Let's pretend this all takes place in an alternate Alternia, a happier place where people aren't so dead and are of a legal Troll age to be fooling around, so nobody gets their pantaloons in a bunch about it. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy.

Homestuck does not belong to me.



Karkat pulled uselessly at the upper extremity restraints keeping his arms trapped behind him, connected to his chair. The bright light positioned overhead had him blinking his sensitive eyes, squinting in discomfort. He was pretty much in the worst situation ever. Captured by a flighty broad- what a disgrace. Escape was the only thing on his mind, but it seemed far out of reach at this point.

"Don't bother with the handcuffs, Karkat, you can't break them." Terezi strolled past on her third menacing trip around him, flashing a toothy grin, "I only use quality equipment when I'm dealing out justice."

Handcuffs? Pff. Karkat rolled his eyes at Terezi's use of aristocratic language, then quickly averted his gaze as she gave a deliberate sway of her hips directly in front of him. Fucking tease. He'd only been semi-willingly trapped in her room for fifteen minutes, but already being confined was driving him nuts. If this were any other hate date he might be able to put up with it, may even instigate a bit of a fight, just to make it worth while, but this was no average hate date. This was a playdate. Another one of Terezi's irritating roleplay scenarios gone horribly wrong. She was interrogating him just for the fun of it and it made Karkat's teeth itch even more than the childish collection of mutilated stuffed dragons and legal books scattered around the floor. It annoyed him more than the vague smell of chalk that clung to the walls. It irritated him more than pretty much anything about Terezi, which was saying something because sweet jegus did that girl get on his nerves.

He shivered from barely suppressed rage, from intense attraction, and scoffed at her just to be contrary, "Would you quit it with the fucking theatrics?" As always, speaking much too loudly, aggressively, but he knew she'd just feed off of it, "You know I'm not into this shit!"

Terezi snorted in laughter, completely graceless and it made Karkat's cheeks tinge red to think that he was so completely flushed for her. Of every troll in the world, why her?

"Well then," Terezi said slyly, leaning in close on his right side, till the tip of her nose nearly brushed his face, "What are you into?"

She let the question hang in the air for a moment, giggled in that manic way she always did that set Karkat's nerves on edge, made him feel all hot and uncomfortable, and stood up straight again, "You know I'd play whatever games you want if you just told me. But since you won't let yourself have any fun, we're gonna keep playing Courtblock Drama."

Karkat just scowled, muttering, "Fucking girl games..."

The light thwack of Terezi's hand across the back of his head had him crying out in protest, "Fuckin' ow! What the hell? Isn't there a law against beating the shit out of your suspects or whatever?"

"It's encouraged, actually."

Terezi came back around to stand in front of him, staring sightlessly down as she posed as dramatically as possible, hands on hips, "And this'd be a lot easier if you'd just play along. Come on now, where were we?"

Karkat heaved a sigh and hunched his shoulders, slumping down into his chair in resignation, "The night of the 14th?"

Terezi made a drawn out little "ahhhhhh" sound, nodding thoughtfully.

It occurred to Karkat to tell her that she looked cute when she did that, but he didn't bother, biting his tongue lightly instead. No use inflating her ego.

"Well then," she said, cocking her head to the side, "Where were you on the night of the 14th, Karkat?" She was starting with something simple, letting him get comfortable with the game. Roleplaying always made Karkat feel awkward, which was one of the many reasons she loved to make him do it.

"I already told you that!" He snapped, sitting up straight in his chair again, "In my hive as usual, minding my own fucking business, talking to that asshole Sollux!"

Terezi tutted softly, shifting to fold her arms over her chest.

Karkat really wished she wouldn't do that.

"Yes, and I'll be having my team check out this 'Sollux' character you keep going on about." Her team being the collection of stuffed dragons. Surely Officers Truffletail and Carrotclaw could be trusted to carry out some swift justice.

Karkat half expected her to actually send one to Sollux's hive with a clipboard attached to it or something equally stupid. And Sollux, the bastard, would actually give the fucking toy some information. Damning information (Lies!) about how Karkat wasn't talking to him on the 14th at all, but that he'd actually been out stealing shit and kicking innocent wrigglers in the face. Because he was a dick, and possibly the worst best friend in the world.

"But in the meantime, why don't you fill me in on the truth?"

Karkat stared blankly up at her for a moment before snapping once more, straining against the metal chain binding his wrists, "What the fuck? What truth? You're not making any sense! You're making the exact opposite of that! How the fuck am I supposed to play along with your stupid legal shit if-"

Terezi silenced him mid-rant, bending over to brush her lips against his in the slightest hint of a kiss. Having rendered him momentarily speechless, she leaned away again and resumed her pacing, taking slow strides around his chair, "Let's not get worked up now, sir. This is a federal investigation."

Karkat grit his teeth to keep from growling. If this was Terezi's idea of "good cop, bad cop," she had to revisit those legal books of her's. Nowhere in Alternian law was there anything about being allowed to kiss your suspect. Not that he knew of anyway. Then again, their legal system was pretty fucked up. Exhibit A, what was going down right in the middle of Terezi's room.

"Why don't we just get to the part where you torture me for information?" He suggested tipping his head back so he could watch Terezi as she walked behind him, "Since you're not gonna believe anything I tell you anyway."

He kept watching her as she came back around to his right side, where she paused, "This isn't about believing you, it's about uncovering the truth." She smirked, for a moment looking giddy in a nearly normal, girlish way, "We can't let any personal feelings between us get in the way of justice, Karkat."

At the mention of feelings, Karkat made an especially unflattering gagging motion, "Please don't start bringing that crap into it. Being interrogated for nothing is bad enough."

Terezi's shoulders slumped, a pout catching hold of her mouth. A pout that was cute enough to keep Karkat staring, anger fleeting for once, until she opened her mouth again.

"Fine," she said sharply, "If you're that against playing with me, we won't."

She whipped a tiny key out of her pant pocket, stepped smoothly behind him and clicked the lock on his handcuffs open so quickly, he wondered if they'd ever been properly locked in the first place.

He chose to think that they really were the strongest restraints in the world, and that was why he hadn't been able to snap them open with his considerable manliness.

"Terezi, don't get all mad."

Even when he was trying to be gentle, Karkat couldn't quite manage to speak as softly as he intended. He pulled his hands from their cuffs, letting the metal fall and clink against the back of his chair. He hadn't been locked up enough for them to get uncomfortable but he rubbed at his wrists anyway, just for show. He watched Terezi sulk, her arms folded again as she leaned up against the frame of her window. She huffed at him, her usual grin lost as she made a production out of just how upset she was.

"Give me a break!" Karkat snapped as he got up out of the interrogation chair, narrowly avoidong whacking his horns into the lamp overhead, "It's not that I don't want to hang out with you, I just don't want to get tied up and tormened with your fucking legal drivel!"

Definitely not the right thing to say, but that was the way Karkat went about things. At least, the way his past self went about things five seconds ago. Again, he found himself wanting to take his past self out behind the hoofbeast domicile to be shot. Seriously, why did he suck so bad?

"My legal brilliance is better than any of the complete garbage you could come up with!" Terezi shot back, clearly getting fed up. Usually her annoyance with Karkat was all part of the game, but sometimes he pushed her just a little too far. Like when he insulted the very system of justice she held so dear.

Karkat bit his tongue to keep from spitting out a vulgar retort, instead turning around to stare up at the chalk drawings on Terezi's wall, wracking his brain for a way to ammend the situation. A new and improved drawing of His Honorable Tyranny stared down at him, powdered wig scribbled delicately in between giant, curving horns. It was really kind of terrifying.

And a little inspiring.

"I think I could come up with a good game..." He mumbled, embarrassed at the idea that had entered his mind. Terezi didn't hear him and continued sulking, kicking idly at a dragon she'd recently reeled in from the branches of her hive. The rope around its neck was still tight, it's little button eyes bulging out. She stomped on it just as Karkat turned around to look at her and the display made him cringe. If he didn't pull something off now he'd probably be damned to several days of dealing with angry, mopey Terezi.

"Detective Pyrope."

Terezi looked up fast, eyebrows rising in surprise, "What?"

"Pyrope," Karkat said again, looking down at the floor to keep his nerve, "I know you're on task here, but dammit, we need to talk."

He hoped he was pulling off being gruff or suave or whatever an emotionally wounded legislacerator with a soft spot for spunky young detectives should be. He chanced a quick glance up to Terezi, could see the gears turning in her head.


"Don't-" He said sharply, stepping forward to put a hand on her arm, "Don't give me that crap about personal lives getting in the way of the pursuit of justice. Don't you think I know all of that?"

Through her surprise a small smile curved Terezi's lips at the corners, growing till she was wearing her trademark grin, looking ready to laugh, "Karkat, what are you doing?"

Karkat swallowed a growl of anger, wanting to just tell her off for questioning his actions. Couldn't she just go with the flow like she always told him to?

"Playing with you."

Terezi's smiled shifted slightly. She looked almost admiringly for a moment before she really did laugh, snickering away as Karkat's face went hot.

"What game is this?" She asked, leaning into his touch, "Forbidden Courtblock Romance?"

Karkat glared at everything in sight, first Terezi's glasses, then down to the floor, then back up to her chest. Yes, even her fucking chest. It was a culprit in of itself, tantalizing him with all that...sexual stuff. If Terezi weren't so attractive and all that garbage, he wouldn't be stuck in her room, making a fool of himself. Clearly.

"Yeah, pretty much." He muttered, and flinched when he heard her giggle.

"That's adorable, Karkles," She said, bringing a hand up to brush his cheek, surprisingly tender, "Did you get that from one of your awful movies?"
He glared into her glasses again, despite her being unable to see and appreciate the full intensity of his rage, "They're not awful, fuck you very much." He grit his teeth as she giggled again, then continued, "And yeah, I guess I was kind of trying to, you know, go off of something I know. Like fucking...one of those movies where people who work together get all flushed for each other and shit."

Terezi made a little "hm" of understanding, "I think I know what you mean..."

"Like..." Karkat thought for a moment, trying to come up with something Terezi may have seen- or rather, tasted, "Like that one...Wherein an unfashionble female constabulary takes part in an undercover assignment to investigate treachery and terrorist activity within a contest of feminine aesthetics; a wise older gentleman discloses lessons in proper etiquette and fashion; friendships are formed, several comedic displays of talent-"

"The one with Sandra Trolluck?"

"Yeah, that one. She and that asshole she works with are flushed as fuck by the end."

Terezi snorted a laugh and slipped her hand from Karkat's cheek to the back of his head, playing with hair in an irritatingly calming and adorable way, "Karkat, that movie was awful."

"What? No! That was a good movie!"

She shook her head, snickering, "Alright, alright. So says the master of all cinema."

Karkat really did growl after that, muttering, "Sandra Trolluck is a really good actress, okay?"

Somewhere in the course of their banter he'd gotten closer to Terezi, his feet making small steps forward without his brain quite telling them to. He stood very nearly pressed against her, and his stomach flipped a little as he realized just how close that was.

"Do you have a thing for her, Karkat?" Terezi teased, grinning widely.

Karkat stood up a little straighter, shoulders tensing as Terezi giggled away at his obvious embarrassment, "What? No, not at all!"

Maybe kind of. He had to admit, she was pretty hot in that movie. And pretty much every other movie she'd ever been in. Except maybe that one with Troll Keanu Reeves and all the mailboxes and weird time shit. He'd been surprisingly disappointed in that one. But to be honest, he didn't think Sandra Trolluck could even hold a candle to-

A wet tongue slicked up the side of his face quite suddenly, making him shiver and cry out in surprise, "Augh! Jegus, fuck! Why do you do that?"

Terezi sucked her tongue back between her lips, nearly moaning, "Mmm, you taste so good, Karkat." He suspected she was still trying to torture him, just with mental images that would stick with him for weeks and haunt his dreams in the worst/best possible way, "You're blushing so much...you must really like that Sandra Trolluck, huh?"

If she weren't standing between him and the wall, Karkat would have banged his head against it.

"Fucking- no! I like you, you incredible dumbass! I have a thing for you!"

Terezi startled slightly, her own cheeks tinging just the slightest shade of teal.

Karkat waited on edge for a response. It wasn't like this was news to her, but any time Karkat was forthcoming with red matters of his own was a special occassion.


But what? What could possibly be but about that?

"But ..." Terezi tilted her head past him, likely smelling the chalk she'd added to her drawings just hours earlier, "His Honorable Tryanny is just down the hall." She tightened the grip she had on his hair, just enough to give it a light pull, "A spunky, street smart detective like myself and an angsty, smoldering criminal profiler like yourself shouldn't be engaging in this behavior." She smirked and arched her back, just to get closer to him, "Certainly not here in the office."

Criminal profiler? Okay, he could work with that.

"Pyrope, you could cut the sexual tension in this room with a knife. Something's got to give."

She wet her lips, considering the matter as though she were a spunky but hardworking detective who wasn't sure whether to listen to her heart or to follow protocol, "Well it would be the office scandal, but...I suppose...we could always go back to my place." She smiled suggestively and craned her neck slightly to kiss him.

"But we're already-" Karkat caught himself and blushed. Breaking character would definitey get him laughed at. He met Terezi halfway for the kiss she was silently demanding, and put on his best smoldering criminal profiler act again, "You've got a perfectly good desk here, detective."

Terezi looked shocked, like a hardworking detective who found it difficult to find time for a personal life might, were such a suggestion made to her, "Mr. Vantas! So cheeky..." She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows at him like an idiot, "Shall I leave my glasses on?"

He rolled his eyes and kissed her again just to stop her from laughing.

To hell with His Honorable Tyanny and the whole damn precinct.