The Sound of Silence
My eyes opened. My vision was blurred, and I felt something wet on my face. Who was I? Where was I? What was happening? I focused my vision enough to see what was above me. A glint of gold. A shimmer of blue. I still couldn't quite get the form to come into focus clear enough. I closed my eyes, and opened them again. Kenny's face was just inches from mine. I gasped. My breath hitched in my throat as I felt my stomach melt. My whole body melt, actually. The wetness on my face turned to be his tears as he stood over me, crying. I smiled and reached up. As I placed my left hand on his cheek, a glint of white caught my eye. The bracelet. I smiled as I caressed the pearls with my right hand.
"Kenny?" I tried. But no sound came out of my mouth. I stared horrified at him.
"Kenny?" I tried again. Nothing.
"Leo-pold." Kenny sobbed as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me up a little. "I'm right here, baby." he croaked. "I'm right here."
"Kenny!" I tried again. Nothing. I pushed him away, and clutched at my throat. What had happened to me? The beeping of the heart monitor was starting to get annoying.
"He's awake!" Kenny yelled through his tears. "Butters is awake!"
The room instantly crowded with people as they all filed in. I saw blurred figures coming towards me.
"Butters!" my mom said as she came walking over to me. "Butters, are you okay?" she asked.
Well, yeah. Save for the fact that I can't talk! I wanted to know what was going on.
"Butters?" said a familiar voice. "Honey, are you feeling okay?"
Yes already. Tell me why I can't talk?
"Butters, we sort of fucked up a little." Heather said softly as she came into view. "We kind of messed up with the radiation, and blasted your vocal cords. Honey, you can't talk."
No shit! Tears filled my eyes at the realization. I'd lost my voice. I wouldn't be able to talk to my family. To my Kenny! I wouldn't be able to say I love you. Oh, fuck!
"Butters," Kenny said appearing within the line of my vision again. "You're going to be okay. This has happened before, and to all the people that it's happened to, it's healed over. We don't know how long, but you'll be okay. Butters?" he whispered leaning down and taking my face in his hands. "You made it, love. You made it, Butter Cup."
Kenny let go of me, and my mom came into view again. She told me everything was going to be okay. She said I was all better, and that's all that mattered.
"Good thing you didn't die." dad said as he stood over me and grimaced. "We would've had to ground you."
"For heaven's sake, Chris!" my mom glared at him bitterly.
They moved away, and a different queue of people came to stand over me. It was Stan, Kyle, and Token. I noticed Stan was holding something in his hands. It was my gold fish! Lamont was swimming gracefully through the water. His colors were back! He wasn't greying over, like Kenny told me he had.
"What kind of super power do you have that you haven't told us about?" Token asked looking strangely at me. "That fish was as good as dead fifteen minutes ago."
"He's linked to Butters." Stan teased. "Accept this one won't kill him."
Token bent down, and hugged me. "Hey, guy." he said softly. "We're all getting ready to throw you the biggest bash you've ever been to. But this time, you're taking shots with us."
I hugged him back, unable to say anything. He smiled in understanding. "See you in a bit. Half the town wants to say something to you." he said as he backed away.
"I told you you'd make it, Butters." Stan said smiling as he held me. "You're strong, kid. And you've just started living. You got a long ways to go."
I smiled. I mouthed a thank you, and he nodded. "You're welcome." I tried to tell him I loved him. "I love you, too." he said as he held me. "I'm gonna go call the girls and tell them you're okay."
It went on for twenty minutes. I was getting tired of all these people surrounding me. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be alone with Kenny. I wanted to hold him. To be held and comforted by him. I knew I was okay, but just to be close to him, and reassured that everything was over. I needed to be with Kenny. So very much.
"Butters?" The people were all gone. Kenny and Heather were the only ones in the room. "I got you something." he said smiling. "It's a get well gift. We want you out of the hospital soon."
He produced a bouquet of beautiful white roses. My heart melted, and I tried to squeal, moan, or make any kind of noise I could. But it was useless. He smiled as I reached for one of the flowers. I took it in my hand, and caressed the petals. I fingered the thorns, and saw him wince a little. I smiled as I held it to my face, and inhaled it's beautiful scent. I pressed my lips to it, and smiled.
"You like them, Leopold?" he asked smiling at me.
I nodded as I held the rose to me. He smiled taking it and placing it back with the other roses.
"There's all the flowers and strawberries you could ever want, my dear boy, if you stay mine." he said with a sarcastically serious face.
… … … … …
Three days later, I was let out of the hospital. Mom and dad wanted to pick me up, but I told them no. I told them I was fine. Kenny would come get me. He still had my car, anyway. And he did. We thanked everyone who helped me through this, and left soon after.
Before he started the engine, I sent him a text. 'Hey, Kenny, let's not go back to my place. Mom and dad are there. Let's get a hotel. I need to be close to you.'
I heard an intake of breath. He reached over, and caressed my face. I smiled. My eyes fell shut at the feeling of his hand.
"You sure about this?" he asked softly. "Aren't you tired?"
I shook my head, and looked over at him. I filled my eyes with tears, and he broke down.
"Okay. Okay. I'll take us." he said laughing.
I felt sick to my stomach. I felt nervous. Butters wanted us to make love. Would it be the same as it used to be? He couldn't sigh my name anymore. I couldn't hear him say I love you. I felt tears well up in my eyes as we both walked into City Wok. We decided to get food.
"Welcome to Shitty Wok. Twy aw shpeshall shitty chicken." the familiar restaurant keeper said bravely. "Oh, herro. You feel bettah?" he asked touching Butters's shoulder. Butters smiled, and nodded.
"I hear he lose voish." he asked looking at the boy.
"It'll be back, though." I said reassuringly. "No one needs to worry."
It was a little strange sitting in the booth with Butters across from me, unable to say anything. He felt it, too, because he'd reach out and squeeze my hand, or touch my face. He didn't care that anyone was around looking at us. Stan and Wendy were in the next booth, talking, and Butters playfully turned around, and poked Stan on the back of the head.
"Butters!" Wendy and Stan both said laughing. "Dude, he's out?"
"Yeah." I said trying to smile.
"Kenny, he's lucky. I'm sure he'll be lucky again."
… … … … …
Butters was not so lucky. Yet I still didn't give up hope. It had been way to long since I'd heard his beautiful soprano singing. Hell, I forgot what the fuck it sounded like. Two whole years passed, and still, there was nothing. He went back for testing every six months, and everything was fine. It looked like, aside from his damaged vocals, Butters was in the clear. Him and I managed to get an apartment below the one Scot and Cartman were sharing. ("Wait, so does that mean Butters has your blood?" Scot asked his half-brother calmly one day.) I was hired on as a tattoo artist at the local tattoo parlor. Butters was going to community college trying to get into photography.
… … … … …
We were lying in bed, and the full moon was out. Butters was in my arms gently resting. I'd recently brought him a dozen lilies, and he was still thanking me in his own way. He'd kiss me, or smile. He took my hand and pressed it against his heart. His eyes filled with tears, and he smiled. He was glad to be alive.
"I'm glad you made it, too, baby." I said as I hugged him. "It's okay."
He smiled as he took my hand. He pressed it into his arousal, and I snickered. "Oh, is that how it's gonna be?" I asked seductively into his ear.
Butters strongly flipped me over so I was on the bottom. He ground into me hard, and I moaned as my body melted. He gave me a devilish smirk, and kissed me hard. I moaned his name into his mouth, and he smiled.
He mouthed my name, and I almost cried. I desperately wanted to hear him say Kenny, again. In that all too excited squeal.
I squirmed gently as Kenny entered me. He felt so right. So comfortable on top of me. I felt loved. Wanted. Just like I wanted him. I reached up, and touched his face. I tried to mouthe I love you, and he caught it too.
"I love you, too, Butter Cup. Always." he said smiling as he started up.
Oh, Kenny! You feel so good. More! More! Faster. Speed up, Kenny!
"Oh, fuck!" he moaned fifteen minutes later. "Ugh! You feel so good, Leopold!" he groaned. "Someday, you'll be screaming my name." Kenny promised. "You feel so good."
Butters reached up and twisted his fingers through my hair. He started kissing me gently, at first. Then, the passion kicked in, and he caressed my tongue with his. My body shook as I moaned and sighed around his mouth. I hit his prostate, and he jerked, and I heard him breathe fast. Soon, he was pulling at my hair as I stroked him faster. He opened his mouth in an o, and a silent moan escaped his lips. I clamped down on to his mouth and groaned as I exploded, filling him with love.
"God, Butters! You're the best part of me!" I moaned. "You're my fucking everything!" I said as I hugged him tightly.
… … … … …
Two weeks later, I was too sleepy to think. It was morning, and I didn't know what time it was. Only that someone far off in my dream was yelling at the top of their lungs. The yelling got closer, and I felt a hard jolt to my shoulder.
"Shut up, Butters." I said softly. "I'm sleeping. Go away."
"Dude, Butters. Fuck off and be quiet so…!"
I sat bolt upright, and stared at a wide eyed, red faced Butters. We both stared at each other wide eyed. He didn't!
"Really?" I asked softly.
"Yeah." he said in an unfamiliar tone. "Really."
I pulled him to me, and he smiled as we both collapsed on to the bed. He kissed me, and grinned wildly.
"Kenny!" he moaned as he straddled my hips. "How awake are you?"
"After two and a half years of not hearing your voice, I'd say I'm very awake. Why?"
"Truth, or dare?" he asked softly.
"Dare." I said without hesitation.
"Do me." he begged. "Right now, darn it."
Kenny flipped us both over, and I felt him pull at the waistband of my pajama bottoms. He pulled them off, and I gasped as my erection sprang out. Kenny smiled as he slid out of his briefs. I grinned.
"I love you." I said softly.
"I love, you, too." he said as he took a jar of Vaseline and lubed himself up. "Ready?"
He lifted my legs up a little, and quickly and familiarly slid in. I moaned as I twisted my fingers through his golden hair.
"Remember the first time you smoked weed?" he asked as he stroked in and out.
"No." I moaned. "All I remember is eating tons and tons of pizza rolls. Fuck!" I cried. "Right there! Kenny, that's it! Right there! Keep pushing that spot!" I groaned as he tapped on my prostate.
"You're like magic." he said kissing me.
"What?" I gasped.
"That's what you said to me. You told me, I was like magic. You really don't remember?" he asked.
"No." I groaned. "But I know I'm really close!"
Soon, we both moaned at the tops of our lungs as we exploded.
"Say my name, Leopold!" he pleaded. ("Kenny!") "Oh, Leopold! Say my name! It's been way too long!" he pleaded as a second climax hit me. )"Ugh! Kennnnnnnnyyyy!") "Yes!" he moaned as he hit my prostate again and I exploded again. "Yes, baby! Yes! Fuck! I love you!" he swore as I collapsed back on to the bed. "Kenny!" I gasped. "Kenny! Kenny."
He leaned down and captured my lips with his. The kiss felt marvelous. It was deep, and caring, and I loved him. He smiled as he pulled away.
"You taste like strawberries." he whispered as he gently licked at my lips.
"And you taste like honey." I replied as I pulled him to me. "I love you, always."
I had made it through. As I lay there holding him, flash backs of Chemo, and Aunt Nelly came to me. I remembered standing with him in a grave yard. Everything was okay. My cancer was gone, or at least in remission. There was silence in my life. Normalcy. I was okay, and my mom and dad's marriage was trashed, but my kinship with Kenny was whole. He'd never leave.
"Scot!" I heard a passionate cry from above. I snickered as I straightened the vase on the window sill. The door opened, and a familiar figure came walking in.
"How was the tattoo parlor?" Butters asked as he closed the door.
"Good. How was the photo shop?"
"Good. You cleaned?"
"I'm capable of doing more than sexual activity, thank you very much." I glared.
"Aw!" he cooed. "Someone's pouty."
"How was your testing?" I asked.
"Good. Guess who was promoted to doctor status?" he asked.
"Oh, hell no!" I cried.
"More!" I heard Scot yell. "God, Cartman! Oh! Fuck!"
"How the fuck are those two even together?" I cried. "Scot's ugly as sin!"
Butters was laughing so hard as he collapsed on to the couch. He just couldn't control himself.
"Come sit with me." He said smiling.
"You mean, sit on you?" I asked as I walked over and sat down on his lap.
"Gee, Ken." he said as he pulled me to him. "You don't beat around the bush."
"Hey, if Cartman fatass is gettin' some, I better be gettin' some soon, too." I said seductively.
He turned me around, and kissed me. I molded my lips into his, and he moaned.
"You taste like honey." he said softly.
"And you like Strawberries."
Hello again. If you actually stuck with me through the entire thing, thank you. I realize this was very long, and at times the chapters seemed like they weren't really needed. But that was the whole point of this book. To show that even the smallest things matter. The small gestures, details, emotions.
I actually did research the hell out of this story, so that it would come out more real than most of my work. Hodgkin's Lymphoma is a very often misdiagnosed disease. Often, it's symptoms are treated one at a time, and therefore, are not diagnosed correctly. This is why it took so long for Butters to realize what was wrong with him. I did research the operation that he went through, and they do take anywhere from four to eight hours. The little hospital in Colorado, the one in Aurora, is real. It's actually a real place. It does take two to two and a half hours for a bone marrow aspiration. A lot of people asked me, what the hell I was thinking. At a couple points in the story, it looked like he was going to be okay. Then, I hit him with another tumor, or another complication. That's because Hodgkin's is like that. So are many types of cancer. Otherwise, people wouldn't be so afraid of it. If it could just be cured in a heartbeat. I also researched the process of the radiation treatment he had to go through. It does go the way I described. I researched the whole, losing your voice for a period of time. It actually has happened to six very rare cases. It took me a long time to find it, and I don't even remember what I typed into Google. I wish I had kept a bibliography of all the stuff I used.
My favorite chapter to write, was chapter 20. I don't know where the whole thing came from. But I did have fun. I'm originally from Mexico. They have a carnival every Christmas, and the vendors actually have stands like the strawberries with whipped cream one. The spinning bear is actually a real ride. The gold fish Butters got is actually my gold fish that I got at my Senior Banquet when I graduated three and a half years ago. It has those three colors. But his name was not Lamont. I stole that from the Cosby Show. For the chapter with Aunt Nelly, I had to go and watch Awesome-O again. I forgot how fucking funny that episode was. Hearing Matt Stone Make Butters speak even one word in Japanese, is awesome! I actually went to Disney Land. I don't really remember what we did when we went, so I couldn't write that much on the chapter. But I did hug Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Oh, and the roller coaster got delayed. The place where the three of them went to shop is called, Rodeo Drive. I heard a pack of gum there is fifteen bucks. But that may be exaggerated. Please feel free to review. Thank you, if you stuck all the way through.