-Hang You Up-

I cannot hold this anymore

My hands are tired of only waiting to let go

And I am waiting still

I used to know which way to turn

You were the light inside a tunnel in my head

I try to follow still

I try to follow still

It's been a few years since I've been back home, since I've seen my old friends, my father, since I've seen Brooke. I think it's time. There's nothing left for me here anymore, I've gone as far as I'm going to in L.A., I've learned as much as I'm going to learn. Maybe if I go home I can try to open my own label or work more on my art, I don't know. I used to think I knew what I was going to do in my life, what I was good at, I'm not so sure now. With Brooke by my side, I used to think that I could do anything, make all my dreams come true. But that was a long time ago; we haven't been in the same room, let alone the same state in some years now. We rarely talk anymore, I don't really know if we're still friends, to be honest. I tried so hard in the time I've been gone to live up to what I thought I could be, to what she always believed I could be. I don't think I've been that person.

It's hard to see you

We are older now

And when I find you, you just turn around

This is a black and white of you I found

I hang you up and then I pull you down

I hang you up and then I pull you down

I've been home now for a few weeks. I don't think anyone knows I'm back and I haven't really been anywhere around town much. Yesterday on my way back from the cemetery I saw her outside her store. She was on the phone, laughing. She looked up and saw me. Her smile fell and she just stood there for a moment. Then, she turned around and walked away down the street. She had looked so happy. And then once she saw me, it just went away. I don't think I should have come back here, just to interrupt her life, the lives of my friends - former friends. Why is it so hard? I went home and dug out some old pictures of us, growing up, through elementary school, middle school, high school. Where did it all go so wrong?

No more apologies from me

My arms are tired of picking up what I put down

You're all I think of still

I'm gonna miss you every day

I turn my back on anyone who won't believe

And it gets lonely still

It gets lonely still

I've made up my mind. She doesn't want to see me, why would she? I've barely called, I quit returning e-mails, I just stopped. I'm not sure why, either. Just, being so far away from her for so long, it hurt to keep that link. It hurt to not be next to her and not see her face. So, out of respect for her, and so as not to cause her any pain, I'll go. Not back to L.A. Maybe I'll just travel around for a while. I know I can't keep doing this to myself anymore. I can't keep holding out hope for something I know will never happen. I'll still miss her, just like I have for the last three years, but maybe someday I'll be able to let her go, to let myself let go. It's a lonely way to live, but as I pack up the last of the few things I had, I realize that that's what my life has always been without Brooke. Hopefully I can change that someday.

It's hard to see you

We are older now

And when I find you, you just turn around

This is a black and white of you I found

I hang you up and then I pull you down

I hang you up and then I pull you down

I get lost sometimes

Another year flies by

But I know if I try

Memories of the light in your eyes

Can take me back in time

It's been two years now. I haven't been back to Tree Hill or the east coast since. It hasn't been easy, I've lost myself plenty of times, not just in the last two years either, but the last several. But I'm trying, I try every day to move on and make something of myself. It's hard, though, because she's in my head, I just remember her face, her eyes, and I'm back on that beach the summer before freshman year, just the two of us, laughing and having the best time. We were so happy then.

It's hard to see you

We are older now

And when I find you, you just turn around

This is a black and white of you I found

I hang you up and then I pull you down

I hang you up and then I pull you down

It's hard to see you

We are older now

(We are older now)

And when I find you, you just turn around

(Turn around)

This is a black and white of you I found

(You I found)

I hang you up and then I pull you down

(Pull you down)

I hang you up and then I pull you down

(Pull you down)

I hang you up and then I pull you down

I was in Charlotte for a few days while on tour with some of the bands of this little record company I've been working with for the past few years when my heart stopped. I was walking down the street and had just looked up from my phone when I ran into someone. As I was about to apologize I got a clear look at who I had run into. It was Haley. Before I could even think of words to say I heard her voice. She came out of the store ahead of me, searching through her purse, beginning to ask Haley a question when she looked up and suddenly stopped short. Nobody knew what to say. All I could do was stare at Brooke, disbelieving that this was happening. The years had been good to her, we were all closing in on thirty yet she looked just like I remembered her from the picture I kept with me always of when we were seventeen. Her hair was different and she had become more womanly, but she was still just as beautiful, the only lines on her face those of confusion at seeing me there, on the sidewalk. I still couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say, but that didn't matter because suddenly she had a small smile on her face, and her eyes, her eyes shone like she might start crying. She came up to me and gave me a hug, me stiff in her arms. Haley had walked up the street some to give us privacy as Brooke pulled back, still holding onto me. She told me it was good to see me, that she had missed me. She gave me her number, hugged me one more time, and told me that when I was ready, she'd just be a phone call away, and that hopefully she'd get to see me again. And then she was gone, just like I had always been.

It was then I knew.

And maybe someday I'd be able to dial that number. And then I'd see her again and I could have my friend back. I could have my Brooke back. I'd just have to stop being a coward first; I'd need to learn to stop running.

I don't hear music anymore

My ears are tired of all the pictures in the words

'Cause you are in them still

I hope that day comes.

-End-