A/N: Hi! Okay so my other story 'Just For You' will be updated soon, I promise. This is just something I thought of before I went to sleep the other night. ITS GOING TO BE EPIC. Oh and I really love the whole Logan/Camille relationship. They're good for each other. ANYWAYS I really hope you like it ^_^.
Her heart felt like it was breaking. Each piece shattering as it hit the floor. This couldn't be happening. Not now, not ever. She never thought he would say those words. Especially not with a gracious gift coming their way. Was he really… gone?
First off, let me say happy birthday! Seventeen years is definitely a number to celebrate. Also, happy ten month anniversary. I can't believe we have made it this far. Especially the last four months. They have been some of the greatest days of my life. I know your probably wondering why I'm writing this letter to you. The reason is that I'm too scared to say this in person. I know that if I would be saying this to you right now, tears would keep falling from my face, and I know I need to be strong for you.
Camille, you know that I love you. Since the day we've met, you've been my world. I would do anything to stay in it. Words can't even describe my love for you, and as I write this I'm having trouble finding the words. I hope that you know how strong my love is for you, and that I would do anything to show it.
You must've been worried when you woke up, and didn't see me laying next to you. When all you saw was this stupid letter on my pillow. By the way, please tell your dad I said thank you for letting me stay with you. I needed a break from 2J and the guys. Your father is a good man, and I hope someday I'll be like him. But this isn't only a hope. It's more of a want, or need. He is a great father, and supporter of our choices. Every night I pray that some of his traits rub off on me.
Lately, this thought is becoming more, and more distant. It seems like it's never possible. It's my job to protect you Camille, and I feel like I can't do that. My past is holding me back from moving on. Although I would've never admitted this to you in person, I'm going to say it now. I'm scared. I'm scared that I will turn out like my father. I'm scared that I will lose you if I screw up, and I don't want to. Your everything to me. And I'm scared that I'll never be able to fix my mistakes once I made them, just like my father did.
I know that I never really talked to you about my father, or my mother for that matter. Reason is, I just couldn't handle it. But I will tell you right now, just so everything makes sense, and so that you'll understand my reasons for doing this.
When I was five years old, my mother and father got into a huge argument. They had always fought over the stupidest things, but that night, it was the hugest fight I had ever seen. Being five, I didn't really understand much, but I knew it was about me. They were fighting on how to raise me, and my mom practically blew up and left. Everyday of my life, till I was sixteen when we moved to LA, I wished that my mother would come back home… but she never did. That's when it all started. My dad became twisted. He drank everyday, came home late, and never even said hello. It was like he stopped loving me. When I finally became older to understand things, he… he started to hit me. I used to have to go to school with bruises on my face, and sometimes they were on other parts of my body. Kendall, James, and Carlos knew what was going on, so sometimes they let me stay over at their house for a few nights. But every time I went back home, the beatings got worse.
Now you probably see why I think I'll turn out like him. I'm not a strong person, Camille. I'm the same shy, timid Logan I was when we met. And me becoming a father isn't going to change that. Don't get me wrong, having a baby is probably the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. And I'm so glad that I get the chance to experience it with you. Even though we're seventeen, I know that you will make it through this.
The guys will be there for you too. And I know that they will make excellent replacement fathers when I'm not around.
I just don't fit in, and I don't want to screw anything up. Your outgoing and dramatic, Kendall is strong headed, and a leader, Carlos is happy and bright, James is great looking… what is left for me? I'm just a lonely kid left with nothing ahead of him but medical school.
Sometimes I question why I was friends with them in the first place. I deserve to be a loner. It seems like they don't even care about me, even though deep down I know they probably do. I feel like we're just drifting apart. When we're not at the studio, Kendall is with Jo. Carlos is with Stephanie. James has no one really, which is surprising, but him and I used to be real close. And now I feel like I can't even talk to him about anything. We used to tell each other everything. He was the one that helped me the most when I was having problems with my father. Now that we're becoming distant, my past is coming back up. I've tried for so many years to bury the pain away. But it only works for so long.
I hope you understand now why I'm this scared. I fear that if one day I lose you, I'll beat our son or daughter, or stop loving them. It makes me wonder if bad parenting can travel down through genes. Of course it's probably not possible, but the impossible seem possible these days. I never thought I would have a girlfriend, and here I am today with the most perfect girl in the world. I always thought I would be a doctor, but now I'm famous… I never thought I would be having a kid at seventeen, but that's happened too.
Is it even possible for a person to mess up that much? My father did things to me that a parent should never do to their child. He once said that he hated me, and he wished I was dead. How can I just drop something like that? He hit me everyday I came home from school, and sometimes before I went to bed. And no one knew what was going on except my three best 'friends.'
What I'm going to say next I'll probably regret saying once I write it. It's not going to be easy, but I've already made my decision.
I'm going back to Minnesota, finding a job, home, school. I'll take care of myself, where no one will have to worry about me anymore. I won't be a burden to everyone, or be annoying to be around. I'm sure I'll find a way to get around. It's not that hard to find a job back home. Maybe Kendall's old boss at the store will let me have his job. Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll survive. I could even pay rent in Mrs. Knight's old house. Nobody ever bought it, so it's the perfect opportunity. I should talk to her about it first though.
Whatever the case is, I'm not coming back. I'm really sorry, Camille. You know I would do anything to stay, but I just can't. everything is too overwhelming and I don't want to deal with it anymore. I wouldn't say I'm quitting, or giving up… but more of letting it go.
I ask the guys all the time if they think I would be a good father. Of course they tell me yes. They say how I'm the most responsible teenager, or person, they know, and they wouldn't think twice about their opinion. But I think otherwise. I feel like they're lying to me. I feel like they know somewhere deep down inside that I might turn out like my father. Nothing but a drunk low life, who doesn't give a damn about his kid! My rage is coming out, and I don't want to risk you seeing me like this. I care to much about you.
Your probably thinking that if I care so much about you, why am I leaving? Well Camille, it's for the better. Maybe when I get back to Minnesota I'll get better and come back and visit sometime. Or maybe I won't. Maybe when I get back home, I won't go to school, or find a job, or live in home. I could easily become hooked on drugs or alcohol, just like my father.
But I'm pretty sure I won't ever come back. You, the guys, Mrs. Knight, Jo, Katie, everyone, won't ever see me again. And it's already too late. If you look around, you'll see that all my stuff is gone. My clothes are packed, my personal belongings, and anything else I had in 2J. I'm already gone, and probably on my way back to Minnesota by the time your reading this.
Can I just ask one thing? It's a small favor that I want to remain unbroken. Please don't name the baby after me. I know you may think it's only right to name our son Logan, but I don't want you to look at him everyday and see a resemblance of me, and then call him Logan.
You think I don't know how much I'll miss? I know I'll miss everything. I wish I had the strength to stay. To stay and see our son grow up. Learn to play hockey, which I'm sure Kendall will teach him. To excel in school, or be dramatic like you. Or to see him break records, or win awards.
But just remember that I will never forget you. Or anyone back in LA. Don't send me pictures of our son though. I don't think I can handle seeing him. Once I see him, I will want to come rushing back to you.
Please don't hesitate to tell the guys where I am. I'm sure they'll be worrying about me.
I love you so, so much Camille. Please do my favor. I hope you live life to the fullest without me. Raise our son well, let the guys help, because I know they will be there for you no matter what.
Camille, stop crying, because I know you are. Put this letter down, and reach under your pillow.
P.S. Did you really think I would leave you at a time like this? I love you way too much. I guess my letter wasn't obvious enough. Or the calendar. Your birthday, and our anniversary are terrible. April Fool's!
Oh and one more thing.
Will you marry me?
A/N: DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD MAKE LOGAN LEAVE? I'm not that horrible of a person! GAWSH! Lol, well I really love the ending. The whole P.S thing xD
A review would be SUPER nice :p