Walking Comps and Raging Wedding Cakes

Chapter One: The Chompa

"Turn around, she's shy."

There was a rocky silence. Mouth opening, closing, it was on the tip of the mustached one's lips to ask. Ask what one might ask? The obvious of course. The "how can you tell it's a she?" After all, the creature in question was round, had a chain for a tail and sported fangs as long as fingers. More to the point those fangs weren't bared in a "how do you do" smile.

"Ar Ark!" Clearly agitated the Chomp writhed about on her bound chain, shaking her head -really the whole of her body- first left and right. Steal links clinked and rattled at the rotation that could have been -maybe was- the miming of a more human motion.

The shaking of a head.

"Shh... there's a good girl." Loosening his grip on the chains he'd been working on the Koopa King sighed. His claws tinked on her glossy skull and with a purr the chomp drew as close as Booster's binds would allow. Smoke wafted from his blunted muzzle and all he could taste was ash bitter frustration. This wasn't going to work. She'd toss and turn into knots he wasn't able to undo at this rate. Whirling around, stamping a clawed foot, he glared at the newest, most reluctant members of his Koopa Troop.

The Marshmallow creature cringed back. Black eyes wide, pasty complexion paling to a nearly cloudy white. While that was sorta satisfying (more than sorta, he checked back a satisfied "Bwahaha" at the brat's fear) It wasn't enough. Enough would have been a full about face followed by a quick march out the door.

And perfect woulda been the Troop's Marshmallow encouraging everyone to go with him.

Unfortunately not all of his new Troop were so easily spooked. Eyes wide, weary, but not really scared, Mario had his arms over his chest. Blue eyes alight –as always- with that irritating curiosity. Gritting his fangs, guessing the questions, Bowser beat the plumber to the punch.

"Yeah, she's a she." One bushy eyebrow rose, and to that borderline mutiny the Koopa King bared his yellowing fangs in what was not a smile. "Ya wanna have me talk about the differences between girls and boys Mario?"

Eyes wide with disgust (but Bowser would call it fear, made him feel better anyway) the plumber shook his head so violently it was a wonder that silly red hat didn't go flying.

Flashing his fangs in a grin, never mind the smoke that leaked out, Bowser chuckled, a rather step down form "Mwahaha"ing, but he'd take what he could.

"Weren't you three scatting?" The Koopa King drawled, waving his claws hands just so.

Taking the better part of valor, but not before flashing a wooden grin over his shoulder, the living doll, self proclaimed star warrior, whatever it was… went to the door leading out and beat a quick exit. The door clicked shut, and now there was only two of the peanut gallery waiting.

Swallowing, looking a bit green –he'd of made a descent koopa had there been scales to go along with said green- the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom set his hand on Mallow's Shoulder and got the animate pastry heading the right way for once, out.

Innocent incarnate, the Marshmallow looked over his shoulder to stare at the Koopa King, than to the Hero of the group, confusion obvious. "We're… we aren't scared of… of you…right Mario?"

To that the plumber shook his head, another miracle of miracles, the hat stayed atop the plumber's head…

"But then why do you look all… koopa…e?"

The door opened and closed, cutting off the inanity. Heaving a sigh Bowser groaned. If only he could keep the door shut, permanently. But… but sanity and "how it should have been"s were thrown out of the window when that blasted sword had come out of the sky and shishkabobed the heart of his home. Suddenly he missed his home. Wished for it all to come back. He ached, just ached, for the scent of lava. Missed having Goomba underfoot, despite they were next to incompetent. He wanted nothing more than to roar at a bumbling Koopa. Dreamed of a time when he had nothing better to do than sprawl out over his throne, loll his head back, and glare up at the swaying chandeliers to better dream up plots and perhaps a romantic dinner…

After a kidnapping of course.

All kidnappings lead to romantic dinners, after all. That's how it went in all the stories.

"Arf?"

Shaking off his ruminations the Koopa cracked a small grin, peanut gallery gone, it was time to get to work.

"Don't worry girl." He assured the Chompa, not a Chomp like that idiot Mario probably assumed. "I'll get you out of there. Booster's such a nut case he's gotta be dumb, it's just how it goes ya know?"

Assured, she hopped near, then whined as she came to the end of her rope. Raking his claws over her steel skull, she looked up at him, black eyes melting at his touch.

"Bet ya bit him good."

Her tail wagged, or tried, the knotted end thudded against the tiled floor killing the moment.

"Let's get you outta here then, and you can bite him again, as much as you want."

She bared her teeth in what was definitely a smile, and the "Bwa Ha" from earlier came out. And since there was no one there to say anything, he let it.

A/N: This is a rather silly set of chapters that I found in the back of a notebook of mine. I thought I'd publish them before I lost track of the notebook again. I don't know how far it'll go, but I want to put them up until the writing prompts run out so expect a few chapters at least.