actually all be fine and work out. The talk excitedly as they walk away. At the other end of the hall Artie rounds the corner but pauses when he sees Finn and Brittany talking ahead of him. Artie and his suspicion go unnoticed by his teammates.


INT. HUMMEL RESIDENCE—DINING ROOM—NIGHT

Kurt is frantically setting the dining room table. He refolds a napkin to make sure the edges match up perfectly. Burt and Carole watch on in amusement.

Kurt: How's the Chicken Vasuvio coming?

Burt: It's doing the same as it was when you asked five minutes ago. Would you calm down? You act like you're bringing home the Duke of York.

Carole: Well Dalton does have castle like features.

Kurt looks up from the work he's doing with the table.

Kurt: You're both terrible, you do realize this?

Carole grins and walks into the kitchen to check on their meal. Burt focuses on his son.

Burt: Seriously, Kurt. You're sure he's your type, right? I mean this isn't going to be another Finn situation.

Kurt: Yes, Dad. Blaine's definitely gay.

Burt: Good, then I expect you to take this slow, respect his guy, and make sure you're respected in return. It's not worth it if you're not.

Kurt: God, Dad, we're not even dating. I just asked him to come to dinner.

Burt: Still, I need to prepare you for these things.

Their conversation is interrupted by their home's doorbell.

Kurt: Couldn't have better timing.

Kurt leaves the dining room and walks through his living room then a hallway until he reaches the door. He pauses, takes a deep breath, and straightens his already straight shirt. Opening the door, he puts a smile on his face. Upon seeing who's standing on the other side, his smile drops. One of the guests isn't something he expects.

Kurt: Blaine and Brittany?

Brittany: Hi, Kurt.

Kurt: You didn't get lost again did you?

Brittany: No, I was invited.

Kurt: By who?

Finn (O.S.): Me.

Kurt turns around at Finn's unforeseen response. Finn reaches by Kurt and tugs Brittany inside by her hand.

Finn: Hi. So I looked up that Swedish beetle you told me about.

Kurt watches as Finn and Brittany walk further into the house before they're out of sight. Blaine gets his attention as he steps through the threshold to stand next to Kurt.

Blaine: Surprise?

Blaine laughs. Kurt is not amused by any of this. This is not how his family dinner with Blaine is supposed to go.


[ACT THREE]

INT. HUMMEL RESIDENCE—DINING ROOM—NIGHT

The Hummels, Hudsons, and their respective guests begin their meal in silence. Burt and Carole each sit across from the other at one head of the table. On one side sits Kurt and Blaine. On the other side sits Finn and Brittany. Kurt tries to absorb the two sitting across from him. He is the one to finally break the silence.

Kurt: I'm sorry, but when did you two start dating? Why did you two start dating?

Brittany & Finn: Santana told us to.

Kurt: And I officially no longer know what's going on at McKinley.

Swallowing his bite of food, Burt points his fork in Brittany's direction.

Burt: Say, weren't you the one fooling around with Kurt last year?

Kurt: Dad!

Brittany: Yeah, he was on my list.

Blaine: (lightly) When was this?

Kurt: It's not important. I was just going through a rebellious phase.

Carole addresses Finn's apparent new girlfriend.

Carole: What list?

Brittany: Oh I have a list of all the boys and girls I want to–

Finn quickly coughs to cover up Brittany's potential response.

Finn: So Kurt, what's going on at Dalton?

Kurt: Nothing much.

Blaine: The Warblers have just finished the first draft of our Regionals set list, and it's killer.

Carole: We're all excited about seeing you perform. Finn, what about New Directions?

Finn: Uh, well, we haven't really…I mean Mr. Schue hasn't started telling us what to do yet.

Brittany: Rachel will probably just cry and sing at the same time again.

She turns to Finn.

Brittany: I don't really get how she does that.

Carole: So now that Finn and Brittany are, uh, together, that leaves you as the only family member flying solo.

Carole shifts her questioning gaze from Finn and Brittany over to Kurt. He sends a soft glare back. He knows what she trying to do. He does not appreciate the hints.

Burt: That's true, Care. So have you met any guys, Kurt?

Kurt: Um…

Finn holds in a laugh.

Finn: Yeah, what's going on there, man?

Brittany: Wait. I thought he liked Blaine?

Kurt: Thank you, Brittany.

Brittany: For what?

Kurt looks at Blaine.

Kurt: And I'd like you to meet my family.

Burt turns from his son to stare across the table at a ginning Carole.

Burt: He says that like it's a bad thing.

Blaine: I think I like them.

Kurt smiles at Blaine's carefree reply before he goes back to eating his dinner.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

Artie is rolling himself through the hallway and around his classmates. He's too wary of Brittany and Finn interacting to care about any of the people surrounding him. Santana catches up to him and sets her pace at the speed of his chair. Artie has no choice but to acknowledge her presence. He glances up at her uneasily. Santana has her scheming face on. He recognizes it just as anyone else in glee would.

Santana: Don't be glum. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Artie: What was?

Santana: Brittany dumping you for someone better. But hey, look on the bright side. I hear Wheezy's still available. You should look her up.

Santana cackles and walks past him. Artie glares before spinning around to go the in the opposite direction of her. Unfocused on anything other than his anger, he accidentally rams right into Sam. Sam stumbles but catches his balance by bracing himself on Artie's chair. He stands himself up to look down at Artie.

Sam: Whoa. You better watch it. They may start giving out speeding tickets.

Sam chuckles but then takes notice of Artie's gloomy mood.

Sam: Hey man, are you alright?

Artie: Yeah, it's just women. They're all the same. First Tina leaves me for Mike's abs, and now Brittany's left me for Finn. Finn doesn't even have abs.

Sam: Sorry. Maybe you can try and win her back or something.

Sam shrugs.

Artie: (bitterly) No, it's too late. You better watch out, Sam. For all you know Quinn could be sneaking around behind your back right now. It wouldn't surprise me. They all do it.

Artie pushes on his wheels to get away. Sam watches as people jump out of the way of Artie's raging chair.

Sam (V.O.): And just like that, everything started making sense. It explained what Rachel was trying to tell me the other day. It explained why Quinn's been so über distant lately. I mean really, who goes to church five times a week? I knew there was no such thing as a midafternoon post Jeopardy mass. She's totally cheating on me. Well this sucks. Okay, just keep cool and breathe, Samwise. You'll be fine. Besides, you don't even know for sure yet.

Sam nods to himself in reassurance. He maintains some type of confidence and continues on to where he was originally heading. He loses that same confidence and halts in his journey as he sees Finn laughing at something, mid-conversation with Quinn.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CHOIR ROOM—DAY

Will stands, addressing his glee club.

Will: Alright. Puck, Lauren, you're up.

He takes a seat on the piano bench and waits. Puck and Lauren stand from their seats and take the floor. Puck goes to strap on his guitar and walks back to stand next to Lauren. They speak to the other glee members.

Puck: So we picked a song that we think sums up our rockin' relationship.

Lauren: Plus, it's not fruity like any of yours.

Santana: Just sing already.

They send glares to a lazy looking Santana. Santana pays them no mind. Puck moves on and begins playing the opening chords of the song. The band plays back up behind him. He faces Lauren as they start singing together.

Puck & Lauren:

Wild thing
You make my heart sing
You make everything groovy
Wild thing

Puck: Wild thing, I think I love you

Puck leers at his singing partner. Lauren grins in response.

Puck & Lauren: But I wanna know for sure

Puck:

So come on, hold me tight
I love you

The duo finishes the remaining verses. Lauren sits back down in her chair as Puck removes his guitar and places it back on its stand before joining her. They are greeted with the common applause from their co-members and instructor. Everyone chats quietly to each other, and for the second day in a row, Quinn takes note of Sam's missing celebration.

Quinn: This is normally the part where you clap. Sam?

Sam quickly snaps to his right and faces her.

Sam: Are you cheating on me?

Everyone quiets at Sam's question. Quinn ignores all of them. She is frightened by Sam's question and caught off balance. Her heart rate increases, knowing that he may know about her and Rachel.

Quinn: What?

Sam: Are you cheating on me with Finn?

Quinn: So not only are you accusing me of cheating but cheating with Finn?

Sam: If not Finn, who else?

Puck: Hey, don't look at me.

After briefly giving Puck their attention, they all go back to the blonde couple.

Quinn: Why do you think I'm cheating on you?

Sam: Because you've been so weird lately. And Rachel basically told me you were.

Quinn looks two rows behind her at the news of this betrayal. Rachel returns the gaze until she looks away guiltily. Santana takes this moment to smile innocently down at Artie sitting in the space in front of her.

Santana: Hmm. Guess it's the day to break up, huh?

Artie flinches at her words. She smirks.

Sam: Guess so.

Quinn tears her eyes away from Rachel as Sam's words register. None of this is supposed to be happening.

Quinn: Wait.

Sam: Forget it.

Sam sadly shakes his head. He stands up and walks out of the room. Artie nods in agreement at this action and then rolls across the floor.

Artie: Yeah, I'm with Sam.

He spares a glance to where Finn and Brittany sit next to each other.

Artie: For the irony, I hope your kids win The Nobel Prize.

Artie rolls out an increased speed. Once he is out of the room, Brittany looks over to Finn.

Brittany: Is that for kings?


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—LIBRARY—DAY

Sitting in the library, Sam gazes helplessly down at his text book. He's too upset to actually read what he was assigned to read and is instead doodling within the book. He honestly doesn't want to believe that his girlfriend would cheat on him. It's not like he's a jerk or anything. Distracted by his abrupt heartbreak, he doesn't see Mercedes approach his table. She sets her own book down in front of him as a way to gain his attention.

Mercedes: You know, I don't think they approve of domestic illustrations.

Sam: Right.

He sets down his pen.

Sam: Um…can I help you with something?

Mercedes: No. I just thought I'd officially welcome you to glee club.

Seeing that he has no idea what she means, she takes a seat across from him to explain.

Mercedes: (playfully) You finally had a relationship end badly. I believe that now makes you one of us.

Sam: Oh. So who was your doomed relationship with?

Mercedes: Please. I'm way too smart of a diva to get involved with playing those games like the rest of you. I just stand by and play witness.

Sam laughs a bit at this.

Sam: Well as a witness, can you maybe tell me when it gets better?

Mercedes: I don't know when, but I know that it does. 'Sides, as track records show, you're definitely going to have at least two more relationships in glee by this time next year.

Sam: Right now, I just wanna figure out what happened with Quinn.

He tries to shake off the now somber mood and decides to change the subject.

Sam: So uh, do you know what you're gonna choose for the glee assignment? I still have no idea.

Mercedes: Yeah, I got this one in the bag. I figure I'll just go with some Aretha. Maybe some Dionne. I just wish it was a competition.

Sam: I'm sure either one will be great.

Mercedes: Rachel won't know what hit her.

They share a chuckle at this.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—GIRLS' RESTROOM—DAY

In an empty bathroom, Brittany blows her nose and throws the tissue into the trash before pulling down another paper towel out of the dispenser to wipe off her face. She's trying to make sure her tears are all gone just as the bathroom door pushes open. She glances at the doorway and is relieved when she sees that it's Santana.

Santana: Brittany?

Santana is alarmed at the sight of Brittany who has obviously been crying recently.

Brittany: Artie's not talking to me right now.

And with that Santana's concern disappears and is replaced with anticipation and accomplishment.

Santana: Oh?

Brittany: Yeah, I don't know why. He wouldn't tell me why he was mad.

Santana: You should come over tonight. We can watch old Disney movies and eat ice cream.

Brittany: Okay.

Santana: Come here.

She pulls Brittany into a hug. As the other girl melts into her, Santana sends a devilish grin to her reflection in the bathroom's mirror. She has Brittany back to herself.

Brittany: But we can't watch Toy Story. You know how that movie scares me.

Santana pulls out of the hugs and narrows her eyes at Brittany's words. Sometimes the blonde is just too hard to figure out.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CHOIR ROOM—DAY

At the end of the day, the lights are turned off, and only the setting sun coming in through the windows lights the room. Quinn sits at the piano. She's not sure what spurs her to play this particular tune, but she is. "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" hums softly from the instrument.

Quinn: (whispering) Life is but a dream.

The moment the words leave her mouth, she decides she hates them.

Rachel (O.S.): Quinn.

Quinn tenses as she hears Rachel's voice from behind her. She isn't ready to speak to her yet. Rachel has allowed the real world to creep into their bubble, and Quinn feels like throwing up. But still, this is Rachel behind her which means she has no control over herself so Quinn turns around on the bench to face her. She really hates those words.

Rachel: I'm so sorry.

Rachel tells Quinn nervously as she steps further into the room.

Rachel: I didn't want this. And I didn't tell Sam about us. I didn't even tell him that you were cheating. I just–

Quinn: Tried to without actually saying the words?

Quinn interrupts plainly. She knows Rachel. She doesn't need to be subjected to poor excuses from her. She watches Rachel walk closer to the piano and stop in front of her seat, timidly now.

Rachel: Quinn, please.

Quinn: No.

She stands from the bench so she wouldn't feel trapped by Rachel. She needs to be the taller one. Quinn makes sure to step around Rachel in case she needs to break for the door.

Quinn: I asked you not to do this, and now you've ruined it.

Emotion laces Quinn's voice, and Rachel is angered by her words. Rachel turns around to face her.

Rachel: First of all, I believe you were simply telling me what to do.

Quinn: What did you think was going to happen!?

Rachel is shaken by Quinn's outburst. Quinn takes a step closer to her, suddenly reminded how much she hates Rachel's ignorant idealism.

Quinn: Do you think that now because I don't have a boyfriend we can start singing duets together and holding hands between classes?

Rachel tells herself to stay calm as one of them needs to stay calm.

Rachel: It wasn't fair to anyone involved for you to continue going back and forth between me and Sam.

Rachel watches as Quinn looks away with something like shame in her eyes.

Rachel: Especially when I know you'd rather be with me.

Rachel adds softly, and Quinn snaps her focus back to her.

Quinn: I can't be with you.

Rachel: I'm not implying that we need to come out and tell everyone.

Quinn huffs at Rachel's continued unawareness and glances away again. Rachel accepts this and continues talking to Quinn's profile.

Rachel: We don't even need to tell our friends though I'd prefer it if we did. I just didn't want to sneak around anymore. Nothing else has to change.

She reaches over and gently grabs onto Quinn's wrist.

Rachel: I know you have feelings for me.

Quinn jerks her arm away at that statement.

Quinn: No I don't.

Quinn can feel the tears sting her vision and wills herself to keep them at bay. She needs to get through this. She isn't going to make anything with Rachel real.

Quinn: I'm not– I'm not gay. And this is just experimentation. It doesn't mean anything to me.

She overlooks Rachel's broken face. She needs to finish.

Quinn: (quietly) You don't mean anything to me.

Before she has to stick around for Rachel's reaction, Quinn makes her break, rushing to and out of the door.


[ACT FOUR]

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

The next day, Quinn is leaning against a row of lockers and stares down the hallway at Rachel. Rachel is going through her locker. Quinn pushes herself from the lockers and takes a deep breath in order to prepare herself for the conversation she knows they're going to have and the apologies she's probably going to have to make. She wants to just forget about this minor setback and go back to how it all was. She begins her destination down the hall only to be stopped by Sam stepping in front of her.

Sam: Could we maybe talk about everything? You know, in private?

Quinn simply nods, and prepares herself for this conversation as well.

CUT TO:

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CLASSROOM—DAY

Quinn enters the astronomy classroom right behind Sam. They walk further into the room, and her eyes land on his guitar. Sam sees what she's focusing on and walks over to the instrument

Sam: I was going to sing "You Really Got a Hold on Me," but after giving it more thought, I realize how stupid it'd be.

He places his guitar on the nearest desk to speak to Quinn.

Sam: I know I'm probably grasping at straws here, but you never actually admitted to anything. So is there someone else?

She observes him and his hopeful, earnest nature. She knows she could easily keep lying to him. Quinn hesitates before quietly responding.

Quinn: Yes.

Despite the fact that this is what he already knows, Sam feels as if it's the first time hearing it. It's like he's being punched.

Sam: Are you going to date him now?

Quinn: It's complicated.

Sam: Right, well if it's not Finn or Puck that leaves Mike and Artie. I could see how it's complicated.

Quinn: They're not in glee.

Sam: Oh. I didn't know we could do that.

He frowns for a second.

Sam: Who is it then?

Quinn: Does it really matter?

Sam: No, but I'd still like to know who I'm losing my girlfriend to. You can relax. It's not like I'm going to go all evil-Ikran on this guy. I just want to know.

Quinn remains silent.

Sam: You're not going to tell me are you?

Quinn: No.

Sam: I guess that's it then?

Carrying his guitar, Sam walks to the door with his head down.

Quinn: Sam–

He doesn't turn his body around, but instead glances over his shoulder. His eyes do not meet hers.

Sam: Don't worry about it.

Sam leaves Quinn alone.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

Finn and Santana walk along in the hallway together as if they own it. It is clear Santana's plan is a success as Finn nods to some of his sports teammates and gets them in return. He high fives the next guy in a letterman jacket.

Finn: You know, this worked out pretty nicely.

Santana: Yeah and surprisingly, I don't want to bathe in scalding hot water just from looking at you.

Finn: Exactly.

Finn nods brightly before they stop at Brittany's locker. Santana latches on to Brittany's side and grins up at her.

Santana: So I'll pick you up for Breadstix around seven. That way we'll be home in time for the Rizzoli and Isles marathon, and we can gets our cuddle on.

Brittany: I can't tonight.

Santana takes a step back from Brittany.

Santana: What?

Brittany: Sorry.

She closes her locker and looks up at Finn.

Brittany: And I'm totally dumping you.

Finn loses his previous smile.

Finn: But– Why?

Brittany: Artie and I are back together.

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CHOIR ROOM—DAY (FLASHBACK)

The choir room is empty save for Brittany who is sitting in the bottom row of chairs in front of Artie.

Brittany: Artie, I'm still your girlfriend.

Artie: No, you're not. You're with Finn now.

Artie spins his chair around and Brittany stands up. Artie looks back at her.

Brittany: But I don't understand. I'm just doing what Santana told me to. She said me and Finn didn't count just like me and her don't count.

A sudden glimmer of understanding rushes over Artie.

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY (BACK TO PRESENT)

Brittany: After school, we're going to see how fast I can pull his wheelchair if we attach it to my dirt bike. I don't think he's too excited about it though.

She explains and glances back to Santana.

Brittany: But maybe we can go out tomorrow night.

She gives them a shrug before skipping away down the hall. Finn and Santana are left with shocked expressions.

Finn: What just happened?

Before either of them says anything, Jacob slips in front of the two and holds his tape recorder to just below Finn's mouth.

Jacob: Finn Hudson, how does it feel to be dumped by McKinley High's trend setter? Do you think this will officially demolish the small amount of popularity you have left?

Finn does not give him a comment so Jacob decides it will be a good idea to push his tape recorder into Santana's face instead.

Jacob: Santana Lopez, any words for your fallen teammate?

Santana snatches the tape recorder and pitches it into the ground. Jacob and Finn jump slightly at this. Santana stomps away through the broken plastic pieces and down the hall in the opposite direction Brittany left in.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—WILL'S OFFICE—DAY

Will is grading papers on his desk when Emma knocks on his doorframe. Will looks up from the papers to his doorway. He grins.

Will: Emma.

He stands from his chair in a hunch and gestures to the chair across from his desk.

Will: Please.

He pats his tie down as he retakes his seat. Emma takes the few steps into his office and sits down as well.

Emma: Have you found anything out about Sue?

Will: Uh no, actually. But I thought I'd take your advice and focus entirely on glee.

Emma: That's good.

Will: Why though? Have you heard anything?

Emma: About Sue? Thankfully no.

Will: Glad to hear it.

Will looks her over and tries to get a handle on where her head is.

Will: So is that the only reason you came down here?

Emma: No.

Emma shifts in her seat.

Emma: I lied to you before.

Affected by her sudden confession, Will sits up straighter and leans back in his chair.

Emma: Carl and I aren't…We haven't consummated our relationship yet.

Will: Oh.

Will has every thought and not a word to say. He tries anyway.

Will: But you've been married for over two months.

Emma: I'm aware of that, thank you.

Will: Emma, I know it's not my place anymore, but as your friend, have you thought about counseling? I know you were going before you met Carl. Are you still–

Emma: Counseling isn't the problem right now. Or more specifically, not the only problem. I think we both know there's another reason. It's the same reason I'm here talking to you now when I probably shouldn't be.

They stare intensely at each other, knowing what she is not saying.

Will: You're married.

Emma: I know.

She gets up and walks to the door. She pauses her exit and looks at him sadly.

Will: We have really bad timing.

Emma: The worst.

Emma scurries out of the door. Will can only stare where she leaves.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—SUE'S OFFICE—DAY

Sue is sitting behind her desk. She holds a pen in one hand and is holding her office phone in the other. She speaks into the phone.

Sue: Rod, I hear you're judging this year's Regionals comp again?

Sue pauses as Rod is presumably speaking on the other end.

Sue: Excellent.

Sue hangs up and circles "Rod" on the sheet of paper on her desk. She dials out on her phone again.

Sue: Olivia, Sue Sylvester here. I was just calling to check if you were–

She pauses again, listening to Olivia speaking over the line. Sue's face drops and anger is visible.

Sue: Well forget you, Newton John.

Sue begins to hang up but then brings the phone back to her ear.

Sue: And for the record, Grease was an abomination.

She slams the phone into the receiver and scratches off "ONJ." Also crossed off, "Singing Jewish Guy."

Will (O.S.): Hey, Sue.

She watches Will enter her office.

Will: I was wondering if you had a minute.

Sue: Sure, buddy.

Will walks until he is standing right over her desk. Sue places a book over the sheet of paper she is writing on. Will notices this.

Will: What is that?

Sue: Well since my prized cheerios lost, forever blemishing my perfect life record, I thought I'd write a letter to Congress asking for a revision. Personally, I think once they hear that I lost due to the fact that my three aces stepped away from my squad for a glee club, they'll have no choice but to agree to my request. Especially after I add in the fact that you're trying to spread a rapid outbreak of gayness amongst impressionable, young minds through said club.

Will rolls his eyes tiredly.

Will: Well good luck with that, Sue. Can I just–

Will yanks the paper out from under the book before Sue can stop him. Sue flies to a standing position as Will begins reading over the paper.

Sue: That's a direct invasion to my privacy as an American citizen. I can get you deported for that.

He looks up from the sheet of paper.

Will: So this is what you're doing. You're rigging the judges' panel?

Will irritably tosses the paper from his hand. Both ignore the falling sheet and stare at each other. Sue steps around her desk to reside in front of him.

Will: Your need to destroy a high school glee club full of kids has become nothing short of pathetic and deranged.

Sue: I don't see how it's any different than your need for them to succeed. You're using this club to make up for your own excruciatingly long list of failures. You need glee to win otherwise you're nothing. I'm doing all of those loafers a favor.

Will is fuming and incredulous.

Will: A favor? By constantly telling them they're worthless losers?

Sue: Exactly. Do you know how I breed my cheerios? Do you know why they're champions, Will? It's because I make sure they know there's nothing after this. Not one of them is instilled with the unrealistic outlook of becoming something famous or powerful. You, on the other hand, keep telling a group of mind-numbingly dumb teenagers that they're more than the mediocrity they present each and every day.

She goes back behind her desk.

Sue: You are setting them up for a fall when they realize that they're nothing more than what they are now. They will become bitter examples of yourself. So yes, William. I am trying to make them fail now and realize that they're not great nor will they ever be great.

She sits down comfortably in her chair.

Sue: Plus, I can't stand your chauvinistic singing that blazes through this school at any given moment. By the way, your minute's up.

Will throws up his arms and departures from the room. Sue stares at the door for a moment before pulling out a new piece of paper.


[TAG]

EXT. DALTON ACADEMY—COURTYARD—DAY

Kurt is sitting on a wooden bench beneath a tree. He's busily writing in a notebook before a shadow crosses it. He looks up to find Blaine standing in his light. Blaine sits down next to him.

Kurt: Blaine, once again, I am so sorry for the disastrous evening I put you through the other night. I honestly never would have invited you over if I knew we were going to get stuck playing NBA Jams.

Blaine places his hand on Kurt's knee in a friendly gesture before removing it.

Blaine: Would you stop it? I already told you I had a wonderful time. I'm really glad you invited me to dinner with your family. They're so different than my own. I honestly can't remember the last time my family all sat down to eat a meal together.

Kurt: Well you're welcome anytime, and I imagine next time we won't get a dose of Brittany and Finn's unique way of thinking.

Blaine: Or maybe we can just have dinner alone.

Kurt doesn't move as Blaine's words hit him.

Kurt: As in like a date?

Blaine: Yes. I'm not entirely sure, but I think that's usually how relationships start.

Kurt: Relationship?

Blaine chortles.

Blaine: Yes, Kurt. A relationship. That is if you'd like to try and have one with me. I know neither of us has ever really dated anyone, so we can take it slow.

Kurt is still dumfounded by these turn of events. Despite his numerous attempts, he has never actually thought this moment would come to pass.

Kurt: Slow?

Blaine: I really like you, Kurt. You came out of nowhere. But I'm not sorry about that.

Blaine takes a deep breath.

Blaine: So I guess this is me asking if you'll have me as your boyfriend. I know–

Kurt: Yes.

Blaine: Wow. Okay.

He smiles.

Blaine: I don't have anything else to say. I sort of had this whole speech prepared to convince you to go out with me.

Kurt: I'm sorry. I'm sure it was memorable.

Blaine: The greatest.

Kurt: You must fell gypped.

Blaine: You have no idea. But luckily I'm still getting a date out of it.

They share a small laugh, and Blaine nudges Kurt's shoulder.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—HALLWAY—DAY

Rachel goes through locker at the end of the day in an empty hallway. She shuts her locker and finds Quinn standing behind the door's wake. Momentarily, there's a silent exchange before Quinn clears her throat.

Quinn: I wanted to apologize for what I said yesterday.

Rachel: It's fine. I acted selfishly by going to Sam.

In agreement, Quinn rolls her eyes offhandedly. Rachel watches this action and wills herself to continue. She imagines this conversation will be hard for Quinn to hear after recent events. Of course, it probably isn't going to be easy to say either; even with her vast skills as an up-and-coming actress.

Rachel: Which is why I think it'd be best to end this now before it goes any further.

This gains Quinn's attention, and she swiftly meets Rachel's eyes.

Rachel: It's clear that we both want different things from this relationship. It'd be unfair for one of us to ask the other to change their mind.

Quinn: Is this really what you want?

Rachel: Neither of us is getting what they want.

She sighs softly and swallows the lump in her throat before going on.

Rachel: Just because two people have physical chemistry doesn't necessarily mean they have any emotionally. I hope we can go back to being friends.

Quinn: Right. Because that's exactly what we were before.

Rachel: It's all I can offer you.

Rachel leaves Quinn at her locker. Quinn seems to have gone into anger-mode, and the last thing Rachel wants to do is have yet another confrontation with her. Rachel strides through the hallway and turns a corner. She continues walking until she stumbles across Finn coming out of bathroom.

Finn: Rach, hey.

Rachel: Finn. I heard about you and Brittany. My condolences.

Finn: Yeah, it's cool. We weren't really…I mean Santana…It doesn't matter.

Finn clears his mind.

Finn: So what about you? Are you, you know, dating again?

Rachel: No.

Rachel pauses. She doesn't want to lie to Finn, not completely anyway, so she amends her answer.

Rachel: At least not any longer. I suppose we never were. It turns out they didn't feel the same about me.

Finn: Sorry.

They stand in an awkward silence. Finn tries to think of what he should be saying in this situation. He doesn't like seeing Rachel upset. It always makes him super uncomfortable.

Finn: Hey, you maybe wanna go to Breadstix with me? Not like on a date or anything. I was supposed to take Santana or something. We could call Kurt and Blaine and have them come too. Although, it might actually be a date for them. I don't know.

Rachel: That actually sounds like a lovely idea, Finn. I accept your invitation.

Finn: I'll pick you up at seven?

Rachel: I'll be ready.

Rachel begins to walk away.

Finn: Rachel?

She turns back around, and Finn shrugs.

Finn: Whoever they were is an idiot.

They share a smile, and Rachel leaves with a little more pep in her step.


INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—CHOIR ROOM—DAY

Will is sitting on a stool in front of the glee club. He knows how he wants to wrap up this week. Sue's words still rest on him but not as she wants them to. He remembers just what this club is to him. Sue is correct in her assessment on its importance in his life.

Will: So I know no one is interested in hearing me perform.

He looks up at Rachel, and she has the decency to look away, embarrassed.

Will: But sometimes singing is something each of us has to do; myself included. Music is art that's heard. It expresses what simply speaking can't.

He audibly inhales.

Will: Since New Directions started, it's been just as important to me as it has to any of you. I think we all may have lost sight of what glee is supposed to be about, and I think now would be the perfect time for a reminder.

Finn: Well what'd you have in mind, Mr. Schue?

CUT TO:

INT. MCKINLEY HIGH—AUDITORIUM—DAY

Gracing the auditorium stage, Will stands with New Directions in a modest arrangement. He is currently a few feet in front of the group with Rachel. Rachel is the one to start the song as the band plays on stage behind them all.

Rachel:

Think of your fellow man
Lend him a helping hand
Put a little love in your heart

You see it's getting late
Oh please don't hesitate
Put a little love in your heart

Will:

And the world will be a better place
And the world will be a better place
For you and me
You just wait and see

Will and Rachel move backward and join the rest in the simple choreography. Mercedes and Sam step forward to take their place.

Mercedes:

Another day goes by
And still the children cry
Put a little love in your heart

If you want the world to know
We won't let hatred grow
Put a little love in your heart

Sam gives his new friend a fist bump before he sings his own lines with the girls backing him up.

Sam: And the world

Girls: And the world

Sam: Will be a better place. And the world

Girls: And the world

Sam: Will be a better place. For you

Girls: For you

Sam: And me

Girls: And me

Sam: You just wait

Girls: Just wait

Sam: And see. Wait and see

Tina and Finn spin forward to trade places with Sam and Mercedes.

Tina:

Take a good look around and
If you're looking down
Put a little love in your heart

I hope when you decide
Kindness will be your guide
Put a little love in your heart

Finn: And the world

Girls: And the world

Finn: Will be a better place. And the world

Girls: And the world

Finn: Will be a better place. For you

Girls: For you

Finn: And me

Girls: And me

Finn: You just wait

Girls: Just wait

Finn: And see. People now

The group all steps forward to join Finn and Tina.

New Directions: Put a little love in your heart

Will: Each and every day

New Directions: Put a little love in your heart

Will: There's no other way

New Directions: Put a little love in your heart

Will: You ought to

New Directions: Put a little love in your heart

The group finishes the song together.

[END]


Songs (in order):

"Sharing You"- Bobby Vee
"I'm Yours"- Jason Mraz
"Bony Moronie"- Larry Williams
"Good Lovin'"- The Young Rascals
"Wild Thing"- The Troggs
"Put a Little Love in Your Heart"- Jackie DeShannon