DISCLAIMER- I do not own Hetalia or anything Poland.

On April 14, 1860, the first Pony Express mail was delivered to Sacramento, California.

I apologize for this excess amount of crack, but I… but I…

I really have no explanation for this.


It started out as just another day for the country of America. He woke up around noon, ate about two hamburgers, went for a run, ate two more hamburgers, and took a nap.

When the front door bell rang, American didn't think much about it. He loved visitors, and he had plenty of coffee and burgers to go around, so when he swung the door open, the sight of a huge wooden crate sitting at his doorstep was just a little bit confusing.

"Hello, sir. You have a package." A small man(or so he appeared) stepped into view, and handed him a clipboard. America smiled.

"Oh boy! Someone must have sent me a gift! I wonder how many hamburgers I could fit in there. I wonder who sent this? Is it a call for help? A superhero costume? I mean, I'm so heroic that I don't need a costume, but a cape would be so awesome and-"

"If you'd just sign there, sir, I'll be on my way." America blinked, as if noticing the man for the first time.

"Oh, I didn't see you there. Ah ha ha, you look just like me!" America paused. "Who are you?" The man sighed.

"I'm Canada." America paused, then signed the paper.

"Right. Anyways! Let's get this inside!"

After much puffing and huffing, America and a floating bear managed to drag the crate into his house. The bear left with a "Kanajo, say goodbye!" and a "Who are you?" and a "I'm Canada." So America wasn't sure what the bear's name was.

"But nonetheless, I have a box to open!" He flipped the (open?) lock, and slid the door over.

"You couldn't have like, totally opened that a bit, like, faster? My hair's totally frizzing and Miranda's, like, getting hungry." America felt part of his soul die as he beheld the sight in front of him.

There was Poland, adorned in what looked to be half a shirt and the shortest skirt Alfred had ever seen, mounted on a pony, chewing the side of the wood.

"P-Poland… what are you doing here? Like… that?" Poland flipped his(her?) hair over his(?) shoulder and winked suggestively at Alfred.

"Well, I heard the Pony Express like totally sent out its first whatever, so, like, I just totally had to come and, like, celebrate? Because ponies for the win, right? Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any pocky, would you?"


"Bloody hell, America! Would you slow down and explain to me what the issue is?" England held his head in his hand, having gained a large headache since picking up the phone but a minute before.

"P-P-POLAND… never seen so much" Hic. "SKIN! And it's…" Hic. "in a box…" Hic. "PONY! It eats wood, England. He's…" Hic. "and now in my kitchen…pocky" Hic. "MY POCKY!" Hic. "NOMNOMNOMNOM WHAT IS THAT? And…" England slammed the phone down and quickly walked away from it.

"I'm just going to have a nice cup of tea and take a soak. Bloody America, dragging me into this nonsense. He can go bother the frog or that tomato freak." England turned the corner, and a phone was there, staring at him. He stopped walking, conflicted. "… go away." He stared at it for another minute or so before snatching it up. "Bloody hell, America… yes, sir? Would you be so kind as to inform me to when the next ferry leaves for America?"



I had originally had a plane in there, too, but when I read it over, I was like… wait. It's 1860. What am I doing with this phone and plane nonsense? So I changed plane to ferry… but the phone part was so fun I just couldn't change it. So yeah.

You know what? I blame my homework planner. The ones my school provides have little history dates on every Thursday. Today's was the original prompt I used for the summary. I was like "ohdeargod." when I read it. It was beautiful.