A/N: Well hello (: Long time no see.
Not really, it's been like a week since my last update :P But it feels like a new beginning for me. Get it… Beginning? Only the Beginning? Ok. Maybe not. ANYWAY…
And oh yeah, this chapter will probably be a little shorter than usual, only cause I'm pressed for time. :/ sorry.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
I anxiously tapped my pencil against my notepad, staring out the dusty, sun-stained window. The sun was so bright outside I had to squint, even from the inside. I sighed. Phoenix.
The bell rang loudly around me, and I stood up. The small, overheated and crowded classroom of teenagers stood up and headed for the door, eager to get home and out of this heat. I would be lying if I said I wasn't one of them.
I went to my locker, gathered my things, and hurried out to my white Corolla, quickly sliding into the seat and slamming the door. I turned up the AC and leaned my sweaty forehead against the steering wheel, taking a deep breath.
There would have never been a day like this in Forks. No, if I was still living in that freezing cold place, I would be turning the AC on HOT instead of COLD.
I sighed. Forks. My home. Where my whole family lived (Well, with the exception of my Mom). I thought about Alice and Esme and Carlisle, then Emmett and Jasper and Rosalie. And lastly… Edward. I missed them so much… and it had only been a month and two weeks since I made the decision to leave home.
I eventually started my car and drove home, longing for the loud rumble of my truck. I parked in the driveway of Renee and I's house, and got out. I knew my mother would be home, seeing as she was a kindergarten teacher, and her school finished early. I was happy to see her, but it was my other parent I longed to see.
"Bella?" Renee called, as I slammed the door shut and stepped into the humid hallway. It reminded me of how Charlie used to greet me – I fought back tears.
"Hey, Mom." I wiped my forehead as I walked into the small kitchen, where Renee was preparing dinner. Or, trying to prepare dinner. "Hey, what have I told you about murdering harmless vegetables?"
Renee chuckled. "I wasn't doing it intentionally."
I took the knife off her and started chopping the carrots. She leaned against the counter and folded her arms, watching me. "So. How was school?"
"Same as usual." My reply never changed.
"That's too bad." Renee murmured. Once again, this was her same reply. She never expected my day to be good if it didn't include Edward. "Would you please help me serve up?"
I grabbed some plates out of the cupboard above the stove and sat them on the counter. I leaned against the table top while Renee moved the food until our plates, and then took them to the dining room table.
"So," Renee asked, after a few moments of silence. She tore her bread roll in half as she spoke. "Much homework tonight?"
"Yes." I answered. Once again, same as usual.
We sat in more silence, not looking at each other. Our relationship had never quite been the same since the death of Phil, or since I moved from Forks. We usually sat in silence at dinner, only cracking the occasional tight lipped-smile or discussing what we would do this weekend. I missed the days when we used to laugh so hard we'd be in hysterics, or when Renee used to get over excited about little things like a new special on useless products or whenever a boy would even look at me. I knew those days were gone, and they weren't coming back. Not now, and not ever.
"Why don't you ever smile anymore, Bella?" Renee asked out of the blue. I jerked my head up and away from my food, staring at her with confusion. Her voice was full of pain and hurt and her eyes were starting to tear.
It broke my heart, but I couldn't find the words to speak.
"Do I make you unhappy?" She asked, discarding her knife and fork. She leaned over the table toward me, but didn't touch me. "I know you miss your friends back in Forks, but I thought you liked it here."
"I do… like it here…" I mumbled, biting hard on my lip. "I just adapted to Forks so much I forgot what it was like in Phoenix. And that's not your fault, it's mine."
She covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head. "Forcing you to come here has made you miserable. You only came because you felt sorry for me, after… after…"
"I wanted to take care of you, Mom." I took her hand in mine and squeezed, my own voice shaking. "And I'm glad I came. I've had a good time."
"You're in your senior year… you're graduating in only two weeks! And who is there to be there for you? You have no Edward, no Alice, no Emmett! None of your friends are going to be there to graduate with, and it's all my fault!" Renee cried, wiping her nose with her sleeve.
The thought alone brought tears to my eyes. For the past month and a bit, I had dreamed of throwing my ugly yellow hat in the air, surrounded by Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper. I imagined Carlisle, Esme and Charlie standing proudly in the crowd, clapping and smiling as we all received our diplomas. It's all I wanted – even if I never got to live in Forks again, I just hoped and prayed I would get to fulfill that dream. But I seriously doubted that.
"It's not your fault. I made the decision to come here, not you." I reassured her, lightly patting her hand. "I don't care about graduation." I lied. "It's just a milestone. It doesn't matter."
"But it does matter, I hear you talking about it your sleep!" She blubbered.
I looked down, biting my lip once again. Damn my stupid sleep talking… it always gets me into trouble. "I… ?"
"Don't deny it, Bella, I can read you like an open book."
I sighed. She was right. There was no way I was getting out of this one. "Look, Mom… graduation has never been that important to me. Yes, I would like to graduate with the others, but it doesn't matter. I'd much rather be here with you."
"Charlie promised he'd come down, anyway." Renee sniffled, starting to calm down. The idea alone perked me up immediately, but my heart still ached for my simple dream.
I nodded and stood up, picking up her plate and taking it to the sink. I tried to avoid her eyes as I walked around the kitchen, beginning to clean up. I didn't want her to see how upset I felt, how disappointed I was – I loved Renee, of course I did, but the thought of living in Phoenix for the rest of my life… well, it depressed me.
I quickly finished with the kitchen and departed to my room. This was usually the routine – which was so foreign and confusing. Before I ever moved to Forks, Renee always made me stay with her until she went to sleep. It wasn't because she was scared or insecure, but only because we enjoyed each other's company. So much had changed… for better or worse, I didn't know. I just needed someone to talk to.
I quickly dialed the familiar number I will never forget, and put the phone to my ear. I covered my mouth with my hand to muffle my tears.
"Alice?" I whispered.
"Bella?" Alice asked, her bright and bouncy voice filling me with warmth and comfort. "Bella, are you ok?"
"No." I sniffled.
"What happened, honey?" She asked softly, and I imagined her closing her bedroom door and sitting on her bed. I saw the Cullen house, and Edward's room across the hall… and the familiar smell of Esme's baking wafting up through the staircase…
I cried harder. "I miss home."
She stayed silent for a few moments. "And home misses you, Bella." Her voice suddenly became thick with her own tears.
I lowered my voice until it was barely inaudible. "I don't want to be here anymore, Alice."
"Then come back!" Alice cried. "Come back to us! Come back home, to Charlie, to Edward!"
Edward's name sent a shock to my heart, almost jolting me into silence. "I can't. I can't just leave Renee. I love her too."
"But you sound so sad." Alice said softly, sniffling behind the phone. "How can you stay there when you're feeling miserable all the time? I wouldn't be able to bear it."
"I'm only here for my Mom, not for me."
"I know. Just… just bring Renee to Forks. She would be so much happier."
I looked away, thinking for a few moments. I had considered many times – fantasized about it, even. Everyone would be so happier. I wouldn't need to travel, and Renee would be rid of her sadness for Phil. There were no memories of him to haunt her in Washington.
But I couldn't do that. She refuses to leave. "I can't."
Alice sighed. "I can truly understand why she would not want to leave, but it's probably best for her. I mean, imagine if something had happened to Edward in Phoenix. You wouldn't wanted to move away, correct?"
I nodded immediately. "Yes. Of course."
"Maybe you can suggest it to her. There's nothing wrong with trying."
I nodded slightly, staring down at the hardwood floor of my bedroom. I could feel the sweat dripping down the back of my neck, and wiped it off with disgust.
"I've got to go, Alice." I sighed, heading toward the bathroom. "I'll talk to you soon."
"Alright." She breathed. "You're still my best friend, Bella. Love you like a sister."
I smiled slightly. "Love you too. I miss you."
"I miss you too. Bye, Bella."
I hung up the phone and threw it on my bed, holding in tears once again. I quickly stripped my clothes off and jumped into the cold shower. Summer was fast approaching (only a week away) and Phoenix was getting hotter and hotter every day. I hated it.
After several minutes, I shut off the water and wrapped myself in a towel. I couldn't hear a peep out of Renee as I tiptoed around my room, changing into shorts and a t-shirt. I wasn't in the mood for my homework, but I figured it was a distraction from my thoughts.
I logged onto my laptop for my history homework. My eyes continued to look toward the Email icon, almost calling out to me to check my emails. I was supposed to be doing work, but… what's the harm of quickly checking?
I clicked on the icon and scanned my emails. My heart stopped when I read the latest name:
I clicked on the email, and a full page full of writing appeared on my screen. My heart was flying and I began to read.
Hello, love. How are you? How's school? How's Renee? Are you excited for graduation? I'm not, because I wish you were here. It won't be the same without you, that's for sure. I can't express how much I wish you were going to be here, graduating with Alice and I.
Charlie misses you too. He come over to our house every Thursday night for dinner. I think our friendship has brought our families closer together – my parents look out for your Dad, which is a good thing. He was a bit down for awhile after you left, but he is slowly recovering. That's not to say he doesn't miss you. Because he does. We all do.
Emmett and Rosalie are well. Rosalie is already 3 months pregnant, and the couple couldn't be happier. We're all struggling to think of a name, actually… of course, Emmett had come up with some pretty crazy names, like 'Drizzle' or 'Billy-Joe', which Rose will obviously not stand for. You know her. She hasn't changed a bit.
Jasper and Alice are good, also. They both miss you, of course. Alice misses using you as her Barbie doll, and Jasper misses someone to talk about books with. I guess you two were more alike than any of us cared to notice.
And me… well, I'm not going to lie when I say it hasn't been easy for me. I miss you so much, and it's so odd not having you at school with me. In fact, the day after you departed, I parked outside your house before school. I had forgotten that you were never going to come running out of you and your Father's house, wearing your heavy Parka and orange backpack. I didn't go to school that day.
I miss you so much, Bella. Every single night, I wonder what you're doing, how you're feeling, what you're thinking about – and it pains me. Because I can't seem to stop reminiscing back to when we were seven; when you never called, emailed, or visited. I'm so afraid that's going to happen again… what if you didn't want to return to Forks? What would I do with myself? I have barely heard from you in the past month.
And it scares me.
Hope you liked that guys. Sorry about the shortness. Next update next week. (: