Hey Everybody! This was just a little one-shot I decided to write. I've actually finished work on the next chapter for my main fic "A New Journey" (now with more than 1,100 reviews!), and I've been inspired to write something like this for a while, so here it is. I hope you enjoy!
I…I just don't know what to say. I mean, I guess I always kinda knew, but still.
I guess it's kind of weird to hear from me after all these months. I know you weren't expecting a long letter from me after what happened. It's weird to be writing this, if you want to know the truth. I mean, it's been almost a full year, and I guess this feeling should be gone by now, shouldn't it? Everyone keeps telling me it's going to go away.
Ma says I'll feel better eventually. Professor Oak told me it's just hormones, and young love comes and goes. Even Brock told me that I'd find someone else.
…so why haven't I?
It's a scary thought, you know? Love isn't just something you feel…it's a commitment.
I guess I should catch you up a little bit. I've been travelling around, winning some tournaments (and some money). I'm going to the Indigo Plateau next month. We'll see how it goes. Ma keeps encouraging me, and Professor Oak's very supportive, but I know this can't last, despite their reassurances (big word, right?). I haven't told anyone, even Pikachu, but if we lose at the Plateau again, I'm not competing anymore. Not to say I don't expect to win, or that I won't give it my all, but I just am starting to realize the truth. I'm nineteen now, and I need to become a little more realistic with my goals. So yeah, if I don't win this time, I'll start looking at other options.
Professor Oak keeps offering me an apprenticeship at the lab if I do decide to quit. It seems like a great opportunity, and it would be a free ride to college, so I'll probably take him up on it.
Of course, that's all hypothetical. Everyday me and Pikachu wake up early, along with the rest of my Pokémon at Oak's lab, and we train hard. I'm so proud of all of them. They keep getting stronger, and even my newer captures are quickly growing to become my most powerful. Oak says they grow faster because I'm a better trainer and know how to properly raise them now, but between you and me, I don't always feel that much better. Sometimes I'll step out there, into a stadium with thousands of fans, and feel just as scared as I did when I was eleven. I still find myself relying on last minute luck, or split-second decisions to barely scrape out the win. Is that the sign of a Master?
Have you really thought about what you're getting into by feeling this? Not to say that I don't feel the same, but if we both admit to this feeling, then we both risk getting hurt.
Okay, that's enough stalling. Back to why I've written you.
I lost my parents, my sisters turned into jerks, I had to leave you and Brock at thirteen…my life's been nothing but me getting my hopes up, growing attached to someone, and then watching them get ripped away.
I can't get you out of my head, Mist. I know it's strange, and I probably sound like a creepy stalker after all this time apart, but I just don't care. That's what this feeling is doing to me, you see. It's completely tearing through any doubts or fears I have of what you'll think of me; it's taking away joy from everything else I do; it's cooling this fiery determination I used to always feel burning inside me.
I can't let that happen again. I'm so sorry, Ash.
You try to ignore it. That's what I did. Do you know what happened the next day after you left me sitting on that park bench? I asked out a girl I met in a drug store. The next night, I went out with someone else, and then someone else the next night. When I wasn't going out, I was training, or sleeping, or eating, or anything to keep my mind off of you.
I'm sorry you have to see me cry like this.
But all that eventually ended. You can only bottle your feelings for so long before they begin to burst through. Now I go into lapses. My personal record is about three or four weeks. For three or four weeks straight, I can go without thinking about you, or mentioning you.
I'm sorry that I let you feel this way for me.
But that comes to an end the second someone mentions your name, or I see a picture of us when we were younger, or I see your name in the newspaper for some big show you did. Somehow, you always jump back into my mind.
I'm sorry that I can't say I feel the same.
I've written you a couple of short messages before now, and you either send some short, heartless message, or you don't write back at all, but now I'm asking for that to change.
And I'm truly sorry that we can't be friends anymore.
I don't care if you don't want to admit feeling for me what I truly think I feel for you. I don't care if you never hold my hand, or we never go on a date. Hell, I don't care if you never see me face-to-face for the rest of my life. All I want now is for us to be friends again. I miss you so much, and I just want you back as a friend. Maybe someday that will lead somewhere else, maybe it won't. Maybe Brock's right, and I'll meet some new woman who's perfect for me in every way. However, even if I do, she won't be able to fill the hole you've left. You're more than the girl I love, Mist. You're my best friend.
…it'd be impossible after all we've said.
Well, it's getting dark, and I'm sure the Professor wants me off of his fancy computer (I know how to use it now!), so I'll end this.
Please, please, write me back soon. I can't help but feel that this feeling isn't one-sided on my part. That night, in the park, you cried when you left…you don't cry unless you feel something for the other person (even I know that).
So goodbye, Ash. I'll miss you so much.
Author's Notes: Like I said, it's a one-shot, and it's definitely a departure from what I'm used to writing, but it still came pretty easy, which was nice. I really hope you enjoyed it and will give me your thoughts in the form of a review. However, even if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear what you think. As I mentioned above, I'm actually in the middle of a very popular AAML story on this site entitled "A New Journey", so if you enjoyed my style then please give that story a look as well (don't worry, it's not written in the first person like this).
Also, in case you didn't know (though it was pretty obvious, and I'm sure you did), the italicized parts were what Misty said to Ash the year before when he first confessed feelings for her, not what she was thinking when reading this message.
Anyway, that's all. Later Days!